How to be Crossdresser, a leviathan series fanfic

Disclaimer: Leviathan and its characters belong to Scott Westerfeld, and "How to be Ninja" and the rest of the videos which this is formatted after belong to Ryan Higa (nigahiga).

Yeah, it's recommended to watch "How to be Ninja" on YouTube first, although you hopefully will find this entertaining even if you haven't. It's been deleted off nigahiga's original account due to copyright infringement on songs he used in the video, but there's always someone out there who has it.

If I were a boy, even just for a day, I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go drink beer with the guys.

-If I Were a Boy, Beyonce

Finally. Months of pain and writer's block and some last minute inspiration means your masterpiece has been completed and published at last! The nightmare is over. Your wildly raging plot bunnies have been reigned in, and your muses are silent. You can sleep now and make up for pulling those all-nighters writing... right?

But no. It's time to refresh your email repeatedly until you get a REVIEW.

-click-

-click- Sometimes this process-

-click- can take hours, days, mo-

-click- nths, but it's all worth-

-click- it, even when your eyes-

-click- start burning be-

-click- cause reviews are lov-

-cli-

"I GOT A REVIEW!"

It's a RECORD! 18.6 CLICKS AND A REVIEW! WHAT GODLY SPIRIT COULD HAVE READ YOUR 426,789 WORD ONESHOT ALREADY?

You click (for the 19.6th time):

newkirklovesdylanforever says: i like leviathan too but dalek is ttly overrated plus it was really boring and long so i didnt read it you should really just delete this fic because it sucks and everyone knows newkirk is way hawter than alek

You read. And reread. And reread some more.

And damn, it burns. IT BURNS YOUR SOUL.

How can you live with this... this... this scorching flame attached to your beautiful story? How could this even be possible? Holding back sobs, you move your cursor, hovering over "Delete Story" link. It can't go on any-

Hey you.

"Who, me?"

Yeah, you.

"God?" You abruptly realize (a bit late) that you're... uh, talking to a disembodied voice (who just interrupted your deep deep deep and lonely inner angst). Frankly, not the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you, but it leaves something to be desired, like your possible sanity.

Do you want to put out the flames? Need a strong fema-*cough* MALE hero to fend off raging critics?

"Um, sure."

Well then! "How to be Crossdresser" is the DVD for you! This DVD includes your two very own personal trainers...

A DVD case hits you on the side of your head, but you're too distracted by the glorious video beginning to play on your computer screen, the unmistakable accents emerging from your speakers.

"Hello. My name is Prince Aleksandar Ferdinand Karl Franz Michael Hubert Anton Ignatius Joseph Maria von Hohenberg."

"Uh, hi. My name is De-Dylan. Dylan Sharp. Midshipman Dyl- barking spiders, how am I bloody supposed to compete with that?"

The one to the left, uh, Alek for short, elbows Dylan innocently before continuing. "And we, are going to be teaching you... how to be crossdresser!"

Author's Note-

Because getting flamed is every author's equivalent to a nerd getting beat up by a gangster. And no, I am not insinuating that everyone cries after a flame, as I know that's not true at all. Eh, tried my best to convert the format of the original video into a written fanfic, but it's still a bit awkward. Oh well, the other chapters should be easier to write, as they are less structured in the videos.

Also, Alek's full title used above must be credited to Julia456, who uses this in Chapter 15 of her fanfic "Quite Peculiar," which every self-respecting Leviathan fan must read.

Review please! :)