Saturday afternoon came all too quickly. Though with how much the entire glee club had come together, everything was ready for the show. Santana and Mercedes had all of the costumes set. Rachel Brittany, and Mike had worked out all of the choreography. Artie and I had worked out a powerpoint of pictures of Stephen to play during "Left Behind," I had found Stephen's favorite shirt, belt, and shoes, and Finn had went out and bought a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, just like Stephen used to wear. I gave Quinn Stephen's last school photo, so she could make Finn's hair look just right. Everything was set. I was wearing the white dress Rachel had picked out for Mama Who Bore Me, just trying to kill the last hour before the show started. Brittany came and kept me company, running her fingers through my hair. With around 15 minutes left to go, I saw my parents enter the auditorium. Puck and Sam immediately closed and manned the doors, I insisted they do that so my parents wouldn't run once they realized tonight was all about. I went to go have my makeup and hair rechecked, and stood in the wings waiting.
As was the plan Blaine walked out and took center stage, "Mr. and Mrs. Blake, welcome to the New Directions Night of Love, we hope you enjoy, and truly listen to what we are saying tonight." Blaine left the stage and the violin intro to Mama Who Bore Me began, I walked out on stage and sat with my legs bent to the side, and I began to sing,
Mama who bore me
Mama who gave me
No way to handle things
Who made me so sadMama, the weeping
Mama, the angels
No sleep in Heaven, or BethlehemSome pray that one day
Christ will come a'-callin'
They light a candle
And hope that it glows
And some just lie there
Crying for him to come and find them
But when he comes they don't know how to goMama who bore me
Mama who gave me
No way to handle things
Who made me so badMama, the weeping
Mama, the angels
No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem
Then the rest of the girls joined me on stage for the hard hitting Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise), once the song had finished, all the girls left the stage expect for me and Tina, and we both took opposite ends of the stage, with spotlights just on us and Tina began,
There is a part I can't tell
About the dark I know wellYou say, "Time for bed now child,"
Mom just smiles that smile
Just like she never saw me
Just like she never saw meSo, I leave, wanting to hide
Knowing deep inside
You are coming to me
You are coming to meYou say all you want is just a kiss goodnight
And then you hold me and you whisper,
"Child, the Lord won't mind.
It's just you and me.
Child, you're a beauty."God, it's good – the lovin' – ain't it good tonight?
You ain't seen nothing yet – gonna treat you right.
It's just you and me
Child you're a beauty."
Then I joined her, growing more aggressive with every line, as if it were finally occurring to me, the reality of my situation, especially with the lyrics we changed from "you're dreamin on me", to "you're beating on me."
I don't scream, though I know it's wrong
I just play along
I lie there and breathe
Lie there and breatheI wanna be strong
I want the world to find out
That you're beatin' on me
Me and my "beauty"
Me and my "beauty"
Tina and I met in the center of the stage, embracing as we both sang,You say all you want is just a kiss goodnight
And then you hold me and you whisper,
"Child, the Lord won't mind.
It's just you and me.
Child, you're a beauty."God, it's good – the lovin' – ain't it good tonight?
You ain't seen nothing yet – gonna treat you right.
It's just you and me
Child you're a beauty."There is a part I can't tell
About the dark I know wellThere is a part I can't tell
About the dark I know wellThere is a part I can't tell
About the dark I know wellThere is a part I can't tell
About the dark I know well
The lights went out, we brought two microphones to center stage and Finn took his spot, looking like a taller version of my brother. When the lights came up I saw my mother's reaction from my place in the wings, dressing Finn up was definitely a good idea. The music began, and Finn gave the best performance I had ever seen from him, he took my tips about how to appear like my brother to heart while he sang
Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
just winging over things
and nothing deep inside.
Nothing going going wild in you,
you know,
you're slowing by the riverside
or floating high and blue.
Or maybe cool
to be a little summer wind
like once through everything
and then away again.
With the taste of dust
in your mouth all day
but no need to know
like sadness
you just sail away.Cause you know,
I don't do sadness
not even a little bit.
Just don't need it in my life
don't want any part of it.
I don't do sadness,
hey I've done my time
looking back on it all
then it blows my mind,
I don't do sadness
so been there.
Don't do sadness
just don't care.
Almost too moved by Finn to get to my part I shakily began singing
Spring and summer ev'ry other day
Blue wind gets so sad
Blowin' through the thick corn,
Through the bales of hay,
Through the open books on the grass
Spring and summer.Sure, when it's autumn
Wind always wants to
Creep up and haunt you
Whistlin' it's got you
With its heartache, with its sorrow
Winter wind sings and it cries.Spring and summer ev'ry other day
Blue wind gets so pained
Blowin' through the thick corn,
Through the bales of hay,
Through the sudden drift of the rain
Spring and summer.
I stepped back from my mike as Finn began again,So maybe
I should be some kind of laundry line.
Hang their things on me
And I will swing 'em dry.
You're just wavin' the sun
Through the afternoon
And then see
They come to set you free
Beneath the rising moonFinn continued as I sang my counter part,
Spring and summer ev'ry other day
Blue wind gets so lost
Blowin' through the thick corn,
Through the bales of haySpring and summer ev'ry other day
Blue wind gets so lost
Blowin' through the thick corn,
Through the bales of hay,
Through the wandering clouds of the dust
Spring and summer
Cause you know,
I don't do sadness
Not even a little bit.
Just don't need it in my life
Don't want any part of it.
I don't do sadness,
Hey I've done my time
Looking back on it all
Then it blows my mind.
I don't do sadness
So been there,
Don't do sadness
Just don't care.
Finn and I finished together, I was breathing heavily, because I had poured everything into that song, and because I had to focus on the breathing so as not to lose it entirely. Finn hugged me, and held me for a moment, then left leaving me alone on stage. As the music for left behind started, I sang and every member of the glee club came and gave a rose to Finn who stood behind me, while the slideshow ran with photos from school, church, family, and Stephen's personal photos.
You fold his hands and smooth his tie, you gently lift his chin.
Were you really so blind, and unkind to him?
Can't help the itch to touch, to kiss, to hold him once again.
Now to close his eyes-never open them...A shadow passed, a shadow passed, yearning, yearning
For the fool it called a home.All things he never did are left behind.
All the things his mama wished he'd bear in mind,
And all his dad had hoped he'd know.The talks you never had, the saturdays you never spent.
All the 'grown-up' places you never went.
And all of the crying you wouldn't understand.
You just let him cry, 'make a man out of him.'A shadow passed, a shadow passed, yearning, yearning
For a fool it called a home.All things he ever wished are left behind.
All the things his mama did to make him mind,
And how his dad had hoped he'd grow.All things he ever lived are left behind.
All the fears that ever flickered through his mind.
All the sadness that he'd come to own.A shadow passed, a shadow passed, yearning, yearning
For the fool it called a home.And it whistles through the ghosts still left behind.
It whistles through the ghosts still left behind.
Whistles through the ghosts still left behind.
After I had finished the last note a picture of Stephen and I from about a week before his death stayed up on the screen, as Finn handed me all of roses he had collected from the song, I lifted the roses towards the picture and went backstage to drop the flowers as everyone was bring their votive candles out to the skirt of the stage. Then everyone worked their way to a grouping in the middle of the stage for I Believe, the slideshow began again, this time incorporating more family pictures, between the happy family portraits, while we sang all will be forgiven, there were pictures taken this week of all my bruises.
I believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
All will be forgivenI believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
All will be forgivenI believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
There is love in heavenI believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
There is love in heavenI believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
All will be forgivenI believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
There is love in heaven
All will be forgiven
There is love in heaven
All will be forgivenI believe
There is love in heaven
I believe
All will be forgiven
I believe
There is love in heaven
I believe
All will be forgiven
I believe
There is love in heaven
I believe
All will be forgiven
I believe
There is love in heaven
I believe
All will be forgivenPeace and joy be with them
Harmony and wisdom
Peace and joy be with them
Harmony and wisdomI believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
As the song ended our choreography had brought us to one long line across the front of the stage, with everyone joining hands, leaving me front and center. There was silence, until I meekly asked "Mom, Dad?"