A/N: Okay! I have to justify this story before I write it. Me and my eleven year old sister, I'm almost sixteen, were listening to music and reading fan fiction between 11 and 12 o'clock one night, and somehow she has all these ideas in her head (she's insane). Idon't even know how it happened, but we got the ideas in the following story. This is my first oneshot ever, so yeahxD I guess that was the author's note. *goes to write A/N at the top* Here you go! Sorry if this is retarded… xD

DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY MAKING PROFITS FROM THIS STORY BASED OFF CRACK OR SAYING SOMEDAY SOMETHING IS THIS FANFIC WILL HAPPEN TO ONE OF THE CHARACTERS. I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS AND IN NOW WAY TRY AND OWN CRIMINAL MINDS (though I wish I did, my birthdays coming up soon? :3! No? Well, screw you, too.) IF I DID OWN CRIMINAL MINDS, THERE WOULD BE NO QUESTIONING THAT REID AND MORGAN WOULD HAVE SOME SORT OF SLASH SCENE IN EVERY EPISODE. SINCE THEY DON'T, YOU CAN TELL THAT I DON'T OWN THIS FREAKING AMAZING SHOW.

Please review even if you think I'm a retarded crack addict.

Warning: Weirdness, somewhat Reid/Morgan slash, nuts. If you don't like slash or nuts, don't read (well, I hate nuts, so I guess the latter doesn't really apply. xD)

"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life," -Mitch Hedberg

"Clean up on aisle five!" blasted through the stores intercom and pelted the ears of everyone around the speaker. Spencer Reid clutched his head in an attempt to block the sound from entering his ears. It, however, failed and the sound became even more echoed due to him cupping his hands around said ears. Morgan just stood there in line, waiting for the checkout lady to do something with the pedestrian in front of them.

Normally, neither Morgan nor Reid would go Wal-Mart on Saturday or at all really, since the place was like hell on earth. All these smelly people clustered together in a tight space (that wasn't really tight, since the Wal-marts that weren't supercenters were even bigger than a lot of other markets) was like taking a hundred hotdogs and trying to cook them all at the same time on the same plate in the microwave. It just didn't work. And all it did was create a mess.

Morgan tightened his grip on the package of peanuts as the line moved up closer, Reid placing the coffee mate on the counter, Morgan putting down the nuts after him. They made a small trip and ended up being in the store for over an hour; that was mainly because Reid would stop at every spice section and tell Morgan about the population of that country and why all the spices were Americanized and that those weren't the real seasonings the natives of said country would use on their food.

And then there was the pasta aisle. To Morgan, that was the worst. Reid would go into long explanations to the workers of why they weren't selling real pasta because pasta was from Italy and the pasta they had on the shells were obviously from companies that weren't located in Italy. Reid was appalled that the boxes said 'Made in China.' Then Morgan had to explain to him that a lot of things were made in China, since they were all processed foods.

There were so many reasons they never went to Wal-mart. Too many people, smelly bathrooms, creepy people at the portrait studios, people always stopping you to try and do your hair (the people from the hair styling places, that is), the processed food, the random Subway, et cetera. They could go on and on and on, and well, you get the point.

But today, Morgan needed nuts. He ran out the previous week, but they were on a long trip to D.C. right after he ate the last few, so he had enough there. Since they were back, he would need to replenish his supplies. And Reid, well, being Reid, needed coffee. In this case, it was just coffee mate. He must have had enough back at his apartment not to get any. Or maybe he picked up his coffee somewhere else.

It didn't matter anymore since they were in line and about to check out. They had the nuts and coffee mate, so they could finally get out of this God-forsaken place.

They cashier was young, but not as appealing as she could have been. Dark brown hair clumped up behind her ears, milky brown eyes, and tinted orange skin. It made Reid a little mad. Why couldn't people just take what they looked like to heart, or at least chance their appearance like a professional? Normally people weren't orange, it was just creepy.

"$8.47," the lady said, her voice cackling in the back of her throat, making her sound hoarse. Reid glanced away, his stomach tightening at the sight. Morgan pulled out a ten and handed it to her, then collected his change before Reid grabbed the grocery bag and quickly darted from the sight.

"Man, what is your problem?" Morgan asked Reid as the automatic doors slid open before they arrived and shut slightly after they moved away from the door.

Reid's stomach grumbled and he glanced down, wincing somewhat. "That lady was creeping me out," he muttered, glancing up from his belly, "and I'm hungry."

Morgan grinned, pulling open the SUVs driver side door and swinging into the seat and shutting the door behind him. Reid hopped in and through the contents of the bag into the next row of seats behind him, shut the door, and fastening his seatbelt.

"I think that's the first time I've heard you complaining of hunger," Morgan said, giving the younger agent a smirk.

"Shut up," Reid groaned, hunching over his growling stomach.

The older agent glanced over at Reid, noticing that the young man wasn't fooling around. "Man, you are hungry. Do you want to stop somewhere to eat?"

Spencer Reid shook his head. "Nuh uh," he mumbled, sitting up straight as if to tell Morgan he wasn't that hungry. "I can wait until we get back to the BAU."

Morgan frowned. Why couldn't Reid just ask for food? "You know that we won't be back to HQ for around another hour." Reid said nothing. "You can have some of the peanuts if you want them. They're not that filling, but if you won't go somewhere to eat, they're going to have to make due."

Reid glanced up, raising his eyebrows slightly. "I don't like nuts."

Morgan smirked, watching the cars in front of them as they pulled from the Wal-mart parking lot. "You don't like anything do you? Besides coffee, that is?"

The younger agent glanced over at Morgan with an annoyed frown sitting upon his lips. "I like things besides coffee," he mumbled, turning his head away from Morgan.

The other agent chuckled. "Yeah, coffee mate."

"You know what, Morgan," Reid muttered, fuming as he reached back into the seat behind him and searched the plastic bag for Morgan's purchase. "I'll eat your nuts, alright."

Morgan busted out in laughter at the way Reid worded his statement, which made the younger agent blush in embarrassment. "Not what I meant, Morgan," the younger agent mumbled in an awkward tone. He tore open the bag and dug around inside to try and find a nut worth eating. He frowned; all the nuts were the same.

He stole a glance up at Morgan who was trying to calm himself down after Reid's announcement. "Shut up, Morgan," Reid said again, and then frowned. "All of these look the same."

Morgan looked over to Reid, his eyebrows raised and a confused look on his face. "Dude, they are all nuts. They're going to look alike."

Reid kept his eyes in the bag. "They just look… so unappetizing," Reid mumbled, poking one peanut after another.

"Man, if you're not going to eat them, don't touch them all." Morgan tore the bag from Reid and tightened the seal on it. "Are you sure you don't want to stop somewhere?"

Reid took the bag back, reopening it. "I'll eat the nuts, Morgan," he said, prodding through the bag once again. "See?" he taunted, taking a small handful of them and shoving them in his mouth. At first he thought he was going to have to force them down, possibly spit them out. But then he noticed something. They actually tasted good. It was weird; he always thought of any kind of nut as something gross and appalling, but this was amazing. Absolutely great.

Morgan glanced over as Reid's expression was filled with joy. "You like my nuts?" he asked, cocking a smirk.

Reid turned towards the other agent, gnawing on the nuts as a chipmunk would. "They're okay," he mumbled, giving Morgan a grin of his own. After he finished chewing the nuts, that is.

"Hmpf," Morgan muttered, his expression not changing. "Only okay? I thought I had great nuts."

The younger agent chuckled under his breath. "Okay, okay. You have great nuts. It just feels weird when I say it."

Morgan cocked another grin. "'Makes sense. It's not every day you compliment my nuts."

Reid stifled another abrupt pang of laughter. "Morgan, you have to stop talking like that. I'm going to spit up the nuts."

The older agent shot a look at the other one. It wasn't every day Reid had a hiccup in the way he worded things, so he had to make the best of it. The way he looked at it was that Reid was having as much fun as he was, well, maybe a little less.

"Don't lie, Reid," Morgan chuckled again. "You like saying you like my nuts."

Reid blushed, not really of embarrassment, but mainly about the fact that the topic conversation was his best friend's nuts. "Not true," he muttered, shutting the bag once again. "Any way, you're right. You're nuts aren't filling. We should find somewhere to eat real food, because you're going to get hungry soon, too."

Morgan glanced over. Okay, maybe Reid wasn't enjoying the topic as much as he thought he was. "Yeah, right," Morgan mumbled, knowing the truth to the words Reid was spurting from his mouth. He was a little disappointed, though, because the conversation on his nuts was quite entertaining.

Reid quirked his lips to the side, noticing that the conversation went down from that point. He was a little uncomfortable with the topic of Morgan's nuts, but the agent was just having fun, wasn't he? It's not every day that either one of them was this laid back. He tried to make the best of it. And then again, he was only uncomfortable with the conversation because it was somewhat true on his part. He didn't like nuts, and thought that the nuts he tried weren't half bad, but he was using it more for the underlying meaning to what he was saying. He only hoped Morgan had no idea what was going on inside his head. He had no idea what would happen if Morgan knew what Reid was really meaning. He kept quiet, trying to get the conversing between them to pick up again. The silence was killing him.

"They were good, Mo-"

"Where do you want to go?" Morgan asked, changing the subject from nuts to actual food. Maybe he was enjoying the conversation because he was enjoying what Reid was saying. No, that couldn't be it. He had convinced himself that that feeling wasn't real and had just developed because of the brotherly bond the two of them shared. It was nothing more, nothing less. Especially not anything having to do with the previous conversation. Then again, if had to tell himself it wasn't true, wasn't that just more reason to believe that it was? AH! Morgan yelled in his head, wondering why his brain couldn't comprehend hormones like a normal person.

"I don't know," Reid mumbled, breaking off Morgan's train of thought. "We could just go somewhere and get a burger. I don't really eat out that much, or cook for that matter. If we go somewhere, I'll order something, but I'm not the type of person who has to have a different food for every meal. I could make ramen noodles in the microwave for everyone if I wanted to and wouldn't complain."

Morgan glanced to Reid, his eyebrows arched upward and a hint of realization on his face, like the light bulb in his mind lit up. "Oh! That's why you're so skinny!"

Reid frowned, punching the other man in the arm lightly. "Not funny, Morgan. I'm being serious. I don't care what we eat, as long as it's edible. You pick."

Morgan shrugged. "I'm the same way, except I know how to cook." He let a chuckle slip and Reid glanced over to him again confusion on his face. "You said you use the microwave to make ramen," Morgan explained, "I make a mean pot roast."

Reid laughed a little. "Then I guess I should try it sometime."

Morgan nodded, flipping the turn signal on the vehicle as he pulled right. "You should."

The other glanced around, wondering where they were going. "Did you pick somewhere?" he asked, noticing multiple restaurants nearby.

Morgan shrugged, not wanting to give it away as soon as that, but he couldn't really stall the younger one because the latter would pound him for the answers until he got them. "I thought Applebee's would be fine. It's easy and has a lot of choices, and since you didn't tell me anything you liked besides ramen, it was probably the best choice."

"It's like you really asked," Reid responded frowning.

"Hey, Man, don't get all down. I was just kidding," Morgan replied, putting the car into park and snapping his seatbelt off as he pulled the keys from the ignition.

Both agents slid from the car and shut their doors behind them as they made their way to the front entrance of the place.

To Reid, it seemed like the people seating tables thought they were a couple, which didn't upset him, just confused him. They were both in their work clothes, but then again, their styles were completely different. Reid was dressed in a brown and green sweater vest with black slacks and a matching tie while Morgan was dressed in his usual: tight gray muscle shirt and simple slacks that went with his outfit. So it wasn't like people would think they were on a work meeting or something. Just a tough black guy and his geeky white boyfriend. Reid laughed at the thought, earning a glance from Morgan as he just shook his head, taking the seat on the East while Morgan slid in on the West booth.

Morgan glanced up at Reid, glancing around the restaurant. "You know, I'm pretty sure the people think we're in item," he noted, tearing his eyes from the people and landing them back on his best friend. He wanted to added that he didn't mind, but that would be too blunt.

Reid only shrugged. "We could have worn the FBI vests, but that might freak people out. This way we blend in." The younger agent commented to himself that he liked the looks they were getting from people. It was great to think people believed they were together, since it was what he secretly wished for.

"The FBI vests would only make us seem suspicious, well, and the people here suspicious of us. I guess we can deal with the looks for now, but we never speak of it again." Morgan sighed, glancing around. He knew Reid wouldn't want to speak of it again, but couldn't help hope that the younger man would say something to contradict his previous statement.

"It's kind of funny, actually," the younger agent chuckled. "In a weird way, I guess. It's kind of like the conversation we had in the car."

Morgan gave a quick laugh as well. "Yeah. This will be a story we'll have to tell the team," he replied, changing his mind. Unless what he wanted to happen happened. He shook his head. No, that was preposterous. Reid would never go through with that.

Well, he would only know if he tried. And truthfully, he wasn't ready for that.

On the way back home Applebee's, Reid was unreasonably quiet. It might have been from the awkward conversation in the car previous to eating or maybe what they talked about in the restaurant while eating. It was silent for a little after Morgan was talking about telling the team. In a weird way of things, he wasn't comfortable with the team thinking they were a couple. Maybe because it was against the rules or something like that, but people he didn't know where okay to know, since he would probably never see them again.

Morgan glanced over to him with an odd expression on his face, like he was trying to profile what was going on in the young man's head. It was weird, but he'd like to know what he thought of him. Like, if he could read minds, Reid's would be the first one he would use his ability on. It's kind of farfetched, he knows, but so is the way he feels about Reid in the first place.

It's not like this relationship could work out anyway. Even if Reid felt the same way about him as he felt for the youngest agent, it was against protocol so it's not like it would work out in the long run. He could try, though. Just for the hell of it.

No, he told himself. That would just be messing with Reid's feelings. But somehow he felt like the young man was messing with his own just by being around him, being so appealing. Morgan frowned and turned back towards the road, Reid moving his head towards the former as the other looked away.

"Is there something wrong, Morgan?" the younger agent asked, wondering what was up with older one. The car was silent until then, he noted, and then he broke said silence.

The older man said nothing and began to watch the interstate again while Reid watching him from the side.

"C'mon, Morgan, tell me what's going on," Reid said, prodding a little more.

Morgan glanced over and then back to the road, not giving Reid anytime to meet his eyes. "It's nothing, Reid," Morgan said, trying to leave the topic behind.

But no.

"Morgan," Reid muttered, his voice threatening. The older man looked at him this time, then back to the road since he was kind of driving on the middle of a busy interstate.

He sighed as his eyes stayed on the cars in front of him, then he pulled a shard right towards the exit. Reid's head crashed into the passenger side window as they stopped turning and were going straight again.

"What the hell are you doing, Morgan?" Reid asked, his voice hard. The young man was rubbing the right side of his head gently, somewhat massaging it. "This isn't even our exit."

"I know," Morgan muttered, pulling into a somewhat empty parking lot right off the exit from the road they just pelted from. Morgan turned the car off, leaving Reid staring at him from the side, wondering what the heck was going.

Reid was breathing sort of heavily from the passenger seat, his eyes still on Morgan. What was he doing? This wasn't something that normally happened. Maybe he pissed the other agent off somehow? No, that wasn't it, was it? He only hoped to find out soon enough. "Is there something wrong, Mor-?" Reid was about to ask but instead was cut off as he voice was muted by the crushing on lips onto his, the younger man's eyes wide in and full of wonder, then they slowly drifted shut as the pleasant feeling of Morgan's lips on his became soothing. The former kissed back then, alarming the latter. Morgan was confused; why wasn't Reid pushing away, and why was he returning the gesture…?

Morgan then decided he didn't give a damn. He set his hand on the window railing of the passenger door, leaning onto Reid more than he was before, and the younger agent slid under him, pushing from below.

This definitely wasn't something that happened regularly.

The genius pulled away for a second, trying to catch his breath, and opened his eye, glancing straight into Morgan's. He wasn't ready to stop, and he knew this couldn't happen again. Not tomorrow, not next week, not ever. This was a onetime thing, he told himself, even if he wished it wasn't.

"What now…?" Reid asked after he finished panting, having enough time to get oxygen back in his system. His eyes were soft like they normally were, chocolate brown and Morgan could almost loose himself in them.

The older man stayed where he was, wondering if this was a good place to stop. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, pulling away from the younger agent before Reid pulled him back, planting a kiss on his lips.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," the younger man muttered from under Morgan's lips. "Nothing."

The older man smiled slightly and pressed back into the kiss so it wasn't one way any longer. Reid parted his lips slowly for the older man, granting him entrance. They battled for dominance for a minute, and then Reid gave up realizing Morgan was already on top. Why fight it? He smirked between kisses.

Morgan reached over the young genius and sent the seat flying back, piling on top of him.

"Morgan, wait," Reid muttered, his hands pinned to the top of the head rest. Morgan was worried. Did the latter want him to stop?

"What's wrong..?" Morgan asked, a little worried about the answer.

Reid took a breath and leaned up, seeing Morgan completely atop him. "My pants," he muttered, "they're still on."

Morgan grinned then. That wasn't what he was expecting to hear, and way better than he was wishing for. "Right," he said, hoping off Reid for a moment. He leaned up, and unfastened the belt around the younger man's waist, sliding his pants down just as Reid did the same for him.

Then Morgan went back to his previous position, straddling Reid as the latter was pinned to the chair. The former gave a quick grin before crushing Reid's lips again with his own once more, reaching on hand behind the younger man's back as Reid pulled his hand around Morgan's neck, pulling his head down harder onto Reid's mouth.

It was weird. But it was great.

Morgan pulled back briefing, allowing them both time to catch their breath. He glanced around, looking for something smooth and gel-like. Something like lubrication.

"I have some in my bag," Reid muttered, giving Morgan a quick mind question of why Reid had lube in the first place. He didn't care though, he could use it.

His hand landed on Reid's go bag, which was in the seat next to the one Reid was being held onto. Morgan rummaged through the bag trying to find the lotion.

Once he did, he rubbed the moisture coated goo on his hand, pulling Reid's pants down a little further and hoping to get a better grip on the young man. He found the location he wanted, and glanced up to Reid who was holding the side of the headrest like he was getting high off of them. "Go," the genius muttered, wanting to feel the pleasure as soon as he could. He was like Morgan was finally delivering him the fix he needed to get through the day.

Morgan complied, slipping his first finger in as Reid gave a short and sweet moan of pleasure, hypnotized by the older man's way of doing things. He felt in leave his body as another slipped in widening the hole. It happened once more before it was time for the real thing. Morgan looked up again, getting the go from Reid once more.

The younger man nodded, and Morgan complied once again. His member shot through Reid slowly, allowing the younger man to feel the complete pleasure of the situation. It was almost too much, though, since both men were about to ejaculate. Morgan pulled out quickly, trying to die down the situation, as Reid shot up to empty himself. They weren't close enough to anything, so they couldn't run into the bathroom before they exploded. They would have to find something to pour it into, they both realized, as they began to frantically search the vehicle for something to help them. Reid grabbed a shirt from his go bag that he was going to throw away any way, since he had split coffee on it back in D.C. and the stain had sat too long. Morgan grabbed a sock from his own, reminding Reid of the Red Hot Chili Pepper concerts he caught on the TV from time to time. They both let go as they found the positions they wanted. Morgan heaved a long sigh of relief and Reid let out a pleasured moan escape from the back of his throat.

The latter glanced up, relived that they had solved that problem. He still had questions, though. Like, would this ever turn into something, or would it be kept secret? Would they tell the team, or no one at all? All the questions flooded into his head with no answers and he was getting a little peeved. Morgan got off of him and sat back down in his own seat and Reid leaned up to pull his pants back up around his waist. "So, Morgan, where does this leave us…?" he asked, hoping the answer wasn't 'let's just forget about it and never do a single thing more.'

Morgan just smirked, fastening his own belt and looking through the main window in the vehicle. "Well," the older man started, not noticing Reid was wincing from the seat next to him. "I enjoyed that too much to never do it again, but it's not like this goes with protocol. We can't go around telling people, not that I mind people knowing, but you know what I mean."

Reid smiled, grinned actually, since the hearing Morgan's answer was better than imagining one of his own. "I liked it a lot too," the younger man mumbled, his smile softening. "And I understand what you mean. This isn't something we're allowed to do, whatsoever."

The older man nodded. "I wish it wasn't, but for now it'll have to be between the two of us, Pretty Boy."

Reid shrugged, knowing there was nothing else they could do for the time being. "Get back to Quantico?" Reid asked, letting the other man throw in a grin.

"Let's get back to Quantico," Morgan repeated, switching on the engine and only able to laugh when RHCP pounded through the speakers connected to the radio.

"Destruction leads to a very rough road, but it also breeds creation," - Red Hot Chili Peppers, Californication

Okay, the nuts park was more of the crack-fic idea and then it turned into a oneshot… But anyway! I liked it more than I thought I would and I hope it wasn't too out of whack for some people. Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! My muse got to me in this one and it wasn't supposed to end like this at all, but I do like the result. Since Matthew Gray Gubler also plays Simon in Alvin and the Chipmunks, the team was supposed to figure out that he was secretly a nut addicted chipmunk that was genetically enhanced with human eyes and mouth. As you can tell, it didn't end that way. xD

By the by, this is my first oneshot or slash fic ever, so if it sucks beyond sucking, I'm sorry! D: Writers are always more critical of their own work, so it may rock. I don't know.