Disclaimer: I do not own Heart/Clover/Joker no kuni no Alice.

*BANG* *BANG*

(Shoots at Peter and growls)

DAMN PLOT BUNNY! DIE!

Peter: *cries* IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Chapter one

Hey, want to hear a story about magical things?

Maybe even horrifying things? Well look no further, boy do I have a story to tell you.

My name? Why it's...

The mail person gulped and sweat began to bead down his forehead as he walked cautiously towards the creepy red rose covered gate where two stone gargoyles of a demonic nature resided side by side. A chill ran down his spine as he slowly opened the creaking gate and shot scared eyes over to the two gargoyles believing that they would somehow spring to life and kill him.

"Are you going to take your sweet ass time or are you going to get in here already?" asked an irritated voice as the mail person yelped and leapt in the air. A young man with while orange hair and purple eyes gave him a sneer before clicking his tongue in anger. He stuffed his large hands in his dark jacket and turned away from the man making his long purple scarf flutter in the non existent wind.

A glare over the young mans shoulder told the mail person that he had better move or he would be left behind with the creepy stone gargoyles again.

"Erm...are you perhaps..." the scared mail delivery person began before the orange haired man stopped and gave him another glare over his shoulder. A dark look covered his face while he spoke.

"I'm not the one you're looking for," was his response before a dark smile curled around his face, "the one ya want is inside."

"..." the poor person only nodded his head in shock and jumped when the orange haired man laughed loudly.

"Man the look on your face!" he exclaimed happily, "he's going to get a kick out of you!"

" ? " the poor person only looked at him with a blank expression before following him again to the mansion doors. He waited for his guide to open the doors but was surprised when he didn't attempt to open the doors and had a highly amused look on his face.

Turning around to face the delivery man, the orange haired guide gave him a grin and whispered in his ear, "Good Luck ~ " before leaving the flustered delivery man to his own devices.

The poor man didn't know what to think as he watched his guide walk off with a loud laugh and...where those..RABBIT EARS on his head? ! He sighed a bit before knocking on the door to the mansion with two loud bangs.

"Oya? A visitor?" a deep voice asked from behind the delivery person causing the poor man to clutch at his chest again with wide eyes and let out a manly yelp. A deep chuckle vibrated the air and the delivery person looked up into a pair of ocean blue eyes. The eyes sat on a fair faced man with an amused smile etched across his lips, dark raven tresses stopped at shoulder length with a tall hat covering the top of his head with red roses, two large playing cards, and...a feather?

"Uh..." the delivery person began before reaching into his bag of mail and handing out a large parcel along with a few letters with shaking hands towards the raven haired man.

"Ah," the man let out a disappointed sigh, "it's only a mere letter deliverer. How tragic."

"Huh?" the person let out a confused sound as the raven haired man before him held out his hand for the parcel and letters. Feeling a bit irked at his attitude, the mail person roughly handed him the package only to stare in confusion as the parcel and letters went through his hand and landed on the ground with a loud 'Pah'.

…

"GYA!" the mail person yelled loudly as he ran away from the hysterically laughing raven haired young man towards the creepy gates where he came in. Panting for air he nearly had a heart attack as the orange haired rabbit eared man came out from a rose bush and give him an amused face as he stood in front of him.

"So, did ya find hi-?" he tried asking before the delivery person dodged around him causing the poor orange haired young man to frown with his ears hanging down. A pissed look crossed his face as he brought out a gun and aimed it at the freaking out mail person, "OI! DON'T IGNORE ME ASSHOLE!"

"OH GOD I'M SORRY FOR TELLING MY DAUGHTER THAT THERE WAS NO TOOTH FAIRY AND THAT THE EASTER BUNNY DIDN'T EXIST AND I DO LOVE HER VERY MUCH SO IF YOU PLEASE LET ME LIVE I PROMISE TOO BE A BETTER DAD!" The poor scared mail person yelled out as he neared the gates while avoiding the bullets coming from a deranged rabbit eared man. Finally reaching the gates, he went through them and gave a loud victorious cry when he noticed a severely pissed off orange haired rabbit man glare at him from beyond the gates.

Panting a bit, the mail person laughed to himself as he hunched over with his back towards the mansion and gate. Thoughts of he was safe and that he would be able to see his daughter again filled his head even if there was two identical childish laughter surrounding him with dark intent.

…

Wait...what?

The delivery man rose slowly in a cold sweat as two childish voices began chanting behind him, "Let's eat him up brother...Boss left him for us..."

"Eat him up! Eat him up! Eat him up all gone ~ "

Slowly, he turned his head and noticed the two stoned gargoyles eyes were glowing two different colors. One was red, the other was blue.

…

"AAH!"

"Are you alright?" asked a concerned voice and the mail person quickly whipped his head to see a young girl with honey colored hair and teal eyes give him a worried look. "Is there any way I can help?"

"Onee-san!"

"Onee-san is back!"

Two childish cries proclaimed as two twin apparitions appeared from the gargoyle statue and attach themselves to the poor sighing maiden.

"WITCH!" cried the mail delivery person before high tailing out of there and leaving a stuttering enraged young woman to yell out defensively 'I AM NOT A WITCH!'.

"Onee-san, the dumb ass rabbit was mean to us," said the ghost twin with the blue eyes as his brother floated around with tears in his eyes around the young woman.

"Very mean~ Very mean~" cried the twin with red eyes as he flew in circles around the girl.

"Dee, Dum," the young woman sighed again as a jubilant cry was heard and a weight crashed into her from above.

The young orange haired man with rabbit ears yelled out happily, "Welcome back Alice! We thought you left us!"

"How could I leave you Elliot? I live here," Alice deadpanned as she sighed again while pushing Elliot to get off of her and sat on the ground in front of the cross legged sitting happy rabbit man. "Where is Blood?"

"Welcome back my lady," a deep voice purred as the raven haired man, Blood, now appeared at the gate in a flourish of rose petals. He stood at the gate with a saucy smile and bowed low at the waist with his hat in one hand. "I take it your look for a profession is done for the day?"

"Yeah," Alice sighed unhappily, "It's done."

"Good," a soft smile came to Blood face and he nodded at her and the people surrounding her, "then shall we rest in the gardens with some tea, perhaps?"

"That sounds lovely," Alice sighed as everyone cheered around her and proceeded to the mansion to get ready for another tea part. Alice dusted her dark blue jeans off and fixed her overly large 'Where the Wild things Are' t-shirt before walking calmly to the mansion.

My name is Alice Liddell and the story I'm about to tell you is a true story about my roommates and I.

What are my roommates? Why only a HATTER GHOST, a REINCARNATED MAFIA RABBIT MAN, and two SADISTIC LITTLE POLTERGEISTS. That's all.

And me? I'm the psychic that feeds them my energy so that they can stay in this world.

How's that for a story?

So yeah...a new story huh? Dammit! At this rate I won't finish anything! WHY? !

Leon: *sighs* and to think you were going to post Wonderland Stories next.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HELPING OUT AT ALL DAMMIT!