I don't own Degrassi.

Walking around with a cane sucks. I mean it is pretty cool being able to have a little skull dude to wack people with time to time, but not being able to walk right, having to take a death rap to school still (the bus), being classified as a cripple sucks more.

As I slowly climbed the stairs to my house, I glanced back at Imogen, already placing her helmet back on her weird hairdo as she revved her motorcycle up. I smirked in her direction though it didn't feel the same. I haven't felt the same since…that day. It's funny really, how every horrible thing to ever happen to me always seems to fall on that particular date, April 22nd. I think it's being haunted. Just saying.

As soon as I got my jiggling keys into the key whole and push the gray door open I was bombarded by mother, CeCe Goldsworthy.

"Baby boy! How was school? Did anything exciting happen? Were you able to walk around fine? Did you uhm speak to anyone in particular?" she asked me slowly trailing off on the last one, lowering her voice.

"Same as always and no, I didn't talk to her." I responded coldly.

I don't get it. My parents don't usually get so attached to people; their world revolves around them, me, and music. People always wondered how they managed to stay together…Anyways back to my point. They usually don't get attached to people so quickly yet my parents were absolutely in love with Cl-my girlf-my ex girlfriend. It's taking some getting used to…

I mean I could understand why but don't they get I don't want to hear it? I'm the one trying to get over the break-up, I don't need them sticking their noses into something that shouldn't involve them anyways.

"Oh…" she trailed off with disappointment in her eyes.

I heard her the other day, talking to Bullfrog. They didn't like Imogen. They thought she was manipulating me, ironically enough. With Cl-her it was the other way around. They thought she was too…sky rocketed, attention seeking. Well, on me and her's little 'ice cream pig out' in the park (well mostly her pigging out…) she started choking on the cone. She didn't stop choking until pretty much the whole crowd in the park was circling us. She then spit it out and flashed everyone a quirky smile, "haha I'm fine, sorry 'bout that. Ice cream. Anyways I'm Imogen, keep that in your mind!" she told them before abruptly grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the park, which was particularly hard considering I am crippled. My parents pulled up in the pick-up truck and told us they saw the whole ice cream fiasco and asked if she was okay, she waved them off with her hand and snuggled up into my shoulder telling them, "As long as I'm with my wittle Eli."

They never knew I even had a new "friend."

When I got home I got a very long talk…and another one the following day from my therapist.

So maybe she likes to put on shows, but she's an actress, the leading lady in my play! Of course she has to be a bit…spontaneous.

"Well any who baby boy it seems you got mail. There's no return address but since you pretty much exploded my ear last time I read one of your letters, here. Sealed and shielded from my eyes." She told me with her smile as she handed me the white envelope. In printed letters it spelled out my name and my address. I wonder what it's about…

"Uhm thanks CeCe I'm a go read it in my room." I told her as I started my limping journey up the stairs.

Once inside my room I took in a deep breath. It still amazed me that the place was so…clean. Well of course it's not spotless but as clean as any other teenage boy's room can get I guess.

And all to the help of…yeah.

Sitting on my black skull comforter I tore open the envelope to have a few sheets of notebook paper fall out, the ink bleeding out into the back. Hand written letters for mua.

Dear Eli,

I recognized the handwriting almost immediately. I've had to 'correct' it only a bit over a million times. She wouldn't…Slowly my breath started to go rigid but I closed my eyes and tried to gain control over it, I had to.

I kept reading.

I know you're probably freaking out now, because knowing you, you would've recognized my handwriting instantaneously, like I recognize yours.

She knows me all too well…

Actually that's what brought me to writing this piece. I found a note. A note written by you to Adam. Sorry I'm the one who found it in Adam's backpack instead. I didn't know it was from you and no I was not trying to be nosy! It just…slipped. Once I saw the first sharpie written letter I could feel my heart sinking into a deeper whole than what it already was. It was like a slap to the face. All this time I've been trying to forget about you (don't look so confused, you weren't the only one hurting in this situation Goldsworthy. Every little movement causes a change that impacts more than one would've thought) and then I see the smallest thing that could've ever reminded me of you and then Adam finds me crying. I read it though. I did. I read you telling Adam about the new Goon comic, I read you telling him about your little case of writer's block, I read about you and Imogen Moreno. Now, I knew about your little…affair with Degrassi's new drama queen, I'm a smart cookie as Adam used to say. But…I never thought you guys were official. I never thought that you would just get up and move on. I guess that was my little naïve St. Clare side talking again, wasn't it?

I could see the little dried wet spots on the papers, the intensity in the pressure she applied in her blue pen. She was crying while she was writing this. She was angry when she was writing this. Well so have I Clare Edwards.

You and her, I guess it's a match made in heaven, what I thought we once were too. Nowadays I keep getting proved more and more wrong, maybe my genius is leaving?

She is seriously not trying to be sarcastic on paper, is she? I may have rubbed off on her more than one would've expected.

Anyways, something else your probably thinking is why you and Imogen is bringing me so much pain when I have new boy, Jake Martin, am I correct?

Maybe…

Well Jake is great. We were childhood friends and now we've been reunited and we're just having fun, something that has greatly helped me get my mind off of you. But as soon as he left from leaving me breathless-

I never realized how tight I could make my fists go.

-all I could think about was you. What you were doing, how were your parents, what you were wearing, were your eyes twinkling, how your foot was, everything. I know this may be a little late but I have something important to tell you. I hope you won't hate me anymore than you do now.

Once, a very long time ago, a boy with an alluring smirk told a too stuck up girl to scream, at the top of her lungs. She tried it, and it erupted into a big failure which the boy laughed at. She screamed again, startling all the pedestrians around her, and shutting the boy up. In that minute she proved to the second boy in her life that she really didn't think too much of what people thought of her. She told him to try it, which he hurriedly made an excuse for, in that minute, the two teenagers made a connection.

The same boy told her something else that same day, to talk to her parents about something that had been eating at her for a long time. He told her to write something personal, something that would build with emotion. Well Elijah, because of your amazing advice I am doing what you told me to do for the second time. I love you. There, that's my emotion. I've loved you probably since you crushed my then useless glasses using your intimidating hearse. I've loved you probably since you looked at me with your hypnotizing green eyes and told me they were dead. Everything about you said run away and intimidating yet I was not fazed and tried to dig in deeper. I succeeded. I found out a lot about you. I've found about the tragic end of your past girlfriend Julia. I've found about your hoarding issue refusing you to allow anything at all to be thrown away. I've found out that you hate bullies with a passion. I found out you loved me. Yeah, I know a few things about you. Yet, it was those same things that drove us away from each other. It was that same girlfriend that I felt intimidated by, that no matter how much I tried that I could never rank in the same category as her. It was that same hoarding issue that caused us to have one of our first fights. It was your passion for revenge on bullies that made a knife go flying your way as I stood on the sidelines and watched. I thought you were going to die, and I had to watch it all. Now tell me something Mr. Goldsworthy, do you think Imogen will stick around for all of that too? It's harsh and completely out of character for me to say that to you, I know, but really, think about it. Would Imogen have stayed in your car as you told her you killed your ex girlfriend? Would she spend many precious hours of her time to clean out her boyfriend's skeletons? Would she go back to you once she thought you were going to die because of your idiocies? Does Imogen live up to Julia's expectations? I probably never would've had the guts to say any of this to you in person, but writing has always been our outlet. For some odd reason I don't think Imogen would like you crashing your precious hearse for her, almost committing suicide so you could just see her. I don't think she would've enjoyed having her character in Stalker's Angel be killed and then blood dried. I didn't like any of these things either Eli, but I can't help but think that…leaving you was one of the biggest mistakes in my life. We've been through a lot, reading back I'm still questioning my sanity for still loving you even though we've gone through all this…drama. But you know what they say; all the bad things that happen only make you stronger.

You're probably disgusted with me at the moment, making you remember every bad detail that we've had to endure together. Heck, I'm crying! But I wanted to do this. I had to do this. Eli, I've gone through a lot. So have you. We've gone through a lot together. Maybe you're over it now. Maybe I was the rebound for Julia? Maybe I was that final stage of closure you needed before you moved on to bigger and better things. Better people. Better love interests. Maybe Imogen won't have to go through half the things we've had to. I wish the both of you luck. I hope you're happy together.

Really, if my predictions are true, then I'm the one who needed closure. And that's what this letter is Eli; this is my closure because now I know you know how I feel. Maybe I'm being a coward, not doing this is person but I'm just protecting myself. I don't need to see your beautiful face twisted with the disgust of seeing me again. I don't need your mocking laughter ringing in my ears as you tell me that everything with Imogen is great. I don't need anyone else telling me to stop pining after you. I don't.

And here's another reason why I wrote this letter. Yes, I know, I have a lot of reasons. But think about it this way, if there wasn't so many reasons, I would've never written it and never would have received my closure. Eli, I'm going to visit my sister Darcy, the one in Africa. Things at home are becoming too hectic. I have to thank you though, for that idea of them being the one to rotate instead of me, but even that wasn't enough. My family home isn't enough for me. I'm going to visit the only other person in my family who hasn't been consumed in either their much younger secretary or their daughter's friend's dad or alcohol. I guess this is also my goodbye to you Elijah. I'm leaving on Saturday morning and if this letter was mailed to you the way I wanted it to be mailed, its Friday right now. No, I'm not home, so don't bother barbering me with questions on why I would burden you with this letter. This letter was for me and if you didn't want to read it, you didn't have to. It's not like there's an impeccable force grabbing you by the face and prying your eye lids open.

Goodbye Elijah Goldsworthy.

No matter how much I try not to
With much love,

Clare Diane Edwards.

PS: tell your parents I say hi, I miss them

I shakily put the six page letter down trying to catch my breath, Clare oh my, damn! She still loves me and then Imogen and my parents and AFRICA?

Tears leaked down my face for the longest time. I didn't know what to do, and that's how CeCe found me.

"Clare says hi…"

A/N: So yeah I was thinking about doing another chapter, with a particular airport scene but im not too sure. I wanna see how people feel about this chapter first. Now that Imogen and Jake have both been introduced but their plot hasn't been abruptly shown yet ( until tonight I guess… ) so wanted to post this up before that happens. Tell me what you think please! What team are you ? Eclare ? Elimogen ( or elmo or emogen whatever you wanna call it )? Cake ?

Oh and do you guys think I went too OOC here ?

REVIEW

-BG