Kashimashi - a Suzumiya Haruhi fanfic

by Brian Randall

Chapter One

Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints.

Notes: Kyon uses language. Diverges after book eight (but you should know this by now)...

I'm not one to normally bear a grudge. I've gotten my anger roused in the past, but in my memory, that's the kind of thing I do once or twice a year at most. Even when my sister has done things like ruin my bedding or clothing, or humiliate me in her own mostly accidental childish way (the nickname, in case you forgot), I don't really get mad about it.

I miss being 'nii-san' though.

I'll really miss it, now.

Damn it.

Anyway, all things considered, this is something that I'm pretty pissed off about. With some justification, I should think!

After the aliens had left me on the mountaintop, comatose, Nagato was the first to arrive. She was denied permission to adjust my data by her bosses, but stuck at my side through the two days that followed - complex medical examinations, things being poked ... places...

I have seen hell.

Truly, I have seen it. Being the Brigade's token heterosexual male was a job I wish I had appreciated more when I had it - the invasiveness of what happened next...

So, I'm positive that Nagato was only able to stick with me in any way because of her bogus magic, which made me kind of mad at her bosses for giving her that much, and leaving me stuck as a girl, now with government doctors and scientists examining parts of me I didn't even have a few days ago...

If this had to happen, couldn't it had at least had the subtlety to have been like the time Nagato rewrote the world? That wasn't so bad - in fact, it was so painless, it took me a while to figure out!

Waking up with breasts, too much hair, and missing certain, more familiar parts...

'Jarring' does not encapsulate the experience.

The experience I endured was not unlike how I had always imagined it would be for the lovable alien in those children's movies, had the heroes failed to rescue their intergalactic friend from the evil government agents. I was honestly a bit miffed that my loveable alien friend didn't rescue me from the evil government agents as it was, and the psychology tests ... then a truly unpleasant session with a military official for four straight hours with no reprieve to use the restroom, repeatedly going over the fact that I had learned nothing of alien technology...

...which was a lie, and when they started to home in on that, well, at least I held out for four hours before Nagato (invisible to them, I suppose), 'fixed' the situation, and they apologized, letting me go home.

I spent the entire next day after that in bed, with what I thought was complete justification. Nagato left me at the door to my parent's place without a word, but I understood she'd be watching over me.

It was some small consolation.

XXX

Most of the day I spent in bed was just squirming down into the covers, mumbling to myself, and wondering what I could do. I had planned on spending all of the next day in bed, too, but my mother wouldn't have any of that. She'd gotten my measurements from the innumerable exams I'd gone through, and appropriately, had bought me a pile of humiliating clothing.

By which I mean, everything, including a girl's uniform for Kitago.

I won't just say I wanted to cry - I really did cry. Like a ... girl.

Hah. Haha. Hahaha.

The better part of that day was my mom walking me through wearing the underclothes I'd need to deal with, and the outer-wear I'd agree to put on.

Shorts, okay. Pants, awesome. Skirts...

I didn't have a choice on the uniform, but I know girls sometimes do it, so my plan is to wear bloomers beneath my skirt - always. Speaking of bloomers ... I've got those, too.

My father spends all of this time mumbling vague words of support, looking at a total loss, and sending away all visitors. Visitors, naturally, being pretty much every media personality in all of Japan...

Isn't Haruhi more interesting? I'm not sure how, but this whole thing is probably her fault, anyway.

I won't recount my mother's attempts to console me much, because they didn't help a whole lot. About the best thing she told me was that I didn't have to go back to school until I felt up to it - and that was an offer I intend to take her up on.

I'm pretty sure I won't ever feel up to it.

XXX

I manage to remain a hikikomori for only two more days before encountering someone from the outside world. My phone is missing, but I haven't complained. By the time my parents noticed, it became an incentive: 'You won't need a phone until you start going back to school, will you?'

That doesn't motivate me much.

Still, even if I am suddenly in a girl's body, and have resisted all education in the ways of makeup or...

Anyway, after a good three days of sulking, free from being poked and prodded, there's still a sea of reporters outside of the house. It's so bad that my sister needs to get a ride to and from school to avoid interviewers.

So ... someone fighting through the crowds and getting let in?

Don't feel too clever about guessing who it was; nothing could stop her. The real question is why she took so long.

"Kyon!" she cries, from where she's almost trampled over my family to practically kick my bedroom door open. Her face is flushed, and she looks strained, stressed ... and then, when she's staring at me, I can't quite figure out what expression she's got.

I turn around in my seat at the desk where I was not doing homework, and was flipping through the last book Nagato lent me to actually face her. At this rate, I will finish it tomorrow anyway...

"Um, Kyon," my mother offers from the hallway, catching her balance and shooting Haruhi an uncertain glance, "we thought you might be cheered up by your friend!"

"Yes," my father agrees, sounding strangely uncertain about that. "Um, Suzumiya-san, as you can imagine..." Then there's a moment of silence.

I guess I should be happy that I have a (mostly) gender-neutral nickname ... my real name is going to get people staring at me oddly, now. I hardly want to let go of that, but...

"Right," Haruhi says, resuming motion as though she had been paused and stuck on one frame for a moment. She strides to my side and gives me an awkward, somewhat tenative smile. "So ... you're the first member of the Brigade to have contact with an alien! Isn't that amazing?"

I'll get right on organizing the party for those guys.

But then ... I guess Haruhi really is shaken, because instead of complaining that I don't appreciate what I've gotten, she looks away and says, "Well ... after this ... and considering your hard work from before this- As the Brigade's most amazing person right now anyway, I'll give you a promotion!"

Except ... there's this problem where in order to appreciate my new promotion, I need to go to school. Have you noticed the army outside the door? They're armed with cameras instead of guns, and they read 'Time' instead of Sun Tzu - but don't underestimate their effectiveness.

Though, I do have to admit, that power is significantly less than the aliens. As I've recently learned, their broadcast was omnipresent around the world, in every language.

I can't wait until our civilization is advanced enough to troll one unfortunate alien by arbitrarily changing their gender and letting their entire planet know.

"Well, yeah, school is boring," Haruhi agrees, crossing her arms over her chest. "That's what our club is about, though, right?"

"You make me sound like entertainment, Haruhi," I mutter.

Her mouth twists to a grimace of distaste. "Well, what's bothering you?" she presses. "If you're upset, you haven't talked to any of us since this happened!"

It's not like I can explain why this is Haruhi's fault to her...

"You aren't really going to give me a choice, are you?" I manage to ask.

She, naturally, takes this as an explanation that I won't protest if she forces the issue - so she does. "That's right!" she says loudly, nodding. "I'll meet you here tomorrow morning and walk with you, even! Don't you think we have a lot to talk about?"

"Yeah, fine," I sigh. "I probably have a penalty for missing those days."

From the corner of my eye, I catch Haruhi hesitate, as though she were about to say something - but she doesn't. Whatever she's thinking, she keeps it to herself. Oh well.

"So ... what was it like?" she asks.

"Like waking up in a hospital in the wrong body, with everyone demanding I explain what happened to them," I say, a little bitterly. That's not entirely fair; Nagato did tell me a little. That the aliens in question were from the Sky Canopy Domain, and that after they'd done ... whatever ... they were confronted by the IDSE, and then evidently ... they just left.

"Um," Haruhi allows. "Y...you know, it's been almost a week since I've seen you... Why didn't you call us?"

"Phone's off the hook," I answer, shrugging. "All those reporters. And I lost my cell-phone when I got hit - I guess the government is checking it out for ... some reason."

"Well ... then ... there's a reason for you to not have a penalty," she decided. "Obviously, in this case, as annoying as it is, it's forgivable. As it is ... somehow ... I feel a little responsible, since I sent you up the mountain."

This leaves me legitimately speechless, staring at the girl in stark awe.

Not noticing my stare as she studies my poster of the Hanshin Tigers' starting roster from a few years ago, she adds, "Well ... and maybe a little jealous, too."

...right. Of course.

"Anyway, Kyon, I-" she coughs, shaking her head and dismissing whatever she was saying. "We've missed you at the club, and we were worried besides! Mikuru-chan was in tears over the idea of you being hurt again! So ... maybe it's a little because I'm jealous, and maybe a little because it was my orders..."

I stare at her, strongly wondering if I'll just lock the doors and ignore her tomorrow morning - but honestly feeling undecided.

"I want you to come back," she says, not meeting my eyes. "But ... I won't ... ever send you off alone like that again. We're supposed to be finding something amazing together after all, right?"

And maybe it's a bit sad, but that little bit of what felt like genuine kindness from Haruhi manages to finally sway me.

"...okay. Um ... thanks, Haruhi," I manage.

Maybe I shouldn't have let myself be convinced so easily, but she gives me a real smile then - one of the few that doesn't make me think she's up to something. So...

XXX

Long hair is more of a chore to manage than I had originally thought, and as embarassing as it was, my mother showed me how to wash it. I considered cutting it back short to my original length, but my mother insisted that I wait at least a month - after all, what if I grew attatched to it?

Well, styling hair generally feels too 'girly' for me, even if I am a girl. Coincidentally, the easiest way to handle the hair is what was once my favorite hairstyle: the ponytail. It's a little trickier than I thought to get it set up correctly, but it's a convenient style, so takes only a few seconds to tie off, once my hair is brushed.

Something else I should probably be happy about ... my hair is now perfectly straight, instead of slightly wavy. My mom told me that wavy or curly hair would just tangle more easily at this length, so... Problem solved?

Despite my misgivings, considering Haruhi's promise - and then the awkward, silent minutes that hung between us - I got up earlier than I used to in order to wash my hair and put it up. There are ribbons and other cute things I could use, but my mother found some non-nonsense, no-frills hair-ties the same color as my hair.

So, there I am, standing in my room, looking at myself in the mirror. My face looks ... to me, slightly more rounded, but mostly the same. It's smaller, but not too different. My hair is pulled back and bound in that ponytail, and otherwise, I'm wearing a girl's school uniform.

I'm still not really happy with the skirt - feels like there should be something between my thighs. Still, the bloomers I've got on underneath make me feel a little better, as pointless as it probably is - and as hot as the coming days promise to be.

I'm shorter by a lot, now. Somehow, I thought they'd leave me the same height, but now I'm about three centimeters shorter than even Nagato.

Before I can break myself from my morose contemplation of my reflection, Haruhi barges in and stomps up the stairs in a storm of activity, calling my name. "Ya-hoo~! Kyon!" She throws my door open, my mother just behind her and looking like she wasn't sure that letting the tyranical goddess into the house was a good idea.

Whatever else she was going to say is evidently ripped from her as her mouth drops open and her eyes widen, scanning me up and down in a way that I'd previously only seen her regard Asahina-san with. I had a sudden suspicion that I would be better off by not going to school with her after all...

"Kyon!" she yelps, shaking her head. "Damn! You look great! A ponytail is perfect for you!"

My mother relaxes slightly on hearing that. "Y...yes, you look very good, Kyon- Er, Kyon-chan," she manages. "Um ... I think things will go very well for you! Suzumiya-san, you'll take good care of hi- Er, her, right?"

And with the magic of those reminders, I suddenly want to get out of the house very badly.

Haruhi takes my hand without asking, and I barely have time to grab my shoes before we're out the door, the larger girl grabbing a box from my father on the way out without hesitation. Her inertia is enough to get through the crowd of uncooperative reporters who assault me with flash photography, though she slows down just enough to very obviously shove anyone she thinks should be faster out of her way.

Our way, I guess, since she's towing me behind her.

Either I'm faster than I thought, Haruhi literally dragged me faster than I can run ... or reporters are surprisingly lazy.

Probably that last one, actually.

"Ah," Haruhi exclaims in satisfaction, once we're free of the crowd. "Man, those guys are jerks!"

"Tell me about it," I mutter, realizing Haruhi is still holding my hand.

"Hmm," she wonders suddenly, glancing behind us, and evidently satisfied that we weren't being followed. "You still would rather be called 'Kyon' than some new name now, right?"

Well, when she puts it like that... "I wouldn't want to be 'Kyonko'," I allow. I would have liked my real name...

She snorts, rolling her eyes. "Well, you're still Kyon to us anyway - and giving you a nickname of a nickname is silly," she decides, nodding. Not long after that, we reach the train station, only then seeming to notice she was still leading me along by my hand. I really probably should complain, but...

...it really beats being towed around by the necktie I'm not wearing.

She drops my hand belatedly, managing a slight frown as we separate to go through the turnstile leading to the train. I wonder what that means?

XXX

The rest of the walk is quiet enough that my biggest concern is the lack of any cloth between my thighs to keep them from rubbing together - still. Trust me, when you wear pants - or at least shorts - your entire life, adapting to dresses is strange. I would have expected with a height change and the different muscle structure that it might be weird and different for me to walk. Evidently, that was just another minor detail to fix for the Sky Canopy Domain, so I'm just getting hung up on the different sensations from wearing clothes...

Still, it's nice to enjoy the relative calm, and the lack of a sea of flash photographers. No one else is immediately around us, and Haruhi is lost in thought - though she does glance to the side every few seconds to make sure I'm still there.

Kind of reassuring, I suppose...

Maybe I should have gotten a ride, like my sister? Then again - I don't know where Haruhi lives, but I'm under the impression that it's not that close to where I do. She must have gotten up earlier just to meet with me.

Hmm.

A moment is spent at the shoe lockers - Haruhi seems annoyed to see that my shoe locker has been stuffed with notes - so much so that I can't even see the old indoor shoes left inside. It'll take weeks to sort through this. Without any better ideas, I take the new shoes from my bag, and use the box that they came in to hold all of the notes.

Since the space for the old shoes is now taken up by a box of unidentified notes, I sigh and move to throw my old shoes into a nearby wastebin. Haruhi gives me a strange look at that, but says nothing.

I'm still mulling that over when we walk into our classroom, deserted except for the pair of us, and a girl I think is named Yanagimoto, sprawled across her desk with her head down, as though napping. My desk and chair appear the same way they were when I saw them last.

Without anything better to do with my time, I turn to stare moodily out the window, wondering at the other students slowly marching into the school building.

My calm is shattered by someone calling out, "Hey! That's-" And then a pause. I turned to offer an unimpressed, annoyed stare at whoever was shouting, only to find Taniguchi gawking at me, his eyes wide. "K...Kyon?" he asks, bewildered. "Holy crap! You look just like that picture the aliens sent out!"

"Fine, thanks," I mutter. "And you?"

He quickly crosses the room to stand uncomfortably close to me, staring down at me with a creepy grin. "Lean forward just a little more," he prompts with a leerting smile. "Are those-"

Anything else he was going to say is cut off by Haruhi's first smashing into the top of his skull, sending him to the floor in a pile at my feet. "Careful, Kyon!" she exclaims. "Don't let this creep see your underwear!"

"I'm wearing bloomers anyway," I grumble, shooting the dazed boy an irritated look. The rest of the students that have already arrived fall eerily silent at that remark from me, all of them obvious by how pointedly none of them are looking at me.

"As expected of a newly promoted Brigade member!" Haruhi crows, either indifferent, or just oblivious.

"Ow," he protests, frowning. "Hey- Lemme see, huh?"

The tendons in Haruhi's right hand creak as she tightens her fist, raising it in warning.

"Oh- Hey, Kunikida, do you have last night's homework?" Taniguchi wonders, crossing the room to accost the new arrival at a speed which rivals the velocity of the craft that struck me - incidentally fleeing Haruhi's destructive reach.

After that, Haruhi shakes her head and sits back down, but everyone else wisely avoids us until Okabe comes into the room, double-taking when he sees me. "Um ... okay, class," he tells us once class representative Goto has brought us to attention. "Everyone, as you've probably noticed, ah ... Kyon has returned to class, so please be sure to treat her as you would any other student," he says, his expression clearly doubtful as to how likely that was.

At the first break, once Okabe leaves us, the students promptly disregard his instructions - validating his doubt, I suppose. Almost immediately I am swarmed by curious classmates, a cheerfuly confused, genuinely well-intentioned mass of students.

One of the most disconcerting things about this change - more than the loss of my gender, which I assure you, I am not comfortable with - is the fact that I am much, much smaller. I'll admit, it makes me feel more fragile and delicate. The fact that not one of my classmates is smaller than me is a little ... overwhelming.

"Back off," Haruhi warns the others with a menacing growl.

The crowd is pushed back by the invisible force of her presence.

In my surprise, all I can think to ask is, "Not going to search for something interesting during break?"

She answers, almost absently, "I found something amazing right here," which gives me the same measure of confidence that I imagine a mouse enjoys when hiding from a horde of alley-cats ... beneath the paws of a lion.

XXX

Too nervous to be drowsy, and unused to Haruhi staying with me through lunch, the day passes strangely quickly. Thankfully, there's no P.E. today, so I don't have to worry about sorting out how I'll change. While I'm technically a girl, I consider myself a guy. I don't feel I'd be right to change with the girls - but no way in hell am I changing with the guys.

Seriously.

But that doesn't matter, because class ends, and then Haruhi waits to lead me to the clubroom, instead of running ahead.

Inside the room, the lovely Asahina-san is the first to greet me, rushing to the door and looking like she wanted to hug me - or cry - or maybe a little bit of both. She stops a step or two away, worrying the edge of her maid's uniform apron between the fingers of both hands as she exclaims, "Kyon-kun!"

Behind her, I see Nagato looking up from her book, giving me her very tiny nod of encouragement, and at the table - between them - is the somewhat harried Koizumi. Why does he look harried? Maybe Haruhi got upset about not getting to be involved directly, and made closed space?

I guess that actually makes complete sense. It was probably for the best that Haruhi came to drag me away from my self-pity. Otherwise, she'd just be getting worked up over being left out, wouldn't she? "Ah, Kyon, it's good that you're back," the esper agrees.

"So!" Haruhi exclaims, grinning, slamming the door shut behind me - and then locking it. "Now we're all together again. Somehow, I guess, it seems our zombie-survival communication system actually managed to signal a passing alien! Kyon, do you remember anything about the signal you might have sent?"

"Huh? Oh ... that," I sigh. "You know I got interrogated by the military about the same crap? I don't remember a thing - I was taking a break halfway down the mountain because I was thirsty. I guess that means that I didn't signal them at all. Then..." I trail off with a shrug right there.

Haruhi's grin fades a tiny bit, and she paces over to the computer, taking her customary seat and sitting atop it cross-legged. I shrug and go to take my usual seat, annoyed to find out that it hasn't been touched, and is now too high for me to use comfortably.

I spent a minute fiddling with the seat before I get it to lower - it is, in retrospect, the second-nicest chair in the room. Haruhi still seems thoughtful, though Mikuru is blushing deeply and moves to stand between Koizumi and I.

"Um, Kyon-kun, you ... need to smooth your skirt when you sit," she manages, her face impossibly reddening.

This gets Haruhi's attention and I look down, realizing that I didn't pay enough attention, and have managed to get the cloth all twisted up, giving Haruhi an eyefull of my legs and bloomers. Feeling embarassed myself, I quickly rise, smoothing the stupid article of clothing into place and sitting - much more carefully. Our brigade chief says nothing, but looks vastly amused.

"Thank you, Asahina-san," I manage, though my face is so warm, it must be almost as red as hers.

"It seems you have much to learn," Koizumi offers, still grinning, once Asahina-san moves out of the way.

"About what?" Mikuru asks him, turning to regard him curiously.

"About ... well ... being a girl," the esper clarifies.

"Screw you, Koizumi," I say, before I realize the words were tumbling out of my mouth. There's absolute silence for a moment before I realize that this anger is at least slightly justified. Is Koizumi a reasonable target? No, probably not - but those stupid aliens have caused me no end of trouble, and he's not helping it, so:

"I was born a guy, so I'm a guy," I tell him flatly. "I'm just stuck in a girl's body for now. But that's okay - if I change my mind and start chasing guys, I'll ask you for advice on how to do it."

"Ah ... haha..." he mumbles quietly in response, his smile fading.

"Hey!" Haruhi shouts, springing to her feet and shooting an angry glare at the both of us. "What the hell was that?" she demands, marching around the table to stop near me, looming overhead ominously.

"I don't want to be a girl," I mutter.

"The aliens said it was permanent," Koizumi says with an apologetic shrug.

"I don't think I believe them, though," Haruhi says with a shake of her head, before I even have a chance to get worked up. "If it was that easy to change Kyon from a boy to a girl, it should have been just as easy to change him back. Really, that seems just too suspicious."

"I think so, too," I allow, surprised that Haruhi agrees. "They're just assholes."

"Well ... I hate to say that, but I'm sure there are much more awesome aliens out there," Haruhi declares, strangely full of confidence. Stick with us, Kyon - some day, the Brigade will make contact again, and we'll find someone to change you back."

I can't help but look at Nagato when I say, "I hope so, Haruhi..."

Haruhi beams a surprisingly warm smile down at me, her hands settling on my shoulders. "Well, in the meantime, if you don't want to be a girl, what's wrong with being one?" she presses.

"I wasn't born a girl?" I suggest. "I'm more interested in girls than boys?"

"Hmm," she muses, mildly surprised. "You don't just think girls are weaker, or something?"

"Well, I am," I note, frowning. In my case, it's a function of size, more than anything else, I think. "But in general, no."

"Well ... that's okay, then," Haruhi conceeds. "I guess I understand completely that it sucks when people try to make you conform to their expectations, without respecting what you yourself want."

...another strange moment where Haruhi says something reasonable.

"Sorry I'm so moody," I manage, realizing that I am - still, I suppose - not acting myself. Then again...

"It's understandable!" Mikuru interjects quickly, before Haruhi can remark on it. Then she leans closer to me, a warm smile on her face as she pats my hand. "I'll make you a cup of tea!" She bustles away happily ... and, really, I realize I missed that interaction.

Yeah, there are parts I'm trying really hard not to think about - but the positives are that Asahina-san, at least, treats me the exact same way she always has. Okay, I'll admit - a part of me would have been reassured if she were heartbroken about me being a girl instead of a guy... Reassured probably isn't the word. Encouraged?

I don't know anymore. Then again ... maybe like this, Asahina-san is reassured because she can be close to me with no fear of upsetting Haruhi? That pill has suddenly become a bit more bitter ... but I find that it's strangely acceptable to me if I get at least friendship back out of it. So:

"Thanks, Asahina-san. I'm fortunate to have friends like you, Haruhi, and Nagato to look after me," I allow. I may not even know what I want, but I am feeling better.

Koizumi doesn't react, except to set up a gaming board. "Othello?" he asks, smiling brightly.

"Too soon," Haruhi chides him, before I can answer. "Really, back into slow-day mode on Kyon's first day back? Hmm ... but ... I was thinking of having a party, or some other kind of outing, maybe. Hmm, what do you think, Kyon? Wouldn't it be fun to go out and do something as a group?"

"Like what?" I ask. As soon as it's said, I realize I'm still too bitter - too caught up in my own problems. That answer was not really as supportive as it could be. Before anyone can remark on that, I add, "I've been a bit distracted - going out somewhere might be fun, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment."

Haruhi gives an understanding nod at that, frowning. "Well ... I was thinking of swimming, given the heat," she says slowly. "But then, I thought it might be more fun to do something else."

Ugh ... I'll actually need a swimsuit, won't I? I wonder if that thought crossed Haruhi's mind, too? Is that why she pre-emptively vetoed it?

"I don't like repeating ourselves, but I suppose since this once, we're not looking for anything in particular, it'd be okay to do something we know from our experiences we'd enjoy," Haruhi suggests. "Hmm, let's see ... maybe a movie marathon again? That'd be a nice escape from the day! Hiding out in a mostly-deserted theater and watching hilariously bad movies from decades ago!"

That doesn't sound so bad, I guess. "An air-conditioned theater all day long? Sure," I agree, glancing at Nagato and Asahina-san, who seem fine with it.

Haruhi's smile widens slightly. "Good!" she enthuses. "I'll stop by to pick you up this Saturday morning, and then we can meet the others at our usual spot. Yeah. In the meantime, though, I think I still want to talk to Kyon a little bit- Everyone else, today is a self-activity day!

"Koizumi-kun, I'm counting on you to properly lock up, alright?"

The esper gives a small, dutiful nod at that, and even though we've really only just begun, I shortly find myself being tugged along after Haruhi, one of her hands on my elbow as she leads me after her. "What now?" I can't help but wonder.

"I know Kyon's under a lot of stress right now," Haruhi mumbles, half to herself and - I think - half to me. "So it's got to be strange... Ah ... so ... I know that you're bothered. And that makes it hard for me - if this isn't too strange to say, too. I want to ask you questions ... but I can tell that's not what you need.

"Everything I want is so close ... and all I need to do to get it is make Kyon hate me. So ... it's hard for me, but I don't want that- I could never want that!" She stops at the bottom of the stairs leading down to the corridor connecting the old club house to the school building proper. "But ... I'm ... not very good at seeing something I want and not taking it.

"So ... I want Kyon to know that I do care ... and to try and be patient with me

[ It's almost always midsentence when I realize it's bad... Hey, look, a note I left myself:

[ Haruhi's way too open in that last scene. She's gotta be more conflicted; also, she needs to more obviously start to question Kyon on a lot of things and visibly restrain herself.

[ I think I agree with my previous iteration. Anyway. The content's probably pretty obvious, but other than Kyon angsting and coming to grips with things, (and some yuri-centric WAFF), there's really just not much there. And eventually, it would be moot because once things got straightened out, he could get turned back anyway. Felt kind of pointless to go further...