I think you call this a 'slush pile'? Cleaning out my collection of fics I've realized are abandoned, old snippets of finished fics that I never posted (deleted scenes, pretty much - some of them quite awful), and other assorted junk that may be amusing.
Keep in mind, all of these are abandoned, some of them because they are terrible, most of them just because they were whimsy without a clear ending in mind (not a very good approach to storytelling, though some of the writing is interesting). If you think you actually want to take one of these and run with it, go nuts. Hopefully some entertainment and possibly some illumination may come from this. Who's to say?
Starting it off:
Change of Ownership
a Familiar of Zero/Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi crossover
by Brian Randall
Prologue - Kyon: Chewtoy of Fate
Notes: Putting the casts of both in the second year works; this means a book 8 divergence for convenience, with everyone's favorite extra-tsundere Haruhi along for the ride. Yay!
After a lackluster showing of recruits for the new year, Haruhi's mood had turned slowly more and more irate, seeking a target to unleash her complaints upon. More often than not it had been Kyon, and she was starting to realize, in a morbid way, that he had finite limits, and if she couldn't restrain herself, she was going to push him beyond them.
It had almost happened before.
But, damn it all! Not a _single_ new recruit?
She was so pissed off... She could feel her temper building up in the back of her mind over the last few weeks. Unfortunately, she was begining to realize that her Brigade knew exactly what was going on - Koizumi was avoiding the Brigade more and more with work, and dragging Kyon off into whatever their long solemn discussions were about. Mikuru had started becoming _genuinely_ evasive, instead of cutely panicking and drawing even further attention to herself. Yuki was ... well ... Yuki.
She didn't want to let her anger out while Kyon was present, though - no, no. That somehow always made everything worse. He treated her like a _child_. She was on the verge of snapping, so he had to go.
"Alright," she said abruptly, breaking the silence that filled the club room, prompting both boys to look up from their game. Mikuru came to attention quickly, but without the charming frightened squeak she had once used. Yuki looked up from her book.
Clearing her throat, Haruhi instructed, "Kyon, you can go home for the day."
He blinked at this, frowning in suspicion and narrowing his eyes. Don't dig, damn it ... just leave well enough, stupid Kyon-
"What are you trying to hide from me this time?" he asked with a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can't we at least discuss a reasonable alternative to whatever it is?"
She just wanted him to leave! To go away!
"What makes you think I'm bothering to hide anything from _you_?" she retorted. "Don't you have homework to catch up on?"
Leave! Just go somewhere else, Kyon!
He set himself obstinately. "Just tell me what you have planned."
"No," she growled, climbing to her feet, her hands slamming to the desk before her - before she caught herself. She would _not_ lash out at him. "I don't have to explain myself to you!" she yelled. "Just go!"
"Ah!" Mikuru finally yelped, cowering away. "D...don't fight ... p...please!"
Yuki blinked. Koizumi's eyes darted between Kyon and Haruhi before fixing on the other boy, who had merely adopted a determined expression. "Kyon," Koizumi said softly, in a warning tone.
Kyon set his shoulders stubbornly. "I want to know one thing first," he insisted.
God! Why was he so damned insubordinate! "Go away!" she screamed, feeling something give, somewhere, all of her tension and anger leaving her with a dizzying, sickening surge as she wobbled unsteadily. If Mikuru hadn't somehow found her way there to catch her, Haruhi would even have fallen over from ... whatever it was.
But in an instant, all her dissatisfaction had drained away, leaving her feeling strangely empty. Koizumi stood at his place at the table, hands clenching and unclenching as he stared at the place where Kyon had been in confusion. Mikuru was crying, for some reason. "H...hu..." Haruhi began, unable to articulate for a moment.
Kyon was gone ... just like she'd wanted, right?
And ... and she felt better now that he'd somehow vanished, didn't she?
Wasn't that ... exactly what she had wanted?
XXX
The backlash of whatever it was that Haruhi had done _this_ time left him stumbling in a strange, dark space.
"Hello?" he called, his hands reaching out - and instantly finding his hands entangled in a soft grip.
"We have little time," Yuki's voice answered at a clipped pace. "Suzumiya Haruhi created a connection with you, previously unobservable until this moment, when she strained it. This, combined with her wish that you not be present has caused you to be cast through time and space, beyond the bounds of reality as we know it."
"What?" he asked, blinking. "I'm- Really. Haruhi's temper tantrum finally came out, and she _banished_ me?"
He couldn't see the girl's face, but he could imagine her expression... "...yes." Oh, hells.
"Is this permanent?" he demanded.
"Your connection is being drawn to an alternate source," Yuki explained. "I will attempt to track you for later retrieval."
He didn't like that non-answer.
"I will..." Her touch in his hands slipped, pulled away into nothingness.
He tumbled a few steps in the darkness, jolted by an unseen force he couldn't define, and suddenly - blindingly abruptly - he was in bright daylight, stumbling and only barely retaining his feet. He looked around himself in confusion and surprise.
He was standing on some sort of lawn, surrounded by dispersing shreds of smoke. In a crowd directly before him was a crowd of what ... looked like students, at a glance, in some interesting uniform that involved a cloak with a pentagram-insribed clasp. Many of them carried tomes and what appeared to be slim wands, including the instructor-seeming fellow, a bald-pated figure off to one side, adjusting his spectacles as a hurried flood of gibberish escaped the students, many of them pointing to him, or the girl between him and the crowd.
She was standing with trembling arms, hands slowly lowering, one of them clasping one of those wands. Her large eyes shimmered with unshed tears, as she stared at him with obvious aprehension and frustration. Her pink hair shifted in the light breeze that wafted across the lawn, and abruptly, pieces of the giberish began making sense, and he caught words from the crowd:
"...commoner?"
"...so ashamed, if that's all she can summon..."
"...pathetic, really..."
Considering himself to be at least somewhat genre-savy, and having experience with Haruhi's power he frowned himself, looking down at the short, pink-haired girl.
"If we can communicate ... are you the one that summoned me?" he asked her.
"Yes," she answered, before shaking her head fiercely. "I mean, no! No! This is- This is some stupid prank! Someone messed up my spell!" She turned to the bald man, and insisted, "L...let me try again! I'll get my familiar this time! Mister Colbert, please!"
"There are no do-overs in this holy ritual," the teacher said sternly, eliciting titers of amusement from the other students, and causing the pink-haired girls face to flush with shame.
She turned to look at him miserably. Kyon felt a little sympathy for her; Haruhi had messed up whatever familiar she _should_ have gotten with _him_.
"As you've summoned him, it is in fact your _responsibility_ to finish the ritual," he concluded, crossing his arms over his chest.
The other students snickered again, and the girl's face flushed - impossibly - even darker.
The tiny pang of sympathy increased slightly.
She turned to finally look at him once more, swallowing apprehensively as she stepped closer, now only a handful of steps away. "L...listen, you," she began uncertainly.
"A few questions, before we begin," he interrupted quickly. "Am I to understand ... you're a magic user, and you've summoned me as your familiar?"
The students around them snickered half-heartedly, uncertain if his knowledge should be amusing or not.
"Y...yes," the girl agreed, her frown deepening. "G...good that you understand that much, then!"
Sighing slightly, Kyon allowed, "I don't know what the duties of a familiar are in this world, but if they are anything like the last, I hope to be treated well in your service."
The girl was totally taken aback by this, blinking at him with confused consternation.
The crowd murmured in confusion. "...the last?" she wondered, her eyes widening again, this time with confusion. "You've been a familiar before?"
"I was forced to serve to a tyrant goddess," he aknowledged. Even if it was temporary, he was _not_ going to let things with this girl get like they had with Haruhi. Until Yuki came for him, he'd figure _something_ out.
The crowd's murmuring and confusion increased in volume, and the teacher cleared his throat loudly, a pointed reminder that they were wasting time.
She stepped even closer to him, her nervous agitation increasing, and she reached up, straining to touch the top of his head with her wand. The crowd began to snicker again, but before it could take off, he took a half-step back and knelt on one knee before her. Either Yuki could get him back, or she couldn't...
He wasn't sure he could handle the idea of him being stranded forever.
...but if he was...
The girl had been saying some kind of incantation over him, and then began a nervous, hesitant approach, her eyes closing, her lips puckering. He was caught by surprise as she clumsily planted her mouth across his own, giving him an awkward, but surprisingly tender kiss.
He too astounded to kiss back, and nearly unbalanced himself, looking at her in shock.
A prickling sensation on his left hand intensified into an itch, and then erupted into a mild burn. He was about to rise to his feet when he paused to scratch at it absently, before it suddenly burst into what appeared to be genuine, arcane flame, an eerie blue and green color, underlaid with golden characters he couldn't recognize. He hissed at the pain and clenched his teeth, but managed to restrain himself to mild groans before it finally faded off.
Unfortunately ... he'd had worse.
"Ah, excellent," the teacher announced, drawing close and reaching for Kyon's hand.
He contemplated for a moment, then decided to dismiss the teacher entirely, turning his attention instead to the girl, who had calmed down and was now looking at him uncertainly. After a heartbeat, the girl reacted to the teacher's gesture, reaching a hand of her own out expectantly.
"If it burns me like that again, I won't give you another kiss," he warned the girl, reluctantly offering the now rune-marked hand out.
She blushed at that, shooting him a very cross look as the teacher hummed and adjusted his glasses, reading the rune. "Oh, my," he remarked. "Yes, quite precise; the contract was completed marvelously! Hmm ... unique runes, too..." He shook his head suddenly beaming smiles at everyone. "Excellent work! Everyone, you may return to the dormitories! Dismissed!"
Author's notes: Next Chapter - Kyon: Noble Demon.