Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

Author's Note: I realise this idea has probably been done to the death, but I always liked weird and wacky pairings (as you can tell by stories on my profile) and this pairing(s) appealed to me. Do take note that this is an AU version of The Lightning Thief and basically starts before Percy Jackson inherits his first quest.

I got this idea when I recalled Chiron saying something about what would be the 'perfect compensation' to stop the war between Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon other than Poseidon's son acting as a peace offering or something. So instead of returning Zeus' Lightning Bolt, Percy has another trick up his sleeve.

Or the Olympians do anyways making the title Percy Jackson and the Olympians most amusing in my opinion. But enough rambling or I'll likely bore you to tears. Just to warn you though, there will be smut, slash, Femlash, and a host of other things (nothing too weird though) as well as normal sex. Don't like; don't read, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Enjoy!

Chapter One

"What a better peace offering," Chiron said. "Then to have Poseidon's son return Zeus' property?"

Time slowed.

The sky darkened and even Mother Nature herself seemed to hold her breath. Percy Jackson definitely did, and clenched his fists in the process as if undergoing intense internal deliberation.

"Fine," He said after what seemed like an eternity. "I'll do it."

Chiron looked relieved.

"Are you sure?" He asked hesitantly. "There are conditions..."

"Yes, blast it!" Percy growled, no longer wanting to play games with the gods. "If that's what it takes to stop the war then I will act as the peace offering of the gods and goddesses themselves. I swear on the River Styx!"

Chiron's face paled and Grover looked mortified like his worst nightmare had come to pass. His ears trembled and Percy suddenly realised he had said something wrong.

Had he?

"Err, what? Guys? What's happening? What did I do wrong?" Percy asked sharply, feeling a strange tingling sensation spread throughout his entire body.

"You...you just..." Grover stammered.

But the satyr never got to finish his sentence for there was a noiseless clap of thunder and a flash of brilliant white light. His vision blurred and stretched, while his stomach felt like it was turning upside down. His mind reeled and black spots danced in his eyes.

He could see Grover and Chiron very faintly now as if he was going to pass out and even their voices seemed distant and far away. Then he lost all awareness of the world around him and everything went black.

X~X~X~X~X

The Council was in an uproar.

All the gods and goddesses had gathered around the Council Chamber and every single throne was filled. Even Dionysus, Hades, and Chiron were present. Delicate pixies flitted about the tense room, handing out refreshments on ivory platters.

But no one cared about food or drink.

No one needed to.

An attempt to stop a three-way war that was brewing, possibly even World War III, had been made by an impulsive and dim-witted demigod. The Ancient Oath the gods had made to never interact with their children had just been violated and was, in fact, obliterated by the attempt.

Said attempt had been accidentally made by none other than one Percy Jackson who was, perhaps, the most impulsive and naive demigod alive. Why, he had just unknowingly sworn an oath to become a slave to the e gods so long as they stopped the war. Violating the Oath had come about by swearing on the River Styx, which practically forced them to pay attention to the peace offering.

"I say we take him up on his offer and make him a god in the process!"

Needless to say, that comment had come from Ares who somehow had developed a particular dislike of Percy Jackson. Perhaps he had been snooping around amongst Apollo's Prophecy Chamber, but whatever the case he took great delight in the idea of beating someone up who would constantly reappear and never die.

He couldn't target one of the gods or goddesses since that would cause the Apocalypse without a doubt. But this Percy Jackson was young, foolish, and naive. In other words, should he become a god (and the gods' play thing no doubt) he would be fresh meat and the perfect punching bag for the God of War.

Luckily enough for Percy, not all the gods or goddesses felt that way.

"Definitely not!" Aphrodite spat, glaring daggers at her boyfriend. "I have great plans for Percy Jackson. That demigod was to get together with Annabeth Chase and make history. It was practically written in the stars!"

"Forget it!" Athena shrieked. "My daughter, my smart and beautiful daughter will not mate with that spawn of Poseidon!"

"Are you calling my son a freak?" Poseidon roared, clearly affronted.

"Hades, yes!" Athena retorted.

"Are you dissin' me, girl?" Hades threatened, his eyes flashing with fury.

"Sexist!" Hera screamed fiendishly.

"Will you stop flirting in the bloody Council Chamber?" Hephaestus was bellowing at Ares and Aphrodite, not wanting to be left out of the argument.

Mr. D meanwhile, was in his element since he was the god of wine and madness. He was practically cackling in glee as he sprouted grape vines all over the oblivious gods and goddesses' thrones while the nearby satyrs stared at him in utter adoration.

A certain nymph sighed at him wistfully and Mr. D gave her a sly wink which was not lost by Zeus who immediately began to dispute with the god of wine, clearly wanting someone to listen to him.

Chiron just sighed as he saw that Hermes too was arguing, but with Apollo. Even Herme's snakes were bickering with each other and as were all the lesser gods and goddesses. It was no surprise that the tumult (being from the ruling Olympians no less) was heard way down at the bottom of the Empire State Building.

Finally, Chiron couldn't stand it any longer and took a deep breath before standing up to his full height as the powerfully-built Centaur he was. Squaring his shoulders, he steeled his manly reserve (or half-manly, half-horsely anyways) and used the Mist to amplify his voice.

"Quiet!" He roared as loud as he dared, stomping his hoof repeatedly.

All at once, an awkward almost eerie stillness settled all over Olympus. Everyone down at the Empire State Building was shocked into silence too, for so strong was the centaur's voice. The aged heroes-trainer could only dread the thought of the New York Times the following day...

...New York Times reports peculiar lapse of silence in the entire Empire State Building at twelve o'clock in the afternoon. No one knows what happened and some preachers are ranting about the end of the world. What with everyone seemingly going deaf and mute at the exact same time for such a short period, one can only wonder if there is some truth to those words...

Chiron's face flushed when he realised that all the gods and goddesses were focused on him, each one glaring, aside from those who were giving death glares at Dionysus for making it impossible to sit on their thrones due to the grape vines.

"Percy Jackson is just a child," Chiron said softly once he had regained his senses. "He was forced into this new and dangerous world by the capture and possible death of his mother. I know his step-father has been awfully hard on him and even hit his mother from time to time. Percy has made no friends at school aside from Grover.

"He is a newcomer to this and we are all making it very hard on him. If anything I am surprised he accepted the quest so easily even if he did word his oath the wrong way. It would be no wonder that he turn traitor when he realised just what he promised and I would only sympathise with him. As you all should!"

Most of the gods and goddesses hung their heads in shame and defeat at Chiron's words for they knew the centaur was telling the truth. Percy Jackson was just trying to stop the war and had given himself up as a peace offering willingly. Swearing on the River Styx had only made things harder and now they had to take him up on his offer whether they liked it or not at the risk of chaos breaking loose.

"You're right, Chiron," Poseidon said grimly, his eyes red with rage at how Smelly Gabe had handled Sally Jackson. "We'll take young Percy up on his offer to stop the war. Brother?"

Poseidon turned hesitantly to Zeus to see the King of the Gods frowning thoughtfully.

"Such a demigod should not have lived such a life," Zeus said. "Now he is striving to save Olympus and the world by stopping another war. I could not have asked for a better peace offering, Chiron, and will accept Percy's offer."

Chiron felt his heart get lighter for a minute although it was crushed when he realised what exactly this would mean for poor Percy. Almost dreading the answer now, he glanced one by one at all the gods and goddesses and received mixed feelings as they each nodded their approval. Even Mr. D, Athena, and Artemis accepted which was very strange considering the circumstances.

"Very well," Chiron said, trying to keep a blank face. "Since all of you have accepted Percy's offer, I shall call him to Olympus from the void he is in right now."

The gods and goddesses actually looked relieved and even awed realising that a possible war had been prevented by an accident from a very dull demigod. Heaving a sigh, Chiron murmured the spell that would bring Percy Jackson here to Olympus and to his fate.

"Forgive me, child," He prayed silently, before finishing the spell and making his way slowly back to Camp Half-Blood.

A/N: This was more of an introduction-based chapter but I promise there will be scenes coming up next and a lot of them. Also, there's no war to deal with and Annabeth's going on the quest to retrieve Zeus' lightning bolt, just because. Percy and Annabeth were never real close before the quest so that works in my favour. But enough said! I really hope I got the personalities of the gods and goddesses right along with Percy and all. If I slipped up somewhere, please tell me so that I can fix it.

Thanks a ton in advance!