Dear Freddie,

I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know why I do a lot of things anymore…

I sit around the table with the rest of the family at Christmas or special occasions…birthdays… birthdays are the worst. I don't celebrate our…my… birthday anymore, not really. It's just another painful reminder that I'm no longer whole. Incomplete. Useless, without the other half of me, the better half. I wish I had died not you; you were the best one Freddie, the funnier one. You made the jokes; it was your idea to start the joke shop. The Joke shop is doing fine by the way, its not the same without you, but its fine. Ron helps out every now and then, but he doesn't understand me Freddie, no one ever understood me like you did. There are parts of me that want to join you sometimes but then I think you would want me to be stronger than that. I'm trying to be strong like you were. I'm trying.

I keep replaying that moment when I saw you lying there, cuts all over your face. At first I thought you were playing a joke on me, always the joker. I heard mum say

"He's not joking George"

But I was determined to prove her wrong; that you were joking. You had to be joking.

I remember putting my hands around your face when you didn't reply to me and shaking you slightly.

I remember it like it happened one second ago. And its always there on repeat. Like that time we hid that muggle remote from dad and we put it on that rude channel and mum and dad got really annoyed and we blamed Ron, remember?

Do you remember Freddie? Do you still think about me, do you even know who I am anymore?

I'm scared, scared that this empty feeling will stay with me forever. But there's one thing that scares me more than that,

And its this,

I'm scared that that time I saw you lying there as white as the stars, was the last time I'll ever see you.

It would be great if you could appear right now and say

"Your being silly Georgie"

I know that's not going to happen, but I can keep wishing, right?

Love your George

P.S I do love you, I don't think we told each other enough.