The Lesser of Two Evils- The Demise of Mr. Hollom

"It's an unfortunate business, Mr. Hollom. Damned unfortunate." The captain's voice echoed my ears, louder and louder until I could no longer bear it. I quickly turned away and hid myself in a small corner of the ship where my shame could not be seen. I had failed. It was my duty to demand respect, to discipline those who might one day be under my command. To present a strong front that others would aspire to be. Respect…discipline…and strength. I wanted so badly to be a part of this life…I wanted to want to do this. My four brothers had all gone off to sea before me, despite the fact that I was the eldest. My father often wondered aloud if there was something wrong with me, and why in the world didn't I want to go sailing like he had-in his prime, which he was well past by now- and make something of myself. He made remarks such as this so often, I too began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. So, as soon as I was able, I signed up to start my career on the HMS Surprise. However, it became quite clear that this life was not suited to me. I was too timid to call orders…to demand respect. I could not carry out the oft-complicated orders the way others did. I did not have the discipline they did. The desire to achieve, to rise in the naval hierarchy and become like Captain Aubrey. I longed to be like him, too, in a way. I wished that I had the ability to become a great seaman like he was. I wanted to possess the love for sea, ship, and crew that he obviously did. I wanted to be able to face a crowd of sailors and command their attention and true respect, not that show that I received each time I passed one of the crew…but I just could not make myself gather up the courage and achieve what I yearned to become. I did not have the strength. I, Willoughby Patrick Hollom, did not possess any of the three qualities that were required of me. I was utterly useless. What's more, I was utterly hated by each and every crewmember. Even now, I could hear them talking about me. They had been calling me Jonah for weeks now. And I had begun to believe them, just as I had believed my father. I knew what needed to be done. I felt, though, that I should say goodbye to at least one person before I did it. So I went above and saw Mr. Blakeney standing watch. Well…at least he doesn't hate me. After apologizing for "giving him such a start" as he said, I idly picked up a cannonball, knowing it would ease my passage. "The captain thinks we'll get our wind tomorrow." "I'm sure of it." And I was. I knew now, in my heart, that I was the reason for these doldrums we had found ourselves in. And that by drowning, I would free not only the men aboard, but myself as well. I had no doubts that I was doing the right thing. I decided to at least say something before I dove off the side of the ship I wanted so much to love. "You've always been…very kind…to me." I gave him a small smile, then quietly spoke my last words. "Goodbye, Blakeney." With that, I stepped off the edge and into the ocean. I sank quickly, but kept my eyes open long enough to glimpse the ship one last time. The horrified faces of Blakeney and Captain Aubrey were the last things I ever saw before I let the sea consume me. It was, in all accounts, quite an unfortunate business. But Jonah had to be swallowed up. That is the way of the world. And who was I to defy fate? In dying, I had perhaps gained those things I thought I did not have. Respect…discipline…strength…