Fighting for a lost cause

It was two thirty in the afternoon when I woke up. I'd been out all night on patrol, running around La Push as a giant, menopausal wolf, guarding it from Vampires who seemed to never appear. I would love to take one down on my own, and get my revenge. Kill them. Burn them alive.

I got up and stretched, knowing full well that I was late for patrol. I was supposed to be there at two, and I'd obviously slept in. I sighed and then smiled weakly, seeing dim rays of sunshine coming through my window. That made me smile. Anything that was supposed to harm a Vampire made me smile.

"Good afternoon Leah," Sue's voice came through the door. I didn't call her Mom anymore – how could I when I'd already lost a family member. I called dad by his parental title, and I lost him. I lost my dad. Now, if I lost Mom – Sue – I could just say that I lost Sue.

"Afternoon," I replied grumpily. The door opened and sue came in, sporting a tray covered in toast and scrambled eggs. Seth entered the room behind her, his eyes closed and his nose sniffing enthusiastically.

"Mmmm…" Seth smiled, eyes still closed. "Eggs…" he trailed off, looking at me hopefully. Sue smiled and put the tray down on my knee, disappearing out of the room before I even had a chance to thank her.

Seth continued to look at the eggs hopefully, and I repressed a smile. I rolled my eyes and shoved two eggs onto a slice of toast, eating quickly and enthusiastically. When I looked up after I was done with my first slice, Seth was pouting in a childlike fashion. I burst into laughter.

"Go on, cheeky thing. You can have some," I shoved the tray towards him and moved my legs so he could sit down. Seth uttered a low cheer and sat down, gobbling the eggs and toast enthusiastically. He was done within five minutes, the tray cleared off well and truly.

"I better get ready," I realised suddenly. I pulled on a loose fitting dress and didn't bother brushing up. There was no point if I was going to be running around all day as a giant wolf. A smelly giant wolf. When I returned from the bathroom, Seth was still there, smiling.

"Have fun at patrol," Seth waved a hand half-heartedly. He was always bored if I was on patrol when he wasn't. I grinned and waved back, ushering him from my room and closing the door quickly.

Downstairs, I waved at Sue before leaving the house, running towards the forest in human form, my dress being carried out by the wind. I didn't look back at the house as I ran – I wanted to get the day over with. Time seemed to move by so slowly for me – maybe it was because I had no friends, no boyfriend, and no social life whatsoever, unless you count my little bro.

I stripped off once I was deep in the forest, glancing around to make sure nobody was in the immediate area. Once I was naked, I quickly tied my clothes around my left calf and tried to summon the heat that was in my very core, so I could turn into a giant wolf and do my fill for the day.

About ten seconds later, a shiver went down my spine. There was a small flash of pain, and then I landed on four legs – or paws. I could feel myself grinning in a creepy wolfish way and tried to wipe my expression clean, so I could see clearly and get on with everything.

Leah, I knew that voice. I froze midway and I suddenly felt cold. It was my ex-boyfriend, Samuel Uley. He was a werewolf, Alpha of the Pack, and he had imprinted on my little cousin, leaving me for her.

Sam, I knew my thought was cold, but how could he expect me to act as if there had never been anything between us, the way he acted? I may be cold and bitter, frail and strong at the same time, but I would never, ever forget what we had… and at the same time, what we could never have.

Embry and Jared are about to phase in. You know what to do – stick to the lines and keep on running. If you catch a scent that's unfamiliar, howl once you get to the lines to alert the Cullen coven and come back and howl again to alert the rest of us, Sam reeled off. I bit back a snarl.

I don't tell you how to do your job, don't you tell me how to do mine, I hissed at him with my thoughts. Suddenly, my legs collapsed and I knew Sam was about to lay down another Alpha command and force me to apologize.

He froze, and suddenly the weight left my legs. I whined in confusion and stood warily, skimming through his thoughts. His mind seemed strangely blank, but I could see the images, see that he was running towards me, not away from me. I felt strangely warm at that thought.

Neither of us said anything until Sam arrived. He approached me warily, and I knew instantly that I could never get over him, not while he was so close to me, all the time. His dark black fur gleamed subtly in the sun, and I felt a pang of rejection. I was just the small girlie wolf, and Sam was taken anyway – he had an imprint.

Sam walked towards me and bent his head slightly. His nose butted my forehead in a sign of comfort and my eyes closed without my permission. I knew I wouldn't be able to get over him for at least another ten years now. Sam chuckled as he heard my thoughts in his head.

We stayed stone still for a moment, and I was lost in memories of what could have been. The image of a beach covered in white sand, blue waves crashing softly against the beach filled my mind. The Sam in my mind was bending down on one knee, and I knew this was just another memory – my memory of the day that Sam proposed to me.

I banished the thought and stepped back, feeling pain, loss, rejection and regret course through my body like wildfire. Sam flinched as he felt my pain, and I felt his guilt. The pack mind was more interconnected than either of us realised, and at that moment, we both hated it.

Have a nice life with her; my thought was bitter, out in the open before I could stop it. I was Leah – Bitter Harpy – Clearwater, and that wasn't going to change easily. Sam looked pained.

Leah, please understand. I didn't pick her over you, it was the imprint. If I could fight it I would, but I don't have the strength. It could have been me and you, Leah – the day I proposed to you, I could see it all. I could see our children, our life together, our home, and even our wedding day. I saw it all and I wanted it, right up until I saw Emily. When I saw her, it wasn't you in my fantasies, it was her. It broke my heart, and I know it broke yours. I didn't want it to, Leah, please understand that. I fought for you more than I fought for her, Sam's voice was a tortured whisper.

But you were fighting for a lost cause, I finished for him. Sam bowed his head in shame, and in a second, he was gone. There was a silent shimmer in the air, and he was gone.

I sighed, and I was running. I couldn't stay still anymore, I had to ponder his words, and I had to do it alone. A second later, I felt two more shimmers and the voices of Embry and Jared came into my mind. I tuned them out and focused on my own thoughts, sighing as I did so.

Because how could you fight for something with your whole heart… if you knew that you were fighting for a lost cause?