I participated in the K/S Relativity challenge on Livejournal and these were my prompts: closet, photograph, pagan ritual, bullies

I had ridiculously fun writing this, I hope you enjoy reading it :D

This is the first chapter, and it's from Spock's point of view: There will be six chapters all in all, alternately from Kirk and Spock's POV.

Five Times It Wasn't What It Looked Like, And One Time It Totally Was

A Tale of Captain Kirk's Unrecorded Clumsiness

The First Time It Wasn't What It Looked Like: Or what Really Went Through Spock's Mind

Spock's mind was like an open wound, vulnerable and hurting beyond comprehension. His whole world, his mother… gone. Spock was trying his best to rebuild his walls, trying to contain the emotions swirling inside of him, and he was succeeding.

That is, until this insufferable [irrational] human, this troublesome stowaway cadet that Spock thought he had gotten rid of for good, had the nerve to imply that he was emotionally compromised-

Of course he was emotionally compromised. Spock had just lost everything. His world, his mother and his calm and logic. And the only thing he could do, the only way to deal with this was the same way he had once dealt with his tormentors in his youth, by beating, kicking, throwing and suffocating…

Spock's hands on Kirk's throat, skin on skin contact, Spock's hands too close to the meld points, Kirk's mind overflowing with thoughts pleasedont-nospock-dontwantto-dontendthis-icouldloveyou…

It wasn't Sarek crying his name, Spock barely heard it. He was too caught up in the sense that was Kirk's mind, the spinning colours and stars and sensations and then the inexplicable feeling of fondness that Spock couldn't comprehend. It was this affection that finally made Spock realize he was killing it, the affection and Kirk, and that was what made him let go.

He was emotionally compromised, and acknowledged as much before he exited the bridge, in an attempt to run from himself and his feelings.

As Kirk took his seat in the Captain's chair, two Ensigns who had watched the whole debacle wide-eyed and open-mouthed turned to each other. One of them whispered to the other:

"Was it just me, or did that look like erotic asphyxiation to you?"