Hidden from Ourselves

Set during the Half-Blood Prince movie scene, after Ron wins the Quidditch game, Hermione experiences heartbreak when Lavender Brown takes Ron for her own. Knowing she can now have neither of the two people she loves, she runs off. Harry and Ginny follow suit; both with their own reasons.

One moment, Hermione was gazing admirably, not too noticeably, at Ron as he soaked up the limelight of winning their Quidditch game, and the next, that bint, Lavender Brown, was snogging him. It took Hermione a moment to even register what was happening. What sent her away was the fact that a moment later, Ron was snaking his arm around Lavender's back, pulling her closer. Fighting back tears, wanting to suddenly be alone, she turned on her heel and moved through the crowd. Being the more reserved, bookworm she was, she didn't elbow people out of her way as most distraught girls would do, but rather, was shoved back so that everyone could continue to speculate the public display of affection. It didn't help her quickly descending mood when she stumbled out of the crowd as a towering boy knocked her out of the way. People could be so absurdly rude… and absurdly slutty.

He had just admitted to Hermione that he hadn't spiked Ron's juice with Felix Felicis when Harry turned back to see Lavender Brown pulling Ron to her face. Suddenly, the din of the crowd escalated as they saw the two complete on snog each other. Smiling at his best friend's luck at finding such a bold girl, he turned to see what Hermione thought of this, and only managed to glimpse her brown curls as she stalked away. Looking over his shoulder worriedly, Hermione was more along the lines of being shouldered aside rather than storming away. Harry pieced things together in his mind and realized what feelings Hermione had for Ron, and this spectacle just proved how deep her feelings ran. Pushing his way through the crowd more successfully than Hermione had done, he followed his other best friend.

Even though Dean's hand was in hers at the moment, Ginny couldn't help but wish that it was Harry's hand. She wasn't paying much attention to cheering on Ron for playing impressively as their Quidditch team's Keeper, but was looking secretly at Harry as he talked quietly with Hermione. Then as Lavender Brown made her move on her brother, much to her chagrin, knowing what kind of girl Lavender was, she happened to glance at Hermione. She watched as Hermione's expression flitted from the delight of Ron's party, to shock, and then slowly, to betrayal… and heartbreak. Ginny saw the tears begin to well in Hermione's eyes, and something inside her stirred. She wanted to protect her, to hold her, as she knew when she turned; Hermione was leaving to cry alone. Harry then began to move, to go after Hermione, and Ginny pulled her hand away from Dean's, muttering some excuse to leave the party.

Hermione had just cast her small swarm of yellow canaries, and was allowing the sobs to escape her chest, when soft footsteps, familiar footsteps, reached her ears. In a few moments, Harry was behind her, and she tried to wipe away the tears that were wetting her cheeks. It was no use. Harry complimented her on her charm and she replied with a cracked "thanks" before he sat beside her.

"How does it feel, Harry? Seeing Ginny with Dean?" Hermione asked, barely able to choke the words out. When Harry gave no reply, she continued, "I know. I see the way you look at her."

I know because I find myself looking at her the same way momentarily…

Excited giggling broke their melancholic discussion as Ron and his new pet, Lavender entered the small alcove. Harry looked, reflexively touching Hermione's knee in a way meant to shield her, but it was hardly consoling as Hermione looked up through her wet lashes, and nearly went into another round of sobs at the sight of them. Lavender mumbled something about the room being taken, and danced off. Ron stayed a moment, wondering about the summoned birds, when Hermione commanded them. They shot off like arrows aimed for Ron, and he narrowly ducked out of the way as they hit the wall and out of existence, before he threw a dirty look and left to go after Lavender.

Harry slid down to the same step as Hermione, and offered his arm for her to take. She wrapped herself around his jacket-clad bicep and rested her head on his shoulder, the tears flowing freely once again. He grasped her hand on his arm, holding it tight in comfort. He didn't dare look down at her grief-stricken face, for fear of weeping himself.

"It feels like this," Harry replied to Hermione's earlier question conclusively.

But with Ginny, Hermione thought bitterly, It's just about worse.

It was several minutes before Ginny could find where Hermione and Harry had gone off to, but when she did, she found them at the bottom of a set of stairs, in a small, secluded alcove. Moonlight streamed through a tall window off to the right, and cascaded around them, giving a serene atmosphere. Ginny paused, wondering if her decision to come after Hermione, whether by her own selfish desires or Hermione's comfort, was inadvisable. As she took a step back onto the stair before, Harry craned his neck around, Hermione unmoving on his shoulder. He spotted Ginny, and gave a half-hearted smile. With that, Ginny moved down the rest of the steps lightly, and came to sit beside Harry. Hermione lifted her head the slightest, to see Ginny, before closing her eyes again with her tears slipping from them. Ginny didn't know how to feel at the moment, if she wanted more to be alone in the alcove with Harry or Hermione, but pushed her own gentle lust to the side and looked into Harry's brilliant green eyes. Silently, they spoke through their locked eye contact, and it was another couple minutes before Harry nodded, and Ginny gave a ghost of a smile. Moving himself tenderly from beneath Hermione's head on her shoulder, Ginny replaced Harry's spot. Turning herself to face Hermione better, Ginny allowed Hermione to collapse into her arms, burrowing her face against Ginny's shirt at her collarbone. Ginny looked once back up at Harry and gave more of a smile than before, and Harry wordlessly wished Ginny good luck. He turned and began to ascend the set of stairs, glancing only once over his shoulder as Ginny watched him leave.

It had only been a few minutes after she subconsciously retorted Harry's reply with a thought about Ginny, when she appeared noiselessly on the other side of Harry. She barely tilted her head to look at her before she closed her eyes, the complexity of her feelings for two different people only adding to her heartbreak. Ginny wouldn't feel the same feelings about her, she was a girl, and in a relationship with a handsome man. And now Ron didn't have the same feelings for her, not anymore at the very least, because he was in a relationship with a bimbo. Or in some sort of relation… Hermione wasn't sure who she wanted more, but she couldn't have either.

Then Harry began to move away, only for Ginny to fill his place. She was facing her more so than Harry had been, and Hermione was able to be completely enclosed as Ginny's arms wrapped her when she buried her face in Ginny's shirt. Ginny was so much more different than Ron. If Hermione had been cuddling against Ron, he would be thick and broad, but with Ginny, even though she was bigger than her, she was lanky and comfortable. And she smelt imperceptibly like wild flowers and… freshly mown grass. Hermione was drawn to that smell, it was soothing. Slowly, Ron began to ebb away from her mind, and with him, her tears. She didn't know how long they had been sitting there, how long she had been crying, how long Ginny had been holding her, but even as the last of her sobs left her, Ginny still held unto her.

Could it possibly mean…?

Slowly, Hermione calmed, but Ginny didn't want to let go. Since she had been holding her, the smell of coconut-scented shampoo and the touch of her soft skin on her arms made what she wanted to do alright. The only thing she feared was that Hermione… that Hermione didn't have the same feelings. That the only feelings she harbored were those left for Ron, and for no one else to possess or share. The thought of that made Ginny want to cry. Harry wasn't even in her mind anymore, he had faded away as he climbed the steps, and all her attention focused on Hermione's shaking body from the sobs that wrecked her.

Hermione wasn't shaking anymore. She wasn't crying anymore. Knowing what it was like to go through horrible moments like this, Ginny knew that afterwards, you were calm and untroubled. Almost delirious, as you were tired but wide awake. Deciding it was now or never, hoping that it wouldn't make things worse for Hermione, or ruin their close friendship, she moved a hand over Hermione's shoulder, up her neck, and to her jaw. Her touch was responded with a slight raise of goosebumps, and she nudged Hermione's face up. Hermione's dark, shining hazel eyes locked with hers, and it was in those swimming pools of light that she was able to read that their feelings were mutual, and that now was the time, more than ever, that Hermione wanted at least one of the people she loved to love her back.

Kiss me, Hermione thought dreamily, Kiss me, Ginny. I can see it in your eyes.

And it was true, for Ginny's sharp blue eyes mirrored the love for one of two people she loved. As conflicting as it must be, for them to be girls, for Ginny to be in a failing relationship with Dean Thomas when she wanted a successful relationship with Harry, her eyes just practically spoke that she wanted at least one of the two people she loved to love her back.

Ginny leaned down as Hermione moved up, and together, their lips met. It was perfect, flawless, seamless. A spark ran through their skin, a spark that proved their mutual feelings. They loved each other, when they each loved another, but given the situations they were in, all that mattered was the two of them and no one else.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed!

It was my first femmlash and I just wanted it to be casual.

Any feedback is welcome! (:

-x