So, this one makes me happy. I just wrote it today, so it's not the next of the Louis Armstrong-inspired ones that I've been promising. But I think it's pretty good all the same. It's definitely the raciest fanfic I've written, so let me know what you think about that…

Disclaimer: Do not own things, blah blah blah.

- Lorraine

And without further ado, here you have:

THE TOWEL THIEF

Lily Evans knew that sharing a dormitory with a seventeen-year-old boy would definitely be a challenge. When that seventeen-year-old boy was James Potter, it only made things exponentially more difficult. He was messy, leaving his toothbrush on the counter without rinsing it, leaving the toilet seat up, and constantly leaving clothes on the bathroom floor. She only thanked Merlin that his hair was too messy for him to bother combing it, because she was sure he would have stolen her hairbrush to do so. His most infuriating habit, though, was stealing all the towels.

The first time she confronted him about it (thankfully she had noticed before she undressed to take a shower), he insisted that his had been wet already from his post-Quidditch shower late the night before. He had apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again. Since the two Gryffindors had been dating since the summer before their seventh year, Lily had decided to forgive him.

The fourth time it happened, she left a note for the house-elves, requesting some extra towels to keep in the bathroom.

This solution had worked for a couple of weeks until one day Lily found herself stepping out of the shower and reaching for her towel, only to find the rack empty She reached up to the cabinet next to the bath and frowned: all the extra towels were gone.

"POTTER!" she bellowed, knowing very well that he was down in the Head's common room poring over new Quidditch strategies. She was about to yell again when she heard him trudging up the stairs. She made no effort to cover herself—after all, there was nothing to use except for her dirty pajama top, which she'd spilled coffee on (hence the shower). James had obviously stolen the towels, and if it was a show he was looking for, then it was a show he could get. And a ruddy good one at that, she thought darkly.

"What is it, Lily?" he called from the landing outside. "Is there another big bad spider in the bath, or did I leave my toothbrush out—" he opened the door "—again?" and stopped dead.

James couldn't help it—his jaw dropped as he stared at the very naked, very wet, and very angry redhead in front of him.

"Well?" she demanded furiously.

Confused, James tore his gaze away from her ample breasts and looked her in the eye. She was clearly waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Sorry? I'm not sure what the question was. If you're asking my opinion, I'd say I bloody well approve," he answered, gesturing to her nude form.

"Yes, that's exactly what I was looking for," Lily said dryly.

"Well in that case, would you like me to show you the extend of my approval?" James asked lasciviously, taking a step towards her.

"Hold it right there, Potter. Yes, obviously I'm naked. But it's nothing you haven't seen before, if I can recall several similar incidents happening in this very bathroom." She glared at him.

"Incidents, Evans? Whatever do you mean? If you're referring to some steamy and romantic interludes, I'm afraid you'll have to refresh my memory…"

"No, I bloody well am not! Trust me, we will never have any more interludes, be they either steamy or romantic if you don't cut it out!" he looked at her innocently. She rolled her eyes and continued. "I am referring to the fact that there are. No. Towels!" she growled, punctuating the last three words with hard pokes to his chest. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, Potter?" She scowled up at him.

Now that Lily was so close to him, James' view of her pale figure had been obscured. However, she was no close enough that he could feel the heat coming from her, even in the still-steamy room. He gulped. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea.

However, he spoke calmly, appearing to be unaffected by her naked presence. "No towels, you say? Well, I do recall lending a few to Sirius. Apparently he and the lads had an unfortunate run-in with a puddle of Stinksap, and who am I to refuse a friend in need?" He smiled sweetly down at the fuming girl in front of him, trying not to look any lower than her face and failing miserably.

"Stinksap. Right. Well, if you insist on being so careless about lending out the towels and not bothering to replace them, then I suppose you'll have to suffer the consequences," she said, bending down to pick up her dirty clothes.

James, wary of Lily's threat, was determined to play it cool. He smirked at her, bent at the waist, clearly trying to taunt him. "And are these the consequences, Evans?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as his gaze once again raked over her body. "Because I would hardly call this suffering."

"So glad you like what you see, Potter, but we'll find out how keen you are on this arrangement if you can look, " she reached up to whisper directly in his year, "but not touch," and she brushed past him, skillfully avoiding contact with the arm he reached out to grab her waist.

Well, fuck, James thought to himself. This isn't good.

When he discovered Lily's plan to punish him, thought James couldn't quite decide whether it was good or bad. It turned out that the consequence for his towel snatching was that Lily forswore wearing clothes within the Head Dorms. Normally, James would have considered this turn of events to be a gift and a privilege. After all, what teenaged boy wouldn't want his gorgeous girlfriend walking around completely starkers in their private apartments? However, James quickly discovered the catch in this seemingly quite desirable situation: Lily wouldn't let him touch her.

He gave up trying for a quick grope and/or snog one day when he tried to sneak up on her. He snuck in from Quidditch practice under the Cloak, and silently made his way behind the armchair where she was sitting curled up—and naked, of course—reading some book or other. Without even looking up, she pointed her wand over her shoulder, directly at the spot where he was standing, invisible.

"Did you know that whenever you come in from practice, a broom rack magically appears over by the fireplace?" she said, not taking her eyes off the page in front of her. "This room is quite clever. Also, James, if you're going to try and sneak up on me after Quidditch, you might want to think about showering in the changing rooms; you smell revolting." And with that, she snapped her book shut, turned to him, removed the Cloak, and kissed him chastely on the cheek. "Goodnight!" she chirped brightly, and walked up to her bedroom, putting a little extra sway in her hips for her boyfriend's benefit.

"Sly minx!" he called after her, only to receive a wink before she disappeared behind her door.

When his stealth method didn't work, James decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. One morning while Lily was in the shower, James stripped down to nothing and waited at the bathroom door until he heard the water shut off. Smiling wickedly to himself, he pushed the door open and walked in; sure that Lily wouldn't be able to resist him in all his glory.

He waggled his eyebrows at his girlfriend, who was equally naked. "Care for another shower, love? I could use some help scrubbing my back."

She simply smirked at him, pointedly flicking her eyes to his groin. "Looks like you could use some help in, ahem, other areas as well, dear. It's so nice that you're happy to see me, but I'm afraid you're on your own this time round. Lucky for you I think I've used up all the hot water, so you should be all set to fix your little problem!" She smiled, stroking her hand through his unruly bed head at she glided past, leaving a slightly embarrassed and extremely frustrated James in her wake.

After a week and a half of this torture, jams had finally given up the competition, but he wasn't about to apologize for his original offense. Lily, on the other hand, didn't seem to be finished with her game, and one day her antics finally broke James' steely resolve.

It was a rainy Saturday, and Lily was taking a much-needed break from studying. Around three in the afternoon, she awoke from a satisfying nap to hear laughter coming from the Head common room downstairs. Listening more closely, her suspicions were confirmed: the marauders had been driven inside for the day by the nasty weather. Suddenly Lily was struck by a brilliant idea.

She jumped out of bed, a plan forming in her head as she checked her appearance in the floor-length mirror on the back of her door: she was already naked (she'd taken to sleeping nude once she'd noticed that James came in to check on her almost every night—after all, she was trying to make him as desperate as possible, and he was as stubborn as they came), and her hair was sexily mussed from having been slept on. She pinched her cheeks to wake herself up (and to bring out the color) and applied a bit of lip balm. Now satisfied with her reflection, Lily smiled mischievously to her self, slid on her slippers, and left her bedroom.

She descended the stairs as nonchalantly as she could, trying not to let a self-satisfied smirk take over her face. As she reached the bottom step, the chatter from the center of the room had ceased. She turned towards the sofas and gave a little wave to the four open-mouthed boys who sat there.

"Morning, lads!" she said cheerily, and ambled over to peruse the bookshelf, showing off her backside.

Sirius, the first to regain his composure, wolf-whistled. Peter threw a pillow at him as Remus struggled to keep a fuming James from clobbering his best friend. Sirius rushed to speak in his own defense: "What? You can't blame a guy for looking!" Peter threw another pillow, but Sirius blocked it. "Come on, Prongs, what about her? She's clearly the one on the offensive." He jerked his head in Lily's direction. With one last glare at Sirius, James rounded on Lily, and Remus warily let go of him.

"Too right you are, Padfoot," said James, a manic glint in his eye. Lily had turned and now her eyes were wide and innocent, at odds with her complete nakedness.

Remus was studiously ignoring her, facing away and trying to re-set the chessboard that had been knocked over in the proceedings. Peter and Sirius were still watching the redhead appreciatively, and Lily smiled rakishly at them, causing James to whip around and Stun both of his friends, causing the two boys to topple out of their seats and once again upset the chessboard.

James turned to Lily again, clearly furious, and she quailed a bit under his angry gaze. She could have sworn he growled at her, but before she could question it, he rushed forward and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her so roughly that she shrieked and was forced to wrap her arms around his neck and her legs around his middle.

James carried his captive up to his bedroom, slamming the door and abruptly crushing his naked girlfriend against it.

"Right," he said. "Evans, what the ruddy hell do you think you're playing at?" He stared at her with dark, intense eyes that held almost as much anger as want.

She smirked down at him from her greater height, still pinned to the door. "Is someone a bit upset?" she asked sympathetically, playing with the hair at the back of James' neck.

"Too fucking right, I am! My best mates were just drooling over the love of my life stripped down to her skivvies! And I must say, you gave them quite a show!"

She raised her eyebrows and moved her hands to lay them on his chest before leaning her face closer to his. "Bet you wish I had a towel on down there, eh, Potter," she whispered, their noses almost touching.

Most of the wrath in his eyes had been replaced by lust, but he was still putting up a fight.

"Answer me, James," she said huskily, now moving to nibble his earlobe. The boy in question groaned and nodded, the hands that had been supporting Lily's thighs now moving slowly upwards.

She smirked superiorly at James, whose beautiful hazel eyes were lidded with desire. "That's what I thought. Well, I think I'll consider your lesson learned. He nodded again. She smiled and kissed him warmly.

Before he had time to respond to the kiss, she broke away and began tugging on his shirt. Slowly he started to grin. She noticed, and rolled her eyes.

"What, you think these past ten days have been easy for me? You're not the only one with raging hormones, James, women can just hide it more easily," she said, glancing pointedly downwards. He only grinned wider. "Oh, bugger off, you, and strip. You're wearing far too many clothes, and I've been ready since you ambushed me naked in the shower the other day," James' eyes widened. "Plus, I think all this time walking around naked had made certain areas more… sensitive."

James groaned again, and with their joint efforts he was divested of his clothes in record time. Dragging Lily to his bed, he separated his lips form hers just long enough to cast a Silencing charm, and then he set about rediscovering his girlfriend's sensitive spots.

Later, as they lay entwined and panting on his bed, James stroked Lily's smooth leg and spoke into her soft copper hair.

"Merlin, Lils, that was almost worth waiting a week and a half for." She smiled sleepily. "'Almost' being the operative word," he added. She smacked his arm, still smiling. He tugged her closer. After a few quiet moments, he spoke again. "You know, I think there might be a better solution to the towel problem."

Lily opened her eyes and raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. "Is that so?"

"Mhm," he said, nuzzling her neck.

"And?" she prompted, smiling when she felt his fingers tracing patterns on her back.

"Well, we should just share towels. Shower together, that is. That way I couldn't possibly steal your towels."

Expecting just another smack, James was startled when Lily pulled away and started climbing out of bed. He opened his mouth to tell her he was only joking, but she turned around and leant down to kiss him. She pulled back, her wicked green eyes meeting his confused hazel ones.

"Shall we start this new policy right away, then?" she asked in a sultry voice, and began walking towards the bathroom. James hopped out of bed, placing his hands on her hips and walking behind her.

"Merlin, I love you," he murmured into her neck, making her giggle.

Twenty minutes later, the two head Students stepped out of the shower, fully sated and extra clean. Smiling at James, Lily reached behind her, groping for a towel to "share." Coming up empty, she turned to check the cabinet, and then turned again to face her boyfriend.

"POTTER!"

Thoughts? I'll give you a penny, if that will really help.