This came to me just now.

Might write the reply letter from Kurt. Might not.

I know it's been years, Kurt. I know. But it's not been the time to do this before now. I haven't had the courage or the ability.

I remember that first kiss of ours like it was yesterday. That's the cheesiest line, but you will have to survive. All of this will be a cliché. Deal with it.

I remember how it was just lips touching, slowly adjusting. Then the second one that was a little deeper. More knowing. Safer. The way you smiled at me and blushed as my hand touched your cheek. How we kept being silent about it until the day after. The response.

Do you remember the way David hugged you? Do you remember how Wes was so happy for us that he didn't even speak about anything but it? Do you remember how Mercedes jumped and smiled and kissed my forehead? Do you ever think about how your father silently smiled and how Carole got up from the couch to hug the both of us?

Have you ever thought back to the little smile Finn gave you? Or how proud he later told us he really was. He might not have known, but that was the smartest thing he ever let out. I still remember: "I'm so proud of you, Kurt. I know it's weird but I really think you should be too."

It might have been, that he didn't know, but he meant me too. And I was on top of the world. I was the proudest person on the face of the earth. Happy, Kurt.

What about our first dance? At your junior prom, when Dave left the floor. And I asked you for a dance. You looked so nervous but it was so nice to just dance and not care about the stares. And then everyone just joined in. And I felt more alive with your hands on me then I ever had. But I had more of that to come, didn't I?

The first time we spoke our love aloud wasn't under the stars. It was just our coffee shop. But it was so perfect, and you looked so good. And you almost got the mocha down the wrong throat when I said it. But you replied. And smiled. Sipped coffee. The day went on. But we were to say it a lot of times and this is what made us amazing. Because no matter how many times I told you those three little words, it never stopped feeling as if it was the first time they slipped past my lips.

Do you remember when we made love for the first time?

I got up in the morning, and you had texted me like always. A happy 'did you sleep well?' and then a 'please come over later. I'm lonely,' that made me smile. I told you that then, remember?

It was a Saturday, and I drove to you. The sun shined in my eyes all way, it was so beautiful I could've cried. All I saw in it was your laugh. Your laugh was, to me, like the sun on a bright and light day. Your kisses like a thunderstorm and the taste of your tears reminded me of a soft pond in the middle of a forest.

You wore the thing you knew I liked the most that day. You seemed so loving and true, when you held my hand as we ate dinner together. And you said, and these words I remember too; "I never want us, to have sex, Blaine. I want us to make love. Could we do that?"

My heart burst, Kurt, because that was all I could have asked for. You were so perfect and wonderful and just everything I had ever wanted.

So we held hands and went up the stairs to your room. And I kissed your back. You kissed the scar on my shoulder. I called you 'beautiful' and you cried as I was in you. The whole world was painted the colour of your eyes and the blood coming from the hole in my lip, dripping down on your chest. And in my mind, I kept the image of your water filled eyes and the sound of your musical voice as you cried out my name as we fell over the edge together.

I held you all night through and kissed you when I woke back up. And you smiled with your eyes closed. We didn't bother to get up before your father was knocking on the door. I was so utterly happy that you were the love of my life. Because I was the one for you too.

Do you remember the way we would be together every day and talk for hours on the phone? Do you still think about how fantastic it was to move to New York? Do you still have the ring and note I gave you there? Do you ever listen to our song on the CD I gave you? Or did you throw it all out?

Do you remember that second year of collage when we stopped talking for hours? How we didn't watch TV lying down on the couch together anymore. How our kisses were never just on the lips anymore? Do you remember when we started having sex, Kurt? Do you honestly remember, or did you let it slip your mind?

You threw me on the bed that night. And you fucked me until I cried for you to stop, but you didn't 'till you were done. And it hurt while you were thrusting into me, and I had to bite my lip to forget the pain you were causing. But it only made me cry more, because the blood from my lip reminded me of our first time. Of how it had dripped on you then, how you had asked about it and I had simply said, that it was from the love they felt when kissing you.

Do you remember the scream I let you when you came? Or how I sobbed all night as you were lying with you back against me.

That was the last tame I ever saw you. Next morning you were gone and only left me a note. This note I've kept to this day.

"I have left you, Blaine. I'm not sorry. We need to move on. There's nothing more here. Let it go. Don't try to stop me. I don't love you anymore.

You're a naïve fool, Anderson. Didn't you see?

Kurt."

You didn't even remember to say goodbye to Rachel. She cried with me.

Today you have everything you ever dreamed of. You have the good job, the husband and the money.

But, Kurt, are you truly happy without me?

Missing you, despite all. Blaine.