Inevitable

Thanks to Kunoichi21 for going back through and editing this.

I.

When Roxas first met Axel something shot through his veins in anticipation. It was like all the nerve endings in his body simultaneously sparked.

Roxas was irritable after the four-hour drive from the airport with his domineering father and he'd not been looking forward to the humid freshman dorms of Hollow Bastion University. The goodbye exchanged back home was swift and left him feeling vindictive.

He kicked the door open with one foot while cussing quietly as pain shot up his leg. Huffing with exertion Roxas anxiously glanced up, hoping his new roommate wasn't too scary. Instead he saw a face that made all his thoughts skirt away.

For Roxas, his first memories of Axel were all about his eyes. Roxas had no idea why that gaze would make him feel so at ease or why he would have to clench his own set shut before shaking his head and extending one hand in greeting. When they shook hands anxiously, Roxas felt a puzzle piece finally fit into place.

That exact shade of green – he thought wildly, I've seen it before.

When Axel first met Roxas something restless inside of him was inexplicably calmed. Some murmur in his brain finally died down and as the kid awkwardly shook his hand, warmth pooled liquid inside his stomach.

The random-roommate assignment was something Axel had been dreading. Axel feared he would get some uppity rich kid because karma was a bitch like that and Axel thought he probably deserved a shit roommate.

He was sweating in his new room, throwing boxer shorts into the old dresser when he heard cussing at the door. The door swung open – and for Axel, his first memories of Roxas were all about his eyes. Axel felt shivers run down his spine.

Those eyes – Axel thought, I've seen them before.

An hour after introductions, and reassuring each other that no, they had never met before, both teenagers simultaneously realized that they were from, metaphorically speaking, different worlds. It wasn't just the strange array of stuff that was scattered across the room (everything Axel owned was black and worn to tatters, everything Roxas owned was new and very clean).

They sat atop their loft beds chatting quietly, straining to catch the breeze from the revolving fan that circled between them. Roxas was a very anti-social person by nature but for whatever reason he spoke with Axel like they were old comrades.

Conversations between them were easy and forthcoming. They obviously had nothing in common, but the next thing they knew it was already two in the morning. It was so very odd, to the both of them, what with this easy friendship.

So they both refused to question it; despite noticeable differences, since neither knew anyone else who went to that school and they were roommates after all. It only made sense that they ought to get along well together.

And neither wanted to give a voice to that unshaken feeling of familiarity they felt.

Both thought it would sound stupid aloud.

II.

People on the floor wondered what made the pair such good friends. During the first semester of school they were virtually inseparable. They took the same classes, ate at the same mealtimes, and walked everywhere together. Many people concluded that they'd known each other since childhood, and this was the reason for the close friendship.

A few other students concluded that Roxas was sleeping with Axel so Roxas could have protection against the people he verbally abused each day.

When people bothered to ask, they often expressed astonishment that the pair hadn't known each other for years. But outsiders could only see the superficial differences.

Axel was tall, loud and boisterous. He always carried a mischievous smirk plastered across his face and his laugh was thick and raspy. He smoked cigarettes and drank beer after class and attended hard-rock shows till late in the morning. He wasn't sensitive, he was a bit of a pervert, and he was incredibly touchy when people tried to enter his private life.

At parties, he would sometimes try to pick up ladies to bring back home with, but always 'bail out' later because he shared a dorm room. Axel was sarcastic and uncaring. He did schoolwork only because he knew that University was his final chance to leave the world he'd grown up in. This college freedom was nothing new for him because he'd always been on his own.

Axel was an adopted child, but the family eventually sent him away to foster care after several incidents with the police. Axel deeply mistrusted people for this reason, and it shaped a lot of how the redhead thought about things. Axel assumed his birth parents forgot about him years ago. He wondered if the people who raised him even cared if he was still alive. Roxas figured that this was the reason Axel was keen on people remembering him, especially with his cheesy, "Got it memorized...?"

Roxas on the other hand was short, quiet and serious. He was a hard worker and rarely smiled. He was listless the first few weeks of class, unsure of what to do with all the freedom. Roxas always left a strong impression on people, but mostly because his eyes always held a touch of sadness that seemed impenetrable.

He did his homework and tagged along behind Axel and his only hobby was skateboarding. He was even more sarcastic than Axel and came across as cold and snobby. He was never afraid to say what he thought, and Axel easily understood why a lot of people considered that hubris. But it was not arrogance, Axel knew, because Roxas had the biggest self-confidence complex on this side of Mars.

Roxas considered himself a deserter to his family and friends. When he left for University he knew that he would never be welcomed back home. After you left the Destiny Islands, you were worthless. His old friends and his own twin brother – the people he'd loved so dearly and spent every day of his life with – were angry, vindictive, xenophobic and bitter at his choice in schools.

Why not just go to school at home they demanded. But Roxas was so uneasy back then, so ready for a new life and a new chance. All he wanted was to feel alive, at least a little bit.

By some unspoken agreement, they explained their home life to each other once in the first week of class. They were drunk. Axel stated shortly that he didn't have one, and Roxas replied that it was the same for him; only he amended that statement by adding that no one wanted him back in the first place. They went into a few details, but wouldn't seriously touch upon the subject again for almost three years.

Forgetting about the past seemed imperative. So instead they began to learn quirks, pet peeves, and how they could annoy each other the most. The first few weeks they found many ways to joke around, some of them being cruel and spiteful and underhanded. Others involved shaving cream and a pound of skittles. They were young idiots for the most part, laughing at their own jokes.

During this time they also got to know what each other's genuine smile looked like, and the sound of each other's happy laughter. They knew what food the other preferred, and even vague dreams for the future. Every new thing they learned, it felt like they had always known it. It figured, is what Axel thought a lot.

It figured that Roxy would like sea-salt ice cream, 'cause after all how could he not?

They began to realize that they were not as opposite as they originally assumed, but how could they be with such an easy friendship? They both thrived on playing jokes, they both loved watching documentaries about ancient civilizations, they both adored sitting atop the largest building on campus and eating ice cream. They both wanted to do nothing more than hang out with each other and banter forever.

They also both felt more at ease with each other than any other person they ever met before. Roxas found himself telling Axel secrets he never even murmured to his own twin.

Was this the inevitable agreement that they formed with each other?

Roxas often wondered this. They had no one else so they might as well make family out of each other. And family they became – long before anything else.

III.

That Christmas break, both stayed behind in dormland. With the campus empty of inhabitants and almost a month of freedom (neither had jobs) they learned to amend some of their hobbies. They began to share interests. Roxas would come with Axel to his wild parties and haul him home drunk if Axel would go snowboarding with Roxas at least twice a week.

They fell into an easy rhythm as if it had always been there.

It was only after they made another set of friends did they realize how strange things must look to other people. They met a bubbly New Zealand boy named Demyx and his roommate, a quiet introvert named Zexion. Demyx became the talkative musician in their group while Zexion was the clever literate one.

Demyx immediately asked if they were "homos" since even his parents didn't hang out as much as they did. There was an awkward silence and two blank stares before Axel burst out laughing. As the redhead tried not to choke on his own spit, Roxas crossed his arms and looked Demyx right in the eyes. Roxas glared, and glared, and glared before finally setting Demyx straight. Dem quickly learned to never ask again because when Roxas would glare it was like razorblades slicing through sensitive skin. It made a person feel devastated and lonely.

They met Demyx and Zexion in the campus library because it sported cheap coffee and they could use the bigger, better computer monitors to play video games against each other. After a few proper introductions the group began to sit in the same study room.

Demyx would bring sheet music and practice on his Sitar, Zexion read quietly in the corner, Roxas drew in his sketchbook, and that left Axel to screw around on the Internet. When it was nicer out they lobbed snowballs at each other next to the lake off campus. They bantered, laughed, and poked fun at one another. Their first Christmas break ended on that note.

Second semester rolled around when Roxas accidentally discovered that Demyx and Zexion lived on the floor below them. Classes were in full swing so everyone's schedules became undeniably hectic but the group would always find time to hang out. Roxas soon felt more fondness for these boys than he did for his own kin. This felt like what family was supposed to be – unconditional, unflinching support.

Again, it was an easy sort of friendship for all of them though completely different facets came to play individually.

Roxas and Zexion would talk endlessly about books or philosophy. Zexion called these talks 'brain sex' and Roxas enjoyed them immensely. He could ask Zexion any question and get a thoughtful response. Roxas had more one-on-one time with Zexion than Axel did, but he never wanted to hang out with Zexion more than Axel.

Axel was comforting, was omnipresent, and was the only human being Roxas spoke his trivial thoughts too. Zexion initially thought Roxas was a mute when they met in the library; however he soon learned that Roxas didn't waste his words on many people unless he was verbally abusing them. This was usually the case.

That year, Axel and Zexion tended to keep their talks short – meaning it was mostly gossip about the fair-haired friends. Roxas begged Axel to not leave him alone with Demyx for too long. It wasn't that he didn't like the kid; it was just a lot of energy to handle. Once Demyx mellowed and got used to him, they began to hang out more.

Zexion and Demyx were another story; equally as different but equally as perfect to become friends. They were inseparable in an entirely different way to Axel and Roxas.

If you weren't watching closely you would think Demyx was the one clinging to Zexion but in fact it had always been the other way around. Zexion was more socially awkward than Roxas which was a laudable feat, and during the first weeks of college he'd unwillingly stuck by Demyx. Demyx was always eager to make friends and somehow understood that Zexion didn't like to converse with people. Presto! Two opposites began to appreciate each other.

Of course Axel preferred to hang around with Roxas foremost but during second semester students would often find him chilling beside Demyx. They played music together and talk innuendo for hours. Demyx got him back into memorizing chords for the guitar and during Axel's 19th birthday that year the group pitched in to buy Axel a six-string acoustic. Demyx and Axel invariably laughed about starting a band and how impossible it was because neither could sing worth a damn.

At Hollow Bastion University students were only required to live on-campus for one year. After that they could decide on off-campus housing, which was a lot cheaper. As summer dawned the four boys decided to rent a house together. It wasn't like they needed to ask any parents for permission, so they simply signed the forms inferring they wanted to live off-campus. Apparently Zexion's family didn't contact him very often and Demyx's family couldn't, what with being across the world.

The truth maintained that they were all broke as a joke and none entertained any endevors to return home for the summer.

So they planned on getting construction jobs, "Duu~des, seriously, we need to do something so I can work off my pudge," Demyx incessantly whined.

As long as people would keep their fucking dishes clean, Roxas reasoned, he could easily live with all of them. So they moved out of Fruland Hall and into an old two-story flat that was only a five-minute walk from campus. They worked painting houses, passing a cigarette between them at the end of the day, sipping cheap beer and toasting to their new abs.

They were companions that summer. Young and stupid companions.

IV.

Roxas woke up sweating and achy. His heart was pounding and a silent sob forced its way from his throat. His arms blindly grabbed forward into the inky darkness, and his eyes squeezed shut. He let his arm fell back to his chest and he tried to still his trembling.

Alone. He felt so alone, so scared – entirely separate from everything. Like his memories were wiped blank and he'd been walking around as a zombie for a lifetime. The blanket was thrown back and he unsteadily arose to his feet. The room was dark and he nearly tripped over his end table.

His eyes scanned the digital clock and his hand pulled at his hair in agitation. He felt needy, and he wanted nothing more than to see Axel, to fling his arms around the redhead's neck and bury his face in his shoulder and stay there. But it was three in the morning. Axel needed to go to work in less than five hours.

The nightmare pulled on his mind, making him uncharacteristically nervous.

This hadn't been the first time he'd dreamt this particular nightmare, but they were steadily becoming more realistic. Ever since he started University they'd become twenty times more memorable than he could ever remember. They made Roxas want to bash his head against the wall because when he woke up like that he wasn't sure that he would even feel it.

Words, phrases, something like memories were washing over him. White, white halls. Tall seats in a round room, an insignia… the number XIII.

Tears unwittingly sprang from his eyes, as he frantically thought, No!

I won't remember, it's not real, I know who I am, I'm a somebody, I'm not anobody.

Roxas began pacing back and forth, his mind not slowing down. He felt this sick desperation like he would never see Axel (why was it always Axel?) again. He couldn't calm down. Making his mind up and screwing the consequences he strode out of his room and down the hall.

Roxas and Axel shared rooms on the top floor of their flat, with their own bathroom since Roxas was a little OCD about cleaning and Demyx was a slob. Roxas reached his door in record time and lifted his hand to knock, then held himself back.

This is crazy, he thought with irritation. I have no reason to wake him up at three in the fucking morning.

His eyes closed again and he let out a defeated sigh. He needed to do this. At this point Roxas knew he had no choice. He would have to wake up Axel, or he knew that he would never sleep and would instead spend the hours until dawn curled in a ball trying not to sob. Which was more pathetic?

Roxas stared at the door blankly. This feeling was inimitable; the depth of loss that Roxas felt in his heart was nothing like he'd ever known. More flashes of the same scenes – this weird fucking heart in the sky that he would always see.

Roxas pushed Axel's door open, and spotted the older man sleeping in his bed, face smushed between two pillows like always.

"Axel," Roxas whispered loudly, trying not to let his voice break, "Wake up."

Roxas crouched forward and shook Axel a couple times, hearing the man groan.

"Roxas, what the fuck? It's still dark out," Axel moaned, rolling over and blearily looking up at his friend. It was indeed dark, but Axel could tell from the shimmer in Roxas' eyes that something was wrong.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He breathed quickly, sitting up.

Roxas gave him a very uncertain look, weary almost. He was pulling against two primal instincts, comfort and pride. The comfort his mind demanded, and the pride his will refused to secede.

After a moment, he finally dropped onto Axel's bed and tossed his arms around his neck and trembled, nose curled against a protruding clavicle. A heavy puff of hot air warmed Axel's throat. Axel automatically reached up to wrap his arms around Roxas. He was wide-awake now.

"…" Axel remained quiet, sifting his hands through blonde hair. In the time he'd known Roxas, the blond revealed himself to be a very un-emotional person. Not to say he didn't have feelings, because that was idiotic, but he was astonishingly adept at hiding his pain.

Roxas knew how to fake-smile like the pros; he never showed people this side of himself because he viewed emotions as weakness. So Axel stayed quiet. Roxas would talk when he wanted to.

He pulled at the slim body and scooped him under the blankets, curling both arms around the smaller torso tightly. Roxas was slick with sweat but Axel wasn't concerned. He felt Roxas slowly relax against his body.

With Roxas sandwiched between Axel and the bed he began to calm down. The crazy, giddy terror of is Axel alive?… finally left him. His trembling subsided.

After several beats Axel pulled back and glanced down. Roxas eyes were framed with dark creases and he appeared exhausted. His normally spiked hair was limp and rumpled. Slender fingers curled around Axel's t-shirt tightly.

A drowsy wave took over Axel as he sighed deeply and dropped back to the pillow, forehead brushing blond spikes.

"I keep seeing you die in my dreams." Roxas finally croaked, just loud enough to be audible.

Axel's eyes snapped open and he blinked rapidly. Why did that create such a twinge in his heart? Why did the tone of his voice, that despondent helplessness, hit too close to home?

"I keep seeing you die and I can't ever do anything. We are in this weird place – there is white everywhere, swirly shit. You keep yelling at me not to leave and there is this…clock tower," Roxas trailed off as he tried to recall more. Then he quickly shook his head.

"It's stupid." He finally amended, pulling way from Axel's embrace. He half expected Axel to agree with him but instead the redhead wore a faraway expression.

"I feel like I know that place," Axel whispered. He sounded almost nostalgic.

Roxas barely heard the sentiment because now that the fear waned, he was incredibly embarrassed. Crawling into the bed of his roommate because of nightmares? How old was he again?

"Well you can't. It was a stupid nightmare; I can't believe I let it bother me so much. Sorry to wake you, I'll head back to my room." Roxas whispered quickly, motioning to get up. Axel grasped his arm swiftly.

"Roxas. Shut your face and sleep here." Axel ordered shortly, pulling him back down and quickly getting comfortable again.

Roxas felt his lips twitch into an unintended smile. He did as he was told.