(a/n)- So this is going to be a three chapter "songfic" story, in which each chapter is inspired by a song and is based off of the lyrics.

For the first chapter, the song is Glittering Cloud by Imogen Heap. I didn't use all of the lyrics because some of them were irrelevant to the actual story, so if some lines are missing that's why. I hope you enjoy it!

I do not own Loveless or any of the songs included in these chapters.

(Bold and Italicized is the song lyrics.)

Ritsukas' POV-

"Ritsuka, why don't you come have dinner at my house tonight?" Soboui asked me again as he walked me home from school. He had the same worried look on his face that always showed up when he knew I was going back to her. Mother.

"I can't. Mom's already making dinner, and I don't want to leave her there by herself." I responded, with my eyes glued to the ground as I walked. Soubi sighed, and from the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head slightly.

"You know as well as I do that your home is not safe with that woman around," he said firmly. I stopped in my tracks and glared up at him. He always said things like that.

"That woman is my Mother, Soubi! You can't expect me to abandon her just so I can go and retreat to your house! She needs me, I'm all she has left..." my lower lip started to quiver. Damn, I was not going to cry in front of him.

"Ritsuka," he began. "No Mother would do this to her own child," he pointed to the new bruise on my face, under my eye. "You deserve much better than this, why can't you understand that?" He grabbed my by my aching shoulders and pulled me into a hug. I struggled against his strong arms and pushed myself away from him. He let his arms hang down at his sides and his eyes were sad.

"Just leave me alone Soubi! Go Away!" I turned my back to him then. "That's an order," I added. Soubi said nothing and an awkward air washed over the two of us for a moment, before he sighed and walked away.

On the way to my house, I grew anxious. What kind of mood would Mother be in today?

Once I opened the door, my heart sunk. At the table sat my mother with two plates of something burnt. She was crying again. She looked up once she heard the door. Her eyes were red, and her face was pale.

"Hello Mother," I said hesitantly, not wanted to set her off.

"The old Ritsuka wouldn't have been late, he would have come home on time and helped Mommy cook dinner," she said with a feral look on her face.

I cringed and my cat ears flattened against my head. My tail swished nervously.

"But...Mother, I'm right on time," I was in fact early, did she even know what time it was? She pushed back her chair and stumbled towards me holding something behind her back.

"The old Ritsuka wouldn't make up excuses..." Suddenly she screamed and came at me. She reached to my neck and something sharp raked at the skin on my throat. I held my hands out to try and protect myself. And that's when I realized that she was clutching a fork tightly in one hand. She brought it down and ripped it over my outstretched arm. I yelled out in agony as blood spurted from four long wounds that went from the top of my elbow and stopped at the knuckles on my hand.

"Where is he? What did you do to my Ritsuka?" She kicked me in the stomach and I fell to the floor.

"I...am...Ritsuka..." I said in agony.

She went to the table and picked up a plate, screeching as she lobbed it at me. I used my arm to cover my eyes as it shattered and cut my face. I had to get away. She turned away from me and began to sob.

"Oh my Ritsuka! Where are you?" She wailed as she ran into her room leaving me in a crumpled, bloody mess on the kitchen floor. Mommy, he's right here...Ritsuka is right here. You beat him and left him here...

I clawed my way over to the base of the stairs. My room was right up there, I just had to make it up the stairs...

Each ledge was a mountain, and my body shook from the pain over each one. By the time I reached the top, I was ready to give up and lie there, never to move again. C'mon just a little farther... My body protested as I stumbled and limped into my room and closed the door behind me.

I'm not always like this. It's something I've become. A terrible weakness, in my nature, in my blood. Save me, oh, save me. Save me from myself, before I hurt somebody else again.

I inched my self back against the door and hugged my knees into my chest. Everything hurt, everything was red with blood. Why did this always happen to me? Why did I always come back to this pain? I wanted to help my mother, and she wanted to kill me. I always put myself in danger like this. I wasn't this reckless back when I was "the old Ritsuka".

Soubi was right. I should have just gone home with him. My heart sank with that thought. Why did I always push people that I cared for away? I hurt him. I yelled at him and hurt his feelings and all he wanted to do was help me and care for me. I hurt mother. She just wanted the comfort of her son. I couldn't be the son that she loved so dearly.

My arm hurt. My stomach hurt. My face hurt. My heart was in agony. It was always around this time that Soubi would show up and save me. He would bring me back to his house and tend to my wounds and comfort me, telling me it wasn't my fault...even though it was. My window was open and the the breeze from outside stirred the curtains, but no one came to save me.

The one night I wanted...needed him to come to me, was the one night that he actually followed orders. Damn him and his selective obedience...maybe he thought that I didn't love him anymore, maybe I had pushed him away for good.

The blackout approaching, here it comes now, wish me luck. It's all over, it's all over, it's all over in a flash. I can't remember, what have I done now?

I felt faint and my mind was drawn back to the fact that I was bleeding out. Perhaps if I let the darkness swallow me, the pain would fade away forever.

I hadn't even noticed I was crying until a sob escaped my lips. I realized that this was the end. No one was going to save me.

I was all alone.

(a/n) please review! This is my first Loveless FanFic so please go easy on me!