Not a parody. Do not laugh. I will find you.
SCHOOL DAYS
"The smell of fresh tea, a nice dinner, AND A BUCKETLOAD OF BLOOD BECAUSE SOME HOE JUST CHOPPED OFF THIS MUTHA F%!AS HEAD BITCHES!"
He stood up, caught a glimpse of the body, and left the room to vomit.
"Inspector?" The man turned from his disgusted, vomit induced facade to greet the newcomer, a rookie investigator, straight from the academy, sent to this dump of a city.
Why were they here? it was a rather routine case of what happens when some stupid mofo pisses off his girlfriend...or in this case...girlfriends.
"Damn this nigga was a bigamist?" The rook came closer to snap pictures of the blood sodded victim.
"He aint married moron, file says hes a sophomore in Sakak, sakock, sak-"
"Sakakino academy sir." A huge book was dropped on the kitchen table that was part of the crime scene, the rookie pointed at a rough patch in the pages.
"This was torn out, looks like it was his picture in the yearbook, but someone had a grudge..."
"Or an obsession." The inspector finished. "Either way, this body is fresh, i doubt the culprit couldn't have gone far..."
He studied the body, multiple stab wounds, arteries cut, and his head was missing...
"Damn Japan you scary" He turned to the rookie, "Got any leads?"
He spent a few seconds considering the question and then said "I can say that this person was one sick mother f!$er, but apart from what we already know, I cant say much sir".
Sighing, he was about to resign to his hq to report when he saw something in the corner of his eye...
flashing...
beeping...
EVIDENCE.
"A clue a clue!" He turned towards the small flashing object in the corner of the room.
Picking it up with a gloved hand, he recognized it as one of those retarded 1G cell phones that nobody used anymore.
"Yo what is it man?" The rookie came closer to examine the cell phone.
Intently looking upon the flashing screen, he realized there was an unread message.
I'll see you on the rooftop
Blood draining from his face, he grabbed the rookies arm and turned towards the door
"Sir what did you find?" He sputtered, trying to wrest himself away from the inspectors grip.
"We gotta go now, I think we just found our culprit."
30 minutes later...
They had arrived at the Sakakino academy, and the rookie struggled to keep up as the inspector sprinted up the staircase.
"Where are we going?" The inspector turned grimly towards the rook.
"Get your gun, this might get rough."
The rookie shakily removed the pistol from his holster. They continued to run for 5 silent minutes, up the endless school staircase.
Once they reached the rooftop door, the inspector pulled out his own handgun.
"On the count of three okay?" He checked to make sure his gun was loaded.
"Okay, let's do this" The rook was excited, he had no idea why but he was excited.
They stared for a couple seconds, then stopped because it was getting too manly and tense and awkwardly gay for some reason.
"Ahem...that was awkward."
"Yeah, you tell me" The rook replied.
"Okay, 1...2...3!"
BAM!
They busted through the rooftop doors, guns in hand, to expose...
two teenage girls facing off.
"Oh shit one of em's got a knife!" The rookie pointed his gun at the armed chick,
"Put down the knife bitch! or i'll put a cap in your ass!" She made no movement to comply
The other girl appeared frightened, but she too made no attempt to run.
"Did you hear me?" The rook shook his gun again at her direction, "I SAID PUT THE KNIFE DOWN MUTHA F!$KA"
The girl with the knife slowly knelt down, then without warning grabbed the other hoe as a hostage, holding the knife to her throat, while simultaneously backing up towards the edge of the roof. Eyes darkening with the grim intent of suicide.
The rook swore loudly, "Damn this bitch is crazy! I'm gonna put one in her leg an-"
"Jesus Christ man! we cant just cap her, we gotta restrain them, ill grab her and make sure she doesn't do anything with that knife. Keep the other one from doing anything crazy."
They made their advance but the girl simply backed up faster. Breathing heavily, she was only a few feet from the ledge."
The inspector grimaced, "Okay, you wanna play that way, alright rook you're clear to fire!"
In less then a split second he fired several rounds into her legs.
The dust settled to expose two dead corpses on the edge of the roof.
Seething, the inspector turned towards the rook, "GODDAMMIT MAN, WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SHOOT? WHEN I SAY YOUR CLEARED YOU DON'T KILL THEM! JESUS CHRIST!"
"Damn nigga im sorry! i get excited when i handle a gun! legs chest same thing right?"
as they argued, one of the girls rose back up, knife in hand, and hurtled the blade towards the rook.
"Gahh!" Blood spurted as the edge embedded itself into his abdomen, "OH GOD THAT BITCH IS CRAZY!"
shitting his pants, the inspector raised his handgun and fired into her chest.
None of the bullets hit their mark, as she dodged each bullet with superhuman speed and caught the last one between her teeth.
The rook crawled into a fetal position, screaming obscenities as blood seeped from the wound.
"Hang on stay with me man!" He fired several more rounds towards her, but to no avail.
Without warning, she instantly closed the 7 feet distance between them and roundhoused him in the face after doing a 360 backflip 10 feet in the air.
The inspector managed to stay on his feet long enough to be bitch slapped off the ledge.
Hanging on for dear life, he saw his life flash before his eyes. His only trip to chuck e cheese. That trip sucked.
As she came up to deliver the death blow, he saw a knife petrude from her chest,
"Gotcha hoe" the rook proceeded to kick her off the ledge king Leonidus style and scream "SPARTA!"
and that is what happened that fateful day.
The rook was granted a congressional medal of honor for killing a bio terrorist and the inspector is now living a life of a pimp in new Jersey.
The END