The title is inspired by Van Halen. If you like what you read, I'll post more and may carry this over to . Reviews = love and fuel my inspiration.

Rating: NC-17 (with some creamy fluff filled centers)

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, its characters, the town of Lima, Ohio, Chris Colfer, Darren Criss in his underwear, magical beanstalks, Ryan Murphy's yellow hat, Will's sweater vests, etc. I am also not affiliated with RIB, Fox, etc. I just write smut…smutty, smut smut. This is my first attempt at fan fiction…EVER…so please go easy on me.

Stephanie (lionphantom), this is for you

Chapter 1: Coffee Beans and Teenage Dreams

There was no question in his mind as he pulled into the parking lot of William McKinley High: Kurt Hummel's senior year was one to be one of the best years of his life. Little did he know just how good it was going to be. Three weeks into the school year on a fine Friday morning, Kurt pulled into his usual space, grabbed his satchel, and headed into the school.

Walking a little faster than usual in the hallway, he prayed that he wouldn't be late for class. It was 7:55am and though the non-fat mocha and pumpkin spice muffin sitting in his stomach felt great, he was beginning to wonder if that quick trip to The Lima Bean was worth being tardy for class.

Just as the clock struck 7:58am, the countertenor waltzed into the Honors English classroom and grabbed a seat next to his best friend, Mercedes. Though the room was filled with students chattering well above an acceptable decibel level, there was one important person missing, Mrs. Beckman.

Settling in and arranging his notebook, Kurt took a quick glance around. "'Cedes, where's-" the boy asked, gesturing to the front of the classroom where Mrs. Beckman was usually seated. Never before had he known of this woman being late. Out of all of the teachers at McKinley, she ran the tightest ship, accepting no excuses and offering no exceptions. Suddenly, it dawned on him. Mrs. Beckman had gotten pregnant late in the previous year and was nearing her due date.

"I don't have a clue," said Mercedes. "We're all guessing that she finally popped. You saw her yesterday. She looked like she was smuggling a Christmas turkey under her shirt. That kid is bound to be huge."

Kurt snickered at the thought before nodding in agreement. He hadn't considered that she might have given birth. "Should I go get Figgins?" someone offered from the back. Without missing a beat, a plethora of mixed voices exclaimed various phrases and a few obscenities questioning the student in question's sanity.

Grabbing at the small compact mirror Mercedes was using to apply her gloss, Kurt casually picked it up and checked his hair. "So…what do you propose we do now?" he asked, lightly pushing a stray back into place. The diva grinned. "Are you for real? Two words: Free day, baby."

Before he could utter another word, Kurt lost all ability to speak when someone entered the classroom. "Who the hell is this?" Mercedes muttered. The dark haired gentleman who had entered the room haphazardly put his satchel on the desk and grabbed a dry erase marker from the board. Scribbling something down, he turned to address the class in an effort to silence their whispers.

"A lot of you may be wondering where Mrs. Beckman is. I am pleased to tell you that Mrs. Beckman and her husband welcomed a baby girl at 4:30 this morning." As the man continued to speak, Kurt found himself completely lost in what he was saying. He wasn't sure if it was the glasses the man wore or his semi-disheveled mop top, but whatever the case, Kurt couldn't take his eyes off of him. Shaking out of his trance quickly, he tuned back in to what the dark stranger had to say.

"Seeing that she most likely will not be returning this school year, I am her replacement," said the dark stranger, pointing to his name on the board. "I am Blaine Anderson. You may call me Mr. Anderson, Kimosabe, Butch Cassidy, Russell Brand…I really don't care as long as it has mister in front of it and is still considered to be respectable in all cultures."

Mercedes snickered as she leaned over to say something to Kurt, but he didn't hear a word she said. By now, the countertenor was propped up on his elbow in efforts to keep his jaw from hitting the desk. As new teacher briefly turned around once more to write something else on the board, it was everything the boy could do not to drool. "How is it possible for a teacher to look like…THAT?" he wondered. "and…why would he wear jeans that show off his best...asset…to-to school?"

Suddenly, he felt a tickling in his ear. "See something you like?" whispered Mercedes. "He's pretty cute, huh?" Kurt turned to her, biting his lip. His cheeks had become so flushed that there was no real need to answer the question, seeing that his response was written all over his face."

As the dapper teacher continued writing, a bout of giggles came from the back of the classroom just in time for him to be struck in the back with a ball of wadded up paper. Placing the marker on his desk, he bent over and picked it up. After opening it and briefly reading its contents, he half stifled a laugh and read it aloud.

"You Suck." The room became deathly silent as they waited for his reaction. "Got me on this one. I do kind of suck as a person to you, but I guess that's just something that comes with the territory, huh?" He smiled as he wadded the ball into its original form and dunked it into the trash bin by the door. As he picked up the marker and began to continue where he left off, he stopped and turned halfway around. "By the way…we've discussed this. You're a minor and the answer is no."

With a grin plastered across his face, the charming teacher carried on with his introduction. Kurt was both thoroughly impressed and taken by the older man's sheer beauty. While he hadn't really given a damn about Honors English before, he was ready to work his ass off, or someone else's, for an easy A.