Title: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG: The Owner's Guide and Manual

Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog or any of the characters mentioned, nor do I own this writing style. This type of style belongs to Theresa Green.

Summary: Congrats! You just purchased and received the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG unit! Now, before you maim the crate where your new unit is currently located, this manual is provided to ensure that you unlock your unit's full potential...

A/N:...I'm just surprised no one ever thought of this idea this for this archive! =D

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG: The Owner's Guide and Manual

Congrats! You just received your SONIC THE HEDGEHOG unit! This manual is provided to ensure that you unlock your unit's full potential...And that you don't end up in jail. PLEASE READ BEFORE OPENING.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Sonic the Hedgehog. Will also answer to "The Blue Blur", "Speed Demon", "The Fastest Thing Alive", "Sonniku", and negatively to "Faker" and "Little Blue Rat".

Age: 15

Height: 3 ft, 3 inches

Weight: 77 lbs.

Place of Manufacture: Christmas Island

Your SONIC THE HEDGEHOG unit comes with the following items:

Three pairs of white gloves

Three pairs of red-and-white sneakers

One CHAOS EMERALD (blue)

One set of DJ equipment

Programming:

Your unit is programmed with the following abilities:

TRACK STAR: Your SONIC THE HEDGEHOG unit has Supersonic running speed, enabling to run faster than the speed of sound, hence the nickname(s). Need to shut up the twerp that brags about his speed? No problem! Just have SONIC compete in against him, and you'll have that brat eating his own words!

DISC JOCKEY (DJ): Need some quick cash? No problem! The SONIC unit plays some wicked tunes! Just find him some gigs, and he'll turn the dullest of parties into the ultimate party of the century!

BODYGUARD: Just because he's small, doesn't mean he's weak! SONIC is able to beat enemies 3 times his size! If he genuinely likes you, he'll defend you with his life.

Removal of your SONIC THE HEDGEHOG unit from packaging:

Although it's highly unlikely that he'll get mad at you if you unpack him properly, here is a list of ways to wake SONIC up and reprogram him:

1. Yell in your fan-girlish (that goes for the boys as well!) voice "SONNIKU!" The box will start shaking, your unit trying to escape, and after you remove the front of the crate, the SONIC unit will let out a sigh of relief that you're not an AMY ROSE unit and will introduce himself. It is safe to reprogram him then.

2. Cook up a couple chili dogs and once they are done, place the chili dogs close to the crate and try to waft the smell towards the box. Be sure to be far away as possible to avoid any injuries as your unit breaks out of the box to eat the chili dogs. While SONIC is inhaling them, you can reprogram him.

3. Play a clip of EGGMAN laughing evilly near the crate. The SONIC unit will yell out "EGGMAN!", and bolt out of the crate, in fighting position, ready for action. Be sure to be away from the crate to avoid shards of wood penetrating your body. Once the SONIC unit realizes that the EGGMAN unit is nowhere in sight (unless you have him), you can introduce yourself and reprogram him.

4. If you believe that you can open the box without him getting mad/annoyed, just remove the front of the crate and wake him up gently. After the introductions, you can reprogram him.

Reprogramming:

After removing the SONIC unit from the box, you reprogram him to the following modes:

Cocky and Upbeat (default)

Scared

Serious

Dark (locked)

Super (locked)

Out-of-Character (OOC) (locked)

Your SONIC unit comes in his default mode, Cocky and Upbeat, where he's happy and optimistic and will cheer anyone up when they're in a slump, but he's a bit brash and overconfident, which sometimes leads to his downfall. Your unit may break-dance randomly while in this mode.

The Scared mode is activated when your SONIC unit is within range with an AMY ROSE unit in her Angry mode. Your unit will try to run away from the AMY unit to avoid being pummeled by her Piko-Piko Hammer. Also, if the SONIC unit is near any body of water, it will put him into Scared mode.

Serious mode is activated when the SONIC unit is dealing with sensitive subjects, such as the SHADOW unit's tragic past, or in times of crisis, like the BLACK ARMS invasion.

Dark mode is unlocked when the SONIC unit learns about a tragic event, such as the death of TAILS unit or the rape of an AMY ROSE unit. He'll then go into DARK SONIC and will destroy anyone that was involved. It's best to keep this mode locked.

Super mode can only be unlocked when you collect all 7 CHAOS EMERALDS, which they can be found on six other certain units. Once you collect them all, the SONIC unit will then go into SUPER SONIC. While in this mode, your unit's abilities are enhanced, can fly, and has use of Chaos abilities. This only lasts for awhile, an hour at the most, and the CHAOS EMERALDS will scatter around your neighborhood, once time is up.

Out-of-Character (OOC) mode is unlocked through various methods, such as depriving the SONIC unit sleep and many others. His personality will change, depending on how you treat him, for example, the SONIC unit will be an arrogant, cruel jerk that doesn't care about anyone but himself, if you keep on spoiling him and boosting his ego, or he'll be very submissive and pathetic if you abuse your SONIC unit harshly.

Relationships with other units:

MILES "TAILS" PROWER: These two are best friends and share a very close brotherly bond. The TAILS unit can invent machines that can help the SONIC unit, and he SONIC unit cares about the TAILS unit a lot, and is willing to do anything to help and protect him.

KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA: The SONIC unit happens to be good friends, despite the SONIC unit's constant teasing at the KNUCKLES unit. The two share a friendly rivalry that can sometimes turn not so friendly.

AMY ROSE: The unit's fangirl, this unit believes that she is the girlfriend of the SONIC unit. SONIC doesn't return her feelings, and often tries to escape her affections when the AMY unit is in her Fangirl mode. When that happens, the AMY unit will go into her Angry mode, causing the SONIC unit to go into his Scared mood and run away. Other than that, the two units get along well.

SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG: Having similar appearances and abilities, the SONIC unit and the SHADOW unit are arch-rivals. The two units often compete to see who's the better hedgehog. While the SHADOW unit sees the SONIC unit as nuisance, the SONIC unit thinks of SHADOW as a friend and a great challenge.

BLAZE THE CAT: The SONIC unit enjoys this unit's company and vice versa, since the SONIC unit managed to change the BLAZE'S unit view of herself and her pyrokinesis.

DR. EGGMAN: The EGGMAN unit hates the SONIC unit, who destroys his numerous, evil plans to take over the world. Despite not getting along, the EGGMAN unit sometimes join SONIC'S side to destroy bigger threats, such as the BLACK DOOM unit.

Cleaning

Your SONIC unit has hydrophobia, or a fear of water, so getting him to take a bath is very tricky. A few ways to get the SONIC unit to take a bath are knocking him out to bathe him, or holding your unit's hand while bathing him, which is adorable actually. Threatening him with an Angry AMY ROSE unit works too.

Feeding

Although your SONIC unit prefers chili dogs, he'll eat almost anything you cook him and can feed himself.

Sleep

Your SONIC unit has have at least 8 hours of sleep, in order to perform his best.

F.A.Q

Q: I want my unit to have a romantic relationship with (insert-name-of-female-unit here) but every time I try, nothing happens!

A: In order to establish a relation with a female unit, you'll have to lock the female unit of your preference and your SONIC unit in a room for a few hours. That should work most of the time.

Q: I'm a slash/yaoi fan and I want my SONIC unit to have a romantic relationship with (insert-name-of-male-unit here), but my efforts are fruitless! What should I do?

A: The solution is almost the same as the first question, but you need to have both male units in their OOC mode, and lock them in a room filled with alcohol, which unlocks their hidden Slash/Yaoi mode. You should get the results you want.

Troubleshooting

Problem: Instead of receiving a blue, cocky SONIC unit, you've received an ebony and crimson hedgehog, who only glares at your direction and doesn't talk to you at all.

Solution: Sorry! We accidently sent you a SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG unit instead. This unit is more serious and lethal than the upbeat, carefree SONIC unit, and easier to upset. This unit also attracts a lot of fan girls as well. If you want your SONIC unit, ship back the SHADOW unit to our address, located on the top right corner of the crate, and we'll immediately send your SONIC unit, free of charge.

Problem: You received your SONIC unit but for some reason, he has a guitar-shaped medallion that transform into a guitar that shoots lasers, and he calls for two people called "Sonia" and "Manic". He doesn't recognize the TAILS unit as well.

Solution: Our apologies, we seemed to have sent you a SONIC unit, SONIC UNDERGROUND version. In this version, the SONIC unit believes that he is the prince of MOBIUS and that he has two siblings named MANIC and SONIA, who are also his bandmates. This version of the SONIC unit uses the guitar as a weapon against enemies, such as the DR. ROBOTNIK unit, an entirely different unit from the EGGMAN unit. If you want your normal version of the SONIC unit, just ship the SONIC unit, SONIC UNDERGROUND version, back to us, and we'll immediately send the normal version, free of charge.

Last Notes

With tender, loving care, the SONIC unit will be the greatest companion you'll ever have. We hope you have a wonderful time him!

In dedication to Charge the Cat and Sniper the Hedgehog, who are like brothers to me.

A/N: So what did you think? If you like this, please send a PM on whom to do next.