I'm still here!

Also this chapter is half in the present and half in the 10 days or so before they are rescued. It's probably pretty obvious but I thought I'd just stick this up here.

Thanks to ehekic on tumblr for looking this over for me.

September 2011

Brittany stood at the door and watched Santana's face through the window of her mom's car as the car drove away. When they were completely out of sight Brittany let herself slide down to the ground, onto the front step of the porch.

She sat there for a long time- she wasn't sure how long it was but it felt like a while- and she didn't move when she heard her dad say lunch was ready. She didn't move when the air grew hotter and hotter and her skin grew tighter and more uncomfortable. She didn't even turn her head when someone sat on the step next to her.

'Do you want to come in?' Brittany shook her head, just a little, and she breathed a sigh of relief when her mom nodded, stood up and left her alone.

It wasn't that she thought Santana was going to be back anytime soon. It had been pretty obvious that they were going to be going away for a while.

(Longer than she could bear, probably)

There was just something unbelievably comforting about staying in the last place where Santana was, and she just didn't want to leave.

Sometime later, when the sun had started to sink away and the hot ground beneath her feet had cooled down a little, her mom came back out and sat next to her again. She didn't say anything this time; instead she put something from a bottle onto her hands and spread it over Brittany's exposed back and shoulders. Brittany bit back a hiss as her skin flared hot for a second before a blissful cooling spread through her skin, and it was only then that she realized how red and sore her skin was.

'Here,' her mom said. She pressed the bottle into Brittany's hands. 'Do your face.'

Brittany mechanically spread the lotion on her face and sighed as she felt better.

'Do you want to come in?' Her mom asked.

She opened her mouth automatically to say no, but.

Why not.

There wasn't anything to hold onto by being here. Santana was gone

(had left her)

And she had been sitting outside for so long that she had started to hurt. Her skin hurt, her butt hurt, her heart hurt. She just wanted to be somewhere cool and safe and comfortable.

She stood up, and her mom blinked at her, surprised, like she hadn't actually thought Brittany would come in with her.

'Come and have something to eat,' she suggested, and Brittany followed her inside, into the kitchen. There wasn't anyone in there, but she could hear noises from the living room. She sat down by the table and watched as her mom pulled a few dishes down from the cupboards.

'Dinner's ready,' she said, eventually, when everything was ready. Brittany nodded, stood up, and they walked into the dining room together. Everyone was already sitting down and waiting for them, even her oldest sister, Katie, who she had barely seen since she had got back. Brittany gave her a timid smile and the knot in her chest loosened a tiny bit when Katie smiled at her across the table.

'Hi,' she said, too loudly.

'Hi, Brittany.' Her dad said. 'Hungry?' She wasn't, but she took her usual seat anyway. Her hand automatically reached out to the empty chair next to her and when it didn't touch anything she lowered it quickly before anyone could see.

Louise passed her a plate of bread rolls and Brittany took one and covered it in butter, mostly to give her hands something to do.

She didn't realize that she had completely zoned out of the conversation until something touched her arm. She jumped in her seat.

'Brittany? Are you okay?' Her dad still had a hand on her arm. She squirmed uneasily.

'I'm fine,' she said. She took a bigger bite of her roll to make it look like she was actually eating.

Her dad nodded and sat back, but she could still feel him watching her, worried. For her.

It was still so, so weird to feel someone who wasn't Santana worry for her and ask her things like how she was and if she was eating enough. It was fine, most of the time, because Brittany liked (loved) her family, and she knew them taking care of her was their way of saying they loved her too.

But their love wasn't what she needed, right now. What she needed had left her for a place she couldn't even picture, and pale imitations weren't going to do anything but make her sadder. She took a deep breath to force down the tears that were threatening to spill over and she reached for the bowl of pasta in the middle of the table.

She had only just picked up the serving spoon when something began to ring very loudly, very near her. She dropped the spoon in surprise. It only took her a second to realize that the ringing was coming from her shirt pocket, and she reached in and pulled out the phone Santana had given her.

This phone didn't look anything like her mom's phone which was the only one she had used before, and she didn't have any idea how to pick up the call. It started to ring louder and she was starting to panic because this was Santana calling, it had to be, and she was going to miss it.

Louise reached over the table, pulled the phone out of her hands and pressed a button.

'Here,' she said, handing the phone back. Brittany took it quickly and pressed it to her ear.

'Santana,' she said, half breathlessly, hopefully. It could only be her, right?

'Hi, Britt,' Santana said. She sounded tired.

Now that she knew she wasn't going to miss the call Brittany became more keenly aware of the fact that she wasn't alone.

'Hi,' she said. 'We're having dinner,' she added, just for something to say. Only that sounded really dumb, because her parents and sisters were clearly listening and they already knew they were having dinner.

'I-' she stopped. It was a million times harder to think of things to say when she felt like everyone was listening.

She stood up silently, tangling her feet on the legs of the chair and staggering to her feet.

'I'm going to-' her mom waved her away.

'It's okay,' she said. Brittany walked out and into the dark living room. She sighed in relief as soon as she was alone.

'Britt?' Santana said, and she realized she hadn't said anything in a while.

'Hi,' she said again, smiling, just a little because now it was just her and Santana... well, Santana's voice. She pressed the phone harder to her ear.

'I miss you,' she said, and she bit her lip immediately after. She hadn't wanted to say that. 'What's your abuela's house like,' she said quickly.

Santana didn't say anything right away, and Brittany listened to her breathing as she waited for her to decide whether she wanted to let Brittany change the subject.

'It's nice,' Santana said. Brittany let out a breath and settled down to listen to Santana haltingly describe her abuela's house, which was painted yellow. She had dogs, too, and one of them barked at Santana whenever she was near it.

Brittany closed her eyes so she could concentrate better, and she let herself imagine that Santana was sitting right next to her, smiling and waving her hands around like she did sometimes when she was excited.

'Britt? Are you there?'

'Yes,' she said automatically. She shook her head a little to clear it, and the Santana she had made up to keep her company in the dark room disappeared and left her alone.

'I got sunburned,' she said, because it was her turn to talk and she didn't want it to get quiet. Santana made a sympathetic noise.

'I'm sorry, baby,' Santana said. She started to say something else, but Brittany could hear talking and scuffling at the end of the line, and she could hear Santana talking to someone else. She waited, peering around the dark room and watching the shadows on the wall until Santana's voice came back.

'I have to go, Brittany,' Santana said. She sounded sorry and sad, which didn't make Brittany feel any better.

''kay,' she said.

'I can call you again tonight,' Santana offered.

Brittany wasn't sure if she wanted another phone call full of stammered sentences and wishing for things and trying so hard not to let Santana see how sad she was. It was exhausting. She was exhausted. She wanted to sleep.

Santana must have read something she didn't like in Brittany's silence because she cleared her throat nervously.

'Or, I could call you tomorrow, if you're tired,' Santana said.

'Yeah,' Brittany said faintly.

'I'm going to... I have to go,' Santana said. 'I love you. So much. I'll be back soon.'

'I love you, too,' Brittany said.'

'I'll be back soon,' Santana repeated. 'I love you.'

The phone beeped and Brittany knew the she was gone.

She didn't stand up immediately. She sat in the dark and closed her eyes and waited until the lump in her throat dissolved before standing up and going back to take her place at the table.

Brittany put off going to bed for as long as possible, but when everyone else had gone upstairs and she was the only person left she dragged herself upstairs. She brushed her teeth and spent a little while staring at her bed before crawling in.

She had never thought about how big the bed was before, but she spent her time stretching all the way to the corners with her hands and feet, shivering a little at the coolness of the sheets on her skin. It was too hard to sleep this way, because she couldn't remember the last time she had slept alone, so she curled up into a ball and hugged herself tight.

She hadn't thought she would be able to sleep, but it didn't take long until she felt herself begin to drift off.

July 2011

It was the time of year where the sun burned so hot that it burned her lips before the sun was high in the sky, when the birds lay limp against their branches and the air in her lungs felt too heavy to move.

It was that time when everything that used to hang ripe and ready on the branches, waiting to be picked withered and cracked and burst, useless on the earth.

Brittany and Santana learned how to see this time coming long ago, and they had always been careful to make sure to keep enough aside to stop from starving until the rains came. Because they were always, always only a whisper ahead of the forever blackness that Brittany imagined that Will was stuck in, all the time.

But today was a special day, and Brittany didn't want to dwell on bad things. Today was a special day, and she stayed wrapped around a still-sleeping Santana instead of going out to check on the fishnets, like usual.

Only she had forgotten how long Santana could sleep, if she was left alone, and it didn't take long for Brittany to get impatient.

Brittany ran a hand up and down Santana's arm, again and again until she began to fidget.

'Santana, wake up,' she said softly. She moved away a little so she could watch Santana's face twitch and furrow as she tried to go back to sleep. 'Come on,' she said. Santana just made a noise and tried to burrow into the covers.

'Santana,' Brittany said, half whining. 'Get up.' She moved her hand around to the back of Santana's neck and rubbed her thumb at her hairline. Santana squirmed and huffed a little at the touch, and finally cracked her eyes open.

'You're mean,' Santana said. Her husky sleep-voice took the edge off her words and Brittany smiled.

''And you're really cute,' she replied. Santana really did look very sweet in the mornings; she was all confusion and bleary eyes and sleepy smiles. Santana's cheeks flushed, and Brittany leaned in and kissed her cheek, lightly.

They were going to go on their first ever full exploration of the island. Brittany was pretty sure that they had seen a lot of it already, but it was too big to see all in one day, and neither of them had felt comfortable straying far enough away from home to see the rest.

But a couple of nights ago Brittany managed to convince Santana that this was the time to go exploring. Santana hadn't wanted to- she had wanted to stay where she knew it was safe, where things were predictable, but Brittany had wanted to go so badly.

She wasn't even sure she could say why out loud, she just knew that the idea that there was a part of the world that they could explore, and they hadn't, drove her crazy.

She managed to communicate the gist of her feelings to Santana, after some roundabout sentences and frustrated stops, and in the end Santana had nodded, cuddled closer so she could kiss Brittany on the cheek and asked when Brittany wanted to leave.

They had spent the last couple of days packing and repacking and making sure that they could have everything they could possibly need- which wasn't much, mostly whatever food they thought would keep the longest and a few tools and warm stuff.

Brittany did a few last minute checks to make sure everything was still there while Santana went to find them something to eat, and it wasn't long before they were ready to go.

The first part of the route was simple: through the forest that Brittany could navigate with her eyes closed, until they got to the cliffs where Will had died. From there hopefully they could stick close to the shore and use it as a marker to make sure they went all the way around the edge of the island.

Soon the trees began to thin out completely and they were at the stream that was bordered by the bushes with the little white flowers. The stream had shrunk to barely a trickle, and Brittany eyed the dry rocks worriedly as they walked past it.

And after that was the rocky plain with the sheer drop to one side and the plane still wedged into the side of the cliff face, just barely visible from where she was standing. If she moved forward just a little she would be able to see the cliff where Will was. If she moved just a little that way she would be able to peer over the edge and see...

'Come on, honey,' Santana said softly, tugging on her arm. Brittany turned and blinked and looked at Santana in surprise. Santana never called her that, because she had told her long ago that that was what her mom had called her, sometimes. Santana gave her a weak smile.

'Good idea,' she said. She tightened her grip on Santana's hand and pulled her away. They walked on, parallel to the water until the cliffs disappeared and the beach-rockier and steeper than what they were used to- appeared again.

The day wore on and the sun sank behind the rocks and the temperature began to drop.

'Almost there,' Brittany said, and sure enough they were in sight of the caves before too long.

The system of caves that started almost at the waterline and extended a little way into the forest marked the furthest they had ever come in this direction. They had both agreed (Santana because she wanted to stay close to familiar things for as long as possible, and Brittany because she wanted to stretch their adventure out as long as she could) that they would spend the night at the caves and move on the next day.

Tomorrow when they set out it would be for a new place for the first time ever. Brittany couldn't stop herself from grinning at the idea.

'What is it?' Santana asked. She dumped her pack on the ground where she was standing flopped to the ground, and closed her eyes.

'Nothing,' Brittany said. 'Thank you for coming with me.' Santana cracked her eyes open and shot her a quizzical smile.

'Where else was I going to be?'

September 2011

Brittany had never really considered before how much of herself she had given to Santana, and she could never have predicted how weak and unfinished she would feel when Santana left.

It made the next four days some of the hardest of her life, because she couldn't figure out where she was supposed to put all the sad until it went away.

Santana tried her hardest to call, and make sure Brittany never thought that Santana had forgotten about her, but her hanging up only reminded Brittany just how tenuous the link between the two of them was, now.

(What would happen if she phone broke)

The one thing that made it bearable was the obvious strain and worry in Santana's voice when they talked on the phone. Brittany (selfishly) was comforted at the idea that Santana was hurting the same way Brittany was, that Brittany held the same part of Santana that she was missing now.

On the morning of the fifth day after Santana had left Brittany went downstairs to find everyone else seated around the kitchen table.

It was pretty unusual to have everyone still at home in the morning. Katie was always gone before Brittany was up and her mom had been gone more and more. She slid into an empty seat and looked around to see if she could figure out what was going on.

'I was thinking we should do something today,' her dad said. 'The five of us. As a family.'

'Like what?'

'We were thinking about a day out at a very nice beach that's not too far from here. What do you think?'

Brittany wasn't sure that she wanted to go to the beach, but it wasn't like she had any other ideas.

'Um,' she said, when she realized everyone was waiting for her answer. 'Okay.'

'Leave in an hour, then,' he said, smiling, and everyone left to go get ready. Brittany wasn't completely sure what kind of clothes she was supposed to wear to the beach, but everyone had already disappeared and she didn't want to run after them and ask.

She would just choose for herself, then. She liked choosing clothes.

In the end she settled for a yellow shirt with a red flower right in the middle and a pair of shorts. She added a old set of bracelets she had found in one of the desk drawers- she kind of vaguely remembered having them before she but she hadn't remembered them being so tight- and a pink butterfly clip Louise had given her.

Her phone rang just as her mom poked her head around the door to tell her that everyone was ready to go. She gave her mom a quick nod to let her know she heard her and picked up the phone.

'Brittany?'

'Hi, Santana.' She sat on the bed. Talking on the phone had gotten a lot easier, with practice. It still made Brittany feel on edge and uncomfortable, like she was missing out on half the conversation, but it wasn't as hard to talk anymore.

'Is your abuela taking you anywhere today?' Santana's abuela had apparently decided that the easiest way to get Santana used to being back was to take her to all the family and friends and places she used to take her when she was younger. It didn't seem to be having much effect except making Santana tired and overwhelmed whenever they talked.

A good tired, though. Tired like Brittany got

(used to get)

after a whole day of doing something hard and good.

'Nothing. We might see some other family, or something.' She sounded nervous. Brittany remembered the stories Santana used to tell her about big, loud gatherings that lasted the whole day and well into the night, and she felt a twinge of worry.

(For her. Always for her).

'But what are you doing, Britt?' She hesitated, because she wanted Santana to tell her about the family she was seeing and where they were and what she thought of them, but Santana clearly didn't want to talk about it

'We're going to the beach today,' she said.

'Oh,' Santana said happily, the thank you clear in her voice. 'That sounds fun.'

'I think it will be,' she agreed, picking at a loose thread on her shirt.

She heard her mom calling her from downstairs.

'I have to go,' she said into the phone.

'Okay,' Santana said. 'Watch the water,' she added.

'I will. Bye,' Brittany said.

'Bye,' Santana said.

They both stayed on the line until Brittany's mom came down to tell her that everyone was ready and waiting in the car. When they finally hung up Brittany carefully tucked the phone into her pocket, rummaged through the pile of clothes that Santana had left behind and pulled one- a faded green sleeveless shirt- over the clothes she was already wearing before heading downstairs.

The car they took was big and imposing, with tinted windows that hid them from curious glances and the few bored reporters that still watched the street, but as soon as they left the city and onto the quiet roads that wound around the cliffs the windows went down all the way.

When her mom stopped the car they all got out and walked down the beach, to a quiet, secluded looking stretch. Brittany looked back. She couldn't even see the road from here.

As soon as they had dumped their stuff – mostly picnic blankets and food- down on the sand Katie and Louise ran off into the surf. Brittany stayed where she was, trying to process the feel of sand under her feet after such a long time.

'Why don't you go and join them?' her dad suggested. Brittan looked over to where her sisters were standing in the surf, dragging their fingers in the water and talking quietly. She shook her head. 'Oh, go on,' he said, nudging her shoulder. She dug her toes into the sand.

'No, dad,' she said, harsher than she had meant to. He pulled his hand away, and Brittany winced at the hurt look on his face.

'Sorry,' she murmured. 'I just don't to bug them.'

'You won't be bothering them,' he promised, but Brittany just shrugged and sat down on the sand. He looked at her for another couple of seconds before sighing and sitting down next to her.

'I just want to say here,' she said. She closed her eyes and breathed, in. The beach smelled so incredibly familiar, and all she had to do was close her eyes and she was back on their island.

Except everything about this beach was different; the sand, the smell of the wind, the distant sounds of the cars passing on the highway.

'I've changed my mind,' she said. 'I'm gonna go in the water.' She stood up without waiting for her dad's answer and waded into the surf. She shivered at the cold –how had she forgotten how cold the ocean would be?- but she didn't stop until she got to where Katie and Louise were standing. She stopped a little way away from them because it looked like they were talking about something kinda important and she didn't want to barge in.

She wondered if this was what her family felt like when they saw her and Santana together.

'Oh, hey Brittany,' Louise said. 'Finally come to cool off?'

'Sorry- I didn't mean to interrupt-'

'Oh, no, you didn't,' Louise said.

'What were you doing?' She asked.

'Nothing much,' Katie said, smiling mysteriously, and suddenly Brittany was the five year old who crept into her sisters' rooms to sit on the floor and listen to their talk about things she could only half understand.

A particularly big wave whipped up and smacked her in the chest, and she shivered at the sudden cold. She wrapped her arms around herself to try to keep warm.

'I thought you'd be used to that,' Louise said, and she winced Katie elbowed her in the side. 'Ow,' she muttered. 'What? Can't we talk about it?'

Brittany shrugged. 'It's not really the same.'

July 2011

Brittany woke up first the next morning, as usual, much more rested than she was usually.

The caves turned out to be a much more comfortable place to sleep than the beach, and Brittany wondered – not for the first time- why they didn't sleep here more. It was so much nicer to sleep in a place where she didn't have to worry about having sand thrown in her face or an extra strong wave soaking them while they were sleeping.

Still, there was something immeasurably comforting about the beach, a familiarity that she found herself missing badly, even here in the caves, where everything was cool and calm and they were not open to the elements.

The beach was where they built their home, where she and Santana (and Will, when he was around) took care of each other.

Santana stirred, interrupting her thinking, and Brittany sat up and started to root through their bags to find them something to eat. She shook Santana awake gently when she found some berries and a couple of mangoes.

Santana sat up and leant tiredly against Brittany, murmuring thanks as she took the food from Brittany.

'I think we should leave soon,' Brittany said. 'We don't know how far we have to go and I want to find somewhere nice to stay before it gets dark.'

'Okay,' Santana said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

It didn't take them long to pack up and leave, and they left while it was still cool.

They walked in silence for a while, staying near the tree line and keeping the ocean in sight to make sure they were heading the right way. But soon the coast became steeper and the rocks crumblier and less stable, and she and Santana were forced to walk in the trees, out of sight of the water.

Santana plodded along beside her quietly but Brittany could see her peering around, alert for any sign of danger- what she was looking for, Brittany wasn't sure, but she could feel the anxiety rolling off her in waves whenever they heard an unfamiliar noise.

Later- Brittany wasn't sure when it was but it wasn't long after they had stopped to eat and take a break when the sun was hottest- they walked into some kind of vine with little barbs that dug into their skin and hair and kept them trapped for a while.

When they finally fought their way free they collapsed to the ground, exhausted. Brittany concentrated on trying to pick the last of the barbs out of her skin while Santana lay back and threw her arm over her eyes.

When Brittany was done she leaned over to Santana and touched her arm to get her attention. Santana only grunted, and Brittany pulled her arm away from her face.

'Sorry,' Brittany said.

'What for?' Santana muttered. Her eyes were closed, and she had a little frown line right between her eyebrows.

'I'm sorry I made you come with me. I know you didn't want to.'

Santana was a worrier. She always had been. She worried about food, about injury, about things Brittany wouldn't even have considered. Brittany knew that Santana had been scared to come with her because it would be a whole new environment with a million new things that she couldn't control. But she had come with her anyway, because Brittany had asked. Because Brittany couldn't stop thinking about what else there was to see, if this island was all they had in their world.

'It's okay,' Santana murmured.

'If you want to go back-'

'No,' Santana said. 'No, there's no point. We've come all this way already.' Santana sat up.

'I'm sorry,' Brittany murmured, suddenly overwhelmed by guilt. She hadn't thought it would be this hard, or different.

(But what was she looking for, if not something different?)

'You don't have anything to be sorry for,' Santana said firmly. 'I said I would come with you.' Santana stood up and held an arm out to Brittany. 'We should get going.'

Brittany let Santana help her to the feet, but she hesitated, still unsure. Santana tightened her fingers around Brittany's and tugged her forward, gently. 'Come on, Britt,' Santana said gently, and Brittany let Santana lead her forward.

They stopped for the night as close to the crashing coastline as they dared. They both felt safer in the forest, spotty as it was, but the coast had stars, and light.

Brittany leaned against an outcropping rock, and she waited until Santana crawled into her arms before she wrapped a blanket around them.

Brittany felt her eyes start to droop almost as soon as she was comfortable, and it didn't take long before her exhaustion and the soothing sound of Santana's slow breathing sent her to sleep.

September 2011

Santana called again just as they got home from the beach. Brittany wasn't expecting it at all, because Santana usually called her when it was late and Brittany was about to go to bed. She scrambled to find her phone in the small bag she had taken with her she picked it up as soon as she could.

'Santana?' She snuck a look backwards to make sure that everyone else was still near the car and walked into the kitchen.

'Hi, sweetie,' Santana said. She sounded kind of stuffy.

There was the sound of footsteps at the door and Brittany heard someone go into the living room and turn the TV on. She covered the ear that didn't have the phone pressed to it with her hand.

'I miss you,' Santana said quietly. There was a new layer to her voice, a halting softness that hadn't been there even when she begged Brittany to forgive her for leaving.

'Santana, what's wrong?' Santana didn't say anything. Brittany imagined her curled in a quiet corner, eyes closed and lids trembling with the effort of keeping them shut.

'Brittany?' She jumped as someone called her name from the other room.

'Santana, talk to me.' There was a rough, ragged breath on the other end of the line, but no words. 'Don't do this,' she said. She wanted it to come out stern but she just sounded scared instead.

'Brittany!' She closed her eyes to block out whoever was trying to call her from the other room.

'Was it your family?' A small sob down the phone confirmed her guess. 'What happened?'

'We're not wrong, Brittany,' Santana said. Her voice was thick through her tears. Brittany frowned in confusion.

'Of course we're not,' she said. 'What do you mean? Who said that?'

'I can't remember their names,' Santana said. 'I think they were my abuela's friends.'

Louise barged into the kitchen.

'I've been calling your name for ages! Why aren't you answering?'

'Because I'm busy,' she hissed.

'Come with me, now, Louise said. She grabbed onto Brittany's hand and dragged her into the living room.

'... and they said we were unnatural but we just didn't know any better.' Santana didn't sound angry anymore; she just sounded mad. 'Brittany? Are you there?'

Brittany had stopped talking because right there in front of her, in glorious colour on the TV, was the unmistakable outline of the island.

'What's happening,' she said faintly. Louise unmuted the TV and the words of the shiny blonde man on the TV blared out.

'...Our investigative reporters have spent the last month or so tracking down the island where the Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce, or the Lost Girls, as they have been dubbed, spent the last twelve years of their lives.'

'There is absolutely no indication of any kind of modern comfort, and it is absolutely incredible that these two girls managed to survive this long.' He stopped to give the camera a dazzling smile.

The scene changed and their house appeared in the shot. The same reporter was standing right next to it, poking at the wood and pulling at the vines Brittany had so carefully arranged to make it look pretty. He shot the camera another smile and disappeared into the house. Her throat closed up at the idea of a stranger inside their home, touching and taking things she had made for Santana, or with Santana.

She pushed down a knot of anger and tried to concentrate on Santana, who must have realized that something was happening a while ago.

'Don't listen to them, she said to her. 'Don't talk to them. If you see them coming near you just walk away.'

'I can't just-'

'Yes you can,' she said. 'You can.' The man on TV gathered one of their fishing nets in his hands and made a clumsy throw into the water. She looked away. 'Santana, you're not wrong. You're the most right and perfect thing in the world. So don't listen to them. Just walk away.'

'Okay.'

Santana fell silent, and Brittany did too, so she could concentrate on what the man on TV is saying.

She knew she should probably end the call, because everyone did after they were done talking, but even listening to Santana's breathing on the end of the line as enough to keep her calm as she watched the man walk around their home.

Santana had to end the call, eventually, but Brittany stayed where she as and listened as the man walked around a little more and eventually used a helicopter to go all the way around the island. She cringed when they discuss what could have caused the burnt section that cut through a significant section of the forest.

Then it was over.

It didn't even take that long- Brittany's shoes were still a little damp from when she was in the sea.

She had never really considered how small the island was. When she was there it had been her whole world. She could barely visualise anything else beyond it.

Now she realized it probably wasn't much bigger than the town where she took her dance classes.

July 2011

It had been four days since they left the caves.

Four days of trekking through woodland and walking the treacherous coastline.

Four days of searching for sources of food and water, because this part of the island was a lot less friendly than where they lived.

(Brittany wondered what would have happened to them if they had crashed on this side, instead)

The optimism that had pushed Brittany to plan the trip in the first place had burned out sometime between their food running out and the discovery that there wasn't nearly as much edible stuff here. It disappeared almost completely when they had to make a half day detour to go inland in hopes of finding a stream.

But Brittany could tell that they had gone most of the way round, and they would be back soon. That meant that they were going to run into something soon.

Right?

She held onto this thought as the coastline slowly disappeared as they walked on, eaten up by the trees and the water moving further in, like it did just before the sun set.

'We should stop for tonight,' Santana said. She sounded exhausted.

'Let's just get to there,' Brittany said, pointing to a gentle hill further inland that looked bare of trees. 'Then we can see what's ahead of us before the sun goes down.' Santana shrugged and they turned right and headed back into the trees, up the incline until they got to the top of the hill.

It was a messy, prickly place, with little plants no higher than her calf dotted around. It was more or less free of trees, though, which Brittany was glad for because that would mean a lot more light after the sun set. She walked to the highest point and looked in the direction of where they would be going tomorrow.

She could see the beach from here, finally turning back to gently sloping sand instead of the painful rocks they had been dealing with. That was a relief. It would make tomorrow a lot easier and less tiring.

Except... that coastline looked incredibly familiar. It looked like...

Yes, there was the hollow the plane had left in the tree line.

She knew that just round the corner there were the pools she and Santana used to play in when they were smaller. And just beyond that was their home.

So that was it.

Their trip was over.

There wasn't anything else.

Brittany didn't know how long she stood there, staring into space before something tugged on her arm. She turned around to see an exhausted Santana standing next to her.

'Come and help me start a fire,' Santana said, shoving the broken glasses into Brittany's hands. This was the first time they had started a fire away from home. The only reason they were doing it now was because Santana had found some mussels and neither of them wanted to risk eating them raw.

Brittany followed Santana to the spot she had chosen, an area that had been hastily cleared of twigs and branches, and she settled down to try to get the little pile of twigs Santana had gathered to catch alight.

It didn't take long, and Santana ran around pulling dry branches down from nearby trees for fire wood while Brittany sat and watched her.

She looked so comfortable, so content, staring into the fire and waiting for it to become hot enough to cook with.

Brittany didn't feel content at all. She felt teary, angry, disappointed. She felt like she needed to throw something.

But she couldn't. Not when Santana was sitting next to her, humming a tuneless song and bumping their shoulders together gently.

A warm hand snaked into hers.

'Tell me,' Santana said.

She tried to talk, but a lump appeared in her throat and made it impossible to get any words out. Santana didn't say anything else; she just waited patiently until Brittany could speak.

'We're almost home,' she said eventually. 'I saw.' Santana smiled happily.

'That's great.'

'No, it's not,' she said, her voice barely higher than a whisper. 'I thought... I thought I would find something.'

'But we did, Britt,' Santana said. 'This was completely different from home. I had no idea it looked like this,' she added.

'No! I thought- I thought there would be more than this,' she whispered. Because there was more than this. Somewhere. Somewhere that wasn't here. Somewhere that she would never be able to reach.

'What's wrong with this?' Santana sounded hurt.

'Nothing's wrong with this,' Brittany said. 'But, Santana, there's so much more than just this.' Santana shook her head, just a little bit.

'There isn't for me,' she said.

Brittany knew that Santana didn't remember as much from before as she did. Sometimes she thought it was because Santana just didn't want to.

'You can't just pretend that you don't about other stuff just because you don't want to,' she mumbled. Santana looked at her in disbelief, and the fire crackled. A few sparks leapt out and landed on the brush near their feet, making it glow red. Santana slammed her hand down on the plants quickly.

'It doesn't matter whether I want to or not,' Santana said. She wasn't looking at Brittany; instead she occupied herself by pulling the plants around the fire- to stop more sparks from starting a fire, Brittany assumed.

'It doesn't matter, 'Santana said, 'because we're not leaving. We can't leave. This is it.'

Santana spoke with a kind of finality that made Brittany's stomach prickle with irritation.

'You don't even care about everyone else,' Brittany accused. She knew they shouldn't be talking about this now. They were both hungry and exhausted and way too sensitive, but the little prickle of irritation was starting to grow and she couldn't help herself. 'You just want to hide here and-'

'I'm not hiding! I just don't see the point of being sad about something you're never going to have!' Brittany could a vein standing out in the side of her head, a sure sign that Santana was angry too. 'What it is you're looking for that's more important than me?'

'It's not about you!' Brittany half yelled. This turned out to be the exact wrong thing to say because Santana stood up, looked at her like she had never seen her before, and started to run away. Brittany shot up.

'Where are you going?'

'I don't see why I should stay here when you're not that interested in spending time with me.' Santana stalked off into the trees.

Brittany growled in frustration and kicked at the ground; the fire roared as she sprinted away from the fire, into the darkness to find Santana.

She found her almost immediately, because she hadn't gone far. She was sitting at the base of a tree, the heels of her hands pressed into her eyes. Brittany knelt in front of her and placed her hands on her knees.

'Don't touch me,' Santana said. Brittany pulled her hands back.

'I didn't mean it that way,' she said quietly. 'Please, come back.' Santana didn't move, but she didn't tell Brittany to go away either, and Brittany settled down next to her.

She waited until Santana looked a little calmer before gingerly touching her knee again. When Santana didn't tell her to get away she pulled her into a careful hug, and she closed her eyes and concentrated on Santana's shuddering breaths against her skin.

This was the calmest she had felt for a while, just her and Santana and the breeze on her sweaty neck. She was so warm and comfortable, and tired...

Wait, why was she so warm and sweaty? She'd been sitting down for a while now. She opened her eyes and blinked against the red glow filtering in between the trees.

It took a heartbeat to figure out what it was, and less than that to pull Santana to her feet and start to sprint back to their temporary camp.

Their little fire had spread and burned and eaten through half the clearing, and Brittany watched in horror as the flames licked their way up a small tree.

'What happened,' Santana said. The stark horror in her voice made Brittany wince in guilt.

'I think...' she swallowed. 'I think it was me.' She flashed back to watching Santana stalk away, and hearing the fire hiss as she kicked at the ground and ran after her.

'What did you do?' Santana's incredulous eyes pinned her to the spot, and she fought the urge to look away.

She opened her mouth to say something- she didn't know what, just something that would stop Santana looking at her like that, but something seared her ankle and she jumped back, shrieking in pain.

The fire had snuck up on them while they had been standing there talking, and even now Brittany could see it creeping around the edges of the clearing, leaping into the branches and burning the leaves on the top.

'We need to go,' she said. She repeated herself when Santana didn't do anything and wrapped her hand around her upper arm. She pulled, hard, and Santana let out a pained yelp but Brittany kept on hauling Santana away because she had noticed that the fire was spreading fastest in the direction that the wind was blowing, and right now the wind was blowing in her face.

Which meant they had to run, fast.

The fire roared behind them as they stumbled and staggered their way through unfamiliar territory. Santana had pulled away from her while they were running, but Brittany could still sense her near, and she concentrated all her efforts on getting far enough away that the smoke would stop choking her.

It was getting dark, but Brittany patched together what she could remember from her glimpse of the beach when she was on top of the hill and she did her best to steer them in that direction.

They ran, and ran, until Brittany's calves began to burn with exhaustion and every intake of breath began to stab at her chest. They ran until the heat of the fire at their backs subsided as the wind shifted just enough to make it change direction.

When they were far enough away that they had stopped hearing the snap as branches burned and the shrieking of birds that had found their homes on fire had faded away to background noise, Brittany stopped to catch her breath and Santana stopped next to her.

She bent over as her body was seized by wracking coughs, and she didn't stand up until she thought she could without feeling like she was going to throw up. The wet sounds of Santana retching onto the sand next to her filled her ears, and she closed her eyes until everything was quiet again (or as quiet as it was going to get, tonight).

'Santana,' her voice was raspy and hoarse, and she cleared her throat. Santana shook her head.

'Let's just go,' Santana said. Brittany nodded meekly and started to walk in the direction that would eventually take them home.

September 2011

After the stupid report was over Brittany had gone straight upstairs and closed the door behind her. She had laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling until her vision began to go blurry.

The island wasn't anything like what she had remembered. It was smaller, dirtier, sadder than the island she had in her head. But the one she had in her head didn't exist anymore. It had stopped being the minute Brittany had stepped onto the boat and left it for something else.

It was terrifying to lose that crutch, to not have the thought of the island to pull out when things were too hard here. There was just this, now.

(But this was what she had been looking for, wasn't it?)

But now wasn't so bad, at least compared to the alternative.

(and Brittany shivered as she remembered the heat of the fire on the back of her neck)

It was hard here, but the island had been hard too, and they had made it through that.

There was a knock on the door and her mom's voice came through the door.

'Dinner's ready,' she said. 'Are you going to come down?'

'Yeah,' Brittany said. 'Yes,' she said louder. Her voice came out strong and sure, and she sat up and swung her legs to the floor. 'I'll be right down,' she said.

Review please? I can also be found at mariathepenguin on tumblr.