Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

(Spirit's pov)

I was in the kitchen, searching for the damn beer. I looked high and low in the fridge, but I still couldn't find it.

"Where the hell is it?" I asked myself, pushing the milk to the side.

"BUBBAING!"

"What the fuck?" I question, steping back and holding my hands up to protect me. It sounded like it came from the-the...freeezer? I placed a hand down and use the other to reach for the door to the freezer. I got to see what on earth made that sound. When it was fully opened, I saw the most horrid sight. I droped to my knees.

"No,...Why? Why did this have to happen to my beer!" I cried, asking the ceiling. My poor beer was lying in shatters, the whole freezer was a mess. Liquid droped from the roof of the freezer like blood and the glass was like severed limbs. All the carnage! How could anyone not cry after seeing that? And soon I'll have to clean it up! That's like adding insult to injury.

"Ding dong" the door bell called.

"Aaagg" I moaned. Why can't people let me mourn in peace? I pushed the freezer door closed and slowly made my way to the front door.

"What the fuck?" I questioned after opening the door.

"Yea, nice to see you too." Eater said sarcastically and pushed his way into my house.

"Maka, are you ready?" he shouted.

"H-hold on! Give me a minute." she yelled back from her room.

I wasn't surprised to see him here. But I can't say the same for his clothes.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

Eater turned his head towards me and shrugged.

"Shirt, pants, it kinda helps from runing around nakid." he replied.

"You could have fooled me! Ever heard of a belt kid?" I said, pionting at him accusingly.

"Puff, I don't need one. Unlike you, I don't lose my pants ever time I see a pretty girl." he snapped back.

Son of a bitch! How dare he comes to my house, acted like this to my face, and demands Maka! Also his clothes, how can he come here in a muscle T shirt and oversized jeans? Seriously, his pants are ten sizes too big! It could easly flash any...one.

My eyes widen and I ran like the wind to the box room and came back holding my electric nail gun in my right hand.

"Eater, stay still." I stated calmly.

The puck's eyes widen and he raced towareds the hallway. I ran after him and saw him jumping into Maka's room. You can hind in there Eater! I pushed the door open.

"MAKA CHOP!"

And then everything went black. Oh, look at the pretty stars. They're so lovely.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

I was walking down the steet, searching for my sweet Maka. I had the phantom of the opera tickets in my hand. I knew Maka wanted to go there for a while and I was going surprise her with them, but I couldn't find her. I've been looking around for half and hour. Right now I'm standing next to a cafe. I looked inside but Maka wasn't there. But then I spotted 2 of Maka's friends walking by.

I recinesed the tall beauty as Tsubaki. As for the midget, I think his name started with a B?

"Excuse me miss" I called out, and walked infront of her "Do you know where Maka is?"

"Y-yes, s-"

"She's at the library. she side something about research." the little bastard interjected. Hey maybe that's his name, little bastard.

"Thanks" I said before heading off.

It took me 5 minutes, but I reached the place. I walked in the building and found Maka sitting at a table reading a book, there were other books as well next to her. I smiled. She looks so cute.I walked over and sat in the chair next to her.

"Hi Maka-chan, what are you reading?" I asked.

I looked at the title before she answered. The joy of pregnancy? Why was she reading that?

"Papa, what are you doing here?" she asked.

I ignored she and grabed the other books near her. I scanned each title. How fast the baby will grow, how your body will change during pregnancy, breast feeding? What the hell? The only reason why Maka would read this is, if she was-was...

"Pregnant" I said frozen.

"Papa, it's not what you think!"Maka shook she head, eyes widen" It's-"

"Hey Maka I got that book you wanted." Eater said coming around the corner.

That-That-

"YOU BASTARD! HOW DEAR YOU!" I attacked him. I held my arm around his neck, trying to choke him to death.

"MAKA CHOP!"

I let go of my hold and fell to the ground.

"Stupid papa, it's home work for health class." was the last thing I heard before everything turned black.

Hey, it's the pretty stars again. Hi pretty stars.