A/N: Written for Iwant2beAcookie, who was the 100th reviewer for Love Letter. They didn't request anything in particular; they said they weren't picky since Canada is so cute~
Hope you enjoy. :)
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Alfred F. Jones posted a photo.
Alfred F. Jones daaaayuuuum! that was one hell of a party
27 people like this.
Gilbert Beilschmidt for once in my life, i agree with you. but who's that guy standing next to you?
Antonio Hernandez Carriedo He is adorable~ But not as cute as my Lovi!
Feliciano Vargas likes this.
Lovino Vargas SHUT UP. TOMATO BASTARD.
3 people like this.
Lovino Vargas and why the hell did you like that, feli!
Francis Bonnefoy Ah! He is beautiful, with the way the sunlight is catching his hair, making him look like an angel~ I think I'm in l'amour!
Alfred F. Jones thanks, franny ;D
Peter Kirkland he wasnt talking to you, dipshit!
7 people like this
Arthur Kirkland Peter...get off the computer.
Gilbert Beilschmidt to Alfred F. Jones srsly, who's the guy in the pic?
Alfred F. Jones to Gilbert Beilschmidt i think its my hat...
Matthew Williams to Alfred F. Jones ALFRED.
Alfred F. Jones to Gilbert Beilschmidt ahahaha jk thats my TOTALLY AWESOME bro, Matthew
Gilbert Beilschmidt to Alfred F. Jones i see...
In the midst of gunfire and explosions, Miley Cyrus's Party in the USA blared out from Alfred's pocket. The American paused his game, fishing his phone out and answering the call. "Yo! You're talking to the hero, Alfred Fucking Jones!" he greeted. "Make it quick, I've got more Nazi zombies to blow up."
"Alfred, did you say anything to Gilbert lately?" came a soft-spoken question.
Realizing it was his (favorite) brother, Alfred grinned. "Hey, Mattie! And no, why?"
"Well, he's called me five times this morning, asking if he can come over to my house," Matthew said nervously.
"Aw, out of everyone, you pick him to be your friend?" Alfred whined. "He just wants to molest you. See, this is why you should come over to my underground bunker. Did you know I just finished re-stocking it with cheeseburgers from McDonald's? You'll be safe from pale rapists!"
Matthew shuddered at the thought of eating McDonald's for the rest of his life. "No thanks, Al," he said. "I just want to know if you said anything to him."
Alfred was disappointed. (He briefly considered trying to force Matthew into the bunker, but then remembered that the last time he did that, he had to rebuild the White House.) "I don't think I did," he said, scratching his head.
"Oh, well maybe he actually does want some pancakes, then." There was a sigh from the other line. "Thanks, Al."
"No problem!"
There was a pause. "By the way, the cheeseburgers are going to expire," Matthew said. Then he hung up.
Alfred threw his phone down in frustration. "Damn it!"
Alfred F. Jones how long does it take for a cheeseburger to expire?
Tony That's a stupid question, motherfucker
Alfred F. Jones WHAT THE FUCK
9 people commented on Alfred F. Jones's photo.
Lars van Rijn he kind of looks like a girl
Mathias Køhler A PRETTY girl heheh
Ivan Braginsky I wonder what he would look like trapped under me~
Francis Bonnefoy You'll all just corrupt him. :(
Gilbert Beilschmidt like you wont :P
3 people like this.
Elizabeta Héderváry This is like a scene out of a yaoi manga! *swoons*
Kiku Honda likes this.
Arthur Kirkland Stay away from Matthew! All of you!
Alfred F. Jones ok i just realized that you're all creepin on my bro...
Lovino Vargas Fail.
10 people like this.
Matthew Williams to Alfred F. Jones Al! Why did you put up that picture here?
Alfred F. Jones to Matthew Williams chill, its not that bad
Matthew Williams to Alfred F. Jones I'm SHIRTLESS in that photo. And drunk!
Alfred F. Jones to Matthew Williams everyone likes it though!
Alfred F. Jones nasfklasefj sdofjasklfawoh eafk
Arthur Kirkland I didn't think that the garbage that comes out of your mouth could get any worse. I was wrong.
14 people like this.
Alfred F. Jones fuck off, eyebrows. Toni, can you come over and fiiiiix meeee? :(
Tony No, bastard
Alfred F. Jones omg! i didnt mean you! and wtf are you doing here anyway?
Matthew Williams posted a photo.
Matthew Williams This is why you do NOT post pictures of me without my permission.
Gilbert Beilschmidt lol alfred got PWNED XD
Peter Kirkland likes this.
Ivan Braginsky My favorite part is his black eye~
"What happened this time?" Antonio asked, wrapping the bandages gingerly around Alfred's injured wrist.
Alfred hissed in pain. "I told him that everyone - ow! - liked his picture," he answered, gritting his teeth. "And it was the truth! Then he punched me. I guess he couldn't handle the truth."
Antonio clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Well, to be fair, you should have asked his permission first," he said. "I feel sorry for him. He has to deal with Gilbert and Francis lusting after him."
Alfred nodded along mindlessly, until he realized what the Spaniard had said. "Wait, what?"
Matthew Williams Um...who sent me these roses?
Alfred F. Jones EWWWWW WHAT THE FUCK I JUST SAW FRANCIS RUNNING AROUND NAKED OUTSIDE
Arthur Kirkland Call the cops.
Alfred F. Jones i did, now he's being handcuffed...
Alfred F. Jones ...i think he's enjoying it...
Arthur Kirkland How would you know if he was, wanker?
Alfred F. Jones well iggy, he's NAKED and i can see EVERYTHING
Arthur Kirkland Never mind...
Francis Bonnefoy to Alfred F. Jones My sincere apologies, Alfred. I must have confused Matthew's address with yours.
Alfred F. Jones to Francis Bonnefoy dude o_O
Ivan Braginsky to Matthew Williams Would Matvey like to come over to my house for piroshki?
Matthew Williams to Ivan Braginsky Ah, no thank you, Ivan! I'm allergic to those... I think.
Peter Kirkland created the group We Love Matthew Williams.
Elizabeta Héderváry likes this.
Arthur Kirkland to Peter Kirkland Peter! Delete that group right now!
Alfred F. Jones likes this.
Alfred F. Jones to Peter Kirkland DELETE IT OR YOU'LL DIE!
47 people joined the group We Love Matthew Williams.
Matthew Williams As flattered as I am, I really wish Peter would delete the group...
"Mattie!" Alfred burst through Matthew's door. "Quick! You have to come with me! I heard that Gilbert, Francis, and Ivan are going to come here and kidnap you and do God knows what!"
Matthew once would have laughed at that. But given everything that had recently happened, he was more than willing to leave. Alfred grabbed his hand and began pulling him outside. "Wait, I have to get Kuma!" Matthew protested, but Alfred shoved him into his car, and they were speeding off.
Gilbert Beilschmidt damn, matt's not home :P
Francis Bonnefoy We shall try again tomorrow~
Ivan Braginisky We will definitely succeed.
Gilbert Beilschmidt and Francis Bonnefoy like this.
Lars van Rijn can i join?
Gilbert Beilschmidt well...ok...
Alfred F. Jones HA! I FOILED YOUR PLAN! THE HERO SAVES THE DAY ONCE AGAIN!
"I hope that you learned your lesson," Matthew said, scowling at his brother across the metal floor. "And what are you doing with your phone? I thought there was no signal underground."
Alfred looked up. "I'm on Facebook," he said, waving his phone. "And I had that special antenna thingy over there built so I can have Internet access."
Matthew sighed. "You were able to do that, but didn't get better food," he muttered sourly. He poked the uneaten hamburger that Alfred had offered him. "But Alfred, promise me that you'll never upload a picture of me without my permission, okay?"
Touching his healing eye, Alfred managed a grin. "Got it, Mattie."
Matthew nodded, satisfied. He was about to hopefully get some sleep when Alfred made a noise of surprise. "What is it now?" Matthew asked wearily.
"Your polar bear has a Facebook?" Alfred asked incredulously.
Kumajirou posted a photo.
56 people like this.
78 people joined the group We Love Matthew Williams.
"Uh, Matt?" Alfred said, eyes hesitantly rising up from the picture that was displayed on his phone. "I think we have a problem..."
A/N: What picture did Kumajirou post? I'll leave that up to your imagination. ;)