Edit: Again, I altered this chpater, aka, deleting Part 1 of this three part chapter. Now there's only two parts, but the story is fixed and I can once again continue.

Also, I'm sorry for all those waiting for a real update, but I spent this last week trying to make it work, with Harry responding to Potter instead of Elric, and you wouldn't believe how badly it messed with the story. -_-;

Once again, I'm sorry. You'll hopefully get a real update later this week. I'm working on it right now though, so don't worry to much.

- In All of Hogwarts History 1/6 –

Ed woke with a start and groaned as he tried to figure out where in the bloody heck of all things good and evil he was. It didn't look anything like his flat, and he couldn't see Harry's bed in the corner either. Where was he?

Ed turned over to get a look at his ever present digital clock and found himself looking at a small cobblestone room. Memories flooded back, and Ed recalled all about Hogwarts.

He was a bloody teacher for Pete's Sake!

Ed rolled himself out of bed, stretched, groaned, and then made his way to get a shower and dressed. Plumbing wasn't exactly what he would call normal, and it took him a while to trust the running water enough to actually step into it, but eventually he was cleaned, dried, and dressed – ready to start his day.

Oh, hell no, he wasn't.

Ed planted his face into the nearest wall and groaned. He knew nothing of being a teacher. What the heck was he supposed to do? Teach them runes? Ancient runes? For months on end? Boring.

Ed removed himself from the wall of his bathroom and stepped out, moving quickly out of his room and right into his new classroom.

Now that was a sight.

The class room held 30 seats for the students, with attached desks, in the back part of the room, while the front part held a majority of Ed's stuff. There were chalk boards lining the side walls, and the wall directly behind Ed, while the back wall was cluttered with bookshelves absolutely flooded with books.

Ed had chalk (he always had chalk with him), and had made sure the night before that each of the boards had one placed on the lip of each of the said boards.

Ed also had a teacher's desk where one would normally find the teacher's desk – in the front of the room. He also had an incredibly soft chair and a foot stool for when he fell asleep. Ed had his books on one side of his desk; while the other held two opened plastic bins for received homework and graded homework, a calendar, and a lot of sticky notes and notebooks.

In the each corner of the room, two more bookcases were placed, also flooded with books that seemed to spill over the shelves. All the bookcases, which seemed to have invaded Ed's small classroom, were loaded with books from A-Z, and had tens of hundreds more stacked on top of the bookcases. There were also two file cabinets enclosing the entrance to Ed's living quarters.

Ed had looked inside them last night; unlike the other containment-oriented furniture in the room, they were completely empty. Not even dust rested inside.

Today though, Ed ignored his crowded classroom, and managed his way to the back of the room and out into the hall. He'd already done his daily training and showered, he wanted food and then more sleep. Since it was highly probable that he wasn't going to get more sleep, he was just going to have to settle for the food, which wasn't a totally bad compromise anyway.

The Great Hall was, unlike last night, the epitome of a ghost town. No one was there, not a student not a teacher not the ghosts or house elves or anything. Ed sighed; he had at least expected to see Harry here. It wasn't that early yet and the boy should've been awake by now and eating breakfast.

Ed assumed he was still sleeping because he'd a late night last night, talking with so many kids or whatever it was that he did, but Ed was going to have to make sure he went to bed on time tonight. After all, it was only 7 in the morning, and Harry should've at least woken up an hour previous, instead of the usual two that he and Ed had grown accustomed to (5 am).

Dismissing his son's late awakening, Ed made his way to serve himself some food and plow through it at high speeds. He downed the pumpkin juice, the tea, the butterbeer; he scarffed down the toast, eggs, chicken, French toast, waffles, and the peanuts too. By the time he completed the chocolate and strawberry puddings, at thirty minutes past 7, Harry emerged from the large doors of the Great Hall and moved to go sit with his pig of a father.

"You're late." Ed commented half heartily while spooning the last of the pudding into his mouth, "What kept you?" There was no admonishing, Harry was much older now than he had been when he was 7, and the boy knew to be sorry and apologetic without Ed having to make him feel so.

It really made the whole 'parenting' process a whole lot easier.

Harry bit his bottom lip and paused, hands coming to clasp together in front of himself shamefully as he knees turned inwards and towards the other."I didn't sleep until late last night." The young wizard admitted, "Ron and I met a girl. Hermione. We'd talked to her some before, but we didn't actually get to know her until we all met in the common room."

Ed grinned, "So she your girlfriend then?" He questioned as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Augh!" Harry recoiled backwards with a disgusting gagging noise bubbling from his throat, "She's just a friend, Dad!"

"Sure she is~!" Ed sung mockingly.

"I'm serious! I don't like her!"

"You don't now?"

Harry went red in the face, "You're manipulating me again." He barely managed to squeak past the boiling steam emanating from the teen's ears signaling either extreme embarrassment or rage.

Ed guffawed, "Who me~? Nooo~!" He mock gasped before breaking out into giggles.

Harry, having enough of the teasing, did the only thing left for a boy his age to do.

He grabbed the serving jug of milk and dumped it all on top his father.

The trouble he would be in later was totally worth the look of disgust, anger, and pride merging together to form some sort of massive expression-bomb on his dad's face. Eventually, once Harry had put the jug back on the table, Ed settled for disgust.

"Gross!" Ed whined and he stood and flicked his hands to get the speckles of milk off the tips of his fingers, "You spilt the opaque cow juice on me! Nasty, Harry!" Ed whined/admonished, "Nasty!"

Harry had the audacity to look sheepish, and Ed just wasn't going to let this one go, despite the fact that he was sort of happy that he and Harry had gotten back into the groves of how things used to be back in their flat.

Ed was Harry's father, but he was also his best friend, and Ed was glad that they could still mess around with each other.

"You are soin trouble!" Ed hissed even though he was grinning mockingly, alerting Harry that despite his tone, this was all play and that he was most likely in the clear.

Harry smirked confidently, hands splayed on his hips.

"Like you could make me." The boy challenged defiantly.

Ed's eyes narrowed dangerously, and he shot out suddenly from his chair, making a screeching sound, and got into a fighting stance – cookie platter in one hand and jello in the other. "Oh, it is so on, Harry!"

"You sure you can handle my awesome?"

"I invented your awesome, dumbass." Ed snorted, and just like that, the biggest food fight in the history of Hogwarts went down for a solid hour and 28 minutes.

Both were seriously injured by the end of it though, suffering losses on both sides.

It was unfortunate that the German Chocolate cake didn't survive the battle, but it died for a good cause, as did several other pastries and desserts, but the severity of the casualties laid with Ed and Harry themselves.

Harry was now blind in one eye, lost during the toast and bacon brigade, and had also received a broken arm, which was now slung in a fondue sling, and a strawberry syrup laceration from the mid-thigh to knee.

Ed on the other hand, was limping from the pie-bomb, and was suffering from multiple blueberry jam contusions as well as a butterbeer induced delirium.

In the end, Harry surrendered, unable to beat the expertise his father possessed in battles, and raised the proverbial white flag – a breadstick with a glob of cream cheese stacked on the end.

Ed had accepted his son's surrender, and together, they limped back to Ed's room for a well-needed shower and a change of clothes. The two of them were covered with so much food, that one couldn't even tell that there were people inside in the edible globs.

Not ten minutes after the truce was signed did Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape, plus several students and other teachers, enter the Great Hall to the aftermath of the Great Food War. Needless to say, it didn't end happily but neither culprit (Ed and Harry) were suspected, and Snape didn't feel up to using Legillimancy to find out the true culprits.

He already had a hunch that Elric was responsible, as did Dumbledore, but decided to not do anything about it.

The blonde alchemist would owe him one that way, and who knew what favors an Alchemist could give? So it really wasn't because he and Ed were friends; that wasn't it at all. Nope. Snape was only keeping quiet because Ed would owe him one later. Yep. That was the only reason. Yep.

Yep.

- Pain 2/6 –

Ed had gone straight to the Potions Classroom after showering, again, and walking Harry to the Transfigurations class room.

See, Ed wasn't a teacher. He'd never held a class or lectured or given exams… Ed taught Harry, true, but it was all by word of mouth or by giving his son books to read. He never actually gave him a lecture on mathematics or language or phonics. Every day was a day to learn, every day was a day to practice alchemy or spelling, every day Ed quizzed Harry… he couldn't do that with a class of 30 some-odd students four times a day. It was just impossible.

So Ed was going to watch Snape, see how he handled his class, and use the experience as pointers for all of Ed's own classes. Eventually, after enough sit-ins, Ed would get the gist of how things went.

"Ah, Edward." Severus Snape droned unhappily when Ed stepped into his classroom, "For what are you here for?"

Ed grinned at the man as he strode to the front of the desk and made to speak, but the other man headed him off, "Let me guess. You're here for pointers?"

Ed paused. How'd he know that?

Severus grinned with a malicious glint in his eye, as Ed's pause was proof enough that he'd been correct, and he sat down with flourish at his desk.

"Of course someone like you would have no idea how to run a classroom. You've never taught before. You're fresh meat." Severus leaned back and met his hands half way in his lap, "With what can I assist you with?"

Ed rolled his eyes at the man's antics and crossed his arms with raised brows and a slight shake to his head, "I just wanted to observe a class, Sev. No reason to get all high and mighty on me." Ed smirked, "I'll sick Madam Pomfrey on you. Wouldn't like that now, would ja?"

At the mention of Pomfrey, Snape visibly paled. She still hadn't forgiven the Potions Master for waiting so long to get Ed to a medical care facility; despite the fact that'd he apologized to her and Ed (but only while Pomfrey was in the room and watching) several times. It had been horribly painful, but if it held any chance in getting the woman off his case, then it was well worth it.

"Yes, yes. How are you doing?" Snape scowled, changing the subject, as he sat more rigidly in his chair, like Pomfrey was going to pop out of a corner with a needle in one hand and scalpel in the other (despite the fact that with magic, they were both quite unnecessary).

Ed frowned and stuffed his hands in his pockets before finding the broken cauldron in the corner absolutely fascinating.

Severus sighed and massaged his right eyebrow tiredly, "You are allowed to take pain-relieving potions, Edward." Severus stood with a cold demeanor in his eye, not that Ed could see it staring at the cauldron like he was, "I'm sure Madam Pomfrey wouldn't hesitate to give-"

"I don't need any pain medication." Ed groaned, "I'm fine."

"Of course you are." He moved towards the blonde, "But then I also have to wonder how your automail ports are fairing after all the abuse you've abstained."

Ed narrowed his eyes at the man, "I've handled worse."

"So that limp you have has gone completely away?" Snape arched a brow, "Or how about the ringing in your ears? Has that stopped as well, Edward?"

Ed slammed his automail fist into the desk leaving a sizeable crater, "Damn you. I said I'm fine."

"Glad to know you see things my way." Snape reached towards his desk, opened a drawer, and pulled out a small vile of some sort of plasma-like orange bubbling liquid. He popped it open and then held it out for the blonde to take, "Here." He jiggled it a bit, "I would drag you down to Pomfrey's myself, but it's so much easier to have you take it right now." The mansmirked, "Less time-consuming and all."

"So what-?" Ed crossed his arms, refusing the potion, "You just happened to have that brewed potion of pain-meds in your desk today? Seriously?"

Snape motioned towards the three large cauldrons placed strategically behind them yet in front of the students' desks, "I had leftovers." He then growled warningly, "Now drink."

When Ed still refused, Snape struck Ed's right flesh leg with his foot, causing Ed to crumple and hiss with pain, before Snape held out the flask towards the fallen blonde again.

"Drink."

Ed did drink the potion, and once it took effect, the greasy haired potions master sent Ed to a corner and told him to sit down and be quiet while he taught. Ed agreed, but not without having he vengeance. All throughout the class, Ed chewed up spit-wads of parchment and then shot them at Snape, through a straw he'd transmuted, at seven minute increments.

After the sixth spit-wad, Snape eventually sent a nonverbal spell at the blonde alchemist.

As Ed slowly grew pink and very very itchy, the blonde slowly started to scratch at his arms and belly. Eventually Ed had to jump up and was dancing around attempting to sratch every part of his body all at once while stretching and contorting in the wildest and most embarrassing of ways.

It's an understatement to say that Snape smiled widely throughout the entire ordeal.

No one shot spit-wads in his class.

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