My name is Nico di Angelo. And I'm gonna teach you how to be badass.

Now if you're a giggler from Aphrodite or a nice kid from Demeter, this course may not be right for you. In fact you should probably leave if you're one of the following:

1. A satyr: annoyingly nice

2. A dryad: genuinely nice

3. A Demeter kid: a stickler for the rules

4. An Aphrodite chick: too giggly

5. An Aphrodite dude: too man-giggly

5. Percy Jackson: no comment

6. A child of Athena: too logical

7. Chiron: I hope he doesn't find this…

: She'll make me eat cereal for months

9. Lupa: She hates Greeks. Meanie.

Now if you're not on the previous list, continue reading!

Let's start with what you wear. Being a badass doesn't necessarily mean you have to wear black, but if you don't…then you can't be taken as seriously. For example, if you wear black jeans, a black v-neck, and a black leather jacket, people are like: see that dude? He's BA.

But if you're wearing Percy-garb like blue jeans, green eyes to match eyes, and scuffed sneakers people say: aww what a nice charming young man.

YOU NEVER WANT TO BE DESCRIBED AS CHARMING. It's the ultimate insult to a badass.

You can wear purple, dark blue or even pink. That's right, pink. But it depends on your LOB (Level of Badass-ness). It used to be the Scale of Badass-ness before we realized what was wrong with the abbreviation. It's a scale from one to ten, with one being Grover/Percy and ten being a real badass like me or Thalia. That's right, Thalia's the only person badass enough to pull off pink. (a/n: not a thalico story…sorry guys XD) The only person more BA than me is my dad, Hades: The Ultimate Badass. He's like a 100 on the LOB. In fact he created the idea of Badassness.

I bet you're wondering why Clarisse or Ares isn't very high on the LOB and that's because they're too emotional. Being a badass means that other people don't know what you're thinking or feeling at any point in time. Clarisse and her daddy have anger management issues and are way too easy to provoke which brings down their LOB.

When you're a badass you need to be able to show one of two emotions:

1. Nothing. That's right, a cool stoic face. Mr. Tall, Dark, and Mysterious or Ms. Calm, Cool, and Collected. You're too BA to care about what other people think.

That doesn't mean you need to be rude, the real badasses are mysterious and polite. If you're rude, people won't respect you. The amount of respect you get can either help or kill your LOB score.

2. The Smirk. If you're truly BA, you don't need to smile, you smirk instead. Practice in front of a mirror if you're really unconfident. The more confident you are, the more badass you are.

These are the two things that make you a badass: respect and confidence. Even Obama could be a badass if he wasn't running the country.

You also need to use the least amount of words possible. For example:

Percy, "Hey Nico!"

Nico nods, his face blank. (The nod is like…the ultimate act of badass-ness).

Percy, "You hungry? I am, I mean I told Annabeth I'd meet her later but now I can't find her. What if she ditched?"

Nico shrugs.

Percy, "Maybe she thinks I'm a loser!"

Nico smirks.

Percy, "Do you think I'm a loser?"

Nico thinks for a moment before nodding.

Percy, "That's mean!"

See what I mean? Percy's a great guy, but he manages to reach negative numbers on the LOB.

So here's the wrap-up of this lesson:

1. Wear the right clothes.

2. Don't be emotional unless you're smirking.

3. Be polite AND mysterious

4. Avoid speaking – nonverbal communication is key

5. Don't be Percy.

Peace,

Nico di Angelo