A/N: Thank you all so much for reading :)
.o.O.o.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Roxas' shoulders stiffened as Axel draped his black Organisation coat around them, the air at two in the morning chilly, even this close to summer. He made sure not to touch the blond as he did it, not wanting to startle or creep him out. Things were… twisted enough without him feeling more unsafe. This whole 'my boyfriend is a delusional psycho' slant on their relationship probably cast a new light on how he'd behaved when Roxas first woke him up, of which Axel was uncomfortably aware. Roxas was likely thinking about it right now, wishing he'd just kicked the redhead out there and then. Not that it would have ultimately changed anything.
He had managed to get the blond to cautiously agree to come with him to his apartment, although he was pretty sure the only reason Roxas was playing along was because he suspected that Axel would freak out if he didn't. It was, as the kid had said, all fucked. Axel had never planned for this. He had never expected it to last beyond the moment of his gun at Roxas' head. He was in all-new territory here, flying blind, just hoping he could find a way to salvage… something. Anything.
The car ride, taken in his rental rather than Roxas' little yellow car, was pin-drop silent. Roxas had his arms wrapped around himself, head leaning against the window, watching the city flash by. Axel couldn't help but constantly glance over at him, eyes drawn helplessly, inevitably back to the blond. He ached at the sight of Roxas' arms folded so protectively across his body, the kid obviously feeling exposed and ill at ease. To think, it had only been a few hours ago that things had been totally fine and normal, and…
No. That was wrong, wasn't it? Things had never really been 'fine and normal', not as long as Axel was secretly plotting to kill him.
It occurred to him that right now, like this, was the first time he was actually being honest with Roxas. The few instances of genuineness that had filtered through the bullshit didn't count; something based on a web of lies like it had been couldn't ever be considered real. This was real – Roxas not looking at him, not speaking. Scared, angry.
…Shit. This wasn't going to work out, was it? Axel couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so hopelessly out of luck.
But, first things first: he had to show Roxas that he wasn't out of his mind.
They pulled up outside of Axel's apartment some twenty minutes later. As he shut the engine off, he noticed Roxas' tension rising. He looked over at Axel, staring at him through the gloom, then slowly opened his door and stepped out onto the sidewalk. He didn't try to run; that was the first thing that had gone right all evening. Axel didn't think he could successfully convince the kid that he had no ill intentions towards him while chasing him down the street. Perhaps it was just that Roxas had no illusions about his ability to get away, as the night's alcohol had left him disoriented, and the rough sex had left him tender. Axel felt a guilty pang at the sight of the slight limp in the blond's step, but was grateful for small mercies. If that's all that was keeping Roxas nearby, then… he was glad about it. Selfishly, wickedly glad.
"C'mon," he mumbled, gesturing for Roxas to descend the stairs first. "Down this way."
Head high, expression steely, Roxas did as he was told, holding Axel's coat close around him as he carefully took each step downward. The man shadowed him, drew out his keys, reaching past the blond to unlock the door, Roxas noticing, for the first time, just how many locks there were.
He opened it up, and Roxas stepped stiffly inward. Axel followed, flicking on the light switch, watery illumination filling the dank living space. Roxas flinched a little at the sound of the door closing, the locks re-engaging, but otherwise remained composed. Axel felt a little rush of admiration flicker unbidden through him. The kid knew how to keep his cool. He always had, more or less.
When he did nothing, Roxas eventually turned his head to look back at him. Observing the wretched caring on Axel's face, he dropped his gaze. "Well?" he asked, voice low. "What now?"
Exhaling slowly, Axel scratched the back of his head a little, not quite knowing exactly how to proceed. "I guess… I should start by telling you the whole truth." When Roxas simply looked at him, expression shuttered, Axel mustered his courage and took the plunge. "I'm not just as assassin," he unenthusiastically said, "I'm also from the future – the year twenty-fifty-five." As an aside to himself, he muttered, "God, that sounds stupid said out loud."
Predictably incredulous, Roxas finally turned to face him, a disbelieving half-smile tugging at his mouth. "You're – from the future." It wasn't really a question; more a ridiculing echo of Axel's words, scorn held shiveringly in check only by the fact that he couldn't be sure how the redhead would respond to having his fantasies directly challenged.
Axel fell back on his latest catchcry: "I can prove it."
Roxas retreated into the safety of silent scepticism. Swallowing, Axel gestured for him to sit on the couch. The blond didn't much look like he wanted to, but he obeyed, waiting warily for whatever 'proof' Axel could provide showing that he was from another time.
"I didn't bring much with me," he explained, tiredly aware that the kid officially believed him to be out of his fucking mind, "but there's two things I can show you. I think they're pretty solid, but you might prefer to not accept them. I guess it's up to you. They don't exactly stamp your hand for re-entry when it comes to time travel."
The first thing he did was go to the bedroom and bring back his laptop. He placed it on the coffee table in front of Roxas and bobbed down, one hand on the table, the other on the arm of the couch. "Now, what you see before you is obviously a very ordinary laptop. Except it isn't, since this is a model that won't be invented for another eighteen years. It's top of the range. Nobody outside of my own timeline has seen it before. You're looking at tech nearly twenty years advanced from yours."
Roxas sent him a long, almost pitying look. Axel gestured for him to open the laptop up, the kid half-heartedly doing so, fingers accidentally brushing the power button, the computer starting up with just that merest touch. It was fast, silent, and high-tech, way beyond anything Roxas had seen before. The blond, however, remained unconvinced. "It's just – fancy," he said, as if this was a distasteful detail. "It's expensive enough that you think I've never seen one before. I'm not an idiot, Axel. You're trying to trick me."
"You're a fucking biophysics graduate, Roxas," the man pointed out. "I think it's pretty obvious you're not an idiot – and you've seen your fair share of high-tech computers."
"Yeah, but not laptops," the kid stubbornly argued. "This is probably one of those super-fast gaming ones. They always look sleeker and more advanced than regular computers."
Frustrated, Axel ran a hand through his hair. "All right. Fine. Leaving that aside for the moment," he sighed, "there's one other thing that might convince you."
"What happens if it doesn't?" Roxas softly asked.
Axel considered the question for a long moment, then, not knowing the answer, dully said, "Let's just go to the bedroom, and I'll show you what it is."
Roxas tensed up. Not exactly relaxed to begin with, he had nevertheless lost that edge of immediate fear. Now, however, it slammed back with full force, the kid looking flat-out spooked. "No. You bring it here."
"It's not a good idea to move this stuff around," Axel wearily said. He stood, gazing down at the blond, pleading after a moment, "Come on, Roxas. We've been together all those times… I've never hurt you before. Why would I start now?"
"Why did you start now?" Roxas' voice shook slightly, tone accusing. "How am I supposed to know the way your mind works? If I follow you in there, what's going to happen to me?"
"Nothing. Christ – nothing at all." Axel rubbed his hands over his face, crouching back down again. Filled with remorse, he grated, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I did back at your place. I should never have brought the gun out. I should have –" He dropped his head. "I should have realised I couldn't hurt you. The way I feel about you, it's – it's not something you can just… ignore and make go away." Meeting Roxas' gaze beseechingly, he said, "I thought I was doing my job, andI – I was, but somewhere along the way, it became more than that. I promise you, I'm not insane. The only way I can get you to begin to think about trusting me is to get you to believe me. Please, Roxas. Please. Let me prove myself before you decide that I'm – irredeemable."
Suspiciously, Roxas eyed him, hesitant to buy into the mournful act – but, God help him, Axel was pouring every ounce of sincerity that had ever resided in his sinful body into this. And thankfully, it seemed that that was, at least for the moment, enough to win the blond over, to coax him into allowing this one last attempt before he passed judgement. He inclined his head curtly and stood. He didn't believe for a second that Axel was an assassin from the future – but he was at least willing to humour the man. Axel appreciated that. Maybe it was just that Roxas didn't feel he had much choice in the matter, but Axel hoped it was something more than that, hoped that, even after having held a gun to his head, Roxas was willing to defer to the version of Axel he had known the last three months. And that in turn gave the man the slightest fragment of hope that maybe… he wasn't a lost cause just yet.
He led the way into the bedroom, Roxas several paces behind, but following. When Axel approached the bed, the blond stopped a step past the doorway and warily waited.
Axel bent down on one knee and drew out his suitcase, unzipping it and flapping it open. Roxas, reasonably reassured that he wasn't going to be grabbed and thrown to the bed, shifted a little closer, maintaining distance but giving himself a better viewpoint to watch what the man was doing. Axel reached in, felt around, and after a moment triggered the false bottom. The back of the suitcase popped forward, revealing the hidden space beyond. The first layer behind it was a row of spare knives, in case he had to arm himself while leaving the ones already in the apartment in place. Roxas' eyes widened at the sight of them, Axel heaving them carelessly onto the bed.
"Jesus, Axel…" He seemed shaken. The blades were of a variety of shapes and sizes, all sharpened and ready for use, gleaming in the dull light.
"Don't be so impressed. They're not what I wanted to show you."
Axel reached further back, and this time took hold of the long, slender case that matched its twin back in his own time. He input the unlocking code and opened it up. Within lay the innumerable wires, the silver discs attached along them. The laptop may have fallen short, but he might manage to prove himself yet. He turned, carefully offering it to Roxas. The blond looked momentarily puzzled, then guarded.
Without touching it, he asked, "What is that?"
"It's a time machine."
Arching a brow, Roxas shot him a withering look. Then, when he noticed that Axel was not, in fact, being facetious… he stepped a little closer and peered dubiously at the case. "How is this a time machine, exactly?"
"Well. I was joking, a little bit." Axel swivelled towards him and pulled out a little clump of the wires, one with a disc attached. "I'm no expert on the finer details of it – like, why the hell it works, for example – but, uh, these wires carry electricity, and these round silver bits act as foci for that electricity, and –"
"Wires and silver circles? Electricity? This is how we time travel – in the future, obviously." Roxas was unimpressed. He'd been caught more off guard by the knives.
"Not 'we'. It's not like people are zipping off to ancient Greece for a vacation," Axel responded, a little annoyed despite himself. Would it kill the kid to exercise a little imagination? "Just the Organisation. It poured a fortune into the research, which was so secretive I don't even know who it was who came up with it. I guess so none of us shady operatives can go back and take it for ourselves."
"Oh, I can understand that. Gotta cover your bases, keep the peons in line," Roxas drawled, still not taking him seriously. Axel sent him a patient look, then pulled the small, iridescent tube of Mako out from under the wires and extended it to him.
"Well, how does this strike you, then? Open it up. Don't touch," he hastened to warn. "Do not touch. Just – take a whiff."
Roxas looked tempted to refuse, like maybe it was a gel-based chloroform or something. Axel balanced the case on his knee and unscrewed the cap, inhaling audibly over the tube, which he swished under his nose. Even doing it quickly like that had him holding back the overwhelming urge to start choking. His eyes watered, the chemical scent remarkably powerful when contained like this. He again held it out, Roxas reluctantly taking the tube from him this time, his unease persisting even after the demonstration. He did as Axel had, passing it under his nose while sniffing cautiously, then recoiled with the speed of a snake. Coughing loudly, he covered the lower half of his face with his sleeve, thrusting the tube back at Axel, who couldn't help but give a crooked smile at his reaction.
"Urgh, what is that?" Roxas demanded, his nose starting to run, eyes, like Axel's, watering sharply, perhaps a little more since he hadn't anticipated quite the potency he'd experienced and taken a deeper breath of it.
"Oh, this? It's uncondensed Mako."
Now this – this caught Roxas' attention. Still coughing, probably feeling a little suffocated, he echoed, shrill with horror, "Mako? Did you just give me Mako?"
"Uncondensed," Axel helpfully reiterated, then tossed a careless hand. "Relax. It won't kill you, as long as it doesn't make contact with your skin. Of course, I don't recommend huffing the stuff on a regular basis – but now you know that it really is Mako, right? If I'd just told you, you wouldn't have believed me."
"I still don't think I believe you!" Roxas wheezed. "Only now, I'm wondering if I'll develop a brain tumour in the next five years – from whatever that shit is."
"It's Mako," Axel told him. "Think about it, Roxas. Use that scientific mind of yours and tell me what happens when Mako is used to generate mass-produced electricity."
The kid didn't really want to, but he obliged, wondering where this was going. "It starts with isolated bursts of energy at particular locations," he said, after thinking about it for a few eye-watering seconds, "then the Mako acts as a catalyst, conducting it at high speeds to a broader network of catalysts, which in turn conduct it further – the initial energy is spread a hundred times broader than its potential…" He fell abruptly silent.
Axel watched him closely. Come on… get there… connect the dots…
"…You said that it's uncondensed?" Roxas eventually asked, a distant look forming in his eyes. "Then – it's wildly unstable. It's…"
Axel gave a thin smile. "It's capable of a thousand times what the commercial stuff can do."
"But – that's – insane!" Roxas spluttered for a moment, then went on, "It's impossible. Things powered by uncondensed Mako explode, Axel. They nearly discarded it as a potential energy source before they figured out how to condense it. Why would anyone…?"
"It… tears reality apart, Roxas." There was a breathlessness to Axel now, an intensity. Roxas understanding it all was within reach, the kid was figuring it out, and as fantastic as it still seemed to him, his disbelief couldn't help but waver. "It all has to be so carefully controlled, that's what the wires and discs are for, keeping it contained, all that energy ripping back and forth, mounting and mounting… until…"
Roxas was positively dumbfounded. "Until… what, time? Itself?"
Axel's eyes were alight. "It becomes a passageway. A black corridor that takes you anywhere you concentrate on through the timeline."
"…The – timeline…" The blond looked dazed. He was lost in thought, running mental simulations with this new information, trying to wrap his head around the concept. Gradually, his chin lifted, eyes finding Axel with shimmering doubt… but this time, the doubt was in himself, worry that he was actually listening to this, actually considering it. "…This seriously – can't be real," he dubiously insisted. "I mean, come on, right?" He tried for a laugh, but it was feeble, his gaze returning to the mass of wires in the case in Axel's hands. Axel didn't try to push the point, simply let it all ferment in Roxas' brain, the blond giving one more lame little huff of laughter before his lips pressed together. After a beat, his brow creased, head shaking. "No," he said, more firmly than he seemed to feel.
"It's the truth," Axel maintained. "You know that this is theoretically possible."
"Theoretically possible, maybe," Roxas stressed, dragging a hand through his hair and starting to pace, a hand on one hip. "But not practically, I mean, it's just…" He sent Axel an agitated look, then shook his head again, more decisively. "No – no, I can't believe this. Because if I believe this, then I have to accept that fucking story you have about being from the future, and – and having come back to kill me?" The kid's bewilderment knew no bounds. "Are you seeing what I'm getting at here?" he demanded.
"It's my job," Axel told him, words heavy. With a grimace, he closed the black case, the locks snapping back into place, the combination display automatically scrambling then going dark. He replaced it carefully into the suitcase and lifted himself up onto the edge of the bed. Elbows on knees, fingertips tapping nervously together, he said, without looking at the blond, "This is – what I do. I use that uncondensed Mako to travel back and forth between my time and various points in the past, and I… I kill people for money." Swallowing, tasting the bitterness of his life's choices catching up with him, he added in a mutter, "I'm sorry."
Roxas let out an impatient sound, returning to his pacing. For a little while, he didn't speak, aggravation plain on his face, eyes darting as he sifted through it all, trying to come to some sort of sane conclusion. Poor guy didn't want to accept that that just wasn't going to happen.
"Okay," he said at last, sounding strained, "let's say I believe you about the… the potential for your version of time travel being… practically viable." Axel's head picked up, eyes wide. Roxas glared back, voice tight. "That still doesn't explain away the rest of this mess. Who would want to kill me? You really want me to believe that someone out there wants me dead badly enough that they'd – send you back through time to take me out?"
Axel hesitated. "I don't know why. And – I don't know who, either. Those are the sorts of details they don't give us. If I had to guess, I'd say it's someone who, twenty years from now, wished they could've taken credit for your contribution to the Cornerstone Project."
Roxas paced a few steps more, then stopped sharply and leaned against the wall, covering his face with his hands. He looked like he was trying to hold his head together, lest the hemispheres of his brain fly off in different directions from the force of his confusion. Axel wondered if he was also starting to feel a little hung-over.
"So, if that's the case," Roxas eventually sighed, hands sliding down to his sides, looking exhausted by the conversation, the situation, his physical fatigue, "why didn't you do it to me? You make it sound like you've – killed people before." He appeared nauseated, but evidently had to hear it for himself. "So, why not me? Why stop now?"
Eyebrows coming together, Axel turned his head to look at the kid. "…I told you, didn't I? I fell in love with you. And you…" He hunched his shoulders, hands gripping tightly together, staring hard at them. "You'd decided you loved me, before all this."
Looking torn between dread and disgust, the blond asked, "…So, because you love me, I get to live? What about the ones you didn't love?"
Axel's knuckles whitened. "I killed them."
Roxas swallowed thickly. Again, weakly now, he murmured, "Jesus, Axel." He tilted his head back, blinking up at the naked bulb attached to the water-damaged ceiling. For a while, neither of them spoke, Roxas thinking it over while Axel gave him the space to do so. At length, the kid dully asked, "Do you think – it might have been those silver-haired guys? Who want me dead in the future?"
Axel, his knuckles to his lips, lifted his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe."
"I haven't seen them around lately."
Uncertain as to what the kid's response would be, Axel uneasily rubbed his neck, answering, "Yeah, about that. I, uh, tracked them down and… motivated them to leave you alone."
Roxas frowned. "Wait, you? But you told me…" Before he was even halfway through the sentence, he trailed off, expression flattening. "Oh. You were lying. There is no 'friend with contacts', is there?"
"I hacked ShinRa's personnel files and tracked them down."
Well, that woke the kid up a bit. "You? Hacked ShinRa? With its world famous security and fifteen year jailing threat for espionage?"
"I'm telling you," Axel tiredly said, "my computer is twenty years better than the most cutting-edge technology ShinRa can boast. It was no big thing. I didn't even have to do anything, I just got the program running." As the flabbergasted blond rethought his stance on the legitimacy of the laptop as evidence of his future-born status, Axel went on, "Look, Roxas – we could take all night debating this, with me trying to convince you, but I haven't got anything left to say or show you that would work in my favour. You know it all now. And that means you have to decide whether you think I'm crazy… or if you believe me now."
Roxas' expression dimmed. His gaze was scrutinising, mouth and brows downturned. At length, he asked, "…And what if I do? Believe you, that is."
Axel held his gaze, hardly daring to hope. "If you do, then you know you don't need to be afraid of me – right?"
"You held a gun to my head, Axel," the blond icily reminded him. "Do you think I could ever feel safe with you again?"
Dread filling him, Axel twisted towards the blond, climbing onto his knees on the sagging bed. "No, no, don't say that," he quietly begged. "You need to understand, I only went that far because I thought I had to, because I've never questioned a contract before yours, because it's all I know – but now that I've failed, now that I know I can't go through with it, I can't go back. I'm cast adrift, Roxas, there's nowhere left for me now that I can't return to my own time. It's worth it if it means you live, but – please, please don't reject me. Please don't be afraid of me."
"And what if I hadn't woken up?" Roxas barked. "You only hesitated when I told you I loved you. What if I hadn't?"
"If I had been going to do it, I would have," Axel desperately said. "Whether or not you woke up wouldn't have changed anything. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't do it – and then you woke up. And then…" He shook his head, searching for words, before eventually, helplessly gulping and repeating, "I love you. I could never hurt you. I just didn't know it until…"
"Until you'd got me drunk, fucked me, then tried to shoot me and chickened out?"
Axel flinched at Roxas' dispassionate delivery, feeling like scum. As he should. "I'm sor-"
"Don't." Roxas cut him off, a hand slicing up between them, looking irritated. "I don't – want to hear it. Not again. You can be as sorry as you like, but it doesn't change anything, Axel."
Regret pulsing through every part of his being, Axel forced himself to ask, the words dragging out of him as if from the bottom of a pit, "You don't love me anymore, do you?"
For a silent minute, Roxas didn't respond. He simply stood there, the blue eyes that had been so warm of late now cold. It was only now that Axel knew why they'd been so warm. And he'd screwed everything up.
Eventually, Roxas told him, "That's the most pathetic thing anyone's ever said to me." Axel's stomach dropped, his features contracting painfully. He couldn't hold the blond's gaze, making Roxas click his tongue impatiently. "Do you know why I was able to make the difference to the Cornerstone Project's research, Axel?"
Reluctantly, the man looked up, and unexpectedly found that, rather than angry, the kid appeared… vexed.
"I was holding on to one of those damned rocks," Roxas said, "and I thought of you. And the fucking thing lit up like a Christmas tree. ShinRa had the right idea. Intense emotion purifies cornerstone, but I don't think negative ones like fear make the cut. It has to be something good. For me, it was my feelings for you that made it happen. That was when I knew. About you." He squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head, amended, "Not about you, obviously, since I had noidea about the real you, but – about how I felt for you. And then I told Olette, and she kept bugging me to tell you…" He sighed, an annoyed, unhappy sound. "But our entire time together, you were planning to kill me?" His expression twisted, the reality of it hitting him now that he'd said it out loud. "Give me a moment to – process that."
Axel nodded mutely, while Roxas took a few deep, steadying breaths.
"Okay," he said, sounding a little fainter, but still determined to get out whatever was on his mind, "so, you almost killing me aside – a sentence I never thought I'd utter –" He glared at Axel, expression strained, frustration evident. "I – still – care about you. I can't – I don't know how to just switch it off. I'd need time. And distance, and…"
Blinking, Axel rasped, mouth suddenly dry, "Wha, wait, what – what are you saying?"
"I still love you, you fucking jackass."
If the world had stopped moving, Axel would have been less stunned than he was right now. He started to tremble. Roxas, seeing the impact his words had had on the man, looked off to the side, still angry for very obvious, very understandable reasons, but – but he didn't hate Axel yet. He in fact still loved him.
Oh, Christ. Roxas loved him.
"So." Roxas sounded exhausted, like every ounce of energy had just about been used up. Now that he believed Axel – somehow, against all odds – he no longer had to remain in that permanent state of readiness to fight or flee, and the loss of that tension was taking its toll. "As I've asked a few times already – what now? The time-travelling assassin fails to kill the guy he decides he's in love with – and then what happens?" He still wasn't looking at Axel, remaining against the wall, arms lowered but folded over his thighs, defensive, tired.
Slowly, cautiously, so as not to frighten the kid, Axel climbed off the bed. Roxas heard the creak of springs, narrow eyes darting over to him, but didn't shrink as the man tentatively approached. He was wary, no doubt about it – but waiting to see what was coming.
As Axel reached him, he hesitantly took hold of Roxas' wrists, then, when the kid didn't try to jerk away, unfolded them. Roxas allowed it, unresisting, his gaze never wavering from Axel's face. Carefully, the man slid their hands together. Within his own, Roxas' were limp – but he didn't snatch them back. That was good. That was – progress.
"I'm going to forgive you," the kid warned him.
Axel smiled faintly. "I know. You shouldn't." The expression faded, one hand rising to tenderly brush a spike of blond away from blue eyes. "But there's something you should know." Roxas regarded suspiciously, as the fingers that had touched his hair trailed falteringly down to his jaw. "I didn't choose to come here," Axel quietly said. "I didn't choose the contract on your life, it was given to me. But I did choose to toss it out. This is – you are – my choice. You're the first choice I've made for myself in… a very long time."
Roxas' expression shifted, easing a little from its stern state. Axel's words had affected him, however much he didn't want them to. It was true, then, that he still cared; he wouldn't feel moved by such a statement if he didn't. Moving very slowly, Axel leaned towards him, then, when Roxas didn't turn away, kissed him, very gently. Once again, Roxas didn't respond… but neither did he reject the gesture. Axel could be content with that. It was the least of what he deserved.
When he drew back, Roxas said, "You still haven't answered my question."
It took Axel a moment to remember what the question was, before he recalled the 'what now?' that remained ever-present in the blond's mind. Reluctantly, he straightened, letting Roxas' hands slide from his grip. "The Organisation will send someone when they discover that I haven't fulfilled my obligations."
Brow creasing, Roxas wondered, "But how could they know? This is all happening in the past as far as they're concerned, isn't it? So they wouldn't find out until like twenty years from now."
Axel shook his head. "Throughout the timeline, for around a century, they've seeded agencies that do the Organisation's bidding. Usually it's administrative support – they got me the interview with Ansem, for example – but they're also given details of the contract. They're in charge of erasing signs of me from the timeline once I'm done, and cleaning up any messes I might have made in the meantime. That includes any loose ends… and in your case, a still-living target. If I don't check in with them by the time the deadline passes, they'll come looking."
Roxas was looking sicker by the minute. His mouth worked silently for a few seconds, before he managed, "So, what do we do?"
This next part wasn't going to be easy. Axel searched for the right words to try and cushion the blow, but in the end just had to come out and say it: "We have to run. Escape the Organisation's influence. That means…" He hesitated. "Going further back than they venture."
Roxas didn't react, staring blankly. Eventually, he asked, "And how far back is that?"
"…About a hundred and fifty years, to be safe," Axel told him, then nervously waited for the explosion. Surprisingly, it didn't come. Instead, Roxas merely shut his eyes, letting this sink in.
After a few minutes, he asked, voice husky, "What about my friends? My family? My job? I can't just… leave it all."
Axel told him helplessly, "If you don't, you'll die."
Roxas rubbed the fingers and thumb of one hand over his eyes. "…This is insane, Axel."
The man lowered his head. "I know."
He saw the slightest quiver of Roxas' mouth beneath his hand. "How did this happen? At the start of tonight, everything was great."
Axel regarded him sadly, then said, "No. It wasn't. It was this, just waiting to happen. It's always been this, waiting to happen."
The blond out a bitter sound. "You've ruined my life, you son of a bitch."
Axel sighed. "I know. But I'm also doing everything I can to save it. If anyone else had been sent… you'd already be dead."
Roxas whipped his hand down, glowering through watery eyes at the man. The expression lasted only a short period before collapsing, however, sorrowful, scared, and just plain baffled by the speed with which everything had changed. Axel opened his arms a little, indicating for Roxas to come to him. His heart in his throat, he wasn't sure if the kid was going to, if the anger that he had towards Axel, for the lies and just for all of it, would prove too strong.
But, really, Axel was all Roxas had left now.
The blond moved slowly towards him, sinking against his body, the man's arms winding around him, holding tightly. In his ear, Axel swore, "I will never, ever hurt you. Without the contract, I have no reason to put a gun anywhere near you. I never did it out of wanting to."
"What if you change your mind, somewhere along the road?" Roxas dimly asked. "How can I trust you to not just get bored one day and decide you'd rather go back to your assassin's life instead of living a hundred and fifty fucking years in the past?"
Axel gave him a slight squeeze. "The corridors are one-way. There's no going back without another case of wires and Mako, and the one set I have is the one that's going to get us out of here." He kissed the side of Roxas' head, holding him tighter. "You'll be safe with me," he murmured. "I promise you that. I'll take care of you."
Face still hidden, Roxas faintly snorted and gave the muffled reply, "I can take care of myself."
A smile twitched past Axel's lips. "You're right. My mistake." He rested his chin on the kid's shoulder, saying wistfully, "In that case, maybe you can take care of me."
They stood there for a while, neither man moving, the highly strung energy of the night leaking slowly from the room.
At length, Axel drew back, stroking a thumb down Roxas' face. "We need to prepare."
Alarm touched Roxas' features. "Wh-what? Already? We – just like that, we're leaving?"
Axel shook his head. "Not quite. We should sleep first. It takes concentration to get through to the other side of the corridors, and I have things to do before we go. Also, we'll need some clothes, and any objects we could sell that won't be ahead of the timeline we're entering into. But – soon." Roxas looked like he wanted to argue, Axel heading off his protests, telling him, as gently as he could, "The sooner we leave, the safer we are. Now that the research advance has been made, it won't be long before that becomes public knowledge – and then the agency will find out. They know what I'm here for. Besides…"
"Besides what?" Roxas asked, when Axel faltered. The man grimaced.
"Your friends. If you stay near them, or visit them and say anything out of the ordinary, even in the way of a particularly heartfelt good-bye… the agency will likely find out. They might question your friends. They might follow them."
Looking half-panicked, Roxas demanded, "What? Axel, are they going to be in danger?"
Hurrying to pacify him, Axel shook his head swiftly, bending and taking the kid's face in his hands. "No. Not if the last thing they knew was that we went back to your place and then… disappeared."
This seemed to reassure him a little, until he realised that that meant he likely wasn't ever going to see them again. "So – I can't even say good-bye?" Roxas looked almost tearful. He was holding it in, but only barely. When Axel opened his mouth, the blond fiercely said, "If you apologise again, I'm going to kick you."
Axel closed his mouth.
He smoothed Roxas' hair until the blond had taken a few deep breaths and calmed himself, then kissed him tenderly on the forehead.
"Come on. Let's get some rest."
.o.O.o.
When Axel woke up, and Roxas was still in his bed beside him, his relief could not have been greater. He half expected the kid to be gone, to have snuck out when he was unconscious, or perhaps called the police and holed up in the bathroom until they kicked the door down. But Roxas was still there, on the musty sheets, the Organisation coat wrapped around him, expression, for the moment, innocently peaceful.
Telling him his life as he knew it was over was one of the hardest things Axel had ever done, even as his happiness at the blond not having completely spurned him swamped him. The sight of him lying there, sleeping on as the sunrise touched the sprawling city, made Axel's heart swell with yearning. Just like Roxas, Axel was giving up everything he knew to keep him safe, although their circumstances were different. Roxas, for example, was losing much; Axel, on the other hand, couldn't imagine a greater gain. Sure, he would miss the money, but he had lost his taste for the kill. He couldn't have gone back to that life. He would have to find his adrenaline fix in more charitable pursuits. Perhaps, wherever they ended up, he could be a firefighter. Or a cop. Or a walking irony. Something like that.
Turning onto his back, carefully so as not to disturb the blond, Axel gazed at the ceiling and sleepily scratched his chest, thinking through the different facets of the job so far. He should have known that it was never going to end normally, considering how abnormally it had started out. The way that Roxas' tracks had been practically scrubbed right from the beginning had just been the tip of the iceberg. It was curious, though, that they had been. He hadn't thought about that in a while, but it was a mystery that had never been solved. In the future, Roxas Black had been about as non-existent as a person could be when they still had their picture in a medical text.
Now that he was thinking about it, though, it bugged him a little. It was the one thing he'd never got an answer to. He knew everything else, like who had been attacking Roxas, and how the kid was so significant to the Cornerstone Theory's research, but that was the one thing that…
Hmm. Wait a minute. Something about that made the back of his mind itch.
Some of the grogginess left Axel as he frowned at the damp-spotted ceiling, slowly thinking things through. It was Axel's presence that had led Roxas to making the Cornerstone discovery, wasn't it? Did that mean that Axel had swooped in just ahead of some other guy who Roxas would have fallen in love with, transferring that affection unwittingly to himself and somehow managing to make it all align despite his presence changing things in the timeline? If so, then… that was one hell of a coincidence. Like, a one-in-a-million sort of thing. Or billion.
Even then, the fact that so little was known of Roxas in the future remained an enigma. Roxas had had no idea about time travel or the Organisation's existence before tonight, so who had done that work for him? And it was a lot of work – people didn't just erase the majority of their presence from a timeline by accident, or with a click of a button. It was a complex process. It was, in fact, one that Axel was planning to do before they left, to make it that bit harder for the Organisation's proxy agency to discover anything about the kid. With his laptop, it would be an easy enough task, but still hours of laboriously sifting through Roxas' life, with Roxas as a necessary reference throughout the process since Axel didn't know much about him in the first place.
But wait, that didn't make sense, either. That would mean that when Reno had accessed the information in their timeline, someone had already done this, with Roxas for a reference. It was the only way to make sure the eraser got all the pertinent details. So, then – somehow, by natural design, if Axel hadn't interfered, Roxas would have fallen in love with someone else in the same period of time, consequently made the discovery about the connection between powerful, positive emotions and cornerstone purification, and at some point had someone who knew it would be important erase his life's details, with Roxas in the room.
That. Was. Impossible. Absolutely, entirely, flat-out impossible. There was no way, the Organisation didn't even technically exist yet, so there was no one in this timeline who knew that Roxas would need to be protected by them.
Well, except for Axel.
But it wasn't like Axel could have…
His intake of breath was sharp enough to make Roxas twitch. Wide-eyed, he looked sideways at the kid. Roxas rubbed his nose a little, but otherwise slept on. As the minutes trickled by, Axel continued to stare. He took in every little detail of Roxas' slumbering face – the thickness of his eyelashes, the tone of his skin, the shape of his mouth, the line of his jaw. And beneath all that, a sharp, witty mind, a clever brain, a lasting kindness. He was everything Axel had never known he wanted, or needed. He was the most amazing person that Axel had ever known, the only one he'd ever loved, and he couldn't imagine there ever being anyone who could replace him. There was nobody, in all of existence, that he could possibly adore the way he did Roxas.
There was… one other thing that Axel didn't know, in all of this.
Roxas' contractor. The one who had ordered the hit. In all his time here, he hadn't really encountered anyone who had set his senses tingling – like, 'Ah, I bet it's them'. And he still wasn't sure just how significant Roxas' contribution was to the Cornerstone Theory itself – he'd made the discovery about the emotions thing, sure, but the overall work would still be credited to Professor Ansem and the team in general. It might be a leg-up for Roxas' career, but – even then, it wasn't even scientific prowess that he'd employed so much as blind luck and happenstance. That was no reason to kill the kid – there wasn't a lot of glory to steal. Then there was the fact that Roxas living or dying made no difference to it being the Research Committee who proved the Theory, which made ShinRa a weak contender for the role of the Organisation's client, even with Lucrecia's presence in the research team. That Axel had all but expelled her from the project had little bearing on it, since she had already been on the team for Roxas' discovery in the original timeline, and hadn't managed to get the information to ShinRa in time to make any difference whatsoever.
In the end, there was only one person who benefited from the contract on Roxas' life, and that person was… Axel.
He felt – pinned to the bed by the force of the revelation. Could it possibly be…?
Had it been he who had set this all in motion? He was wracking his brain, but there was nothing else that was coming to him – all the various little inconsistencies and oddities taken at face value had been weird and frustrating to live through, but viewed through the lens of it having been set up by a member of the Organisation… it all started to make terrible, brilliant sense.
If – he was the one who wiped Roxas' tracks clean, after he made the kid fall in love with him, and then managed to leave a contract request behind to gather twenty years' of dust in a private post box, with a letter containing the numbers for one of the secret bank accounts he funnelled money into in case the Organisation ever turned on him… then, it all came together. It all had – cause and effect. Everything fit this way.
He was destroying Roxas' life to take it for himself, and he hadn't even know he was doing it.
It was the most selfish thing he'd ever contemplated, yet here he was, contemplating it all over again, just as he evidently had done once already. It was one big – inevitable cycle. All of this… had already happened. Even this part, this moment of realisation. Where it started, he couldn't begin to guess at, it was paradoxical, the only way he knew about Roxas was to be sent back to kill him, but the only reason he was sent back to kill him was because he was in love with Roxas and set everything in motion. Perhaps his original self had seen Roxas in the textbooks and – fallen in love at the sight of him. Christ knew the kid was like that.
It didn't matter. He was here, now. And, in the here and now, he had a choice to make. A choice that had been made before, he didn't know how many times.
Again, he looked sideways at Roxas, utterly torn. The question he had to ask himself was, did he love Roxas enough to let him go? Or did he love him so much that he couldn't possibly, ever, even to the point of twisting time itself to be with him?
Everything was already set up for him to leave with Roxas – this version of events wasn't going to be disordered if Axel chose to not submit the contract again. Roxas still cared about him, despite everything, and they would be leaving together, no matter what. So why shouldn't he just – let it happen as it was meant to, and simply focus on getting them out of here? The cycle had to break at some point, didn't it? It couldn't just continue in an everlasting loop, one Axel after another going back in time then vanishing into the past with Roxas. If Roxas already loved him in this incarnation, why bother doing it all over again? Why not lay this to rest, and let the timeline settle and resume its normal course? Roxas would be gone from it, either way.
However…
That said…
What about –?
…There was... still a little Axel in the world. A little, red-haired boy was out there somewhere, destined for a life of killing. A boy who would one day grow into a man too hot-headed and wild to end up anywhere but the Organisation or prison. That boy… without knowing Roxas, would never realise what was missing from his life.
What would he have done, if it was his current self who had been left alone in the world? Where would Axel have ended up, had he not come here and encountered Roxas?
Could he stand the thought of ever living without the blond – of being the one who condemned that little red-haired boy to a future without him?
Axel watched as, through the small, high-up window, sunlight bled slowly into the room. As it touched upon Roxas, the blond seemed to glow, Axel's entire being glowing in response.
…That was that, then.
He leaned across and pressed the lightest of kisses against Roxas' temple. In the sleeping boy's ear, he whispered, "I'm so sorry."
With one more long look at him, Axel slid silently out of bed and went to find a pen and piece of paper for the drafting of a contract. Letting Roxas go free would have to be left to others stronger than he was.
If ever there was an Axel who could face it.