Sleeping with the Enemy

Or Robins are such man-whores

Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, Batman is owned by DC Comics and Bob Kane's estate I guess. Please support the official release by buying Batman, Batman and Robin and Red Hood and the Outlaws.

Author's note: This was an idea that just popped into my head while reading a fic by Silver Spider called Seperation Anxiety which will not have this humor. You see I remembered that Jason slept with Talia and well here you have it.

It had been almost a year since Bruce had brought Jason in, all beaten and bloodied from an encounter with Deathsroke that neither had anticipated. Jason was responding to someone messing around the harbor, his territory, and Batman was responding to a call of a disturbance on the police scanner. Little did they know that it was a fight between the League of Shadows and Deathstroke over a certain artifact that the World's greatest mercenary had been contracted to get. Jason had gone in guns blazing though he was mostly firing at the mercenaries that were under Deathstroke's orders instead of the League members, something that Batman wondered about but kept in the back of his mind. The fight had ended with Deathstroke being victorious and with Jason on near death's door. Bruce had taken him back to the manor, to the place that had been his home and nursed him back to help. All the Robins had assisted in doing so, even Damien though he constantly remarked how this would probably come back to bite them all in the ass before Alfred took away his cookie privileges for a day for using swear words.

When Jason did wake up he was greeted by the very same family that he had been fighting against waiting to support him. All that warmth that he had been missing in his life ever since he had died was right there staring him in the face and Jason did what anyone would do in his position, confused and emotionally weary, he cried. For all the pride that he had and how much he fought not to show weakness in front of those he strived to prove his dominance to. For the first time, every Robin finally saw Jason for what he was, the lost boy who had been searching for safe and warmth. In the end, they had finally accepted him back provided that he never kills again. Unfortunately none of them were prepared for the atomic fuck bomb that was about to drop and change the way the Robin's viewed themselves.

It all begin with a letter arriving for Jason Todd signed by Talia al Ghul herself and imprinted with the official stamp of the League of Shadows. Of course, Jason didn't get up before noon stating that he spent time meditating to get his mind right which meant he liked to sleep in now that he didn't have to keep his drug dealers in line with threats of blowing off something that they would miss dearly. This meant that the first people to see the note were Alfred, who brought the note in and set it on the kitchen table for the other Robin's to see. Damien was the first rising the earliest because of his League of Shadows training and when he first saw the letter he suspected Jason of having some secret dealings with the League of Shadows behind their backs and woke up his other brothers. Dick was the first he got, who was oddly enough cuddling up to what at first Damien thought was a Batman stuffed toy but to his further shock it was a Batgirl plushie except the costume was like the one that Barbara Gordon wore.

"Grayson…why in the name of god are you sleeping with that thing," asked Damien as he gave one of his looks that bordered on curiosity to find out more and fear of finding out more.

"I don't question you about that Robin plushie you sleep with," retorted Dick without batting an eye, but he was certainly going to have to rethink the plushie.

"That…no such thing exists in my bed," replied Damien defensively as a blush reached his face, for once the assassin prodigy seemed dumbfounded. "Or in my…ownership!"

"Right now there has got to be a reason why you came here besides to watch me sleep," asked Dick as he set the plushie behind him before getting a very mischievous look on his face that Damien definitely didn't like the looks of. "Did you get scared in the middle of the night and come to sleep next to your big brother? You don't have to be ashamed, lots of kids get scared, that's what older brothers are for."

"Grayson, first of all, I am seriously considering smothering with your pillow right now," said Damien as he crossed to the window and opened the blinds to let in sunlight. "Second, it's morning."

"Oh god, natural light," cried Dick in mock agony before Damien tried to kick him out of bed. Dick, even half asleep, was fast enough to dodge the blow and roll out of bed.

"I called you because Todd has a letter from my mother."

That got Dick's attention and his smirk dropped as his face became serious. "Wake up Tim and meet me downstairs."

Damien found that Tim was also getting up early and showering when Damien had reached the door. Oddly enough he started to hear something that sounded like singing, but strangely enough it sounded like the person who was singing was Tim. To make it even odder, the teen was singing some strange pop song that could easily be in those animes that Tim had claimed he didn't watch even though every Titan he had talked to had admitted that Tim had gotten hooked on such things after spending time with the late Teen Titan member Bushido. At first Damien figured that he should record this moment and use it for a ring tone just to embarrass Drake, but he decided that it would be unnecessarily cruel and decided to just make his presence known. He snuck into the bathroom without his older brother knowing and cleared his throat, enjoying the sight of Tim jumping up to the ceiling like he had spider powers before covering up as much of his body as he could.

"Damien, what the hell, ever heard of knocking," he asked.

"Sorry, it was too good to resist," replied Damien as he let an amused expression cross his face. "By the way, there is a pressing matter concerning are second oldest brother and my mother, we're meeting downstairs, sans Todd. Do hurry up with your concert."

"I'm going to make pancakes out of you when I get out of here you sick little troll," threatened Tim as he quickly got out of the shower and got dressed. He stormed downstairs to find Dick and Damien sitting at the table, Damien having a sour face on probably because Dick didn't allow him any coffee. "Where's the pancake mix, I'm turning the brat into breakfast!"

"I do hope that you won't resort to cannibalism and fratricide(murder of a brother)," said Alfred as he set out another delicious looking breakfast in front of Tim's spot. "Though it is odd to see you all up so early, especially you Master Dick, may I ask for what occasion this is?"

"This note is addressed to Jason from Damien's mother," explained Dick, holding up the note for visual cues. "We want to make sure that he's not slipping back into a life of crime."

"Though shouldn't Master Jason be here to explain himself," said Alfred as he set down breakfast for the others and breakfast for Jason though all three of the Robins knew that Jason wouldn't be up to eat it.

"He'd probably tell us it's none of our business and we'd never know what was in the letter," replied Damien as he started to eat.

"You're damn right about that," said Jason Todd as he made a surprise morning visit to the table, sitting down in front of the breakfast that was placed for him and snatching the envelope that was addressed to him out of Dick's hands. "Honestly, I don't go through any of your mails so why do I get the special surveillance."

"Because we haven't gotten personal letters from Talia al Ghul and we wanted to make sure that you weren't going to join them," said Tim bluntly as he tried to snatch he letter from Jason only to have his hand smacked away by Jason.

"Manners, Drake, or didn't Alfred teach you well," said Jason as he opened the letter with the Kris that he kept with him. He pulled out a folded up piece of paper and Tim noticed that there were a couple of rectangular paper thin objects which must have been photos in the envelope. He also noticed a smirk on Jason's face.

"So what is my mother telling you or offering you," asked Damien, suspicious of his mother after she had placed mind controlling things in his spine.

"Oh nothing important, just telling me things that would make you feel down and that she may wish for me to lead the League of Shadows," replied Jason, but they knew he was not telling them something and he had to be joking about Talia asking him to lead the League of Shadows. Luckily Jason was right under the light so all Tim had to do was look under the letter and read the words in reverse.

"OH MY GOD," screamed Tim in shock as he read something that he could never unread ever. It sent images that were now stuck in his head.

"Oh goddamn it," said Jason as he realized that Tim had been reading the underside.

"What is it," asked Damien, now on the edge that there was something terrible that Jason had or was thinking of making him a part of.

"You slept with Talia," asked Tim in a tone was more like an exclamation of horror than it was an actual question and that sense of trauma spread to the other brothers, hitting Damien the hardest.

"You know maybe we shouldn't have this conversation with the little brother in the room," said Jason in a calm manner. "We shouldn't be bringing up the matters of sex in front of our youngest brother. We need to protect his childlike innocence."

"Todd I will have you know that I have done extensive research in the matter and that I am prepared to bathe myself in your blood if you do not tell me this instance what Tim is talking about."

"You and Talia," was all Dick could say, a look of complete shock on his face.

"Yeah, it kind of happened after she brought me fully back to life with the Lazarus pit," said Jason as he drank his orange juice slowly. "After I had gained my determination and plans of vengeance with the help of Talia…we kind of kissed in the excitement and anticipation of the kill. One thing led to another and eventually it led to nearest piece of furniture I could pound her into."

"Oh real subtle Jason, did you have to say that in front of Damien," asked Tim as he looked at the ten year old who had completely gone into what Tim could only assume was shock. "Damien are you alright?"

"Yeah well he asked for it Mr. 'I'm the spawn of Batman and know all about sex from reading it in those cheap romance novels Dick reads,'" retorted Jason as he took another drink of his orange juice.

"Hey those are Barbaras," protested Dick, a faint blush reaching his face. "Anyway, we're getting away from the point where you are carrying on an affair with the woman who has tried to kill me and I don't know if you noticed, is bat shit insane. No offense Damien."

"Says the man who carried on the love affair with the woman who tried to turn him to the dark side. Anyway it's not like we've been carrying on this affair or something for a long time or have even really talked about feelings much. I'm not going to be Damien's step dad any time soon and while yes I did enjoy sex, she's not the only woman I've slept with since I came back."

"Oh no, don't tell me you were doing Scarlet," cried Dick, horror spread across his face.

"Not unless you've been bawling Damian while I wasn't looking," replied Jason, further scarring Damien for life. "Batman doesn't screw Robin, Red Hood doesn't screw Scarlet, that is an unspoken rule. By the way, why did you break it off with Donna she is freackin' amazing."

"You had sex with Donna," screamed both Tim and Dick, Damien was in another multiverse.

"Now those words didn't imply that…or maybe they did but yeah," replied Jason as he finished his orange juice and ate the rest of his breakfast giving the other two time to soak in that image. "We have been for about…five months, after me and this woman who I was having on again off again relations of an intimate nature with. Her name was Shandra Kinsolving or something like that. She was treating my wounds and we talked during that time. Our faces got close and then we wound up boning each other on her desk."

"Oh my God, please don't tell me you've been banging Selina Kyle," said Tim as he sat back down with his face in his palm.

"I wish, but I did manage to bang Poison Ivy!"

"What's next, Harley Quinn," asked Dick who also putting his face in his palm.

"Oh hell no! Don't get me wrong she's hot and all, but I'm in no way touching the Joker's sloppy seconds with my penis. Noooo way!"

"Yeah just mine and Bruce's huh," muttered Dick.

"Hey Koriand'r is not sloppy seconds and neither is Talia," defended Jason before he realized how bad of a mistake he had made by the way Dick's head shot up.

"What the hell, you slept with Kory," asked, well more of shouted, Dick. "I'm gonna kick your ass, you man-whore!"

"Hey, you broke it off with her, and I wouldn't call me a man-whore if I was you," retorted Jason as he leaned back in his chair, balancing on only two legs of the chair.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Let's face it, you have slept with possibly the most women out of all of us, that we know of," said Tim, glaring at Jason. "I mean you have whatever it is you have with Barbara, that fling with Huntress, you slept with Donna, Starfire, those women in Bludhaven, that crazy woman, and there was our old mailwoman apparently, yeah nasty. Oh don't forget you also had that brief moment with that other girl in Chinatown."

"Oh don't get mad at me just because Stephanie isn't giving you any!"

"Woah, Timmy's not getting any, come on Tim you got to catch up with the curve. I mean me and Dick have already slept with our Batgirl's, what about you?"

"Woah, what the hell do you mean by slept with our Batgirls? You stay the hell away from my Babara!"

"Dick I was referring to the second Batgirl, since I'm the second Robin. Besides, she's like a sister to me; we even bathe together like siblings."

Dick did a spit take with his coffee when he heard that. "What?"

"That last part was a joke."

"So you've also slept with Cassandra? When?"

"Back when she was going to the dark side though neither of us knew the other," he said with his hands behind his head. "We kind of meet up sometimes, if neither of us is in a relationship. She told me you were too shy there."

"Hey she was kind of like part of the family…besides I've met tons of girls on my travels. I've been on a million dates…with a million girls."

"So your relationships have only lasted one date, Timmy-Tim-Timmo?"

"Hey I've slept with lots of girls besides Stephanie and I'm currently dating someone right now, I'll have you know!"

"His name wouldn't happen to be Conner would it," asked Jason which caused Dick to barely suppress a burst of laughter.

"Oh and you're on his side, you probably told him those rumors," spat Tim. "Least I'm not rumored to have been in two three ways, one with Roy and Garth, the other with Gar and Vic!"

"Ha, you're all fags as far as I'm concerned," laughed Jason as he sat his chair upright and picked up his envelope. Tim grabbed his hand before he could take the envelope fully from the table. "Tim, not that I'm not flattered, but I don't swing that way."

"What's in the envelope you ass," asked Tim as he tried to look at what the remaining rectangular pieces of paper were, obviously pictures of some kind.

"Hey this is a private matter; it's no one's business but me and Talia!"

"That's my mother," screamed Damien who had finally snapped out of his trauma and just completely snapped.

"Hey get off me you little cockroach," barked Jason as he grabbed Damien by the hair and tried to rip Damien off of him. At that moment the photos that were in the envelope scattered on the ground revealing photos of Talia herself, posed in various ways. The first one was her posing herself, fully clothed in a somewhat suggestive manner. The next one had in her very much short dress with the top buttons open and her sitting, her panties peeking through her crossed legs. The rest had her wearing even less and it eventually became very pornographic.

"What has been seen cannot be unseen," said Damien as he finally got off Jason, a very blank stare in his eyes as he walked towards the door only to run into Alfred who patted the young boy on the shoulder.

"Perhaps you should go to your bedroom and call this a personal day," said Alfred as he patted Damien on the shoulder. "I'll bring up some cookies and milk in a bit."

"I…thank you Alfred," said Damien as he continued on to his bedroom.

"Now I must say I'm very disappointed with how both you acted around young Mr. Damien and as punishment for such behavior, you have all lost cookie privileges for the day. By the way, you conversation has been overheard by Ms. Gordon and Ms. Brown, neither of whom looked please with your conversation."

"Well you're both screwed," said Jason as he reached into the leather coat that hung on his chair and pulled out a bag of cookies. "Guess Alfred didn't count on my bag of tricks!"

"Thank you for pointing out flaws in my search for contraband," said Alfred as he appeared out of nowhere to snatch the bag of cookies from Jason's hands.

"Hey my cookies," pouted Jason before putting his jacket on. "Anyway I'm heading out, you guys have fun with your girlfriends, and I'll hang out later with what's left of you two."

Jason walked out of the room, passing Barbara and Stephanie, the first giving him a stern look while the second was giving him the finger. Yeah both of them loved him and all, but he could be such an asshole some times, especially at this time. The other two Robins were looking their coffee and breakfast in the face, their tongues running for the hill hoping that their asses would follow, Unfortunately for them, the two girls split up, Stephanie taking one exit, Barbara taking another, they were not getting out of this one.

"So tell me, just how many women have you slept with," asked Barbara as she looked at Dick, her eyes had suddenly gained heat vision or at least it felt that way to Dick.

"Hey I didn't sleep with anyone while we were dating if that is what you're implying," said Dick as he backed up into the counter. "You knew all about the relationship I had with Kory and the last time I checked, you had talked with Huntress."

"But apparently you have some women you didn't tell me about," she said, her glasses lowering so that she was looking at him right above them.

"And what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Sexpants," asked Stephanie as she pointed a very accusing finger at Tim. "You abandoned me, accused me of a lot of things and then go off around the world so you can sleep around?"

"I was looking for Bruce and all of you thought I had gone crazy, even you! Besides, you're the one who didn't want to start up our relationship!"

"Oh I'm sorry for feeling hurt after you basically left me and then went off to whore island!"

"Oh come on, you women are judging us based upon relationships we had when we weren't in a relationship with either of you," defended Dick as he took a sip of his coffee. "I mean, come on, it's not like we're jumping from bed to bed. We both love you two and we aren't in relationships for sex like Jason is."

"I just think he's being honest," said Barbara as she turned around and started to wheel away.

"Yeah, all the Robins are such man-whores," said Stephanie as she walked out. "Maybe Damien will turn out better, we just need to make sure he isn't under their influence."

"Did we just get plotted against," asked Tim as he looked at Tim.

"Yes we did little brother, yes we did."

"We need to figure out a plan to get them back on our side and find out where Jason Todd is going. I don't feel like everything is right and he's in the center of it."

"Alright then, to the Batcave!"

"Dick, why are we going out in costume…in broad daylight."

"I had him swallow a tracking device a few days ago so we should be able to track his movements from there."

And the hunt was on for Jason Todd.

Will the guys find Jason Todd? What is he up to? Will their be a sequal? Will they get back in god graces with their signifcant others? Will Damien Wayne ever be right again? These answers and more shall not be answered unless I can get inspiration. Though for other things like stories, please request, I'd like a challenge.