The scene opens with an image of two very familiar pig-tailed men standing one stacks of boxes and crates. One is older and wearing a modern combat armor vest in a glossy blue. The other is several years younger and wearing a black jacket with a crescent moon on the back.

"Hey everyone," the older one said, waving his hand, "I'm Ranma Saotome, DAPC officer!"

The younger one jabbed a thumb at his chest. "And I'm Ranma Yagami, the star of this story."

"Man, it's been a while, hasn't it?" Ranma Saotome asked, chuckling, "I don't even remember what story arc I'm in anymore! Something about cyborgs, maybe? Who knows!"

Ranma Yagami crossed his arms over his chest. "As for me, my story's a little more focused, but Jesus! What's with this update record?"

Ranma Saotome sighed wearily as he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, it's true. Things have been a little sluggish here at Black Dragon Productions. People have been forgotten. Romances have been sidelined. Major catastrophes that would have hilariously sidelined those romances have ALSO been sidelined, due to the romances having been pre-sidelined before a proper story-based sidelining could occur."

Ranma Yagami scowled. "No, it's not writer's block. In fact, I think you all know what I'm talking about: there's a problem around here and it's time for it to come out into the open. And that problem is..."

Both Ranmas took a deep breath before speaking in stereo, "Big Human on Campus has been taking up all the damn writing time!"

Ranma Yagami immediately started venting the moment the issue was breached. "Seriously, what the HELL? How does a third-rate, cheap harem crossover compare to this series? We have everything! All-star martial arts fights! Teenage drama! Sexy ninja! I got cursed, given fire powers, and even got a LITTLE SISTER! What more do you people want?"

"And even if you ARE one of those weirdos who insist that the love interests be unholy freaks of nature, you've got me!" insisted Ranma Saotome, if more calmly. "Vampire, Sith, and cyborg magical girls! And I think one of 'em even has an alien symbiote now!"

He stopped for a moment, looking doubtful. "Damn it! I really can't remember! What was the last chapter of Millennium about?"

Ranma Yagami coughed into his fist. "Moving on. Over here among the old projects, there's been some frustration. I mean, Nexus Ranma Saotome is so demoralized he didn't even want to bother showing up for this!"

Ranma Saotome nodded. "Right you are, Yagami. Now, we could have just kept this to ourselves and just kept bitching to the author-"

"And we would have done just that if I didn't need a page of pointless banter to head off the chapter," Ranma Yagami interjected.

"But instead we've decided to reach out to the people who share responsibility with the lonely jackass who churns out this crap," Ranma Saotome continued, "and that's you, the readers."

"Tell me something," Ranma Yagami said, slouching against a crate, "how many reviews did BHoC have when this bit was written? Do you know? Let me tell you! NINE HUNDRED AND SEVEN! This story hasn't even breached two-fifty!"

"Now, we're not complaining that not enough readers leave reviews," Ranma Saotome pointed out carefully, "but rather, you should be more careful about where you lavish your attention. Think about it! Just like a democratic citizen shares responsibility for the actions of incompetent politicians in power, you all share some of the blame in directing our incompetent writer toward that Rosario crap!"

"Seriously! It's time you readers did your part!" Ranma Yagami insisted, planting his fists on his hips, "by pouring praise on every stupid new idea Black Dragon has, you're taking critical writing attention and time away from series like mine that need to be properly fleshed out and concluded!"

"And that's the most dangerous thing!" Ranma Saotome said suddenly, his tone turning serious. "You guys can't just jump on whatever new bandwagon the writer slaps together when he gets bored and decides to try something new! Writing these stories goes even SLOWER than most American manga series release schedules!"

Ranma Yagami nodded emphatically. "Yes! If people laud him every time he posts something new, he'll be stuck like so many other authors, his library full of three-and-four chapter projects lying abandoned and forgotten!"

Ranma Saotome placed a hand on his younger counterpart's shoulder. "So do your part. Tell Black Dragon that Big Human is weebo otaku garbage and that he needs to finish his damn works before he starts new ones. Because if you don't..."

Ranma Yagami grimaced. "Remember L33T Ranma?"

The pair shuddered.

"Don't let that happen to us," Ranma Saotome said grimly.

"Only YOU can prevent trendy crossovers from replacing our time-honored classics," Ranma Yagami said firmly, pointing to the reader. "Now please enjoy the story. And don't forget to flame that piece of trash vampire drama! Do it! Seriously!"

Yagami 1/2
A Ranma 0.5/King of Fighters crossover
by Black Dragon

Disclaimer: Man, being employed just KILLS your writing progress. Thank Tzeentch for Blackberrys!

Notes: Sounds, Emphasis or techniques, 'Thoughts', "Dialogue"

Chapter 20
Fire and Ice

"Hey Mom, I'm home!" Ranma called out as he stepped through the front door, tossing his shoes off before entering the living room.

He didn't get a response right away, and after a quick glance around the pigtailed boy noticed that his father Iori was slouched in a sofa chair in the corner, reading some book that was in English.

"Oh, hey Dad," Ranma said, not really expecting a response as he headed for the stairs and his room.

"Ranma," Iori said suddenly, stopping his son in his tracks.

Ranma looked over toward his father curiously. "Yeah? Something wrong?"

Iori lowered the book and stared expressionlessly at the younger Yagami. "You've been looking for that cat the last week or so, right?"

Ranma nodded, his expression brightening. "Yeah, I was! Did you find Maya?"

"No," Iori said bluntly, instantly crushing Ranma's hopeful mood. "Did you see anything else when you were searching for it at night?"

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Something... else? Like what? You mean other stray animals, or what?"

The redhead was silent for a few moments before he returned to his book. "Never mind. It's probably nothing."

Ranma scratched his head in confusion for a bit before finally ascending the stairs to the second floor.

Upon opening the door to his room, the pigtailed boy blinked in surprise before he sighed.

"You know, you should really just come in through the front door like everyone else. I think you're making my dad paranoid."

Min was laying face-down on Ranma's bed, flipping through a manga she had taken from Ranma's sparse collection. "Tsk, tsk. You really have no sense of drama, do you? Isn't it more romantic for a lover to sneak into her partner's home in secret?" she asked without turning toward the partner in question.

"Maybe if there's an actual REASON to sneak in, sure," Ranma mumbled as he tossed his bag to the side. "How did you get here so fast, anyway? I know I left school before you."

"Trade secret," Min said unhelpfully, closing the manga book. "So, hon! What exciting and SEXY adventures do you have in store today?"

"Well, I was thinking that we could go down to the beach and pummel some roaming thugs and then join a watermelon eating contest before topping everything off by having dinner by the sea at a beach house," Ranma said, scratching his chin.

Min stared at her boyfriend, utterly stunned. "Wait... really?"

"Nope. Turns out instead I have to take my little sister to a friend's birthday party," Ranma said, shrugging.

"Whaaaat?" Min whined, quite annoyed at the earlier misdirection. "Why do you have to go instead of your parents?"

Ranma chuckled slightly as he scratched the back of his head. "Well... I'm the clown."

"Huh?"

"Well, I'm not going to put on makeup or anything, but you know what I mean; does fire tricks, knows acrobatics, sleight of hand," the pigtailed boy ticked off his various showman's skills. "Also, I know a bit of magic, too."

Min frowned. "I didn't know you fancied yourself an entertainer."

"I didn't, until somebody mentioned it pays five thousand yen an hour," Ranma said, suddenly smiling.

Suddenly Min lurched upright, her expression serious. "I too know fire tricks, acrobatics, and sleight of hand."

Ranma snorted. "What, no magic?"

"Well, I can't turn into a boy, but if I may say so, I fill out a leotard way better than your shrimpy girl form," Min said smugly, puffing out her chest for emphasis.

"Excuse me?" the cursed martial artist asked, eyebrow raised. "Shrimpy? You've got, like, one cup size on me. Tops."

"Yeah, sure. You tell yourself that," Min said mockingly, folding her arms below her breasts.

Ranma's eyebrow twitched. "And putting that aside, your taste in clothes could use some work. I mean, really, your chest draws plenty of attention already. Most of your wardrobe just comes off as trying too hard."

Min bristled angrily. "What's that supposed to mean? What do YOU know about women's fashion?"

"Enough that I wouldn't be caught dead in that gaudy bathing suit you call a combat uniform," Ranma said condescendingly, staring at his girlfriend evenly as the young kunoichi glared back at him.

After a few seconds of silence, Min's expression fell. "This is a really weird argument."

Ranma's face darkened. "I think I just felt another piece of my masculinity wither and die."

"Ranma!" The teenage warriors turned to face the hall as Yurumi's voice came from beyond the door. "Are you almost ready? We should leave soon!"

"Ready in a sec!" Ranma called before turning back toward Min. "So, do you wanna tag along after all? I doubt the parents will pay for a second person, but if you want to be my assistant, I can give you... how about... ten percent."

"Fifty percent," Min said firmly.

"Twenty percent," Ranma offered.

"Fifty percent," Min said once more.

Ranma blinked. "No, see, when I start going higher, you're supposed to go lower..."

Min cupped her hands under her breasts and leaned forward, her eyes locked with Ranma's as she exposed maximum cleavage. "Fifty percent."

"That doesn't work on me," Ranma said, trying to sound annoyed despite the flush over his cheeks.

Min grabbed the pigtailed boy by the sides of his head, and then pulled his face into her chest as he cried out in surprise and flailed his arms. "Fifty percent."

"Aw wight! Aw wight! Hoo hin!" Ranma shouted into the soft pillows of flesh being crushed against his cheeks.

Min smiled as she released her flustered captive. "See what happens when you don't let me have my way? Resistance is futile."

Ranma turned away from the kunoichi, his face flushed badly as he straightened his clothes. "Yeah, yeah. If you're going to take half my money, then you'd better pull your weight, at least."

"Don't worry about it!" Min said cheerfully. "Taking a cover as an entertainer was a big part of my shinobi training! I've got this!"

"You do realize this is a kid's birthday party, right?" Ranma deadpanned. "So if your 'entertainment' involves some kind of strip sho-" he was silenced when Min smashed one of her war fans into his jaw, and winced as the kunoichi walked past him.

"Come on now, don't keep your sister waiting," Min admonished, pretending that Ranma hadn't asked that last question as she opened the door to his bedroom.

Yurumi, who had been standing outside, gaped in surprise at seeing Min emerge from her brother's room. "M-Min? What were you doing in there?"

"Nothing as exciting as what you're probably imagining," the ponytailed girl said as she patted Yurumi's head. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Yurumi watched wordlessly as Min practically skipped down the stairs, and then she glanced toward Ranma as the pigtailed boy trudged out of his bedroom while rubbing his jaw. "Well, whatever happened in there, you don't look too happy about it."

Ranma stopped as his eyes locked onto his sister's. "Tell me... at what age do girls learn to take boys' money and make them do their bidding?"

Yurumi blinked. "Learn? I thought we were born knowing that," she said curiously before smiling angelically. "By the way, can we stop for dinner after the party? Miki said there would only be cake and not much else, so we'll probably still be hungry afterward."

A lone tear crawled down Ranma's cheek as he imagined another chunk of his future paycheck being claimed by the women in his life.

Far across the city, in a derelict corner of Tokyo's red light district, a small, whitish blur could be seen bouncing across awnings, signs, and street lights as it made its way to the darkest reaches of the blighted urban landscape.

Few noticed the disturbance and even fewer gave it more than a passing thought; it was still early in the day, when most denizens of the underworld recovered from the previous night's debauchery, and even those that were up and about and aware enough to catch a glimpse of a dark green robe trailed by a whip of gray hair were all too happy to attribute the sight to whatever mood-altering substance they were enjoying at the time.

"Hey! You not leave now! You no pay yet!"

What was far more interesting to the few pedestrians wandering these sleazy streets was a burly, tattooed man walking away from a run-down tenement and being chased after by a petite Chinese girl in a scandalously short dress.

"You hear me! You stop now!" the girl shouted angrily, rushing forward and grabbing the hem of the man's shirt.

"Hey!" the man growled, turning around and throwing a backhand that the girl avoided neatly. "Don't touch me, slut! I 'aint giving you nothin'!"

"Why not? You get service, you pay!" the girl shouted back, trembling slightly. She had dodged the attack, but all the same didn't want things to get violent.

"Pfeh! You call that service? You 'aint worth my money," the thug scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

The prostitute fumed, balling her hands into fists. "You no complain five minute ago! You finish, you pay! That is deal! You no pay, you regret it!"

"Oh really?" the customer growled, glowering at the girl and cracking his knuckles. "And who's gonna make me regret it, exactly?"

Thud!

The Chinese girl blinked in confusion as the man collapsed in a heap, having apparently fainted.

After a moment, the cause of the sudden nap hopped upon the man's unconscious body, its unblinking, owlish gaze focusing on the young prostitute.

The girl paled slightly and stepped back, unsure as to what she was looking at. "What... it... it..."

Cologne nodded. "That's right, it's me. Please inform Hairspray that-"

"It is ghoul!" the Chinese girl screamed suddenly, her eyes wide.

Thonk! Cologne's eyebrow twitched as she clubbed the girl lightly on the head. "Respect your elders, girl! Has the madam of this house taught you nothing?"

"Owww..." the girl rubbed the welt on her head as she stumbled toward the insensate customer, rifling through his pants for his wallet. "You know Hairspray? You Amazon?" It was very unusual for a member of Hairspray's old tribe to come calling for her, but she couldn't imagine that the ancient crone had come for the usual services they offered.

"That's correct, child. Is she in? I have need of her. Finish with that dolt and go fetch her," Cologne said, hopping off the man and trying to avoid eye contact with everyone around her as the girl collected her fee and then dashed into the adjacent building.

It wasn't that Cologne was prudish or naive about the darker economy that existed in the rotten core of all cities, or even that she necessarily disapproved of the world's oldest profession. It was simply the thought that there were perfectly good young women with Amazon warriors' blood working here that rankled the matriarch so. Cologne didn't presume to know the girls that Hairspray... "employed," nor was she certain that they would find a bloody, dignified life out in rural China better than being a whore in urban Japan, but she couldn't help but wonder what sort of chance these girls had really been given, to say nothing of what latent martial talent that could be wasting away serving the basest lusts of unscrupulous men.

After a few minutes of silent brooding next to the head of the insensate customer, Cologne saw the girl emerge from the tenement looking nervous.

"Ha-Hairspray say you can come. Is through front door, all way down hall and to right," the girl said, her already atrocious accent stuttering.

Cologne's eyes narrowed as she picked up her staff and walked slowly toward the door to the dirty old building. Normally she would have hopped there, but she decided that a more dignified appearance was warranted before she met with Hairspray again and walloped the insolent tramp.

'It's been barely a decade since she left China, and already the girl's senses have fled her,' Cologne thought to herself as she walked past the seedy bar on the first floor, ignoring the various squeamish noises and flabbergasted expressions that marked her passage. Giving the matriarch of the Amazons "permission" to enter one's dwelling for a meeting when she had personally requested one's immediate presence was acceptable only amongst the badly crippled and terminally ill, and even then some token effort to meet the request was expected for propriety's sake.

Not that Cologne was surprised by such a breach in etiquette. Hairspray was a former Amazon, but not one with any sort of respect for the village she left behind. While Shower was a noble warrior that had ended up in Japan through ironic circumstance and their stubborn, draconian laws, Hairspray was one who had willingly and deliberately turned her back on her people, dismissing them as barbaric lunatics in a world that had no more use for war. Disrespect was to be expected, if not tolerated.

Making her way down the aforementioned hall, Cologne stopped before the door and took a moment to compose a response and decide upon the best way to approach her unwilling "contact".

After a few seconds of coming up with nothing useful, she threw out that idea and fell back on the old Amazonian show of force; she was here as a representative of the barbaric "old ways" after all.

Raising her staff, Cologne lightly tapped each of the hinges on the door in quick succession before swiping the tip of her weapon through the door knob.

Crack! Crrrreak... The door slowly tilted inward from the force of the tiny explosions, and after a few seconds fell to the floor with a resounding thud.

Cologne calmly stepped into the room over the fallen door, ignoring the surprised stuttering of one of the occupants as she glanced about.

"Wh-What the hell was th-that for?" came a voice from the corner. "What did you do?"

"You'll have to excuse the old fool," came a much calmer voice in response. "Where she comes from, they're not used to complicated technology like doors. And smashing things you don't understand is a basic tenet of Amazonian culture. Am I right, Matriarch?"

Cologne finally finished perusing the gaudy room and turned toward its occupants. "As insolent as ever Hairspray. I see a decade of living amongst foreign gutter trash hasn't humbled you one bit."

Hairspray was hardly an elderly woman, being in her mid-fifties, but the years had been hard on her and she seemingly hadn't benefited from the Amazons' legendary resilience. Dry gray hair hung elegantly over one shoulder as hard green eyes glared at the Amazonian elder. Hairspray had some time yet before she starting shrinking with age, but she was fairly short naturally. Wiry hands with hidden agility scratched irritably on the hardwood chair she was seated on like a queen on a throne, and delicate Chinese silks patterned with snakes and ivy hid the rest of her body from view.

"Hey, who're you calling gutter trash?" demanded the person next to the brothel matron. This... young adult, probably in the early twenties or late teens, had short, wild black hair and a thin, muscular body that seemed to defy all efforts at determining gender. The choice of clothes, a blue two-piece suit with black gloves, did nothing to swing opinion either way, nor did the individual's face, which would have seemed somewhat feminine were it not for a thick scar running straight down over the right eye and cheek.

"My apologies, child; I wouldn't presume to know which particular kind of trash you are," Cologne said, barely glancing over at the androgynous figure as she sized up Hairspray. "I suppose you act as Hairspray's bodyguard, then? Unless some of your patrons prefer the company of men."

Hairspray raised an eyebrow as her associate sputtered uselessly. "Miss Nanoya Hayate is a woman, actually. Though you were correct in that I employ her to take care of unpleasant customers and solicitors."

Cologne snorted. "That pointless ruse may work on the rest of your guests, but I know better than that," the elder Amazon explained as she pointed her staff over at the fuming bodyguard. "This 'woman' doesn't have a scrap of feminine ki in her entire body, and her mannerisms couldn't be more masculine if you trained her." The staff moved up over Hayate's utterly flat chest until it pointed straight at the guard's throat. "Furthermore..."

Cologne trailed off, and there was a long silence as Hairspray awaited the matriarch's verdict.

"Well? Go on," the former Amazon prodded, smirking slightly.

A sweatdrop rolled down Cologne's head as she stared up at the smooth curve of Hayate's neck, completely lacking any sign of an adam's apple. "Hmm..."

Frowning, Cologne tugged her staff back and then lashed out with it again.

Thwack! "Hey!" Hayate shouted angrily as the matriarch jabbed her between the legs, eliciting a flinch and a thick flush, but nothing like the response a male having his genitalia smashed would have given.

"Anyway, as to why I'm here," Cologne said smoothly, turning away from the furious woman and trying to get the meeting back on track.

"Oi! You think you can insult me like that and then just drop it?" Hayate growled, her hands gripping into fists. "What was all that crap about 'feminine ki' and my mannerisms?"

Hairspray giggled slightly as she held up a hand. "Calm down, Hayate. The good elder simply puts too much faith in her arcane martial rituals that doing a simple thing like asking someone's gender and trusting the response becomes... difficult for her. She meant no offense."

Hayate looked unconvinced. "What about that earlier stuff about me being trash?"

"Oh. Well, yes, I suppose she did mean offense from that, but I expect she's just bitter about my making her come in to meet with me."

Thwock! Hairspray's head reeled under the sudden impact of Cologne's staff, and Hayate gasped at the sheer speed of the attack.

"I knew you did that on purpose," Cologne grumbled as she glared up at the brothel matron.

"What the hell?" Hayate snarled, stepping between the two older women and putting up her fists. "Don't think a simple apology is going to be enough to get you out of here with all your bones intact, ghoul!"

Bzrt! Cologne noted with great interest that a few arcs of electricity lashed back and forth between the cross-dresserﾒs fists, although any further display of the bodyguard's power were forestalled when Hairspray put her hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

"Let it go, Hayate. She could've done much worse, and quite frankly, I doubt you could stop her," the former Amazon mumbled. "Fighting IS the one thing these backwater cave women do well at, after all. But most importantly..." Hairspray smiled, "as our little old matriarch has been putting up with our abuse for this long, it would seem that she actually needs us for something."

"And if your androgynous little pet would stop interrupting me, we could get to what that is," Cologne grumbled as said androgynous pet reluctantly backed away to the wall. "Hairspray, I don't suppose you've heard of the name Yagami, have you?"

"I know a few," Hairspray said as she whipped out a fan to cool herself. "Are you looking for a client of mine?"

"I doubt it," the matriarch mumbled. "The elder of the family is happily married as I understand, and the younger isn't the type that would want or need your services," she explained. "I'm not certain how well-known they are around Japan. I'm looking for Yagami Ranma or his father, Yagami Iori."

Hairspray didn't have any apparent revelations from the names, but Hayate spoke up immediately. "Iori? You mean the bassist? Big guy, red hair, moon on his jacket?"

"A bassist?" Cologne asked as she turned to the younger woman. "An odd profession for one of the last few true masters of the martial arts and spiritual prison of a dark god."

"Is it? Neither of those things make much money," Hairspray noted dryly. "Out here in civilization, people usually need jobs beyond fighting."

Cologne rolled her eyes at the latest of the numerous verbal jabs. "Yes, yes, it is as you say," she deadpanned. "In any case, I'm searching for Yagami's son, Ranma. As well as my great granddaughter, Shampoo."

Hairspray raised an eyebrow. "Only one 'great'? Really?" Thwonk!

Hayate bristled as Cologne removed her staff from the new lump on Hairspray's head. "Cut that out! One more time and I swear I'm gonna trash you, old hag!"

The younger of the two Amazons grumbled as she rubbed her aching skull, unmindful of her bodyguard's temper. "Putting aside how many generations apart you really are, how did your own kin end up in another country without your permission?"

Cologne's eyes narrowed, although her unease seemed to be directly more inwardly than at her estranged tribe mate. "It was... a miscalculation on my part. She left entirely with my permission, though it was not my intention that she should go so far or be gone so long. She's currently on a fugitive hunt, you see."

"And this 'Ranma' is the fugitive?" Hairspray asked.

"No. The truth is not so sensible as that," the elder admitted. "The fugitive is an exile that escaped imprisonment before he could properly atone for his actions. He goes by the name of Mousse, and although I would not mind knowing where he is right now, I could barely care less about his fate." Then the matriarch drew a deep breath. "Shampoo was dispatched to hunt down Mousse, as she volunteered for the duty and I did not give her request adequate thought before allowing it. At the time I was occupied with... other issues. These other issues, when they were resolved, called on Ranma Yagami to be hunted down and destroyed."

Silence reigned in the room for several seconds as the gravity of the situation settled on the two younger women.

"You... do realize this is a brothel, right?" Hairspray finally asked, her expression squeamish. "You know what these girls do here?"

"Yes, I'm well aware," Cologne deadpanned. "But I-"

"I can assure you, if you saw any Ninja while making your way here, they were merely part of our cosplay services," the matron continued.

"Yes, yes, now I-"

"I know the costumes are very realistic, and the incense does tend to cloud one's mind, but even if I charged triple rates, we couldn't-"

Whap! Cologne was mildly surprised to see her staff attack intercepted by Hayate's hand, and she couldn't help but smile as the rather manly girl snarled.

"What did I tell you, hag?" Hayate demanded, sparks blasting from her knuckles as she gripped the staff tighter. "I'm gonna turn you into lunch meeeeeeaagh!"

Whump! Hairspray winced as her bodyguard was thrown haphazardly into the wall, knocking over a shelf and sending a few small, dusty urns crashing to the ground.

"Now look at the mess you made," Hairspray said in disgust. "I know you didn't have to do that."

"If we could put aside all these meaningless distractions," Cologne said wryly. "I know you have links to many criminal elements. I want you to use them to find Ranma Yagami and arrange for a confrontation. And Shampoo as well, if possible."

Hairspray snorted. "You treat your own kin as a mere afterthought? No wonder she fled the village."

If the elder Amazon took any offense at the notion, she didn't bother to show it. "My duties to the village and our law supersede those to my family. That is the burden of leadership and responsibility, something YOU would know nothing about."

"Of course; because running a dangerous business among Japan's urban decay doesn't require anything like leadership or responsibility," Hairspray spat, "at least, not of the sort that involves turning perfectly good young women into murderers."

"And what have you decided to turn them into instead?" Cologne asked blithely.

"Oi!" Hayate suddenly interrupted the argument as she stood up shakily, pieces of ceramic falling out of her hair, "Boss, what is this? Why do we have to listen to this withered old bitch?"

"To be perfectly frank, we don't," Hairspray admitted as she gazed down at the older woman. "Although I imagine that refusal would have... consequences."

Hayate bristled, obviously irritated at the prospect of being threatened.

"On the other hand, I suppose acquiescence would have equally considerable benefits, would they not?" the brothel mistress asked coyly, her eyes locked with Cologne.

Cologne had been fully expecting this, but still felt irked at having to bargain. "And what would you want from this 'old, backwater barbarian,' hmm? Do you truly want for anything here in the gutters of Japan?"

Hairspray appeared not to mind the taunt, quite pleased that Cologne had labeled herself so appropriately. "Oh, a few things here and there. Grocery chains are somewhat light on old Chinese herbal poultices, you know. I'll have your targets tracked down, but in exchange I want you to completely replenish my stocks of herb mixtures and extracts." Suddenly she snapped her fingers. "Oh! And those neat little shampoos you cave women are so proud of. Somebody used the last of mine."

Cologne was honestly surprised that the former Amazon was asking for so little, but properly masked her satisfaction. "Really? You let the girls here rifle through your ancient mind-altering alchemical potions?"

"Well, I suppose it's possible it was stolen, but I can't imagine who would want it; I can't think of anyone in Japan other than us who even know what they can do, never mind how to use them." She shrugged. "It hardly matters. Are the terms acceptable?"

"Agreed," Cologne said without further hesitation. "Shall I-"

"I only need two things from you:" Hairspray said, interrupting the older Amazon, "one is some way to reach you when I've located your boy. The second is a picture of the target as well as the story for why you want this kid dead."

Cologne almost recoiled at the second request. "You needn't know why-"

"When I left that glorified mud pit you call a civilization, I left behind its laws and the authority of you senile imbeciles that rule the mountain crags like delusional little queens," Hairspray snapped. "I am not your friend, not your sword-sister, and I'm NOT your servant, Cologne. I'm being asked to assist in homicide, and I will not blindly obey like one of your half-wit villagers. I will help you only after you explain in full detail what this boy is and what he has done to earn the ire of the Amazon state."

"Don't fool yourself into thinking you're indispensable to me," the elder hissed, "I have other tools at my disposal."

"And yet you came here, to bargain with someone who hates you and has every reason to turn you away," Hairspray droned. "I think you'll find I'm no less intelligent or more pliable than you remember, Cologne. What has the boy done?"

Cologne took almost a full minute before she finally began to divulge the tale, inwardly cursing the weakness of her current position. It was true that she had other options to find Ranma and Shampoo, but most were even more unpleasant than dealing with the former Amazon, and none were likely to yield better results. More importantly, using the brothel matron and her connections offered the best chance to hide her activities; it was of paramount importance that the Yagami family remained unaware that they were being hunted.

"Ranma Yagami is... a vessel. Trained as a warrior by his father, and possessing a poisonous heritage that has infected his entire family line, he has become the host body for a terrible, terrible being," Cologne explained with some trepidation.

Hayate snorted. "Are you serious? Do we really have to listen to this?"

Hairspray rolled her eyes. "Let her speak, Hayate. The old lunatics take this nonsense seriously. You may continue, Cologne."

The matriarch fought down the urge to wallop both of the younger women again. "The Yagami line hosts the remaining soul fragments of the dark god Orochi, best known from the common Japanese folk tale. I needn't bore you with most of the family's history, but it's worth noting that the family tree has been quite thoroughly pruned, and with each successive generations, as fewer and fewer Yagamis survive, the remnants have become stronger and stronger as the blood of Orochi calls ever more loudly to them."

"That can't be all," Hairspray mumbled as she leaned her cheek against her fist, "I'm sure your dusty archives back in the village can name dozens of dark, terrible beings that could suddenly burst into existence at any time and bring doom to all the world etc. etc."

"It's true. There is a... personal element to this verdict," Cologne said grimly. "This boy, due to his unfortunate heritage, already attacked and nearly laid waste to the village once before. After regaining his sanity he attempted to make amends for the assault, but as you well know, forgiveness is not a favored virtue among our people."

Hairspray smiled. "Interesting. May I ask what kept you from simply murdering the boy off the bat? Was he really that fearsome?"

"His power is great, yes, but it was another that truly stayed the hand of the village council. His father, Iori, is an... intimidating man," Cologne finished uncertainly, "and it was unknown at the time exactly how dangerous the Orochi's curse was, and what may await this world should it be allowed to run its course. After they left, we began researching the Yagamis and their power in earnest."

"And? What did you find?" the younger Amazon prompted.

"As far as the Yagami family goes, very little," Cologne admitted, "which is, naturally, why I am here now. What we DID find was a tome that described, in rather ominous detail, the procedure with which the Yagami clan gleaned the power of Orochi for themselves, and the repercussions of their foolish actions. To be sure, the clan has become a host for Orochi's shattered existence, slowly feeding the beast with their souls as each successive generation dies off. And now that existence is starting to awaken. It may not be within this generation, or even the next, but make no mistake: if Ranma Yagami is allowed to live, or worse, produce a child, calamity will tear this country to shreds."

Hayate whistled. "Lady, you are SERIOUSLY off your rocker."

"Yes, yes, that's very nice," Hairspray said dismissively as she leaned back in her chair. "Now if you'll just take a look at the foot locker back there, you can make a list of all the spices and whatnot that I need. Then we can go about destroying your dark god and saving all of Japan or whatever."

Cologne's eye twitched as Hayate gestured to the appropriate trunk, and then she stalked off to make the aforementioned list. It didn't really matter one bit whether Hairspray believed the story behind the Yagami family or properly realized how dangerous they were, but if the cynical old wench was going to demand an explanation, then Cologne expected her to at least care about what she had to say.

"Hayate," Hairspray said once Cologne had opened the trunk and was rooting through it, "get some info on this Iori fellow. If he's a music artist, it can't be that hard to find him. If you can, meet with him."

The androgynous woman nodded sharply. "You got it, boss."

"I'll mobilize some of our other... friends... to see if I can find this Shampoo girl. Considering she hasn't been featured in the local papers, she's obviously been keeping a lower profile than expected for an Amazon, but she should still stand out."

Then she frowned and turned to look at Cologne. "I forget; do you have cameras in the village, or are you afraid that they'll steal your soul?"

Thwap! Hairspray was promptly smacked in the face with a photo packet, and she rubbed her nose as she unfolded the package.

"Ah, here we are... ooh, she's a pretty one. Are you sure you two are really related?" Hairspray taunted as she handed a clump of photographs to Hayate.

"Hey, is this that Ranma guy? He's cute too," she said, smiling for the first time since Cologne had seen the woman. "You're really gonna kill him? That's a damn waste."

Hayate glanced over at the matriarch, who was staring at her owlishly. "What?" she demanded angrily. "I'm into guys, okay? I'm no dyke!"

"I think she was more surprised by the fact that you'd still look at him as a man after being told that he was the container for a dark god and basically a walking apocalypse," Hairspray mused.

Cologne was silent for a few seconds. "No, she was right. You should really consider dressing a little more nicely, child. Or at least try on a little lipstick."

"Mind your own business!"

"And for my next trick, I will summon a rabbit out my hat! Of fire!"

Ranma, dressed in a tuxedo and top hat and being flanked by Min, who was dressed in her blue Ninja uniform, gestured extravagantly before the crowd of two dozen young children before taking off his hat.

He began to wave his hand over the upside-down hat when he hesitated. "Just to be clear, it's the rabbit that's gonna be on fire, not the hat. I don't do fire hat tricks."

He started waving his hand again, but once again stopped. "Actually, I guess I could do fire hat tricks, but I didn't practice any, and kids are supposed to like animals mo-"

"Shut up and make a bunny!" one of the girls in the back shouted, causing Ranma to wince.

"All right, all right, yeesh," Ranma snapped his fingers over the open bottom of his top hat, and the children gasped as a bright purple glow came from within. A moment later a burning purple shape that vaguely resembled a rabbit poked its head out, and over the squeals and cheers of the crowd, jumped out of the hat before bursting into a small fireball and vanishing from sight.

"Thank you, thank you," Ranma took a bow as he put his hat back on, and then straightened. "Now for my next trick..."

He trailed off as he noticed that many of the kids were pointing at him and gaping. "What? What's wrong?"

"Y-Your hat! It's all purple!" one boy in the front exclaimed in awe.

Ranma blinked dumbly as his top hat continued to disintegrate, being eaten away by the purple flames that spread around it. "Purple? No, my hat is black, isn't it?"

As the last of his hat crumbled to ash, Ranma turned to Min. "Min, what color is my hat, again?"

Min blinked innocently and then took a purple top hat out from behind her back, seemingly from nowhere. "It looks purple to me. What a smart little boy!"

Ranma grimaced as he dusted off his hair briefly and put on the new hat. "Well, next I think I'll create a flock of burning doves and-"

"Hey, how come all you do are fire tricks?" the girl from before demanded, drawing a few annoyed glances from the audience and a strained smile from Ranma.

"That's not true! I've got lots of tricks!" Ranma insisted.

Immediately, the pigtailed boy turned around just as Min was hefting a pitcher of fruit punch to throw at him. "Not yet! Put that down!"

Min pouted but did as she was told, and Ranma turned back toward the children.

"All right, since I have a request, I'll do a disappearing trick! Min, if you would hand me that plate of cupcakes..."

Raising an eyebrow, Min silently picked up a plate from the nearby refreshment table that was still full of chocolate-frosted cupcakes before handing it to Ranma.

"Thank you very much. Now, watch and be amazed!" the pigtailed boy commanded in a booming voice.

To the audience, all that happened was that Ranma suddenly started flipping the platter about between his hands, which wasn't too amazing, though some were impressed that desserts didn't go flying everywhere.

After a few seconds however, Ranma stopped the platter so that it was being held parallel to the ground, and nothing but a few dollops of chocolate frosting was left to indicate there had ever been anything there at all.

After a brief stunned silence the yard came alive with the sound of cheering and laughter, although there was one girl who was noticeably nonplussed by the trick.

Yurumi simply shook her head in embarrassment, having seen plenty of that "trick" during ordinary meals with her big brother.

Pausing to wipe a few crumbs off of the side of his mouth with his thumb, Ranma gestured behind him to Min. "And now the lovely and talented Min Bogard will entertain you while I find something to drink to wash down all this magic. Back in a bit, kids!"

Min happily took center stage as Ranma walked off, and she summoned her war fans seemingly from nowhere as she lashed her arms out to either side.

"All right, we'll start slow, just two fans, but if you want me to juggle something else, just toss it at me!" the kunoichi said with a grin.

Ranma stretched as he walked away from the gathered children toward the soda cooler, and he idly waved as he passed by Mister Ichiro, whose daughter had just turned eleven and who was thus hosting the party (and paying him, incidentally).

Taking out a soda and popping the tab, the martial artist looked out over the surrounding neighborhood as he chugged his beverage, finding the silent rows of houses oddly soothing.

'After spending that weekend in the middle of nowhere beating my friends bloody, something like this is kinda nice,' Ranma admitted to himself. Things like peaceful, ordinary birthday parties were things he had little exposure to growing up with Iori. Not that the elder Yagami cared much about Ranma having friends or having fun instead of training, but Ranma's own passion for martial arts, along with Iori's being a fantastic buzz kill with his very presence, ensured that he had rarely taken opportunities for simple childhood pleasures.

It was certainly strange to him, now, to be slowly getting drawn into a relatively "normal" teenage life; taking care of his little sister, studying in school, and even dating...

That thought reminded him that he had left Min holding the audience's attention, and while he was determined to make sure she did half the work if she was going to claim half the profits, he didn't want to leave her alone for too long.

Ranma was just turning around to go back to the yard when he spotted a white blur bouncing along the rooftops.

"Wait... is that..."

His eyes narrowing, Ranma quickly glanced toward Mister Ichiro. "I've gotta go check on something for a minute, okay? I'll be right back!"

Before the older man could respond, Ranma bolted toward the street, leaping over the yard fence in a single bound and then jumping onto a roof across the street with a second.

Mousse was rarely in a good mood nowadays.

Even putting aside the greater drama of his condemnation and exile from the place he called home, the agony of unrequited love for a woman who despised him, and his humiliation at the hands of his worst enemy whom said woman certainly seemed to be way too friendly with, he was still plagued with plenty of inconveniences and suffering just surviving day by day.

Camping out was only a viable way of living in the wilderness, to be sure, as public parks didn't have nearly as much foraging opportunities. Although he took odd jobs when he wasn't busy annoying random people in his search for Shampoo, those jobs were few and far between, and he wasn't very good at them; half the time his abysmal vision ruined his efforts, even with tasks that didn't depend on vision.

He was on his way back from one such job now. Specifically, a failed job. More specifically, a food delivery in which the customer insisted they had ordered two bowls of pork udon, and NOT an air purifier.

Like it was HIS fault the damn owner kept putting the delivery boxes next to vaguely delivery-box sized objects.

Such it was that the male Amazon was already in a plenty foul mood that was not helped one bit when a blur wearing a familiar black jacket landed in front of him on the roof.

"Mousse! Haven't seen ya in a bit, man! What's up?" Ranma asked, smiling.

Whoosh! Ranma leaned to one side as a cutting wheel zipped past his shoulder.

"Hey! What was that for?" the pigtailed man asked, his smile dropping.

"What do you mean, 'what was that for'?" Mousse asked as he stuck one arm to the side before dozens of spear heads erupted from within his sleeve. "I hate you. I want to kill you. I throw sharp things at you whenever I can. This is how the world is and should be."

As Ranma leapt over a wide spread of hurled spears, he grabbed one of the projectiles and turned it upright, landing back onto the roof so that he was holding on to the weapon as he balanced the butt on the rooftop.

"Okay, yeah, good point," Ranma admitted, "and don't take this the wrong way - I totally hate you too and everything - but forget about that for a minute and follow me. I have this gig going on that you'd be perfect for."

Mousse's jaw hung open for a minute. "What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere with you! Either fight me or get out of my way!"

"So if I beat you, then you have to do what I say, right?" Ranma asked hopefully.

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!" Mousse protested. "I'm in the middle of a job right now! Give me one good reason why I should even CONSIDER following my mortal enemy to participate in some 'gig'!"

Ranma considered the question. "Well... it pays pretty good..."

Flap! Flap! Flap! Dozens of doves poured from Mousse's sleeves as the children watched in open-mouthed awe.

"Hmph. This much is nothing," the bespectacled Amazon said haughtily as he swept his other hand around. Tumbling out of his sleeve came a bird feeder perched on a four-foot iron pole.

Mousse promptly sat the feeder upright, and several of the doves turned around mid-flight and descended on the feeder to eat.

Applause and laughter filled the yard as Mousse basked in the attention of the children. Ranma and Min stood behind the Chinese boy, the former looking curiously pleased while the latter simply looked curious.

"Hey, none of the doves caught on fire!" one boy pointed out. "All the other animals were on fire!"

Ranma sweatdropped. "Uh... I'd rather not do the fire trick on his animals, actually," he explained awkwardly. "Our, um, 'magic' doesn't mix, ya know?"

Mousse snorted as he stretched out his arms again. "You just find a spot to sit down and watch, Yagami. I don't need your help for something like this."

Ranma shrugged and backed away, looking, if anything, rather pleased that the Amazon boy was stealing his show.

"Hey, Ranma? Who is this guy, again?" Min asked, still totally confused that a complete stranger came along and took over entertaining the kids.

"His name is Mousse. He's one of my mortal enemies," Ranma explained as the Chinese boy started juggling scimitars.

"ANOTHER ONE?" Min asked, slapping a hand over her face. "How many mortal enemies do you HAVE?"

"I'm pretty sure you know them all by now," Ranma said, counting off on his fingers. "There's Kuno, although that's run its course, so I'm not sure he counts anymore, and then there's Ryoga, who's kind of got this whole 'rivalry' theme going on, and then there's Mousse. He's the only one I have a real grudge against, so I guess that makes him my... mortalest enemy? Is that a thing?"

Min raised an eyebrow as she watched Mousse drop a hunk of wood onto the ground and then start revving a chainsaw. "So... why did you invite him here to do a kid's show rather than, say, beat him into a pile of bloody bruises?"

"I can do that any time," Ranma insisted, scoffing, "but this is the only chance I'll get to foist half my job onto him."

Min's expression shifted further, and this time she looked decidedly irritated as she pointed out, "I had to almost fight you to get you to let ME help."

Ranma weaved his hands together behind his head as he watched Mousse carve the wood with the chainsaw with shocking speed and precision. "Yeah, well, I figured since I'm losing out on half the money already, it's no big deal to go from half to a third, right?"

"Hey! You promised me fifty percent!" Min protested.

"Oh, come on! You got to quit early too!" Ranma refuted as Mousse finished carving a bear from the log. At least, it looked like a bear to him. Everybody else just saw a vaguely four-legged blob with teeth, which many of the children found hilarious anyway.

"I didn't agree to anything!" the kunoichi insisted, holding her ground.

"Don't be so petty," Ranma countered as he approached Mousse, who was now juggling three roaring chainsaws, "besides, if you're going to complain about getting less money, you should be helping out rather than arguing."

Before Min could respond, Ranma suddenly stepped up next to Mousse and happily addressed the crowd. "Amazing, isn't he? And if you thought juggling three chainsaws was good, how about three chainsaws ON FIRE?"

As the children gasped in anticipation, Mousse blinked. "Wait. Fire's on the what now?"

Ranma's response was to sweep in front of the Amazon briefly, quickly tapping each chainsaw in mid-air before stepping off to the side again.

Fwoom!

"UGAH! Ow! Ow! OW!" Mousse screamed in pain as streaks of purple flame wrapped around the roaring power tools, still juggling the machines carefully lest he suffer something worse than a burn. "You idiot! OW! Don't do something that OW! Dangerous! OW! Here, YOU take them!"

With that, Mousse grit his teeth and tossed each chainsaw to Ranma as they came down.

Ranma shrugged and caught the first chainsaw by itshandle before tossing it up, followed by the second and third.

Within a few seconds he was juggling all three flaming chainsaws, but without any of the screaming that had come from Mousse.

"Oh. Right," the Chinese boy grumbled as he shook his hands to cool them.

Ranma grinned as the kids clapped, and the burning purple flames started to build further around each chainsaw. "Just trying to spice things up! Don't mind me, go on with your sho-"

Boom! Boom! Boom! Ranma let out a gargled shout as the chainsaws exploded one by one around him, the engines having been burnt through by the flames all the way to the gasoline chambers.

The kids apparently thought this was hilarious, and there was a great deal of laughing as the pigtailed boy wiped soot off his face and started picking burnt metal out of his hair.

He actually wouldn't have minded so much - it WAS kind of funny in hindsight - if Mousse hadn't been laughing the hardest.

"Ha ha ha ha ha! How's that, idiot foreigner? Didn't see that coming, did you?" the Chinese boy cackled as he adjusted his glasses.

"Yay! More explosions!" several of the kids shouted as they cheered an jumped up and down. Yurumi was the only one that seemed to be worried about the sudden and unexpected detonations, although even she had to keep herself from laughing as Ranma rubbed his face clean.

"Well, you heard the audience, didn't you?" Mousse said with a vindictive grin as his hands emerged from his sleeves, each one holding a small black bomb.

Ranma's irritated expression suddenly melted into a grin. "Wait, you think YOU'RE going to do this part?" with a thought, his hands lit ablaze. "Explosions are my specialty!"

Mousse grit his teeth as he took a step back, uncertain about escalating this further; now that he thought about it, Ranma's techniques DID far surpass his in that particular department.

"All right, you two calm down," Min said suddenly as she approached from behind, her hands behind her back, "why don't we try some less dangerous magic?"

Some of the boys in the audience booed, but Min ignored the tepid response as Ranma glanced at her questioningly.

"What kind of mag-" he trailed off as Min suddenly thrust an open bottle of water at his face.

"Oh," Ranma said blithely as her breasts pushed against her shirt, straining the buttons holding it closed.

"WHOA!" Though she wanted to be annoyed by Min's unexpected improvisation, as a showman she couldn't help but feel proud as the children gaped in wonder and amazement at seeing a man instantly change into a woman.

Even the little brat who was bad-mouthing his fire tricks had shut up.

"Hah hah! I see you've had a taste of my special magic water!" Mousse said suddenly, taking the unexpected turn and running with it. "When splashed with it, it shows what kind of person you are on the inside! Who knew you were so closely in touch with your feminine side, Ranma?"

A vein throbbed on Ranma's head, but she forced out an awkward laugh rather than a fireball. 'This is for the children. This is for the children. There's money involved too, but this is definitely for the children...' she thought before posing to make the change more apparent.

Min smirked. "Magic water, huh?"

Mousse nodded seriously. "Yes! Magical Chinese water! I had to bring it all the way across the sea!"

"Well, then, let me give it back!" Min chirped as she dumped the rest of the bottle on Mousse. "Well, let's see what kind... of... person... you are..."

The kunoichi gulped as she stared up into the knife-toothed maw of a demonic beast, her eyes bulging out of her sockets.

Ranma leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention before, but he's cursed too. It's a bad one, so be careful, okay?"

"Little late," Min squeaked as the empty water bottle tumbled out of her numb, trembling fingers.

"WELL. THIS IS QUITE IRONIC," Mousse said stoically from where he towered over the assorted humans, "ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING."

"You never see ANYTHING coming," Ranma interjected, hands on her hips.

Mousse might have come up with a rebuttal so that the cursed teens could start a proper insult-throwing match then and there, but it was about at that time that the children who were watching finally snapped out of their stupefied wonder.

"Oh, wow! It's a bear!"

"No way! There are no bears that big!"

"Does this mean that the glasses guy is a monster on the inside?"

"So cool! I wanna be a monster, too!"

"Well, look at that! Someone wants to be a bitter, useless monster when they grow up!" Ranma said, grinning as Mousse glared at her.

"IF THESE KIDS WEREN'T TOO YOUNG FOR HORROR THEMES, I'D TEAR YOUR ARMS OFF," Mousse snarled.

Then he turned around, his mouth stretched in a toothy smile. "BUT, SINCE THIS IS WHAT IT IS... WHO WANTS TO RIDE THE BEHEMOTH?"

"I do!" several girls and boys cried out as they scrambled to their feet.

"OKAY, OKAY. THE BIRTHDAY GIRL GETS FIRST TURN!"

Mousse - now back in his human form, thankfully - breathed a sigh of relief as Ranma - also a boy again - handed one bill after another to him.

"Four, four and a half, five thousand," Ranma said as he handed Mousse his cut of the afternoon's spoils. "There you go. One third of three hours of entertainment."

"Thank you, Mister Mousse!" Yurumi said happily as she stood next to her brother. "You were really amazing! Especially your cursed form! It was so cool!"

Mousse smirked as he chuckled. "Of course it was! Way better than Ranma's pathetic cursed body!"

A vein popped up on Ranma's head before he turned his head away. "Well, I suppose it's only fair, when my REAL body is so much better than yours..."

Mousse snapped his head up. "What was that? You want to fight now?"

"Nah, not really," Ranma mumbled as he turned to Min and started handing her her earnings, "we can if you want, but I'm not really in the mood, are you?"

The Chinese boy glared for several seconds, but then he turned around sharply. "No, I suppose your doom can wait for another day." Then he frowned. "Although... I've been meaning to ask..."

Ranma finished giving Min her share - although she looked slightly unsatisfied - and turned toward his old enemy. "Eh? What?"

"Why did you offer me this?" Mousse asked guardedly. "Surely even YOU could accomplish something like entertaining a few kids."

"Oi, save your condescending talk for after you actually beat me at something, four-eyes," Ranma snapped. "For your information, I just thought your techniques would be perfect for the job, that's all. Better than mine, anyway."

Mousse stepped back, surprised. The great and arrogant Ranma Yagami, admitting inferiority? "You... think my techniques are that amazing?" he asked, completely flat-footed.

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "More like, they'd be way better for entertaining at parties than actually fighting."

Mousse promptly collapsed to his knees as a dark haze settled over him.

"Hey! Min!" Yurumi whispered, tugging on the kunoichi's blouse (she had long since changed out of her show uniform). "Is something wrong? Why are they fighting?"

"Oh, he's just one of your brother's mortal enemies. Ignore it," Min responded, rubbing the little girl's head.

"What? Another one? How many does he have?" Yurumi asked, sighing.

"I know, right?"

Mousse sprang to his feet in an instant, his angry, hateful expression now back in practice. "It doesn't matter to me what you think of my techniques! They will be the end of you, Yagami!" he suddenly turned away sharply. "However, for now there's no point in fighting! I gain little from crushing you if Shampoo isn't present, so on this one occa-"

"Setsuben chuu!"

"-setsu wha?" Mousse asked right before a fist surrounded by a sphere of shimmering blue slammed into his head.

Ranma whistled as Mousse was promptly encased in ice, the Chinese boy's expression frozen in a state of painful shock from the knuckles smashing into his cheek.

"Hi Shampoo. Long time no see," the pigtailed boy said casually as Shampoo promptly picked the Mousse statue up over her head.

"Nihao, Ranma! Shampoo so happy see you!" the Chinese girl chirped before she hurled her frozen suitor off the sidewalk and into traffic.

Min and Yurumi, who had both been fairly stunned at the sudden, unprovoked attack, were now staring fully bug-eyed as a passing truck let out a long honk and tried to swerve.

"Hey, was that a new technique? Neat!" Ranma said brightly before wincing at the sound of the truck's screeching tires. "You shouldn't throw things into the street, though. You could cause an accident and someone could get seriously hurt."

Shampoo stuck her tongue out as she knocked the side of her head with her fist. "So so sorry! Shampoo not do it again!"

"H-Hey," Min said uncertainly, a dreading look across her features, "that guy might seriously be dead, you know?"

Shampoo smiled brightly, her face unusually flushed and full of joy. "Is fine! He human trash, so is better off dead!"

Yurumi's eyebrow twitched as Ranma offered an awkward shrug and said, "Well, that's how it is, so..."

As the other two girls gaped, Shampoo tried to calm herself down as her heart pounded in her chest. While she would have loved to attribute her racing pulse to meeting Ranma again after such a long time without seeing him, she knew it was her use of the soul of ice that was rendering her dizzy and restless.

She had been warned that turning to the soul of ice and back quickly would wreak havoc with her emotions, but she didn't really want to meet Ranma in her emotionless battle state, and Mousse had been such a perfect target where he was standing.

"Shampoo spend long time training with Amazon master here in Japan!" Shampoo said brightly, "is much, much better now!"

"All right, well..." Ranma seemed to think something over briefly, and then turned toward Min. "Hey Min, could you take Yurumi home for me?"

"Huh? Where are you going?" Min asked, suddenly on her guard.

"Well, since I just got paid and happened to meet up with Shampoo, I can take her somewhere so we can chat," Ranma said, brandishing his pay.

Min was acutely aware of how Shampoo seemed to light up at the suggestion, and a vein popped up on her head as she planted her hands on her hips. "Hey, what do you think you're doing, taking another girl on a date right in front of your girlfriend?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "I'm not doing anything like that. I'd invite you along too, but someone needs to see Yurumi home, right?"

Min pouted in a clearly exaggerated manner before turning toward Yurumi and patting the younger girl on the head. "All right Yurumi, it looks like your big brother doesn't want us around anymore. Since I got paid too, why don't we go somewhere to have fun on our own?"

"All right! Let's go!" Yurumi said cheerfully, grabbing onto Min's arm and totally forgetting about the battered and bleeding Chinese boy who was even now dragging himself clear of the street.

Ranma snorted as the two girls left. "Yeesh. Those two are so demanding," he grumbled as he turned back to Shampoo. "Anyway, where do... you... uh..."

He trailed off as he saw that Shampoo's expression had changed completely; her posture was rigid and her arms were held ramrod straight at her sides. Her eyes were lidded and her expression seemed frozen into a small frown.

He also couldn't help but notice the shimmering blue light that had encompassed his Chinese friend, nor the frost that had formed at her feet and was slowly creeping over the sidewalk.

"Shampoo? Are you okay?" the pigtailed boy asked. "If you want to show me your techniques, we can do it later, right?"

Shampoo didn't seem to hear him, and raised a hand in front of her face. Opening her hand, a small spike of ice started to form from the middle of her palm, and then started slowly growing as moisture from the air rapidly collected around the formation and froze.

"Or... Or we can stay here and you can do ice sculptures," Ranma offered, shrugging, "whatever you wanna do."

"Is true?" Shampoo said suddenly, her voice betraying nothing as she started blankly at the growing icicle. "Is ninja girl Ranma girlfriend now?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, things kind of worked out like that," Ranma admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. "I was fine with just being friends, but she kept pushing and I didn't really have a reason to turn her down, you know?"

CRACK! Ranma jumped as Shampoo suddenly crushed the ice formation in her hand, sending chunks of icicle raining down to her feet.

"Ah... Shampoo see," the Amazon deadpanned, finally making eye contact with Ranma again. "Shampoo too too... happy... for you, Ranma."

"You don't seem all that happy, but thanks anyway," Ranma mumbled. "So... about dinner..."

"Sh-Sham... poo..." Mousse groaned as he finally dragged himself to within arm's reach of his beloved. "I'm so... glad you're b-back," he said, raising a trembling hand toward the other Amazon.

Shampoo turned on the Chinese boy immediately, cupping her hands together above her head as a sphere of ice rapidly coalesced into her palms.

"You die now," she said in a perfectly calm tone as she slammed the orb downward.

Ranma's face darkened as he watched Shampoo hammer Mousse with the sphere, shattering it (and probably a good number of Mousse's bones) before a wave of frost swept over her unwanted suitor and stuck him to the ground.

"Er, wait, I think he's had enough, okay?" Ranma said a bit nervously. Tossing the idiot into danger was one thing, but he didn't really want to see Shampoo bludgeon him to death. "He actually helped me out a little today, so it's not like he's in the way..."

Shampoo hesitated as she raised her foot, her conviction to see the exiled tribesman smashed into a red paste just as deadened as all her emotions when the soul of ice was active.

With a click of her tongue, Shampoo whipped around and walked past Ranma. "We go eat now."

"Ah... yeah. Sure," Ranma said uncertainly, wondering what the heck had gotten into the girl. "Right behind you."

"Hmph. Didn't take long at all to find the right place," mused Hayate as she dashed along the rooftops.

Reaching the edge of a two-story house, she bunched up her legs and made a powerful leap, landing heavily atop the next house and leaving a pair of deep cracks in the roof tiles where she landed.

Taking no heed of the damage, she grabbed on to a satellite dish and swung herself around before landing on a balcony and then hopping down onto a wooden fence.

"There we are. That must be the place," Hayate mumbled as she walked casually along the fence top, pulling a wrinkled printout from her pocket that detailed where her target was. "Huh. Looks normal enough. Not like the spooky lair of a dark god. It was pretty easy to find, too. That old hag must be pretty clueless if she can't find someone as famous as Iori Yagami."

She took out a digital camera as she approached the house, eventually leaping up to grab onto a street light and pulling herself up on top. "Then again, Lady Spray did say she was some kind of primitive. I guess there are still people in this world who've never heard of a Google search."

As she raised the camera and got the house in focus, Hayate hesitated. "Hmm... wonder if there's even a point to photographing the place?" Hayate wondered aloud. "Nothing strange about it."

"The only thing strange around here is you," came a deadpan voice from below.

Hayate blinked and glanced down. Standing below her was a muscular girl with short, spiky red hair and an expansive tattoo on her right arm.

"What are you doing up there?" Setsuna Hanabo asked, her eyes narrowing slightly as the tension jumped up a notch.

Hayate felt a dozen danger alarms in the back of her head, but decided to try and play it cool; she was in (supposedly) enemy territory, and starting any fights with the locals wouldn't benefit her even if she won.

"I'm just taking in the sights," Hayate said, standing up straight and shrugging, "I'm surprised Nerima is as quiet and normal as it is; I'd heard there were a lot of powerful weirdos running around."

"There are," Setsuna deadpanned as she continued staring at the androgynous bodyguard, "with more arriving every day, it would seem."

A vein throbbed on the side of her head, but Hayate kept a strained smile in place as she twisted around in place. "Well, I'm going to go find a more scenic picture. Laters."

As Hayate bounded from the street light and onto a retainer wall, she suddenly heard the sound of tearing steel, and the bodyguard quickly twisted around into a roundhouse kick.

Clang! A mail box that had been ripped from the sidewalk was sent flying from the attack, nearly folded in two as it spilled letters out onto the street.

"What the hell was that?" Hayate demanded in a panic as she stared at the redhead, who had obviously thrown the mail box. "Don't throw mail boxes at people! Tampering with the mail is a crime!" she bellowed, shaking a fist at her assailant.

"I really couldn't care less," Setsuna said as she started cracking her knuckles, "you have a good reaction time. I'd like to fight you before one of the stronger lunatics that run around this precinct show up and get in the way."

"Wh-What? Why? Leave me alone!" Hayate stuttered. "I'm just here to see the sights! I'm not looking for trouble!"

"Bull," Setsuna deadpanned. "You're as suspicious as they come, you're obviously trying to spy on somebody around here, and you've been on edge and fully alert since long before I spoke to you, as if you're expecting to be attacked at any moment."

"Urk..." Hayate gulped as she tried to come up with a response to that utterly factual assessment of her activities. "So... which one of those things gives you the right to start throwing things at me?"

"Suspicious people skulking around people's homes shouldn't be surprised when other suspicious people cause trouble for them," Setsuna said matter-of-factly as she bunched up her legs.

Hayate looked confused as she mumbled, "Wait, so you admit that you're sus-YOW!"

The cross-dresser barely managed to dart away off of the retaining wall before Setsuna's fist tore through the space her throat had occupied a fraction of a second ago.

Hitting the ground hard, Hayate rolled along the ground before bouncing up onto her feet. "CHRIST! Were you trying to kill me?"

Setsuna, who had cleared the wall with her initial attack, bounced up over the barrier a moment later before landing heavily on the ground. "Ah, you're fast. Good. The last... 'person' I fought was a brawler. You'll make good practice."

"Oh God, they were right; this district IS full of psychos!" Hayate moaned. Not that she would consider herself a harmless, innocent woman, but even she hadn't expected to be accosted by someone strong enough to trouble her as soon as she had arrived, before she had even made contact with her target.

"Stop your whining," Setsuna snarled as she pulled her hands into fists that hung limply at her sides. "If you don't start fighting back, you might die."

"That's too extreme a punishment for loitering!" Hayate protested as the redhead started moving forward, accelerating slowly but surely toward her foe.

The cross-dresser tried to bolt away to the side, but Setsuna was still moving slowly enough to change course easily without losing momentum, and within seconds had broken into a full sprint that threatened to overtake Hayate immediately.

"Go away, you lunatic!" Hayate screamed as she ran onto the hood and roof of a car and then leapt for another street light.

Setsuna vaulted straight after her, catching the bodyguard in mid-jump and shoving her straight down, causing Hayate to impact the ground roughly as the redhead landed a few meters ahead.

"You won't get away, weakling," the gloomy vagrant growled as she turned around.

Hayate coughed as she pushed herself to her hands and knees. "The hell I won't..."

The cross-dresser bounced up to her feet, and then slammed her knuckles together, causing a burst of sparks and a stray electric arc to flash around them.

"Shock Bomb!" as Hayate drew her fists apart, ribbons of electricity lashed between her knuckles, as if trying to grab onto the bodyguard's hands and pulled them closed again. After a few moments, however, she suddenly released the tension in her arms, and her fists crashed together once more.

CRACK! BOOM! Setsuna raised an eyebrow as a blast of thunder roared from the impact, and she watched expressionlessly as whips of bright blue electricity lashed out from the center of the explosion, latching onto nearby street lights and searing black streaks into the sidewalk.

"Ha! Ya like that?" Hayate asked, grinning suddenly as the electric storm quickly subsided. "Why don't you just wander off now before I have to hurt you?"

Setsuna was silent for a few seconds before her frown deepened ever so slightly. "You don't actually fight many people at your own level often, do you?"

"Eh?" Hayate blinked, wondering about the total lack of surprise, fear, or even mild interest in her opponent. "What makes you say that?"

"You used that attack when there was no chance of actually hitting me with it; I now know your formation stance, the time it takes to initiate, its area of effect, and how long it lasts. You gave away an advantage, and for what? To scare me? Are you an idiot?" Setsuna asked blandly, shaking her head.

Hayate stared at her opponent blankly, slowly digesting what she said. It was true that she very rarely fought anyone that was around her level of strength, as she made her living beating up thugs and deadbeats, but even so she felt that the redhead should have been surprised enough by seeing a human generate a thunderclap not to take such careful measure of the technique.

"Whatever," Setsuna finally mumbled, raising a hand into the air as her eyes narrowed, "I'll finish you quickly th-"

"YAHOO! I did it!"

Both girls were surprised at the screeching, gleeful cackle, but resisted the urge to flinch despite the curiously powerful, inherent disgust the voice generated deep within their stomachs. Setsuna had long since learned to tune herself out to premonitions of danger and unease to keep herself calm under any circumstances; there was little, if indeed anything, that could faze her.

Hayate, on the other hand, was simply more familiar with the disturbing cackling of lecherous old men than any woman really should have to be.

"Ha ha ha! Whatta haul! Whatta haul!" laughed Happousai as he hopped over the perimeter wall of the Yagami household, a clutch of underwear in his grasp. It wasn't his normal thievery sack, and the take wasn't even close to his usual volume, but today's outing was special, after all.

Hell, given his objective, he was quite lucky to have escaped unharmed, never mind with a bonus.

As Happousai hopped over a few speeding cars and landed on the sidewalk opposite the victimized home, the lecherous old master froze, his senses tingling into awareness.

They were not, as one might expect, danger senses - actually, there was some of that, too, but he ignored it - but rather the scent of young women in the midst of heavy exertion, a heady musk that sent his mind straight to the edge of madness as his libido ramped up fully into high gear.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Setsuna and Hayate both took a wary step back as the tiny old man laughed, each of them pretty much struck dumb by the bizarre turn of events.

"Pretty ladies!" Happousai cackled as his head snapped to the side, locking onto Setsuna and traveling up and down her body.

In a moment his head twisted the other way, and Hayate gulped as she felt him mentally undressing her.

"Pretty ladies! Come to me... pretty... ladies..." Happousai's voice petered out as he turned back to Setsuna, glanced her over again, and then turned a shifty stare toward Hayate.

"That's weird," Happousai said, suddenly emerging fully from lusty mode and scratching his bald head as he looked around normally. "I could have sworn I sensed some teenage girls around here. Have you two seen any?"

Hayate's gaze darkened as a vein pulsed on her forehead. "Hey! Who do you think you're talking to, idiot?"

Happousai gave the androgynous woman another once-over. "Oh! You're that doorman from the big Chinese cat house downtown!" the old master said shamelessly. "I remember you! What're you doing around here? Do you live in this neighborhood?"

Another vein popped up. "Don't chat me up like I'm your old work buddy!" Hayate growled. "Apologize for what you just said!"

Happousai frowned, but eventually shrugged his tiny shoulders.

And then he turned around and bowed his head to Setsuna.

"Sorry about that, Miss. You're obviously a teenage girl as well, and it was rude of me to suggest otherwise. Butch ones just aren't my type, you know?"

Setsuna, who had been completely silent throughout the whole exchange, finally responded as she cocked her head to one side. "It doesn't matter to me. She seems to care, though."

At the redhead's prompting, Happousai glanced behind him to see Hayate shaking quietly as the odd spark of electricity flared from around her quaking fists.

"She? Where's a she?" Happousai asked, turning back toward Setsuna. "Was there another girl here besides you?"

The low growl that had been issuing from Hayate's mouth suddenly became a howl as she slammed her fists together above her head.

KRACKA-BOOM! Lightning surged upward as a sphere of sparking blue light enveloped the bodyguard, and Happousai hopped back in surprise as the manly young woman was surrounded by ribbons of surging electricity like an angry god.

"SUCK ELECTRIC DEATH, YOU OLD BASTARD!" Hayate screamed, surging forward as blue pinpricks of light appeared in the sky. "Imperial Storm!"

"Yeep!" Happousai leapt back as a lance of electricity stabbed into the ground, exploding like a miniature bomb as whips of lightning flailed about the impact.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Happousai, lacking any real incentive to stay and fight, yelped as lightning rained down from the sky like artillery, making what little hair he had stand on end as he fled the scene.

"You won't get away from me! You get back here and apologize, you prick!" Hayate howled, launching herself after the lecherous old man and kicking up a dust cloud that sparked and writhed with electricity.

Setsuna watched silently as the pair ran off, debating whether or not to give chase and continue trying to fight the cross-dressing girl.

"Tch. So stupid," she grumbled, finally turning away. "She didn't use any of her real power against ME."

Feeling rather aggrieved at the bizarre and anticlimactic end to her fight, the redhead glanced over at the house that Hayate had been surveying, eying it critically.

'She was clearly someone with power, and that weirdo said that she was from a shady area. What would she want with a place like this?'

Setsuna remained there for a few more seconds, but quickly lost interest as she failed to see anything unusual.

'Whatever. I have more important things to do,' she thought to herself, turning around and walking away at the same time that a large, redheaded man in a black jacket started crossing the street toward the house in question.

"The soul of ice?" Ranma asked, blinking as he stopped eating his ramen.

Shampoo nodded, looking disinterested as she poked at her own food. "Is ancient Chinese Amazon technique what for keep calm in fight. Old Amazon what leave village long ago teach Shampoo."

"Oh, I get it!" Ranma said before slurping up more ramen. "That was the thing you used on Mousse, right? Pretty impressive!"

"Meh," Shampoo mumbled before gulping down some of her own food.

After several seconds of awkward silence, Ranma finally asked. "So... do you, like, have to use it ALL the time? I mean, you can let up now, can't you?"

Shampoo paused, and then shrugged her shoulders.

"Aw, c'mon Shampoo," Ranma tried, his smile waning. "It's weird for you to be so... cheerless. I mean, we're not fighting, right?"

Shampoo started to shrug again, but then stopped herself and locked her cold, hard eyes onto Ranma's. "Why not fight? Shampoo challenge Ranma."

Ranma sweatdropped as he massaged his head. "That's not what I-"

"Shampoo know what you mean, but want challenge Ranma and test strength. Is fine, yes?" Shampoo asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Ranma had a very bad feeling about this turn of events, but would have been hard-pressed to refuse a challenge even if he could find a clear and obvious reason to do so.

"Well, if you're gonna insist," Ranma mumbled as he pulled up another roll of noodles, "sure, we can have a match. But not today; Yurumi and Min are probably waiting for me at home."

"Is fine," Shampoo mumbled as she stood up.

Ranma gulped down his current mouthful before speaking again. "Wait, are you leaving? You haven't finished eating yet!"

"If Shampoo win match," Shampoo said, ignoring the pigtailed boy's protests, "then you take Shampoo on date, yes?"

Ranma did a double-take at the request, his expression turning to one of panic. "Whoa! Wait! Do you know what a date means in Japan? I can't do that while I have a girlfriend!"

Shampoo just gave him an irritated glare, and Ranma's expression soured in return.

'She just has the wrong word; she just wants to spend the day with me and probably have me pay for everything. Well, whatever. It's not like I'm gonna lose.'

"Look, I'll just spend a day doing whatever you want, all right?" Ranma said, trying hard to smile at Shampoo's leaden expression, "it's just that if we call it a 'date,' Min will get angry and maybe light my house on fire." He hadn't forgotten Hashiru's tales of vengeance wreaked by jilted young women.

"That fine. It promise then," the Amazon said before turning on her heel and walking off, not bothering to wait for a response.

"Okay! Just let me know when you want to have it!" Ranma called before going back to his ramen.

Once the Chinese girl was out of earshot, however, he heaved a sigh. "Yeesh, what's wrong with her? Doing that ice thing the whole time... it's weird."

Shampoo was a lively, affectionate, and fun-loving girl normally... curiously so, when Ranma thought about it, as she was supposed to be an elite warrior from a grim backwater village. It was quite disconcerting and even a bit heartbreaking to see her to act so stony and emotionless.

"Well, I hope she drops it soon. I'd hate for her to stay that way," the pigtailed boy mumbled as he swallowed down the last of his noodles.

CRACK! The wall of the perfectly innocent building shook mightily as Shampoo drilled a haymaker into it, the concrete buckling and shattering before her knuckles like a dinner cracker.

There was no cry of rage or torment as the Amazon ground her fist deeper into the wall, her teeth clenched so tightly that she very nearly drew blood and her aura blazing a furious red all around her.

Turning away from the crumbling impact crater, she slammed a foot into a large dumpster, caving in the side of it and bouncing it down the alley where she had chosen to finally release the built-up emotions that were welling up inside her.

Clang! Whang! Crack! Shampoo continued raining blow after blow upon the dumpster, desperately feeding her anger and regret into her merciless assault. She was well aware, even as her emotions overwhelmed her, that using and dropping the soul of ice was amplifying the disappointment she was feeling tenfold and fueling her hottest passions, which in turn demanded that she expend that hateful energy somehow.

Finishing with a snap kick that nearly folded the steel box in two, the Chinese girl finally felt the angry fog in her mind begin to clear, giving her the opportunity to rest and think over events without either blinding rage or cold indifference skewing her judgment.

'So Ranma got a girlfriend already. That isn't a huge surprise," Shampoo decided bitterly as she slumped against the wall. At least in her opinion, Ranma was very nearly a perfect man; even those traits that would have put off many other women, such as his fondness for fighting and penchant for getting involved in frequent and very destructive battles, she found endearing and exciting. And his most obvious shortcoming, that he turned into a woman, was little more than an inconvenience or colorful flaw to her.

And it seemed like she wasn't the only one. She knew Min and even would have counted her as a friend an hour ago. Although she had gotten a flirtatious vibe from the kunoichi when she and Ranma were together, Ranma hadn't seemed very interested, so she hadn't thought anything of it.

But Min had changed the game. It was no longer about trying (in vain, she suspected) to coax Ranma's teenage hormones to the fore and get him to make a decisive advance. The top-heavy ninja had made a big move and staked him out as her own, and that was going to be a hard claim to shift.

Shampoo gave a weary sigh as she trudged out of the alleyway miserably. Leaving Nerima had made her stronger, as expected, and she didn't exactly regret it, but her departure from her tribe had very little meaning if she lost Ranma to some other woman.

"What Shampoo do now?" she asked the empty street glumly.

"DIE, YOU WITHERED SCUMBAG!" screeched a voice that stubbornly refused all attempts to define gender as a figure in a blue suit crashed into the parking lot adjacent to the alley, swiping furiously at a small brown blur.

"Leave me alone, you psycho!" croaked an elderly voice full of confusion and scorn. "Abusing the elderly is wrong!"

The brief assault broke apart, and Shampoo could now see the two combatants clearly: an androgynous thug with a scar and a withered old man who firmly reminded Shampoo of her tribe's own elders, save for this one being the wrong gender.

Although not being at all relevant to her at the moment, the suitably bizarre confrontation was a welcome distraction from her current drama, and Shampoo gave it her full attention.

"What's your problem? I never did anything to you, probably!" Happousai complained as he panted, having exerted himself considerably and unexpectedly to avoid getting fried by lightning.

"On your knees, freak!" Hayate snarled, her eyes narrowed as she held her hands out in front of her and lightning arcs lashed between them. "You'll pay for insulting my femininity!"

"I did no such thing!" Happousai claimed indignantly as he started stepping back. "Why, you're easily the most feminine man I've seen who didn't actually dress the part!"

KRACKA-BOOM! Shampoo felt her hair rise as the thug's fist hit the ground like a lightning bolt, complete with thunder and crackling arcs of plasma.

Happousai didn't manage to escape unharmed this time, and only managed to dodge the worst of the blow as both the electric discharge and explosive blast send him flying.

"Ow! Ow! OW!" the old martial artist shouted in pain as his muscles spasmed, and started wondering if he should fight back. Impressive though this whelp was, the scar-faced thug wasn't anything that would trouble Happousai if he got serious. It wasn't in Happousai's nature, though, to fight seriously when there was nothing at stake but his own health and safety; much better to run away, in those circumstances.

The jerk in the suit was fast, though, and agile enough to follow Happousai no matter what route he took or what obstacles were in the way. Even dashing through the interior of a women's public bath house hadn't slowed his pursuer; he had just come crashing in like there was no problem at all, and had been following so close that Happousai didn't even have time to cop a quick feel or get a good look at the occupants before plowing through the rear of the place to escape.

Didn't this guy have any shame at all?

"Hurry up and die!" Hayate snarled as she reared a hand back, electricity buzzing and curling around her fingers as a crackling blue sphere started to grow in her palm.

"No, actually, I think I'll take my time with that," Happousai replied bitterly as he glanced around the parking lot.

His attention, finally broken for a split second from the immediate threat to his life, promptly locked on to a single purple-tressed beauty watching the conflict silently from outside an alleyway. It was strange the way that she was viewing the fight with detached interest, as if a human throwing lightning bolts around at a quickly moving target and blasting up the general vicinity was of no particular consequence to her, but Happousai tended not to notice such things even when he wasn't in immediate mortal danger.

"D-cups! Finally!" the old lecher cheered as he vaulted for the unknown spectator, tiny hands outstretched to capture his long-sought relief.

Had he done a more thorough study of the situation, he surely would have been less surprised when the young woman grabbed him by the face before he could make contact, holding him at her arms' length and keeping her breasts far out of his.

"What you think you doing?" Shampoo drawled as she looked at the tiny old man with contempt. He was obviously very powerful and skilled to be able to accomplish such physical feats while his body was in such a state, but any respect that might have earned him was lost by the obvious attempt to grope her.

"Well, I THOUGHT I was feeling up a helpless, nubile young woman," Happousai admitted grudgingly as he squirmed in the Amazon's iron-like grip, "but right now I'm mostly thinking about how likely it is that the gentleman chasing me wouldn't risk harming innocent bystanders."

It took barely a second for Shampoo to fully appreciate Happousai's statement, which was unfortunately still longer than it took Hayate to fire off another lightning bolt.

"TITAN LANCE!" the bodyguard screamed, standing tall while a veritable column of writhing power blasted up into the sky before immediately surging downward.

Shampoo, though forewarned by the discharge and the scream, had never seen an attack of this kind before, and she lost precious moments trying to figure out the area of effect before the lightning strike hit her.

Hayate winced as a sharp scream came from the flaring blast zone, and as the sudden storm of energy started to abate, she promptly regretted letting her temper result in an innocent casualty.

While her hands were hardly clean of blood, and she even easily accepted that sometimes innocent people were hurt or killed in her line of work, what she had just done had nothing to do with work. Manslaughter as a professional was one thing, but killing random people in a fit of feminine rage was way out of line.

"Crap, this was a disaster," she admitted as she ran a hand through her hair, smoothing it down. The blast area was still thick with smoke and vapor from the impact, and she couldn't yet see the unfortunate victim, but she just knew that there would be a body for disposal if she didn't want any investigations to follow her home.

Whomp! Hayate would later berate herself harshly for letting down her guard so easily, but at the time only confusion dominated her thoughts as something came flying from the smoke and bounced harshly off her head. It wasn't particularly hard, but it was covered with soot and smelled vaguely of burnt hair.

"You pay for that," a hoarse voice said as the smoke finally started to dissipate, before the voice started coughing painfully.

This instance too, Hayate would come to criticize harshly in retrospect, but at that very moment she was more pleased that her victim had somehow survived than she was annoyed to have burnt pieces of trash thrown at her.

"Hey, you're okay! Awesome!" Hayate said as she looked over the obviously badly burned girl. The foreigner's clothes were seared and torn, and her previously vibrant purple hair had become dull and charred, but somehow the poor bystander had totally avoided any mortal injuries. "That's great! Nobody should have to die over that old loser!"

"Very sad then what happen to you now," Shampoo mumbled as her body temperature dipped precipitously.

Hayate blinked. "What? I didn't hea-"

Her words, along with all the precious oxygen in her lungs, were driven out of her as a fist encased in a ball of rock-hard ice smashed into her abdomen, lifting her off the ground and sending her flying into the air.

"GUAH! Ugh!" Hayate coughed violently as she landed badly on her side, having been sent reeling by the attack. "Ow! Damn!"

Shampoo started to stalk forward, her eyes narrowed and her fists shedding frost as the ice crystals from her attack crumbled away.

"Whoa, wait, hold it!" Hayate shouted, still gasping as she struggled to her knees. "Okay, fine, you're mad! I get that! You have every right to be angry about getting blasted with a lightning bolt! And I'm sorry! So let's let bygones be bygones and drop it, okay?"

Shampoo hesitated at the bodyguard's pleading, her exquisitely calculating mind having already discarded the surge of anger before the onset of the Soul of Ice and determining that there was in fact little point in fighting the stranger if she was willing to admit fault and apologize.

It was also due to her blank, emotionless state that she didn't sense another attack incoming from the side. After all, a threat to her physical safety was of a completely different degree of importance to a threat to her immediate comfort and emotional well-being.

"AN OPENING!" Happousai crowed as he finally managed to latch onto Shampoo's breasts, cuddling the soft pillows of flesh in wonder and delight.

Well, he managed a few seconds of cuddling, anyway. After that a brilliant flare of blue light encompassed the Amazon, and when Hayate's vision recovered a moment later, the wretched old man had been covered in a thick layer of frost, as if someone had somehow replaced him with a perfectly constructed snowman version of the lecherous master.

With a look of casual contempt, Shampoo pulled the iced-over Happousai off of her chest and then rolled him away over the sidewalk like a bowling ball.

"Wow, okay, so you got rid of him! Good job!" Hayate said nervously as she started backing up. She wasn't exactly sure she'd lose to this girl in a real fight if it came down to it, but she hadn't come to this district to pick fights at all, and running into no less than three overpowered freaks in ten minutes had her fully on edge. "If it's okay with you, I'm going to go ahead and leave now! Again, I'm really sorry about the lightning! Won't do it again!"

Shampoo snorted. "You have more sense in future, yes? Go now." Without waiting for a response, the Chinese girl took off at a sprint, dashing past Hayate and leaping up onto a nearby rooftop.

Hayate was left in the parking lot alone, still feeling her bruised ribs and staring at the streaks of frost that marred the scorched crater where her strongest attack had hit.

"I have no idea how that old bat thinks she's going to survive in this place," she mumbled to herself as she limped away toward the street. "I don't care if she is the bloody martial arts queen of the Chinese mountaintops; she's gonna die if she tries to pull anything here."

"I'm home!" Ranma called out as he entered the front door, closing it behind him and kicking off his shoes.

He had intended to go up to his room for the evening, but upon entering the living room suddenly found that his family seemed to be having a meeting without him. His mother sat at the head of the table, smiling smugly, while Iori sat on the side next to her, looking slightly more bemused than usual.

Yurumi was stuffing her face with chips while she watched some cartoon show behind them; whatever it was they had been discussing apparently hadn't disturbed her too much.

"Ranma, welcome home," Nodoka said happily as her son entered. "Please, have a seat. We have a lot to discuss."

"We do? What about?" Ranma asked, bouncing down into a squatting position. "This isn't some sort of 'update meeting' about me and Min, is it?"

Nodoka giggled brightly to herself. "No, it's not, although you're actually somewhat close."

"Nodoka, this is unnecessary. It's not like I care who he marries, but he already has a woman, doesn't he?" Iori said stonily, his eyes slightly harder than normal to indicate the depths of his displeasure.

"Oh, this has nothing to do with that," Nodoka said, waving her hand as if to ward the logic away. "If this girl really wants him, she'll be willing to share, won't she?"

"Okay, seriously, what's this all about? Are you talking about Min?" Ranma demanded.

Nodoka smiled brightly as she withdrew a sheet of paper from the folds of her kimono. "Why, your engagement to the Tendos, of course! Don't tell you'd forgotten!"

"No, I haven't been that lucky," Ranma grumbled, "anyway, I thought that whole thing was over and done with."

"So did I," Iori said wearily.

"Well, certainly it might have been, but I was going through my records when I saw this contract," Nodoka said pleasantly. "Here, see? It was signed by me, Soun Tendo, and Genma Saotome! It's a promise to unite the schools and consolidate our dojo using your marriage!"

As Ranma's face darkened, Iori made a rumbling growl in the back of his throat. "Those cowards have got a lot of nerve, writing something like this up behind my back..."

"Oh, don't be like that, honey. I haven't seen Soun since his wife's funeral. How is the poor man?" Nodoka asked.

"Pitiful. A spineless crybaby who's got nothing left to live for in this world except his daughters and his foolish dreams of burdening the next generation with the legacy of Anything-Goes," Iori said mercilessly.

"Oh, good. Then he's gotten much better since I saw him last," Nodoka said happily.

Wham! Ranma suddenly slammed his palms down on the table, causing both his parents to fall silent as they waited to hear what Ranma wanted to say.

"Mom, this... This isn't going to work," Ranma said through clenched teeth, "me and those Tendo girls... don't really get along. And besides that, I already have Min. This... This thing," he said disgustingly, gesturing to the paper, "is just going to ruin everything. Why should I bother?"

Nodoka looked concerned at Ranma's assertion, and then patted the spot next to her. "Ranma, come here for a moment."

Feeling slightly nervous, Ranma got up and did so, squatting right before his mother.

As soon as he stopped moving, Nodoka leaned forward and hugged her son to her, surprising the pigtailed boy. "Oh, Ranma, you've become such a fine man," she said happily, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.

"And woman!" Added Yurumi quickly, turning away from the TV and flashing a thumbs-up.

"Shut it, pipsqueak," Ranma grumbled.

"I know you'll do fine, no matter what happens. I don't want to interfere with your relationships-"

Iori and Yurumi snorted derisively in tandem, revealing how much they believed THAT sentiment.

"-but there's a very lucky Tendo girl waiting for her fiance, and we can't just toss them aside, can we?" Nodoka said, beaming as she pulled away from Ranma slightly.

The pigtailed boy felt his mental resistance crumbling as he stared doubtfully into his mother's eyes, as it always did whenever a woman dear to him pressed him to see things their way.

"I'm not saying you have to marry her, but can't you give them one more chance? Just to save face?" Nodoka asked with a lopsided smile.

Ranma sighed as he broke eye contact, turning his head to the side. "Well, what about Min? What am I supposed to tell her?"

"I suggest you reassure her that you'll still be able to keep her satisfied even though you have another woman on your hands," Nodoka said with a disturbing level of seriousness, "after all, as the mistress, she'll probably have to wait for her turn unless you intend to pleasure them both at once."

Ranma was silent for several seconds. "Right. And then what will I use for eyes after she gouges mine out?" He deadpanned.

Nodoka didn't seem to understand the question, so Iori unexpectedly interjected. "You'll have to give it to her straight. This is a family obligation, and you don't have a choice but to give it a shot." The redhead's eyes narrowed. "That SAID, I'm still not sure where this contract came from, and why this is suddenly surfacing now. If one of Soun's girls wants to make this work, then fine, but this whole thing seems strange, and there's no reason to let yourself be forced into this."

Nodoka shrugged. "I told you, I just never remembered until now. I suppose it would have been more convenient if I remembered earlier, that's true, but at least this way Ranma has a girl to fall back on."

Ranma leaned over to Yurumi to whisper to her while their parents continued discussing the issue between themselves. "Pst! Is that really how relationships work?"

"Are you serious?" Yurumi asked, blinking owlishly. "Ranma, you should know better than to listen to Mom. Min will probably never forgive you."

"But it's not my fault!" Ranma hissed.

Yurumi just looked confused. "What makes you think THAT matters?"

"... It matters to me..." The martial artist mumbled quietly as Yurumi shifted over and sat down in his lap while she watched television.

"Well, if you end up fighting, don't beat her up or anything, okay?" Yurumi asked as she settled in against her brother's chest. "Also, can you change into a girl? The-"

"NO," Ranma said firmly as he rubbed her head lightly.

"But your breasts make really good pillows!" Yurumi protested.

"Are all women crazy, or is it just the ones I know?" Ranma grumbled before falling into a state of silent brooding. He had a lot to think about, after all.

'So the Tendos are back, huh? I wonder which one they'll try to push on me this time,' he thought to himself, his hand automatically darting out to grab a glass of water that Yurumi was reaching for and placing it further out of her arm's reach, 'but first there's Min. I am NOT looking forward to school tomorrow.'

End Chapter 20