Blaaah blah blah. -Insert long explanation about my lack of updates, instead of just giving in and saying I was lazy, here-

Enjoy! :)

To the people who remind me so much of my apprentices *sigh*,

Yadda yadda ya. Yes this is Halt. *waits (im-)patiently for fan-girl shrieks to end*

Basically I'm just writing you with a hope that maybe, maybe, somehow I'll manage to drill this into your perverse, terrifying minds that no, I do not like answering questions. Got it? No more. Just... NO.

Yeah yeah yeah. Go ahead, claim you're innocent, I've really got all day. Now that you've paused halfway through this paragraph to indignantly claim yourself completely innocent (if that word even exists where you are), continue reading.

I know what goes through your minds, oh no. You don't have the mercy to torture me the way you do Will. Rather, you torture me in completely different, and much worse ways.

Oh ho! I saw that furtive/guilty look right there! Don't go hiding it behind your hands. I know your kind.

You may not have terrible things happen to me that include anything along the lines of: Abuse, murder, rape, enslavement- both to drugs and people-, and any other things you do to my most (REAL) recent apprentice.

Still pretending the innocent act, eh? Fine. How about I list just a few of these terrible abuses you rain down on me? Maybe I can "refresh" your memories, eh?

1. Rabid fan-girls come into my world, and attack me. - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Not only is it impossible for you to come into my world which is a BOOK SERIES; and also this occurrence is highly ILLOGICAL.

2. Will is back to being my apprentice (*shivers* Terrible occurrence all in itself) and something happens to him where I must either: a) Save the day. Or b) Be bothered by my apprentice while he is on Sugar rush. - ? JUST NO.

3. And NO MORE versions of Will's STUPID "Greybeard Halt" song. *sigh* Hate that song...

4. Then there are those miscellaneous ones where Gilan is my apprentice again; I'm... *shudders* in... *shivers* love with one of my apprentices. UGH. There are SO MANY THINGS WRONG ABOUT THAT. No. And then you try to explore my relationship with Pauline. - Please don't go any further, I don't want us to have a divorce, because of you.

Oh pits. I probably just sparked somebody's imagination, and soon a story about Pauline and I... separating.

Well before I go off and give you more brainless ideas, I'm ending this letter.

Goodbye.

Halt

Nighty-night night! :P