Authors Note- Hey guys! Nope, I'm not dead! I've just been extreeemely busy and I SO apologize to all of you for that! It's been exactly 2 months since my last update on this story, I sincerely hope that this chapter can some what make up for my lack of updating ;)

Before I start I'd like to give a HUGE shout out to my lovely friend Chanson (BTR'slovesong) for ALL of her amazing help with this chapter. You have no idea how lost I was with this guys. I didn't know which way was up or down, she totally helped me figure this out! She is AMAZING, THANK YOU CHANNY GIRL, I love ya! (Totally check out her stories if you haven't already, she's an amazing author. I can't pick just one of her stories to tell you to check out, they are ALL amazing!) So check her out!

Anywho, without further adieu, PLEASE enjoy this next installment of Tears of an Angel! :)

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Chapter 13- Loss

"James, wake up." Kendall stated as he gently shook the shoulders of his slumbering best friend.

It had been a couple of days since James' episode and he was fully recovered from it now. No more pain, no more fever. Though, he was still cancer ridden, they were all at least a little relieved. Kendall hadn't left James' side since their conversation at the hospital. He also hasn't allowed James out of his sight, nor out of his home. Kendall refused to allow James to return to that hell hole of a "home" that he lived in, and so, he has been staying at Kendall's house. Upon explaining the details to James' mother, she understood and allowed it.

Brooke has visited every day which makes James happy. However, the ill boy has been filled with so much stress the past few days. James' father refuses to allow his son to completely block him from his life. He's constantly calling, texting and knocking on Kendall's door begging and pleading to see his boy, but to no avail. He'd left countless voicemail's and messages on James' phone, stating how much he loved him, and how sorry he was that it had come to this. How he would do anything in his power to change it, to take back everything he had done, anything to get his boy back. James just read each text, listened to every voicemail, deleteing each and every single one just for more to fill their place. The stress was building up inside of him and he feared it would be any second he would break.

James groaned and looked at Kendall then rolled away from him covering his face with the blanket. He just wanted to sleep, to forget the stress in his life and forget about his sickness, just for a little while longer.

"Five more minutes, Kendall. I'm so tired, please?" Kendall frowned but nodded his head anyways.

"Fine, but only five minutes, then you're getting up, okay?" James nodded then closed his eyes, curling himself deeper into the blankets warm embrace. Kendall felt James' forehead to gauge the boys temperature simply to find it was perfectly normal. Kendall smiled and then ruffled James' hair earning a groan from James.

"M'sleepy Kendall, wasting my five minutes.." Kendall chuckled then gently rubbed James' back until he heard soft snores coming from James' mouth. Kendall rubbed his back for a moment more before exiting the room. He knew he said only five minutes, but he could tell James was very tired, and with how much stress the boy had been under the past couple days, actually, the past month or so really, he deserved his rest.

Kendall made his way into the kitchen where he decided to make James some soup. Kendall pulled out a pot from the cabinet next to the stove and filled it with the can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup. He cooked the soup, stirring it occasionally to make sure no noodles stuck to the bottom. Once it was done he ladled the contents of the soup into a bowl then plopped a spoon into it. He set the steaming hot soup on the kitchen table and then decided to go attempt waking James once more. Five minutes had quickly turned into twenty but Kendall didn't mind, James earned his rest.

Kendall re-entered his bedroom and sat next to James' form. He gently laid his hand on his friends shoulder and shook him once more.

"James, buddy, I gave you twenty minutes, time to get up. I made you some soup." James groaned but sat up anyways. He rubbed his hand over his face as he let out a yawn.

"M'kay." James threw his long legs over the side of the bed, firmly planting his feet on the ground and hoisted himself up. He felt lightheaded from getting up so quickly and stumbled, only to be steadied by Kendall.

"Easy buddy, need help?" James shook his head as he recomposed himself.

"Nah, I'm okay now, thank you, buddy." James and Kendall made their way into the kitchen where James sat in front of his bowl of soup. James grabbed the spoon and blew on the contents, before slurping the soup down loudly, earning a giggle from Kendall.

"You've always been the loudest slurper I know." James smiled for a second until he heard his phone go off. The ringtone was his fathers. James quickly hit the end button, sending his father to voicemail, only for him to hang up and try again. This continued for five minutes. Finally James couldn't take it anymore and he pulled the battery out of his phone and slammed it against the table. He then twisted his long slender fingers through his hair and began tugging, letting out a groan of frustration.

"Why can't he just leave me alone!" James clenched his eyes shut willing the tears to go away. Kendall scooted closer to James, wrapping his arm around his friends shoulders in comfort.

"Hey, it's okay, we won't let him hurt you anymore. You're safe here with me." James nodded and looked into his friends bright emerald eyes.

"Thanks, Kendall." Kendall smiled before patting James' back.

"Don't mention it man, now finish you lunch, I'm gonna see where Logie and Carlito's are."

Kendall exited the room just as there was a knock on the front door. Kendall twisted the knob and opened it, being met by the familiar smiles of his two other best friends.

"Hey, Kendall!" Greeted Carlos with a huge grin.

"I brought you and James candy!" He cheered, hoisting a large bag filled with skittles, snickers, reese's as well as M&M's. Kendall smiled and Logan rolled his eyes.

"James might not be able to handle all of those sweets, Lito's." Logan preached.

"I can sure try." James stated, entering into the front room of Kendalls house with a smile on his face. Carlos cheered and literally jumped for joy while Logan stared at James.

"Just don't over do it, okay? I don't want you getting sick to your stomach, the chemo does that enough for you..." Logan trailed off as he took in James' appearance. The boy just looked so...tired.

"You okay, James?" James' smile faltered a little as he cast his gaze to the ground below.

"I'm fine, just tired and...stressed." Kendall squeezed James' shoulder in reassurance.

"Stressed? About what, is it your cancer?" Logan asked walking up to the ill boy to further inspect him, laying his hand across his forehead. James' tilted his head away from Logan's touch.

"No, not really. It's just my dad. He keeps calling, and leaving me messages and texting,"

"And coming over here, I've had to run him off at least three times now, Katie threatened to sick our Rottweiler Spike on him.."

"You don't have a dog names Spike.." Carlos stated.

"I know, but he doesn't know that." Kendall smirked. James sighed and leaned against the wall rubbing his temples.

"I don't know, he won't leave me alone, it's really stressing me out. I don't want to talk to him right now, not after remembering what he did to me, and remembering how he lied about it. He never even attempted to tell me the truth. He basically tried to kill me and cover it up!" The memories flooded James' mind once more causing him to get the familiar pounding of a headache. He clenched his eyes shut leaning heavier against the doorframe.

"Hey man, why don't you lay down," Started Logan taking in the uncomfortable expression on the sick boys face.

"Yeah, you don't look so good." Finished Carlos.

"Come on, lets get you back to bed, buddy." Kendall gently led James back to the bedroom and helped ease him onto the bed. James laid his head on the pillow with his eyes still clenched shut. The room was bright and his headache was still very strong.

"You sure you're okay, man?" Kendall asked, worry seeping from his voice.

"Yeah, I just have a headache, thinking about everything that's been going on does that to me." Kendall nodded.

"Well, here," Kendall closed the blinds to the window in his room, permitting darkness to shroud the room.

"Better?" He asked. James nodded.

"Mmhmm, much." James nuzzled deeper into the blankets as he quickly began to succumb to unconsciousness.

"Thanks, Kendall."

"Anytime, bro. Sleep tight." Kendall tucked the blankets around James' unconscious frame and kissed his forehead before exiting the room.

James laid in the dark confines of the bedroom but he was not asleep. His mind wouldn't stop reeling, his head was spinning with memories that he simply did not want to remember. He groaned silently, turning over on the bed and curling into a tight ball. He was so tired, he wished his mind had an off switch. Just this once. Finally after close to an hour of tossing and turning his eye lids finally closed until he knew no more.

Seconds later, or so it felt, anyways, James' cell phone began to vibrate on the nightstand. The ill boy flopped over and groggily snatched it into his hands and held it to his ear. He pressed talk without even checking who called.

"Hello?" James asked, voice laden with sleep.

"James! It's dad, oh how I've missed you're voice, how are you?"

James' eyes shot open, he could feel his heart sink into his stomach and his headache quickly returned.

"D-dad? I-I gotta go. I can't do this right now, I-"

"James, wait, I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you, I love you so much son," His father was pleading. James could hear the urgency in his voice and the sincerity. He just wanted to talk to his boy.

"I can't do this, I just can't!" James quickly snapped his phone shut and sat up in his bed. He placed his head in the palm of his hands and just tried to steady his breathing. Kendall happened to be passing by the room and heard the end of James' conversation, he heard the fear in his friends voice and instinctively went in the room to check on him.

"James, you okay? What happened, buddy?" Kendall placed his hand on James' shuddering shoulder. James looked up, his hazel orbs filled with sadness, guilt, confusion. He shook his head and quickly stood up.

"N-nothing, I'm fine," He began.

"You don't look fine, tell me what's wrong, man." Kendalls green eyes were worried. James was shaky on his feet as he quickly began walking towards the door.

"Kendall, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm going to take a shower." With that James entered the bathroom connected to Kendalls room. The brunette closed the door behind him, locking it. He threw the shower curtain open and adjusted the knobs so the shower was as hot as he could handle. Kendall knocked on the door, continuing to be sure James was indeed fine, but James ignored him. He slipped his pajama bottoms off, tossing them in a heap by the bathroom door, followed by his gray wife beater. He finally shrugged out of his boxers and stepped into the stream of the shower, closing the shower curtain behind him. The water was hot and it felt amazing to James. Each water droplet he could feel his anger, his sadness and all of his frustrations wash away.

James tilted his head forward beneath the stream of the water. He stood there, allowing the water to fully drench his hair and pour down his neck, across his shoulders and down his back finally dropping off onto the stark white porcelain of the tub. He firmly pressed the palms of his hands against the ivory tiles lining the wall of the shower. The cold was almost refreshing contrasted to the heat of his hands, steam and perspiration filling the gaps between each of his fingers. He closed his eyes and just willed everything to go away. He didn't want to remember anything, he didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to relax. James inhaled deeply allowing the hot air in the shower to fill his lungs. James just felt so comfortable and relaxed for the first time in a long time.

"Why can't I just always feel like this?" He questioned himself. James ran his hand through his hair, pushing the tangled wet mass off of his face. Replacing his hand against the wall James took another deep breath. However, his eyes opened when he noticed something was wrapped around his hand uncomfortably. Blinking away the water James pulled his hand closer to his eye level and stared at it.

Wrapped around his fingers, was a large cluster of hair. His beautiful auburn hair was...coming out?

James took his free hand and untangled the mass of hair. It was not just one or two strands of hair, no, there were tons of them, huge chunks of hair. Way more than the average person should ever shed. James dropped the clump of hair like it was scorching his skin. His eyes grew wide and he felt as though his lungs were being crushed. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest.

"No..." James started. He gently placed his hand on the back of his head, he stroked the hair softly before intertwining his fingers with the hair, he gently tugged. He felt his breath catch in his throat when the hair he clutched easily lost it's rooting from his scalp and dangled limply in his hand.

James' knee's went weak and he lost his footing in the tub. He fell down hard, he was almost positive every occupant in Kendall's house heard his loud thud, heck he wouldn't be surprised if the entire neighborhood heard it but he didn't care at this point. His beautiful prize possession, his hair was falling out and there was nothing he could do about it. James laid at the bottom of the tub, the hot water pounding against his frail frame as his body was wracked with sobs. He couldn't hold his tears at bay, he couldn't silence himself. He just had to cry. And cry he did. His breaths were coming in short gasps, he could hardly breath and he couldn't focus on anything but the despair he felt. He didn't even notice when there were three sets of hands pounding on the bathroom door, begging and pleading for him to let them in.

"James, are you alright?" Kendall asked, pounding on the door.

"James, did you fall, are you hurt?" Asked Logan.

"Jamie, please let us in!" Begged Carlos, allowing his own tears to fall at the shrill sound of James' crying.

James' mind finally focused and he could make out the sound of his friends pleading. His friends, he needed to be strong for them. James let out one more sob before sitting up in the tub. His side and hip were sore from falling, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. He knew he had to control his emotions, he couldn't allow his friends to see him like this. He needed to be brave for them, like they were being for him. Finally James hoisted himself back into a standing position, he ran his head and face under the water again, vigorously wiping at his eyes and cheeks to get rid of any trace of tears there might be. Finally he shut the water off and threw back the curtain, watching the steam billow out. He quickly grabbed the hair from the tub and threw it into the toilet and flushed it before anyone else could notice. Using his hand he wiped the steam off of the mirror and inspected his face.

His eyes were a little red and puffy, but he knew he could blame that on getting soap in his eye. Other than that and the skin on his face and body being a little red, which he could blame on the heat of the shower he looked okay, he guessed. Finally James wrapped the white towel from the towel rack around his waist and opened the door being eagerly met by his friends worried stares.

"Oh, h-hey guys." He began, a small smile across his face.

"James, are you okay? What happened man, we heard a loud crash, and-"

"Nothing, I'm fine. I just fell, I'm-"

"You fell? How hard, do you need to go to the hospital?" Logan asked "What did you land on, are you-"

"Loges, chill, I'm okay."

"But, why were you crying James?" Carlos asked in his innocent tone. James cast his gaze downward.

"I'm fine, I didn't cry. I was...laughing at myself for falling." Carlos couldn't believe his ears, it was obvious James had been crying. Carlos recognized the difference between crying and laughing and James had definitely been crying. Hell, he had been sobbing. Something had clearly upset him. Kendall's green gaze stuck to James. He could see through James' mask, he knew something was clearly upsetting his best friend, his brother. But James didn't want to talk about it. At least not now, anyways. He figured he could save his friend his pride.

Finally James tilted his head back up and looked at his friends, his sheepish smile still plastered there.

"Laughing?" Began Carlos, "James, we definitely didn't hear laughing, we heard you cry-"

"James, I believe you." Kendall interjected.

"What?" Asked Logan and Carlos utterly confused. "But, he-"

"He must have gotten tired and fell. Or, I don't know, slipped on soap or something. He doesn't look hurt, he looks fine to me. So how about we just stop interrogating him."

"Yeah, guys. I'm totally okay, I mean it." James' smile was small but seemed genuine, but in his eyes, Kendall couldn't get past the look of despair in those hazel orbs.

"Well," Began Logan. "I guess okay then. But I swear, if you start feeling sick or sore from falling let us know immediately, that could have really done some damage to you, James!"

James nodded his head, just happy the attention seemed to finally be ending on him.

"I promise. Cross my heart and hope to...eat candy." James didn't want to say hope to die for obvious reasons.

"Cool!" Cheered Carlos. "Then come play video games with us? There's Candy down stairs, and Black Ops!"

James smiled at his small latino friend.

"Thanks Carlos, that sounds fun. But, I'm kind of tired so I think I'm just going to go lay down...good night, buddy." James patted Carlos' back before allowing himself to exit the bathroom. Carlos and Logan exited the room, allowing James the space he needed and privacy to change into some dry clothes. Kendall, however, lingered for a little bit longer.

"Hey," He began placing his palm on his best friends shoulder. "You sure that you're okay, man?" He finally questioned.

James let out a deep sigh and had to physically stop himself from running his fingers through his hair in fear of more falling out.

"Kendall, I appreciate all of the concern, I do. But I am fine, really." He trudged his way to his designated drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers, black and gold plaid pajama bottoms and a fresh gray wife beater. Finally, he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. James ran the towel over his body quickly to wipe away any remaining droplets of water before putting his boxers on. He continued to dress by slipping into his warm pajama bottoms. Kendall opened the door before James could put his shirt on.

"James, I-" He cut himself off when he saw James' hip.

"James, your, your hip, it's-" James glanced down at his hip. It hadn't been more than ten minutes since he collapsed in the shower and the hip he fell on was already heavily bruised. It looked as though he had been hit by a car with how badly it was bruised. It was marred with deep shades of purple and yellow. It looked painful.

"Oh, wow," James stated, gently touching the bruise. He reeled his hand back when the slightest pressure hurt. He hissed out in pain.

"Here, come on, lets get you to bed, man." Kendall gently grabbed James by his arm and led him out of the bathroom. James had a slight limp from the pain in his hip, he was amazed at how quickly it popped up.

"Lay down." Kendall instructed. James obeyed, laying on his side that wasn't bruised. Kendall quickly examined the bruise. He wasn't a doctor, but he had seen enough hockey injuries to know what a broken bone looked like, or any serious injuries. He gently felt the contours of James' hip, earning groans of pain from the tall brunette.

"Nothing seems broken, so that's good. That bruise is quite the doozy though, dude." James merely nodded in response. He wanted to be left alone, so he faked being tired. He closed his eyes to half lids and steadied his breathing.

"Mmhmm.." Kendall looked at James' face and saw how exhausted his friend was. He gently pulled the blankets over James' body, being mindful of his bruised hip.

"Go to bed, okay, buddy?" James simply nodded. Kendall kissed James' forehead before exiting the room.

When James heard the door click shut and he was sure that Kendall was no where within hearing range he allowed his emotions to open up. He gently ran his fingers through his precious locks of hair, allowing a single tear to run down the bridge of his nose and land onto his feathery soft pillow. James felt like an idiot, crying over something like hair, but it was his hair. He had always been known for how amazing his hair was, he poured so much pride into it.

He always bought the most expensive hair products. He spoiled his hair like it was his own child and now, his hair is falling out. It's falling away and receding into nothingness. Soon enough he will have no hair left, even his long luscious lashes that get all of the ladies hearts fluttering will fall away and disappear. He only hopes that with each lash that falls out, he can wish on each one. He already knew what he'd wish for, as each wish would be the same.

"Let me live."

James' body shook with each silent sob he made. He was sure to be as silent as possible, he didn't want any more attention on him, he was sick of being in the spotlight for now. He just wanted to be alone to wallow in his own misery.

The sound of footsteps snapped James out of his sobs, he quickly turned over facing away from the door to hide his tear stained face. Holding in a gasp of pain when he landed on his bruised hip. He quickly wiped away his tears and pulled the blanket closer around his frame, closing his eyes and feigning sleep.

The bedroom door creaked open ever so slightly. Carlos peeked his head in, scanning the room over and finally looking at James.

"Psst, Jamie. You awake?" He silently whispered. When James didn't so much as stir Carlos tip toed over to the bed and rubbed James' back.

"Hey, I know you're asleep, but I just wanted to let you know that I still think you were crying, buddy. I wish you would just open up to us and let us help you. We love you James, hearing you cry like that. It...it breaks my heart, buddy." Carlos wiped away his tears that silently fell down his soft tanned cheeks.

"Well, I guess I'll let you rest. Good night, Jamie. I love you buddy." Carlos gently hugged James before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

James quickly rolled onto his back so that his abused hip wasn't under so much pressure anymore. He continued to sob, and gently caress his locks of beautiful auburn hair. He hated this, all of it. He hated how he was losing his hair, he hated how easily he was beginning to bruise. He hated how tired he was all the time, how weak he was. He hated how upset he was. But most of all, he hated how much his illness was effecting his friends. His best friends, his brothers were in just as much pain as he was, and he hated it more than anything.

James' sobbing continued for over an hour, he just couldn't control it. He felt lightheaded from it, the room was spinning and he was so dizzy. A wave of nausea quickly took over him and he had no choice but to run to the bathroom. His hip screamed in protest, but he refused to vomit on Kendall's bedroom floor.

He crumpled to his knees in front of the toilet just in time for his stomach contents to explode into it. He retched for a good ten minutes before flushing the toilet. He hoisted himself off the ground and made his way to the sink. Turning the faucet on, he ran his hands through the water, cupping his hands together he took water into his mouth, gurgled and spit it out. He then splashed some water onto his face. James peered up at the mirror. His reflection scared him.

He no longer recognized the boy who was staring back at him. His skin was so pale, and his cheeks so sunken in. The circles under his eyes were a dark gray color. His cheeks were tinged pink, but that was the only healthy color he could see. He just looked so...sick.

James looked at his eyes. They were no longer bright and full of life like they always used to be. They were dull and seemed to almost refract no light at all. His irises were blown wide. Overall his eyes looked...stark, sad, and lifeless.

His lips were pale, no longer the lovely tone of pink they normally were, and they were dry and chapped. He ran his tongue over them to revive them to no use.

Finally he examined his hair. On the outside it didn't appear to be thinning. It was dull, no longer shiny and lustrous like he had known it to always be. But it was still full and seemingly present. He ran his hand through his hair, once again allowing himself to tug at the strands. Maybe he had imagined his hair coming out? Maybe he had really just passed out, dreamt it and it was all just some sick twisted nightmare?

When James pulled his hand in front of him and there was a thick patch of hair innocently resting in his palm, he held back a sob. No, it wasn't a dream, it really happened. James couldn't take it anymore.

Frantically, the boy tore open the cabinets in the bathroom. Tossing new rolls of toilet paper, razors and unopened packages of soap around, searching for the item he lusted so much for.

"Come on, come on, where is it," He silently chanted to himself, shifting his focus to the cabinet above the toilet.

"There!" He exclaimed grabbing the sought after tool into his hand.

James stared at the device. It's sleek black form never seemed so menacing to him before, but James knew he had to do this. He knew if he didn't, he would just fear every strand falling from his scalp. He'd never allow it. He had to do it himself.

James flipped the switch and the electric razor in his hand began to loudly buss and vibrate in his grasp. The vibrations made his arms feel like jello in his weakened state. James stared at the mirror, taking one final glance at his beautiful locks of hair for the last time. He slowly began to lift his arms up, bringing the razor to his scalp.

But he couldn't.

James could not lift his arms above his shoulders. The razor was too heavy, his arms too weakened from the cancer and chemotherapy. Defeated, he put his arms to his side and turned the razor off.

James sat on the toilet and buried his face into his hands. If only Kendall were here. He longed for his best friends gentle touch and caring demeanor. He always made James feel strong, feel brave. He wished he had his voice in his ear, encouraging him that he could do it. Kendall was always there for him, telling him he could do anything he put his mind to, anything was possible...if only Kendall were there. James picked his head up and stared at the razor.

James knew what he had to do.

Silently as to not awaken the entire household, James limped his way downstairs to the living room where Kendall was peacefully sleeping on the couch. James strode over to the blonde's side and sat beside him on the couch.

"Kendall," James started quietly. He felt bad asking him for help, but it needed to be done.

"Kendall, please wake up," Gently he shook his friends shoulder earning a groan.

"Hmm what?" Kendall's eyes fluttered open, meeting the bashful gaze from James.

"James, you okay?" He asked immediately sitting up.

"Um, yeah. It's just.." He trailed off standing back up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"What is it James?" James took a deep breath and handed the razor to Kendall.

"Could you...could you please help me? I can't do it on my own, it's too...it's too heavy for me." James looked down at his feet. He felt embarrassed that he couldn't hold up a freaking electric razor, it couldn't weigh more than two pounds. Kendall smiled at his friend and tilted his chin up.

"Hey, look at me, of course I'll help you, buddy." James smiled shyly at Kendall before Kendall hooked arms with him, gently leading him back upstairs to their bathroom.

"Go ahead and sit on the toilet, James." James nodded and sat down. Kendall turned to James and kneeled in front of him.

"You were crying earlier, weren't you?" James simply nodded.

"Does..does this have anything to do with why you were crying? The razor, I mean?" Again, James nodded.

"It's coming out Kendall. Huge chunks, they just come right out..." James laced his fingers through his hair and gave one firm tug, demonstrating how easily the hair follicles tug right out of place. The corners of Kendalls lips turn downward into a sad frown.

"I...I won't watch that happen, Kendall. I'd rather just get rid of it all now. I can't watch it just...just die." James's voice was so broken and it killed Kendall to hear it. There were tears gently flowing down James' concave cheeks.

"Shh, hey, it's okay. But, are you sure you want to do this?" Kendall asked quietly. James closed his eyes and blew out a breath he had been holding.

"Positive." Kendall nodded and patted his friends back.

Kendall held the razor up and switched it on. Slowly he raised it to James' head, and painstakingly dragged it down the length of his scalp. James' eyes fluttered open and watched as his locks of hair fell to the ground. Kendall repeated the process again, dragging the razor from right above James' left ear all the way to the back of his head. He continued until half of the hair was gone. James watched every strand fall. With each tuft of hair that dropped, he felt his heart ache. He was so distressed at the loss of his hair, but he knew it had to be done.

Kendall switched sides and began shaving from the top of James' right ear, dragging the razor to the back of his scalp. He noted the tears in James' eyes and paused.

"You doing okay?" He asked. James sniffled and looked up at his friend.

"Yeah, I'm okay...just, keep going." Kendall nodded and continued to shave.

The bathroom floor was littered with hair at James' feet. So much beautiful hair, once on his head was laying in a disheveled heap on the ground. James couldn't bare to watch it any longer. He clenched his eyes shut and inhaled deeply allowing air to fill his lungs. He then exhaled slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. As each follicle of hair fell he felt upset, but at the same time he couldn't be more proud of himself.

His hair was his most highly valued item, he cherished it. Each strand like his own personal precious jewel. Losing his hair was like losing a battle. In his mind if he allowed it to just fall out, it was like he was allowing the cancer to take over. However, cutting his hair in James' mind symbolized hope. Shaving his hair it felt like a burden was being lifted off his shoulders. Now he wouldn't have to let the cancer steal his hair away, he took it away himself. And for that, James was proud of himself.

"All done, James." Kendall's voice cut through the thick silence of the room. Only after he spoke did James realize that the buzzing of the razor had ceased. Slowly he opened his eyes, meeting the soft smile of his friend.

"H-how does it look?" James asked softly, horrified of the answer. Kendall just smiled.

"Actually, believe it or not it looks pretty good. Take a look for yourself," Kendall gently wrapped his arms around James' back and helped him to his feet. James placed the palms of his hands against the sink and peered up, gazing into the mirror.

It was him. A sickly, thin frail and now bald version of him, but him none the less. James smiled softly as tears brimmed his eyes. He held his hand above his head, running his finger tips over the very short stubbly hairs. James couldn't remember the last time he had short hair, it was a new feeling to him. It felt strange, he couldn't even think of anything to compare it to other than...different. But James knew that change was good. And he was just glad he had a nice shaped head. James' hand dropped to his side and he turned, facing his best friend.

James smiled wide, wrapping his arms around Kendall in a warm and tight embrace.

"Thank you, Kendall." James' tears gently fell down his cheeks in a warm salty trail. Kendall smiled and rubbed his friends back, cooing softly to him.

"Anytime buddy, you know I'll always be here for you. For anything. I love you, man." Kendall kissed James' temple and pulled away from the embrace.

"Now, I think you should finally go to sleep, okay? You've had a really tough day." James nodded. He was completely drained from the events of the day, both emotionally and physically. His hip throbbed from earlier, his head was spinning from the loud buzz of the razor and he just overall felt very weak and tired. He hadn't even noticed he was falling asleep until Kendall pulled him into his arms bridal style.

"Come on sleepy head, lets get you to bed big guy." James closed his eyes and nuzzled into Kendall's shoulder quickly falling asleep. Kendall smiled down sadly at James, gently laying his slumbering frame down on the bed. He pulled the thick warm comforter up and wrapped it snugly around James' torso and shoulders, bringing it all the way up to his neck. He looked peaceful while he slept.

Kendall kissed James' forehead then made his way to the bedroom door. He opened the door and stole one final glance at his best friend.

"We need you buddy. Please, get better. I love you, good night...please get well soon."

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Ending A/N- So, did I do ok guys? Did ya like it, did ya hate it? Did it make you cry, did it make you wanna smack me across the face with an octopuss? PLEASE let me know! Please Read, Review, and enjoy! :) xoxo