iLie

"Yeah," Carly said angrily, "Sam may be obnoxious and irresponsible, but she doesn't lie."

And Sam gave her that look. Carly assumed she was, for some reason, offended that she had called her obnoxious and irresponsible, but that was far from true; she prided herself on that.

But Sam had lied to her mom about staying at Carly's house, she had lied to Mrs. Briggs about her homework, she had lied to Freddie about putting a worm in his pudding, and that was just this morning.

Sam lied about everything to everyone, and Carly knew that. So Sam gave her that look, because she even prided herself on that; she was obnoxious and irresponsible, and Samantha Puckett most certainly lied.

"Not for nine billion dollars," You state without thought as he stands in front of your kissing booth.

He just rolls his eyes. "Don't worry; I don't want to kiss you."

He's offering some sort of help, and you tune him out because he's a stupid nub (not because the only word he seems to know is Carly). But now that the thought's in your head, you think it might not be so bad.

To kiss him, that is. You can't help but look at those lips (because you want to punch them, naturally) and wonder. . .

Maybe just a few hundred dollars would do.

And you would never kiss him, but maybe, perhaps, if by some miracle he kissed you, well... you might not pull away.

Only from pure shock, of course.

"No girl will ever love you," You say, and it's hardly worth the five dollars you shove into his hands. You say it with none of your usual vigor. It's sandwiched between equally unoriginal insults, none of which are insulting to him. He just smiles his 'charming, boyish smile' (the one that looks less boyish every day), and accepts the cash.

But as much as you hate the nub, you know it isn't true.
(Even if he alphabetizes his Galaxy War dolls.)

The girls at school have started noticing him more and more. First it was Valerie. Then it was Shannon and her friends. Now you're starting to see it in Chelsea, Julie, Hannah, Jessica Rachael, even Carly has mentioned it. Just a simple, "Does Freddie look . . . different to you?" Even you can't deny it: puberty was good for the dork. His voice dropped octaves, he shot up, he lost that baby-face, and now that he's grown into his clothes. . .

Sometimes you catch a girl staring at him in class, iCarly viewers beg for him to be on the show more, and Marissa Benson has stopped worrying about his ability to get a girl.

So, even though he spends his Friday nights getting a tick bath, you admit that someday, some poor sap will love him.

"Just to get it over with," You echo, scooting even closer to him.

Your voice is completely normal, your mind isn't racing, and your heart isn't beating a thousand miles a minute. You just finished his sentence impatiently, but only because he was annoying you.

"And you swear we go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over."

That doesn't even make sense, because you never hated him and you doubt you ever will. And, although he definitely should, he doesn't seem to hate you either. Part of you regrets saying that, because part of you doesn't want to do this anymore. But the rest of you wants to make it clear that you don't know how to do anything else.

You're about to leave, because it's not like you could talk to each other after what happened. He stops you just before you're gone.

"I hate you," He says, and there is no way anyone could call that smirk boyish.

"I hate you too," you mumble awkwardly.

You aren't even sure that's considered a lie because, for the first time, you both know it isn't true.

"It gets easier," you explain, mocking kindness, as you throw your arms around Carly and Freddie's shoulders. "Soon you'll be able to lie and feel nothing."

"Carly will never love you," You spit at him, seeing the same distraught look across his face. No matter how many times you've said it, that insult never stops. (You sort of hope one day he won't look so upset when you say it.)

He glares at you before storming out of the room.

"Sam!" She yells as she runs after him.

But when you spend the night at her house, sometimes she talks about him. How he's smart and funny, and becoming less dorky every day. How he's kind and always been there for her and isn't that techie stuff kinda cute anyway?

She's never even mentioned a crush, but she's starting to notice him.

He's always loved her, and you've always been okay with that (in a way) because no matter how much he stared, or how long he pined, it meant nothing when she didn't love him back.

But with every glance his way, or laugh at his dorky joke, or mention in the dead of the night, she's starting to notice him.

She's Carly Shay and he's Fredward Benson, and you know as well as everyone that they are perfect for each other. It's not too often the world sees an absolutely perfect couple, and even you don't want to destroy that. (You don't, honestly. You really don't, right?)

But if he loves her that's only half of a perfect couple. Without her love in return, it means nothing. Even a deranged, hopeless couple (such as the dork and yourself) are better than half of a perfect couple. So you wish and hope and begandpleadandpray that she will never, she couldn't possibly love him back.

You throw a pillow across the room, scream at the top of your lungs, and punch the floor. You force yourself not to focus on them, and how long they've been gone, and what they're doing without you, and when they will just give up on you altogether. When you can't hit the floor any longer, you collapse on a bean bag.

He loves her and it's almost okay because she will never love him back.

(At least, that's what you like to tell yourself.)

"Carly will never love him," you whisper, even though you're alone, because you never really said it for him anyway.

"Lying is easy," you explain, "you just gotta say stuff like it's true, like you mean it."

Author's Note: It really bothers me when Carly says that Sam doesn't lie, because everyone knows she lies all the time. That's basically where this story comes from. The episodes I quoted are iWill Date Freddie, iSaw Him First, iHeart Art, iKiss, and iRocked the vote.