Disclaimer: I dont own HP, that belongs to JK Rowling

sorry for the big gap in updates. I'll try to update faster:)

thanks for all the positive reviews:D

just so everyone knows, at the beginning of each chapter, im going to put a "reflection", or a diary entry of Bella's from the end of the book. It's her looking back at her life. So, it was not written at the same time that the second part of this chapter is taking place. This was written years later, and the second half of the chapter is about her train ride as a first year. Sorry if this is really confusing!

Reflection:

I was six years old the first time I cast the Cruciatus curse. I hadn't meant to do it; it just happened. No spells, no wands. All I had felt was an intense, all consuming fury course through me, hazing my vision with a red glare. In that moment, all I wanted to do was inflict as much pain as possible. The curse unconsciously flew out of me, the force of it knocking Lucius to the floor. His shrill screams still echo in my ears to this day and each night I relive the moment when he begged me for mercy, his voice raspy and weak from the torture. The ironic thing is, I can't recall what I was so furious about.

I've learned to control my powers a bit more since then, but I still have an explosive temper, and if it's set off…who knows what'll happen. I'm like a bomb. A very, very powerful bomb. So watch out.

I suppose what I'm trying to explain is, I always knew I was a gifted witch. From the moment I could walk I was casting spells. Magic just seemed to ooze out of me.

I thought I was invincible. I couldn't fathom the possibility of my magic or wit ever failing me. What else did a witch need besides a big brain, heaps of talent, and charisma? I possessed all of that and then some.

I also believed that my future was mine for the taking. How could someone be so powerful not be able to choose their own destiny?

How wrong I was.

I understand now that a good chunk of life is left to fate. There are things that cannot be helped, and things that must be stopped. It's our choices that make us strong.

Life can throw some pretty messed up stuff our way. When this happens, the only thing to do is hold on tight, and wait out the storm. Wait until the tornado of destruction has torn its way through your life and moved on to someone else's. Then you're left to pick through the wreckage, to try to salvage some aspect of what your life was like before.

At times, the damage is too great. Sometimes there's nothing left to repair; the tornado has completely destroyed your old life, and ripped the old you to pieces.

That's what happened to me during my time at Hogwarts. I suffered through the tornado, the force of it nearly rendering me breathless, as it mutilated everything I held close.

Once the whipping winds had subsided and I could breathe again, I surveyed the damage. My soul was littered all over the floor, and my heart had been split open and clumsily sewed back together again. I didn't recognize myself.

I had changed somewhere in the course of that storm.

Train Ride:

The scarlet train was magnificent. Smoke billowed out of it, spilling out onto the crowds of people below. All I could hear was the clatter of baggage as trunks were scraped along the platform floor, and the final goodbyes of loved ones. Owls hooted and cats of all different colors scampered through the throngs of people.

A couple of kids were already climbing aboard the train. I absolutely couldn't wait to join them. My stomach was exploding in fireworks and my finger twitched with impatience. I was seconds away from mastering my magic. I was already talented; I could only imagine the reaches of my magic once I had graduated from Hogwarts.

I would be unstoppable. The thought evoked a wicked grin from my normally stoic face.

I swiftly started towards the train, lugging my heavy suitcase after me. I was more than prepared to push aside the door and board, when I felt a restraining hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

It was Narcissa. Of course, she wouldn't let me leave without saying goodbye. I twirled around to face her, knowing that as excited as I was to be going to Hogwarts, I would miss her dearly.

She looked close to tears, and I knew she would miss me too. She smoothed away a thick piece of hair that had fallen in my eyes. "Remember to write us if you forgot anything. When you get on the train look for Marcus Flint or Mabel Parkinson, do you remember them? They've come over a few times with their parents for dinner." She smiled and placed her hand on my shoulder, kneeling down so she was at eye level with me. "Your mother would be so proud of you. You've turned out far more powerful than we could've ever imagined. You're incredibly like her in many ways."

I nodded. I had heard this all before, but it still felt reassuring to be told again. "Thanks."

Narcissa smiled softly and stood back up. "You'll have fun at Hogwarts. Do you remember Severus? You've met him a few times in the past. He's an old family friend. He's the head of Slytherin house, so you'll be seeing him a lot. He also teaches potions."

"Yeah, I remember him," I replied. Barely, I thought to myself.

Narcissa nodded and backed away, melting into Lucius's outstretched arm. My eyes met his from across the station. Lucius nodded curtly, his jaw clenched tight, his eyes glittering black and hard. I supposed that was the extent of his farewell. He never did like me much.

Draco broke away from his father's embrace, and ran towards me to say goodbye. Draco and I had always been close, more siblings than cousins. He wished me luck and gave me a quick hug.

"Tell me all about the Sorting. I heard that they have you do this impossible test—"he ranted feverishly, his dark eyes alight with excitement and curiosity.

I cut him off with my hand. "I'm sure whatever it is I can handle it," I said coolly, although my heart pounded a bit faster at his words.

Draco snorted at my feigned confidence, seeing right through my air of certainty. "Even if they have you wrestle a troll?"

"I'm sure we don't have to wrestle a troll." I rolled my eyes derisively.

"I wouldn't be so sure! I heard—"Draco began to defend his theory defiantly, but was cut off by Lucius demanding that it was time to leave.

Draco left to return to Lucius's outstretched arm.

I hurriedly boarded the train, pushing my way through the aisles to find a friendly face and a place to sit. Every compartment I peered into was already full. My soul flooded with anxiety as I reached the end of the aisle, still frantically searching for a seat.

Great. Now what? I wondered.

"Looking for a seat?" I whipped around, my eyes quickly narrowing as I took in the two boys grinning at me. They were completely identical; stocky, red haired and freckly. They must be Weasleys. One gestured towards their compartment, and said, "There's room in here."

I frantically looked around for another option, my stomach plummeting as I realized there were none. The Weasley's were blood traitors. A disgrace to purebloods everywhere. I would rather ride on the roof of the train than share a compartment with them.

But, I didn't really have a choice did I?

"Sure," I accepted, somewhat grudgingly.

I morosely followed them into their compartment and plopped down on the plush seats. Inside was another boy, with dark skin and a head full of dread locks.

"This is Lee," one of the twins introduced. The boy stuck out his hand, grinning amicably. I gave him a quick smile and shook his hand.

"I'm Fred." The one who had introduced Lee informed me, and then jerked a hand at his duplicate. "This is my twin George."

"Pleasure to meet you," George stuck out his hand and I hesitantly shook it.

"Bella," I introduced myself, forcing my lips to turn up in a friendly smile.