Chapter 3 – Desires and Ambitions

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying.
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight,
That's all right, all right with me.
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door
And listen to you breathing.

- "Breathing" Lifehouse

MAY 8, 2016...

High above the Earth a UN spy satellite, the ISS-6, equipped with AT Field tracking equipment, was focusing in on the nation of Japan. Its high-powered lenses zoomed in on a small abandoned one-story apartment complex...

******

"Satellite has reached target destination," chimed a computerized female voice in the spacious underground bunker.

"Good. Let's see if we can't find out who our mystery guests are," the young man said to himself, leaning forward in his large leather chair. While it may have been effortless for him to simply assassinate the two remaining humans in Japan, in order to correct the error that had halted Third Impact, he first had to find out what had gone wrong. He assumed the first step to this would be to identify the people who had remained and figure out what connection they had to the incident.

Before him was a large display showing an overview of the nation of Japan. Near the southern coast a blinking red light flashed on the screen, marking the location of the target life forms. "Computer, zoom in on the Toyokawa area." Within seconds the image of the city appeared, with lines dividing the map into smaller boxes. "Computer, zoom section RT-105."

"Ah. Found you." His face cracked into a grin. The image was slightly distorted due to atmospheric interference, but he could see enough to decide that the building on the display was where they were staying. Outside of the structure, he could make out a figure that appeared to be human in form. The teenager then instructed the computer to home in on the figure and focus. Though the computer was able to filter out most of the interference, because of the overhead angle, details were difficult to make out.

"Let's see... Subject A is male...dark hair...small frame..." he spoke into a portable audio recording device, for future reference. "That pretty much narrows the list of possibilities to just about...every male in Japan!" He spat out the last part with more than a little frustration, as he set the recorder down.

The man sighed and looked up at the screen again. "Where's the other one?" he queried, hoping he or she would offer more information. 'Well, whoever it is must still be inside. He has to come out eventually, and when he does, I'll get to the bottom of this,' he thought to himself. He didn't know how long he'd have to wait, but after all these years, he'd grown to be patient. He spun in his chair to face a smaller monitor showing a map of the Earth with red oceans. "It's just a matter of time..."

TOYOKAWA, JAPAN...

It was mid-afternoon and Shinji was cooking lunch. Asuka was sitting at a round wooden kitchen table idly staring at a map of Japan with her head propped up on her good arm.

"Hey, Asuka," asked Shinji, attempting to make conversation.

"What?" responded the once fiery redhead in a bored tone, not even looking up from the table.

"Why do you think it's so cold all of a sudden? I mean, it's been constantly warm in Japan since Second Impact." It was a question that had been nagging at him since washing up on the beach, and now was as good a time as any to talk about it. He knew Asuka wouldn't have the answers, but he was open to any ideas.

Asuka lifted her gaze from the map to look out the window. "I don't know." It was something she'd been wondering about too, and no explanation seemed to make any sense. "Best I can figure is that it probably has something to do with Third Impact," she added with a shrug of her shoulders. "In any case, we won't be getting any answers anytime soon, so I wouldn't dwell on it too much." With that she turned back to the map, letting the room grow quiet again.

Shinji and Asuka were hardly what could be called friends, but after coming to an understanding the night before, they were at least on speaking terms again. Asuka was willing to set aside her reservations about the boy for the sake of survival, and he had set aside his guilt for the time being.

After some searching around, they discovered they were some distance from Tokyo-3. According to the map they'd found, they were on the outskirts of Toyokawa, one of the many cities in Japan that had been destroyed following Second Impact. Like many cities, it had been left in ruin. The only places that had been populated in this desolate urban development were out-of-the-way locations, such as the apartment complex Shinji and Asuka were staying in. Most people had moved to the neighboring towns for convenience. However, some people would stubbornly commute to the next town for work rather than move from their homes.

"So Shinji. When we leave here, which way do you think we should head?" she asked, making small talk to alleviate her boredom.

"Well..." He stopped what he was doing and put down the tongs to focus on the question. "I've been giving this some thought and I was thinking that maybe we could head back to Tokyo-3?"

Asuka immediately sat up and looked at him incredulously. "What the hell for!? It's 200 kilometers away. There's at least a half a dozen towns closer than that!"

"Yeah, but..." Shinji began to fidget nervously. "I was kinda hoping to go home," he commented quietly, averting his eyes from her.

"Are you stupid? What's the point?" she questioned irately. "There's no one there to go home to anyway!"

He turned to face her. "I know that, but..." He bowed his head in embarrassment. "Asuka, it's the only place I've ever called 'home' and the only place I ever felt like I really belonged." He raised his head to look at her again with pleading eyes. "Even if there's no one there, that's my home."

Asuka glared into his sad puppy dog eyes with annoyance. "You're getting sentimental on me, Shinji."

"But Asuka..." Shinji pleaded.

"But nothing!" she interrupted curtly, folding her arms. "It's dangerous out there. There are wild animals, frigid weather, and God knows what else. And that says nothing about a storm or running out of supplies. I'm not about to take that great a risk just because you feel homesick." The tone of her voice suggested that her decision was final.

Shinji felt dejected over her answer, but he knew she was right, so he couldn't argue the point with her. He had no right to put her in harm's way just so they could go back to an abandoned city.

The German girl picked up on her companion's melancholy attitude and felt a twinge of sympathy for him. Though she thought he was being an idiot, she knew it was important to him. She sighed and closed her eyes. "Besides, a home is made up of the people you care about, not just a slab of concrete. And when you look at it like that, home can be anywhere you make it," she added in a much softer tone. It felt rather awkward talking like that, to Shinji of all people. She briefly wondered if she'd gone soft. She propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands.

Shinji smiled. Somehow that statement reminded him of something his mother might have said. It brought him a bit of comfort. However, it also surprised him to hear such a statement from her and his curiosity was perked. "Well...what about you?" queried Shinji.

Asuka's eyes popped open. "What about me?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's just that it sounds like you're talking from experience. Did you ever have a place you considered home? What about your time with Kaji, or at Misato's apartment?"

Asuka hadn't really thought of what 'home' meant to her. But the mention of Kaji and Misato brought back some painful memories. More importantly, the conversation seemed to be getting more and more personal, and that alone was making her feel quite uncomfortable.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That has nothing to do with it," she admonished. "Look, if you want to go back to your precious 'home' far be it from me to stand in your way. But when we freeze to death or get eaten by wolves, don't say I didn't warn you!"

Shinji realized that he'd hit a nerve and decided not to press the issue further. He also figured it'd be unwise to comment on the irony of her statement. "Umm, ok. Thanks," he whispered uneasily.

"Whatever," she muttered and turned her attention back to the map before her. "So...when are we heading out?" she asked, thankful for the change of subject.

"I guess we should wait until your injuries heal."

Asuka scowled at him. "I'm fine. Don't go out of your way for my sake," she told him as bitterly as she could manage.

Shinji turned back to the fire and stared at the grilled meat trying to think of something to tell her. "Well, you know...the perishable foods here and everywhere else are only going to last so long. We might as well make the most of them while we still can."

Asuka just stood up and scoffed. "Hmph. Do whatever you want. I'm going to get something to drink from next door."

Shinji looked after her until she had walked out the front door and closed it behind her. He sighed and shook his head. Still, as hostile and unfriendly as she was acting towards him, at least she was talking to him. This was an improvement over the past two nights, despite being a headache as well. He briefly wondered what had caused this seemingly overnight change, but decided it best not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

He cut off a small piece of meat to taste. "It could use some more pepper..."

ELSEWHERE...

"Subject B is female...fair complexion...red hair... Doesn't appear to be Asian in descent." A few hours of patience had paid off. He finally had the break he was looking for. There were practically no redheads in Japan, so he just had to...

"Redhead?" he questioned out loud as recollection dawned on him. He clicked off the recording device as he leaned toward the screen. "Computer, bring up the data file on the Children."

The satellite image on the display vanished, replaced with one of five names and a corresponding number to each. He was sure he'd remembered seeing a redheaded girl among the Children. "Computer, display the First Child's Profile."

"First Child: Ayanami, Rei." Sounded the computer's voice. An ID picture of Rei's face appeared with a list of personal information and records.

"No, not her. Computer, Second Child."

"Second Child: Sohryu, Asuka Langley."

"And now, I've got you." He smiled wolfishly as he stared at the image of the Second Child. The fact that one of the Evangelion pilots was a redheaded female in Japan, and the there was now a girl with red hair in the same country involved with the failure of Third Impact was too great a coincidence. "And she's beautiful too," he noted. "Such a waste."

That could only mean her companion was one of the three remaining Children, and the young man well knew the personal profile of the Fifth Child, so that left the Third and Fourth Children.

The teenager brought up a photograph of the male survivor taken from the satellite in the corner of the screen. "The files say that the Fourth Child was missing a leg, and you evidently are not," he said to the image on the screen. "So would that make you the famous Third Child, Shinji Ikari?" His eyes narrowed. "It's an honor to finally meet the son of Gendo Ikari, the traitor," he uttered, his voice full of contempt.

JAPAN: MAY 14, 2016...

Shinji's brow was beaded with sweat made cold by the chilly air. His bated breath was visible as he exhaled. He wore layers of long-sleeved shirts since they couldn't find any winter coats; few people in Japan had needed to own one. Placing another piece of wood on his chopping block, he examined the blade of the axe he'd found a few days back. The sun gleamed off the sharp steel surface. He raised his axe high into the air, gripping it with one hand at the top of the handle, the other at the bottom. With a sharp exhale of air, he brought his hands together at the bottom of the handle, swinging the axe down on the wood, splitting it cleanly in half. Setting the two halves in the pile of split wood, he went back to the pile of uncut wood and repeated the cycle. In just a few short days Shinji had gotten quite good at chopping wood and with the weather constantly cold, they always needed to keep a hefty supply of firewood. His muscles burned, and his frozen hands ached and throbbed with each impact.

Asuka sat at a table by the window and watched him. She had chosen this apartment because it was the only one they didn't have to smash any windows to get inside, and didn't have any piles of clothing on the floor marking where a person had last stood. She'd also taken down any picture frames with portraits of people in them. She found reminders of the previous residents to be unsettling.

She was wrapped in a blanket as she watched Shinji chopping away. It was almost all she did to pass the days when she wasn't locked up in one of the bedrooms or by the fire. It was always cold, and with no electricity, there was no way of heating the apartments with the exception of the small fireplaces.

She observed Shinji split through another piece of wood. Her injuries were nearly healed. She had taken off her bandages and the only reminder of her wounds was a slight stiffness in her muscles, yet she still did very little to help with day-to-day affairs. She knew he had been doing almost all the work: from cooking and cleaning to gathering supplies and firewood, but instead of feeling grateful, she felt only resentment.

She huffed and got up from the window. It was about noon and Asuka was getting hungry. She was about to tell Shinji to start making lunch when an idea came to her mind.

Within a few minutes, Asuka had collected an assortment of ingredients and a cookbook she had found in the kitchen. Within the next hour, she began to wonder how Shinji managed do this three times a day without losing his mind. The recipe itself was a rather simple one, but it was quite an ordeal for the redhead due to her lack of kitchen skills, limited resources, and difficulty reading the kanji in the book.

"'Set...stove on...high,'" she struggled with the sentence. The temperamental redhead looked over her shoulder at the fireplace. She blinked a few times before turning back to the directions. "How the hell am I supposed to do that with a fireplace?!" she shouted at the defenseless cookbook.

Asuka wasn't one to be easily driven to tears, but the onion she was chopping proved to be too much for her willpower to withstand. "Ow!" she yelped as she cut her finger for the third time with the sharp blade of the knife. She instinctively sucked on her finger before quickly pulling it out and spitting the strong taste of onion into the sink. "Bleh! For this much trouble, this had better be one really good soup," she muttered to no one in particular.

She slowly tilted the container of paprika towards the measuring spoon, being careful so as not to spill it. "Easy... Easy does it..." she whispered. Unfortunately, the powder was packed tightly and wouldn't pour. She tapped the bottle once. No effect. She tapped again, a little harder. Again nothing came out. "Oh, c'mon, already!" yelled the aggravated girl. Frustrated, Asuka shook the container, dumping the contents over the spoon, her hand and the counter. She stared at the mess for a moment before bowing her head and groaning in agitation.

By the time she had finished the preparations, Asuka's hair was frazzled and her eyes were red and puffy. She had nicked her left hand about half a dozen times, stained her outfit in several places, demonstrated her extensive and colorful vocabulary in the form of profanity in three different languages, and sworn off the notion of ever becoming a chef regardless of whether or not people ever came back.

Asuka lifted the heavy pot off the counter and carried it to the fire. She struggled under its weight, some of the contents spilling over the side and onto the floor. Setting it over a makeshift grill they had set up in the fireplace, she sighed in relief, confident the hard part was over. She left the food to cook while she tended to her injuries in the bathroom.

******

An hour later Asuka was sitting in front of the fireplace, her hands bandaged up. She had been waiting for the food to finish cooking. She had dozed off during that time and after her peaceful afternoon nap she slowly stirred to consciousness. As she groggily surveyed her surroundings, any remnants of sleep were blasted from her mind as she saw the pot of stew boiling and bubbling over the sides.

"Mein gott!" She immediately leapt up from the living room couch in a panic and grabbed a potholder from the kitchen. She struggled to carry the pot back to the kitchen, and like before, its contents were sloshing over the rim, but this time it was boiling hot. Some of the liquid splashed against Asuka's exposed leg. She gasped in pain and surprise, dropping the pot to the floor with a loud crash. She could only stare in shock and disbelief as the results of her hard work spilled onto the floor. The feeling of fire shooting through her scalded leg seemed distant in her mind compared to her anguish at the feeling of yet another failure.

Seconds later, to make matters worse, Shinji rushed in through the front door after hearing the noise. He had come to check if she was all right, but his concern was replaced with surprise as he saw her standing in front of a large mess on the floor. Her head was down with her bangs overshadowing her eyes making her expression look rather dark. Her body was tense with her fists in tight balls at her side. He couldn't be sure from where he was standing, but it appeared as if she was trembling. Shinji decided to deal with the situation as if approaching a dangerous animal.

"Asuka?" he questioned cautiously. "What happened in here?"

Asuka's head shot up and she glared at him with daggers in her eyes. "Just leave me alone, Shinji!" she shouted as she ran towards the door, stepping through the puddle and pushing the confused boy out of her way.

Shinji stumbled back a few paces before regaining his balance and standing up straight. He watched as Asuka ran out the door and slammed it behind her with enough force to cause a picture frame on the adjoined wall to fall to the floor.

Shinji stared at the door wide-eyed for a few moments before turning his attention to the pot and steaming liquid spilled out all over the floor. 'She was...cooking?' he thought to himself in disbelief. He grabbed a mop and filled a bucket with water from one of their container jugs. Water was something of a commodity to them but the young Ikari's inclination to keep things clean had won out. As he approached the mess to clean it up, he decided whatever she had been attempting to prepare didn't smell too bad. He picked up the pot and ran a finger along the inside. He tasted what was left of Asuka's stew on his finger.

"Hmm...Tastes pretty good," he admitted before setting the bowl in the kitchen sink and mopping the floor.

******

By this point, Shinji knew that it was better to leave Asuka alone when she was upset rather than try to cheer her up. And with the amount of noise her tantrum had caused, he knew this was one of those times. But it was getting late and she hadn't returned. The noise had long since died down and Shinji was beginning to worry. Wrapping a blanket around himself, he set off to find her. He had no idea where she'd be or even what he'd tell her when he found her, but he figured he'd cross that bridge when he got to it.

Provided she hadn't left the apartment complex entirely, Shinji assumed she was camping out in one of the other rooms for the night. 'But which one is it?' he thought to himself before he spotted something out of place.

"Probably the one with the television set tossed out the window..." he mumbled to himself.

Shinji cautiously approached the door. Peering in the broken window, he could see that the place was in shambles. Knocking on the door once got him no response.

The boy tried again slightly harder.

Same results.

He tested the doorknob and found it was unlocked. He slowly opened it trying to make as little noise as possible. When the door was about half open it made a loud, screeching noise. He froze immediately. Silently cursing the door, he walked inside and closed it behind him.

The room was poorly lit and the boy had a hard time maneuvering through the knocked over bookcases, broken glass and ceramic, and toppled dead houseplants.

"Asuka?" he whispered. Again he heard no response. Shinji's concern as well as fear began to rise as he made his way through the apartment. He hoped that Asuka hadn't done something foolish like run off or hurt herself. He was also fearful that when he found her, he might share a fate similar to that of the room he was in.

"Asuka, if you're here will you please say something?" he whispered again, though much louder and more urgent this time. At that moment he heard something stirring in the bedroom. His heartbeat picked up and his palms began to sweat. "Is that you?" he asked in a low voice. There was still no answer but there was definitely something moving around in the next room. Shinji began to fear that perhaps the disaster in the room hadn't been caused by Asuka, but rather some wild animal that might have made its way inside, or worse yet, another survivor of Third Impact who could possibly be dangerous.

Shinji's breathing had gotten heavy with fear. He was trembling from more than the cold, and he could feel the blood pounding in his ears. He forced himself onward and slowly pushed the door open, silently praying that whoever or whatever was on the other side wasn't something that would harm Asuka or himself.

When the frightened teen looked inside the room, he found the perpetrator. Shinji's tense shoulders slumped; he bowed his head and sighed loudly in relief. Asuka lay sprawled on the floor in a restless slumber. Evidently she'd worn herself out. Shinji considered this to be a blessing because he was not looking forward to confronting her while she was in one of her tantrums.

It appeared that she had started out with several heavy blankets around her, but from all her fidgeting back and forth she'd managed to kick them off. All she had left to cover her body was a loose flannel shirt and a scant pair of shorts. She was clearly having a nightmare from the pained expression on her face, and her body was shivering from the cold. He could see a burn mark on her slender leg and he could piece together how the mess in the other apartment happened. He briefly wondered why she'd tried her hand at cooking at all. It hadn't been the first time she'd tried to help out with the chores since they'd been there. It usually ended up with similar results, yet she persisted. 'Why are you trying so hard? What are you trying to prove?' he pondered to himself.

Shinji reached up to remove a stray lock of hair out of her face but stopped short. He found himself uncertain as to what he should do. He didn't want to wake her from her nightmare and risk facing her anger. He still couldn't bring himself to touch her, let alone lift her and carry her back to the fireplace. He'd heard stories where someone would whisper words of comfort to someone having a nightmare, and the person would relax, but Shinji didn't know how to comfort her.

As much as he had wanted to help her, now that he had the chance, he found he was unable to do so. He closed his eyes and shook his head, disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry, Asuka." He gently pulled her sheets back over her body and hoped she wouldn't kick them off again before morning. He watched her sleeping form for a moment, then turned and walked out of the room, leaving her alone with her nightmares. He paused as he exited the room, gripping the doorframe. He bowed his head, ashamed of himself for not doing more to help her. He grit his teeth and tightened his grip on the doorframe in frustration before leaving.

Making his way out of the apartment, it occurred to Shinji that this would be the first time he'd slept alone since Instrumentality. In that time he'd never once had a nightmare though he'd felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. As he thought about it, he realized that he was actually afraid to go back alone. He began to appreciate what a calming effect the simple presence of the girl had on him. Whatever their relationship may have been, it helped to know that he wasn't alone. That someone was there, even if she hated him.

Shinji sat down and leaned against the door to the room Asuka was in, pulling his blankets around him. He closed his eyes, content to listen to her breathing on the other side. 'I'm too afraid to offer her any relief from her pain, yet I use her to deal with my own. I really am just a cowardly little boy after all...' he thought bitterly before drifting off to sleep.

He never noticed the indentations and splintered wood his fingers had left in the doorframe...

PACIFIC OCEAN, 1000 KILOMERERS SOUTH OF JAPAN: MAY 15, 2016...

Deep under the ocean surface, a small sea probe traveled through a massive school of red glowing entities toward a immense epicenter of blue light. All around the probe, the small light sources, flickered and twirled around one another as if they had a life of their own. If the aquatic machine had a sense of touch, it would feel the gentle warmth they generated. Their heat and radiance were a sharp contrast to the bleak, dark, biting cold of the deep around them. As they each neared the large blue illumination, they danced like fireflies around it. If the mechanical probe could appreciate such things, it would have been awed by the spectacular lightshow. But it was meant for a different purpose. It was searching...

******

However, there was someone watching who could appreciate the view.

"Incredible. I never imagined anything could be so beautiful in this world," commented the enigmatic young man as he marveled at the screen before him. On display was the image being sent to him via satellite from the sea probe that had been appropriately nicknamed "Soul Searcher".

"So the souls of humanity are separating and migrating toward Japan with Lilith. It's amazing that she's attempting to recreate the Black Moon even without a physical form." He had been carefully monitoring the activities of the souls in the ocean. Since the failed Third Impact, the souls had been preparing to return to human form. Now that they were no longer a single consciousness, but individual entities, the adolescent could search for the soul of a certain individual.

"Pattern: Blue entity detected," sounded the supercomputer.

"Onscreen," commanded the boy. He crossed his arms as another massive blue light being was displayed, this time drifting alone in the direction of Antarctica. "Adam... You're heading back home as well," he whispered.

He leaned back in his seat and looked upwards thoughtfully at the huge triangle with seven eyes stretching across the ceiling. "It's almost time. Everything is falling into place just as you said it would..."

Continued...

A/N: I finally got another chapter out! Unbelievable! Sorry I took so long. But the way I see it, I'm only about... two and a half month behind my deadline. -_-;;;

I suppose it comes off as Shinji seeming perfectly fine and doing all the work while Asuka does nothing, but I toward the end I wanted to show that Shinji wasn't keeping it together quite as well as he may appear to be.

Took a chapter to establish a villain. The story has the pretense of a typical post-3I fic with Shinji and Asuka learning to survive in a brave new world. But our mysterious bad guy and a few hints I'm dropping with the Children may suggest this is leading to something much bigger.

I'd like to thank all the people who pre-read this chapter:

Red Horseman
JoeDoeBell
Lord Malachite
Alnilam
Shinagami
Rommel
Vicil 2000
Chesed
Javier Caine

I think I've got too many pre-readers... But major props go to Red Horseman and JoeDoeBell who've really given me tons of great ideas to use, as well as Javier who's been constantly inspiring me (kicking my butt) to get this story moving.

And thanks to everyone whose reviewed the story. It's been said that reviews on FFN are only one-liners that offer no real help, but I've really gotten some tremendous feedback on all the sites I've posted my work on. And not just in quantity but quality as well. So please, review any fic that you read. It's what inspires authors to write more, and what motivates them to improve.

Weltall Elite

[email protected]

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