Hello dear readers! Thank you for checking out my revised (and completed) version of this story! My apologies if the ending seemed a bit rushed, but I had to turn this in for school and ran out of time. Now, as much as i am an UlquiHime fan, there is not any in this fic unless you REEEAAALLYYY squint. Just fun humor and 'harmless' pranks. But be warned! Poking fun at Aizen's hair and Tousen's "blindness" is included! And I am a big fan of Gin, I am not picking on him simply because i don't like him; in fact, i am still in mourning T.T Oh, and BTW the bad grammer in this author's not will not be throuout the story. Thanks!

Orihime hummed to herself as a means to pass the time. She picked up the ends of her burnt-orange hair and began to play with them. She lay on her back on the couch staring at the white ceiling, then rolled over to observe the rest of her room, which wasn't much to look at. It was completely white, and bare, save for a table and the couch she was currently residing on. There was a barred window on the far end of the room with a perfect view of the permanent moon and never ending night.

She looked out the window to the sky to check the time out of force of habit. She sighed. Of course the sun wouldn't tell her if it was time for Ulquiorra to bring her meal. It didn't exist in this desert world. She flopped back onto her back to stare once again at the ceiling.

She sat up suddenly, smiling with relief as she heard footsteps echoing down the hallway. It must be Ulquiorra with her food! Her stomach had been growling all day. Today had been the first day in her three year stay in Heuco Mundo that she had involuntarily missed breakfast, which was odd. Usually Ulquiorra was so punctual.

The footsteps stopped outside her door, then came four rapid knocks from the other side. Orihime frowned. Usually Ulquiorra came right in; he never bothered to knock before.

"Hai, come in!" she called out in a sing-song voice. She looked to her right expecting to meet the emerald eyes and ebony locks of her captor and guardian, but was met instead with silver hair and a grin rivaling the Cheshire cat.

"…Gin-sama?" she questioned, surprised.

"Well I definitely ain't tha' emo-bat, if that's who ya' were 'spectin'." Gin chuckled at his own joke before catching Orihime's disapproving look at the nickname.

"Is there something you need, Gin-sama?" she asked icily. She did not like this man, as he obviously did not like Ulquiorra; not to mention that his face always creeped her out.

Gin internally shivered at her tone, but did not show it. Instead, he widened his grin and opened his constantly squinted eyes to stare her in the face, knowing how she hated it.

"Why should I need somethin' ta' see ya', Hime-chan? After all, I am your new guardian."

Orihime looked shocked. "W-what about Ulquiorra?" she questioned.

"…Temporarily. I'll only be watchin' after ya' while he does a lil' somethin' for Aizen-sama."

Orihime visibly relaxed, though her face still betrayed disappointment. "Oh." She peered behind him, out the door. "Well, you didn't happen to bring my meal then, did you? I'm hungry."

Gin watched her amusedly as she blushed when her stomach rumbled just then.

"Na', couldn' be bothered wit' tha' work a' preparin' of tha' food." Orihime's face fell. Gin's expression changed to something akin to a real smile.

"I thought ya' might wanna cook somethin' fer yourself." Orihime jerked her head up and stared at him "Really? You would let me do that?" she couldn't believe it! She hadn't been allowed since that first time Ulquiorra had let her experiment in the kitchen.

She smiled at the memory. She had been so bored that day and had pestered poor Ulquiorra nonstop. He had grown so irritated that he had relented and let her do as she wished just to make her stop.

Her smile grew wider as she clapped her hands and went skipping around her room. Gin chuckled and shook his head. She reminded him so much of someone…

Ulquiorra trudged through the plain halls, moping to himself. It seemed as though Lord Aizen was in another of his-what would the woman call it-whimsical moods. He had summoned him for no particular reason, had him and Tousen participate in a staring contest, (of which Tousen was proclaimed the victor, of course. Seriously, it wasn't even as though you could see his eyes to know if he had blinked. Do blind people even need to blink? ), then quite abruptly stopped them, casually commenting that Ulquiorra had better fetch the woman her food.

He was now headed to the kitchen to prepare the Onna her (late) meal. He had no doubt that her temporary guardian had forgotten to feed her; all the arrancars in the building had seemed to forget about the Hime, as she had been there so long and all interesting things (e.g. battles, rescue missions, evil schemes, etc.) involving her had ended a year and a half ago.

Ulquiorra eyed the wall carefully, trying to spot the doorway to the next hall. The walls were so white that one would miss the doors if they did not look carefully enough. The Spartan hallways were mostly deserted, as this side of Los Noches contained only the "guest" rooms and the kitchen.

Ulquiorra ceased his scanning and stood to a halt. He could have sworn he heard voices. There, again, coming from the doorway he assumed must lead to the kitchen. He was surprised. Arrancars need no food in order to live, so he usually was the only one who used the kitchen usally. He got close enough to detect who was speaking.

"…Ya' sure that it tain't poison?"

Ichimaru Gin. That would explain it. He and Kaname Tousen still needed more sustenance than the reishi of Heuco Mundo could provide.

Ulquiorra peered cautiously into the room unnoticed. What he saw was enough to almost want to make him smile. The Onna was standing there, looking expectantly at Gin with her hands clasped. Gin was about a foot away, dressed in a pink apron and chef's hat, staring down greenish-grey gook on a spoon.

Ulquiorra cringed. One of the Onna's… culinary peculiarities, no doubt. He was about to quietly retreat when Gin suddenly looked up and spotted him. "Aahhh, my dear Ulquiorra-san, what a surprise! Ya've arrived just in time. Ya' simply must try one of the Hime's… interesting creations."

Orihime blushed at the "praise" while turning to the addressed Espada. "Oh, Ulqui-kun, yes! Please do!" he glared at her for the name, then glared even harder at the grinning fox-face beside her. It was blatantly obvious he was expecting him to try the stuff.

"Unlike you, I survive on reishi particles, and do not need to eat the pathetic trash you refer to as food, woman. You and he, on the other hand, require it in order to survive. I suggest you eat it yourselves instead of handing it out to those who do not wa…need it." Ulquiorra argued, mentally congratulating himself on his save.

The Onna pouted, but couldn't come up with an argument, so she complied. Taking the wooden spoon from Gin, who seemed to be rather disappointed at the moment, she licked the toxic glop and chewed.

Her face scrunched up in concentration, and Ulquiorra waited for the inevitable puking that was sure to come from ingesting the inedible slop. She swallowed, and put a finger to her chin, seeming to contemplate something.

"Yep!" she cried. "It definitely needs more red bean paste! And quite possibly a touch of cinnamon and mustard… Oh! And some…" she continued on while Ulquiorra simply stared.

She… liked the trash? He should have expected it, considering her last mess, but still…

"…Ne, Gin-sama? Don't you think?" Orihime finished, turning to where the silver-haired man had been standing. She blinked once, twice. "Gin-sama? Where did he go?"

"He escsa… he left."

The woman cocked her head in confusion at the pale faced arrancar.

"Why would he do that? He seemed so interested a second ago…"

"He failed." Ulquiorra concluded, connecting the dots with his odd summoning and Gin's weird… or rather normal… behavior. Orihime tittered, "…But he didn't even try it yet. How does he know it failed? Surely it doesn't look that bad."

She held up the spoon as she spoke, leaving a sludge puddle on the poor floor below. Ulquiorra resisted an urge to shake his head at the hopeless Onna, as well as a smirk.

"He was attempting to prank me. It failed. Or rather, it backfired. He ran out before he got trapped." He spoke as simply as possible.

Orihime gasped, ignoring the implied insult to her cooking. "Are you just going to let him get away with that?" she demanded, her eyes alight.

This time, Ulquiorra did smirk. "…No, I suppose not."

Gin actually opened his eyes at the declaration from the quiet Espada. He pulled his ear away from the door and smiled wider than ever before. 'Oh, it is ON.'

…. Sometime a while later…

"And tell me how exactly is this going to work?"

"Well Grimmjow hates Gin-sama as much as you do." She replied, as if it were obvious.

"Yes, but he possibly hates me more."

"…which is why I'll ask him. Afterword, if he wants to back out, just remind him that he is stepping away from a challenge and we'll be fine."

"I suppose…" he said doubtfully.

"Now, you know what your job is."

Ulquiorra nodded, and sonido'd away to the throne room.

The two met up at the designated area an hour later.

Orihime's face was flushed from excitement and from the run to the room.

"Well? What did he say?" she bounced up and down anxiously.

"He agrees that it would be highly entertaining. Aizen-sama will aid us."

"I knew he would help us!" the excited Hime cried.

"What about him?" Ulquiorra inquired, as if he was too disgusted to utter his name.

"Oh, Grimmjow was practically eager to help, even after I mentioned your name. I think he said something about Gin-sama trying to involve him in something earlier, but it didn't turn out so good. Now he wants revenge! Oh, this is going to go so perfectly!" she babbled on, unaware of Ulquiorra's loss of attention.

"Onna, cease your chatter. It grates on my ears." She shut her mouth, but her happy expression remained unfazed. She was used to Ulquiorra after all these years.

Gin rushed through the hallways, turning empty corridor after empty corridor. It was rare for Aizen-sama to actually summon him these days, so something must be really wrong.

Perhaps an invasion! Or maybe the Shinigami-Daiko and his group were finally coming back after the captured princess! Or, Aizen-sama might have devised a new plan of attack. His grin turned malicious at these thoughts.

It had been so boring lately, as either all his plans had been failing, or he couldn't think of any he hadn't already used. The emo-bat and Onna would hardly prove to be a challenge.

He suddenly skidded to a stop, almost sliding past the door. He rushed in, eager to see what was required of him. He was met by Tousen, and saw what he thought was Aizen atop the throne, but couldn't make the face out, due to the shadows.

He bowed respectfully at the foot of the steps. "Ya called, Aizen-sama?"

He did not receive a reply, but heard the echoing footsteps of Aizen descending the stairs. A large (and very powerful) hand latched onto his shoulder.

"…Gin." The tone in Aizen's voice was no different than usual, calm, deceivingly kind, and all-knowing, but Gin knew better. He could sense that he was in trouble.

"Gin." This time, the tone demanded that he look up, which he did, and immediately he had to put to use all his years of practice in schooling his features to keep from laughing out loud.

Lord Aizen looked ridiculous! His hair was gel-less, in the style it had been when he had been a captain. It was longer due to the years, and slightly wavy as usual. And completely silver.

Gin thought it looked as though someone had photo-shopped his hair onto Aizen-sama's head. Aizen noticed his barely contained amusement and turned back up the steps.

"You know i do not mind your harmless pranks, on the arrancars, Gin. I find most of them to be slightly entertaining, in fact. So let's just keep it that way, shall we? On the arrancars."

"…An' Tousen. I git him too. But ma Lord, are ya under tha impression tha' yer current condition was caused by my prankin'? Fergive me, Aizen-sama, but I aint stupid."

"My hair gel was replaced with a dye. Silver dye. As was my shampoo and conditioner. It was a prank"

Gin's eyes widened. Someone was deliberately setting him up. Just then, the throne room door opened again, this time revealing an impassionate Espada and an overly amused girl.

Gin raised his eyebrows, then smirked. It was a good effort, but not good enough.

"Pardon me, Aizen-sama, but I ba-lieve I know who tha' real culprit is."

"Oh?" Aizen smirked and rested his chin on his hand. "Do tell."

"I ba-leive it ta' be them two." He gestured to Ulquiorra and Orihime. "They're tryin' ta' frame me as payback fer a previous prank."

Orihime widened her eyes in the perfect picture of innocence. Ulquiorra remained as inexpressive as ever. Aizen tutted.

"You know you give me no reason to believe that you are not simply blaming the first people who enter, Gin; but if what you are saying is true, you deserve it. As it is, I think I would be inclined to overlook any evidence pointing towards them and let your 'justice be served you,' as Tousen put it."

Gin turned towards the dark-skinned, blind man. "Ya call that justice, ya traitor? I'm gettin' blamed fer what I didn' do!"

Tousen let out something that mostly resembled a snort. "I simply advised that you get what's coming to you. You brought this on yourself."

"Ya jus' don' like me is all! Helpin' frame me fer yer own personal amusement; tha's a new low, hidden underneath tha curtain 'a yer so called 'justice'" Gin practically snarled, momentarily losing his cool for the man he hated so much.

"Yare, yare! No need to get so worked up, Gin. The reason I summoned the two you have accused is that I asked Ulquiorra to view the security tape to my room, so that he may show us."

Gin gave one last glare towards Tousen before resuming his patented fox face, muttering something about 'Aizen -sama's pet."

Aizen nodded towards "his pet," and Ulquiorra removed his eye and crushed it in his hand, scattering dust all around the room. Immediately, Ulquiorra's memory of the tape became visible to the room's occupants.

*A silver-headed man looked over his shoulder nervously, pouring a liquid substance into what looked suspiciously like a shampoo bottle. He completed what he was doing, took one more look around the room, and scurried for the exit with a Cheshire-like grin.*

Gin blinked the picture away with confusion. He most certainly had not been in Aizen-sama's bathroom.

"Proof enough for you, Ichimaru?" Tousen asked with a sneer.

Gin looked at him quizzically. "How did you even see it?"

Tousen gave no response, and Aizen interrupted: "Yes, it is proof enough. Thank you Ulquiorra."

Gin's face paled in realization of his position. This was Aizen-sama's hair, for kami's sake! He wouldn't stop until it was avenged. Even if he had been framed, there was no escaping "justice" now.

Aizen walked slowly towards Gin, and gin backed up nervously. "N-now it tain't what it looked like…"

Tousen followed suit, on Aizen's left, as did Ulquiorra, on his right. They backed him up into a corner, his face growing paler, and his hands shakier. Gin felt his knees buckling in fear, and a sudden need to go to the bathroom.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand fall on his shoulder from behind him. He turned his head slowly away from the eerily-grinning, silver-haired Aizen to see…

"A-aizen-ssama?" Gin fainted.

Orihime stood over the former Taicho of the third, where he had crumpled in an unceremonious heap on the floor. She struggled to contain her laughter out of guilt, but soon gave in. Grimmjow was all out roaring, looking every bit as funny as Gin with Aizen's illusion of himself still on him. Ulquiorra barely suppressed his grin, Aizen gave a small chuckle, and even Tousen looked amused; though no one knew why, as he was supposedly unable to see Gin's current state.

When the laughter died down, Orihime wiped her eyes and looked at Ulquiorra with slight nervousness.

"Do you think he'll try to get even? The fourth Espada turned to look her straight in the eyes.

"Undoubtedly"

'This ain't over, Princess. I'll get you, and your little bat-boy too.'

Now I am a fairly new author, and this is my first one-shot, so please help me out and reveiw! Criticize is welcomed, praise appreciated, and flames reciprocated. If you have read this, i beg you, please please please reveiw! Even if you simply put a smiley face, i'll be happy. It's not hard just to press that little button below...