Vulnerable

I've written twenty Flashpoint stories over the past few months and no Jules stories. I feel like I'm lacking without writing something about her. I've never really liked writing Jules or really reading fics about her for a lot of reasons, but mostly because in most of them she's either falling all over Sam or she's somehow become the damsel in distress; something I definitely don't see as her being in character. So enough of that rant, tell me what you think. Like I said, I've never written Jules so please give me feedback. I don't own Flashpoint.

It shouldn't have happened that way. She couldn't believe that it had happened. If the ugly bruise hadn't colored her face than she might not actually believe that it even happened. She was a member of the SRU, the most elite tactical team the Toronto police force had to offer, and she somehow let that happen. She shook her head a bit but felt the pounding behind her eyes and quickly stopped the motion. She had been sitting in her jeep for a few minutes in the parking garage of the SRU trying to get out and start her day but she seemed paralyzed by the memory, the anxiety that she was trying to crush down and ignore.

It was a truly stupid move; she didn't even know why she'd agreed and played along with her friend. Her neighbor had been trying for months to set her up with some friend of a friend's cousin's coworker or something of the sort. She didn't even know anymore but somehow she caved and agreed to a blind date. She really wasn't interested in dating again. Her last serious boyfriend had been Steve and even though he was perfect to her in every way she just knew that it wouldn't work. She would never admit it (even to herself on most days) but she still wanted Sam. She still couldn't deny her feelings for him, she just couldn't afford to put him over her job right now. She knew that any new relationship wouldn't work but she was just sick of making up excuses, and had agreed on one date. One dinner, she didn't think it could hurt and at least she would get her friend off her back.

Ed's truck pulled into the parking lot and Jules knew that she couldn't sit in her car any longer. She took a few breaths to calm herself before grabbing her bag and getting out of the car, walking quickly towards the building. She had a strong stride and a confident demeanor. Some people thought that she bordered on being cocky but she almost had to be in order to gain and maintain the respect of her peers in her cutthroat position. No one expected her to make it and, honestly, there were always at least thirty other eyes on her at all times, waiting for her to fail. Jules had proven herself to her team, it was the rest of the police force that sometimes had difficulty seeing her superior skills.

"Hey Jules," Spike called from the gym as she passed by. He, Sam, and Wordy were already working out and by the sounds of it when she came in, were in the middle of a heated conversation. She turned and looked towards Spike as he continued to lift weights with Sam spotting him, neither of them looking up as he spoke. "In your honest and impartial opinion," Spike began as Jules let a slight smile slip. "Do the ladies go for blonds over the darker follicled folk?" She couldn't help but let out a laugh as Spike finished his set and sat up.

"I don't know Spike, to each is own I guess." She shook her head again before turning to the locker room, almost forgetting about the bruise running down her face.

"Jules," She heard the change of tone in Spike's voice before she realized what he was thinking. Wordy and Sam had stopped their workouts also when they saw Spike's look of concern and turned toward's Jules. "What happened to your face?" He asked with his jaw dropped a bit. She rolled her eyes and spoke easily.

"Thanks Spike, that's really a good thing to say to a girl." She tried to lighten the mood in the room and it worked a little but she also knew that they were all waiting for answers. "That's what I get for going running in the dark. Basically ran headlong into a tree branch that was overhanging on the sidewalk." She shook her head with a bit of shame, a blush rising in her face with embarrassment. Spike and Sam both broke out with huge smiles as they thought about what the incident must have looked like, both of them poking a bit of fun at her before she gave them a death glare. Wordy had nodded and gone back to his stationary bike but Jules was acutely aware of his eyes on her back. She turned to head into the locker room, her heart still racing as she tried to control her breathing.

It was times like this that she was glad her sniping skills and her negotiating skills meshed so nicely. As a sniper she was able to control her breathing and her posture, she would never physically look like she was stressed or lying; as a negotiator she could control her voice and her expression, carefully making sure that the small muscles in her face didn't give away any alternative truth behind her words. She knew exactly what to say and she knew how to say it...almost too well. She hated lying to her teammates, her friends, but she couldn't let them know what had happened. It was so stupid, so insignificant, so embarrassing.

The night had started out fine. Mark was the perfect gentleman; he pulled out her chair for her at the restaurant, listened closely when she spoke and really seemed engaged in the conversations they had, even the small talk, he'd insisted on paying for the dinner and on walking her home. He was some type of banker or money manager, Jules had tried to pay attention and take in the information but a checking account and a savings account was really all that made sense in her mind. They had laughed together, shared a bottle of nice wine, the dinner had really gone well. Though she wasn't looking for a relationship, she was starting to reconsider. He had offered his coat to her for the walk home. A small gesture that she usually would have turned down but she was chilly and it felt nice to be treated as a woman. She resented it if any of the guys ever changed something for her, she was just as good, just as strong as any member of the team and she'd proven in, but in the process she also lost a part of herself. She'd lost a part of the femininity that she did cherish even if she didn't embrace it.

She finished tying her hair back in a tight french braid as she closed her locker and glanced in the mirror. With her hair up the bruise on her face was even more pronounced but she refused to wear her hair down at work. She took a few breaths to steel herself against what she was sure would be another round of mocking from Sam and Spike, but it was better than telling them the truth. She was sure that she wouldn't live down her running into a tree branch story but she couldn't deal with the idea that they would see her as weak, she would never be able to build up her image or their trust again if she let them know the truth. So she walked out of her locker room with a smile and took her seat in the briefing room between Sam and Ed, already seeing the smiles on both of their faces.

"They told you, didn't they?" She asked knowingly in the direction of Ed and Greg. Ed nodded, trying to contain his laughter.

"Remember that time I fell down the stairs?" Ed asked as Spike nearly choked on the water he was drinking.

"Who doesn't?" He asked with a laugh as Ed shot him a joking glare.

"Well, now we're all even." He said as he smiled and laughed a bit.

"You okay, Jules?" Greg asked. She nodded before he even finished the question.

"I'm fine, Sarge. It was just a stupid mistake." She blushed again as he nodded. After a moment, Greg started his briefing and Jules relaxed ever so slightly. She partially listened to what Greg was saying but mostly just tried to refocus herself. She couldn't get the thoughts out of her mind, replaying the night trying to figure out when things had gone wrong, when she should have seen the signs. Wordy's eyes kept roaming over towards Jules but he was trying not to let on. She saw it and it made her even more anxious. She thought that Greg and Ed would be the ones to grill her but after she got past that hurdle, she thought she'd be okay. Wordy though, she wouldn't have guessed that Wordy would be the suspicious one.

"Okay guys, so let's start with some close quarters work." Greg said, dismissing them to the mats. Jules hated practicing close quarters combat. She could shoot as well (if not better than) most of the team, she could negotiate, she could do the technological stuff, but flipping a man double her weight, two times her height was always a challenge. She was strong, no doubts that she could take someone down if she needed to, but against the rest of the SRU guys, all of them trained in close quarters as well, it was always a challenge.

"Let's pair up." Ed called out over the gym as they broke off into groups. Jules had hoped to snag Spike, though he was just as competent and strong as the other guys, he was smaller and Jules would have had an easier time practicing with him; unfortunately Sam and he were in a constant competition and they'd paired up quickly. Ed and Greg were on one side of the room looking over a file, probably planning on joining in once the paperwork was done, so that left Wordy. Of course, the biggest guy and the close quarters expert. She smiled as they met in the middle of the room and he explained briefly about what they would be working on. She listened closely to his instructions.

"Okay, so usually we get the jump on the subjects but it's good to practice some counter moves incase you get into a bind." Wordy started. "So Sam, put Spike in a mock sleeper hold." Wordy moved over towards them and helped position them so that Sam was behind Spike with his arms loosely wrapped around his neck. "Good, now Spike, put your leg like that," Wordy repositioned him a bit and told him what to do. "Then you'd kick out his right knee and throw him off balance that way you have a second to get the upper hand." They went through the motions a few more times, Spike gently raising his foot to the crook in Sam's knee instead of kicking it out before Wordy told them to switch and he moved a few feet away with Jules.

"So, you want to turn around?" He instructed as she took a breath and turned her back to him. She didn't know what happened, what her brain was doing, but the moment Wordy's arms wrapped around her shoulders something snapped in her mind. She wasn't in the gym surrounded by her friends and team, she was at her doorstep a hand meeting her face in a hard slap as she denied him entry; a hand wrapping around her neck. And she reacted with full force. Wordy was shocked by the speed of the moves as he felt a sharp elbow in his ribs and his right knee kicked out from under him, a pain like no other shooting up his leg as he felt his kneecap move out of place and his body falling towards the mats.

There was silence for an instant as Jules came back to reality and everyone else tried to figure out what was happening. Wordy let out a low groan of pain as he bit his lip and Jules backed away, shame and panic mixing as Ed and Greg ran over to Wordy's side. Words jumbled together as everyone moved and began to react and follow order.

"Stay still, Wordy." Ed spoke softly before raising his gaze and looking at Spike and Sam. "First aid kit." He said simply as Spike turned to grab one. "Tell Winnie to direct calls to Team Three for now." Sam nodded and ran off towards the Communication's Desk. Greg had been kneeling down by Wordy, trying to keep him from getting up as Ed turned his glare on Jules. "What the hell was that?" He asked harshly, not really expecting or wanting an answer as he pushed Wordy gently down by his shoulders. "Stay down, Wordy." He said more firmly. Jules didn't say anything as Ed and Greg both turned towards her. She didn't trust herself to say anything without losing it. She felt the tears in her eyes, the pain resurfacing in her face where she felt the bruise almost burned into her skin. She locked her jaw shut and shook her head before turning her back and heading towards the door of the gym.

"Wordy, what are you doing?" This time it was Greg's voice, frustration and concern evident. She heard him taking ragged breaths mixed with sharp inhalations that showed he was in pain, even if he didn't want to admit it, but he still sat up despite Greg and Ed's gentle commands.

"I'm good, I'm good. Just got the breath knocked out of me." Spike and Sam returned to the room as he smiled and nodded towards Jules. "Who said you can't take down a guy twice your size? Nice job." Ed rolled his eyes as Wordy insisted on trying to get up, babying his knee. He hopped around in a circle for a while using Ed as a crutch before slowly beginning to limp without support.

"I'm good." He repeated in his typical soft spoken confidence, obviously not convincing Greg or Ed. "Really." He said with a bit of a smile. "Want me to flip you to prove it, Ed?" Greg couldn't help but crack a small smile as Ed shook his head.

"That won't be necessary, Wordy." He said with a steely voice. "If we get a call you're in the truck, no debate." He was firm as Wordy nodded, knowing that he wouldn't really be chasing anyone down.

As the room descended into silence, all eyes fell on Jules again. Her heart was still racing as she went through the moments in her mind. She had known it was Wordy, she had hurt Wordy, but her mind and her body just couldn't get Mark's hands out of her memory. She felt the bruise on her face burning as her wrist ached. He was much worse off than she was. When he'd slapped her she was shocked for a moment and for that instant he had the upper hand. The guys didn't realize that last night she'd done the very same move and then some, definitely messing up Mark's knee and probably breaking his wrist when she twisted free of his grip. He was much worse for the ware than she was but the incident had shaken her, obviously much worse than she had realized.

"I...I'm so sorry Wordy." She said softly, not trusting her voice for much longer a sentence. "I don't know what happened. I just...reacted." She shrugged, knowing the explanation was not even close to sufficient.

"It's fine Jules, I get it." Wordy answered before Ed could get a word in edgewise. Jules sensed it in the his tone of voice that he knew more than he was letting on but he didn't say anything else, he just gave Ed a look not to pursue it any further. There was an awkward silence again in the room as Ed alternating glaring at Wordy and Jules, Spike and Sam stood in the corner not sure what to say, and Greg rubbed his temples.

"Let's just take it easy the rest of the day." Greg broke the silence and nodded to himself. "Spike, maybe you could update us on that new operating system you installed in the truck." He offered as Spike's face lit up.

"I thought you'd never ask, Sarge." Spike smiled and started going on about his computers, Jules finally feeling like it was safe to let out a shuttering breath. She lagged behind the others a bit as Ed stayed near Wordy to support him if needed. Greg was not so subtly keeping an eye on Jules and Wordy but he didn't say anything more as Spike started to click around a screen and show them different search parameters, going a mile a minute, needing to be reminded to slow down a bit.

The day seemed to drag on even though it was a short shift. Jules felt hyper-aware of every word and every move that the team made around her. Every glance seemed longer, more intense, every word seemed to have a specific double meaning. She knew that she was over thinking and over analyzing but she couldn't help it. All day it felt like her pulse was racing in her ears, the blood rushing in her brain as the pumping sound resonated deeply in her body, grounding her in the simplest of needs. Just breathe. It was the one thought that she allowed to run through her mind as she desperately grasped onto something to keep her calm. All she needed was the oxygen to course through her veins, one more breath was one breath closer to this day being over, one breath closer to locking herself in her house and (hopefully) getting a nice long sleep to make up for the insomnia and adrenaline of the prior night.

Like all things though, the shift finally ended and Jules nearly made a sprint into the women's locker room. She knew that she wouldn't be safe there for long. The guys were probably mid-changing right now and she only had a few minutes to get in and get out before someone started staking out the entrance of her locker room. She knew that she wouldn't hold up under Greg's gentle questioning or Ed's intense glare right now and the last thing she wanted to see was Sam's cute smile and baby blue eyes. No, she needed to get out before they even had time to think about cutting her off. She changed quickly, not bothering to shower, before grabbing her back and sneaking off to her car.

She felt herself relaxing as the elevator doors closed to take her to the parking garage. She knew that she couldn't let her guard down yet but she at least let her posture slump a bit and her eyes close for a moment. She was exhausted. Between the lack of sleep and the physically and emotionally draining day she was ready for a long shower followed by a long sleep but she nearly froze as she approached her car. It took everything that she had to smile and not run away when she saw Wordy leaning against her jeep, his arms crossed as he put almost all his weight on his left leg. His right knee was tightly bandaged to hold back some of the swelling but Jules could still see the inflammation building around the wrap. She didn't realize that she'd stopped breathing as he saw the knowing look on his face; it wasn't just confidence, it was true knowing.

"Hey," He said softly as he put his hands in his pockets and she forced a smile back onto her face.

"Hey." She mirrored, waiting for him to speak. He looked at her for a long time, almost looking through her it seemed, before shrugging.

"Ed said he didn't want me driving with my knee screwed up. I told him I'd call Shelly but I wanted to talk to you." He paused for a moment as Jules nodded, her heart in her throat.

"I'll drive you, Wordy." She said firmly as she unlocked the doors and motioned for him to get in the passenger side. "I'm really sorry about this morning." She said, almost a pleading quality in her voice. She needed to hear him accept her apology, needed to know that they were okay. He nodded but bit his lip.

"We gotta talk, Jules." He said softly but in a tone that left no room for argument. She knew that there would be no avoiding the conversation but at the very least she wanted to do it on her own terms.

"You up for coming to my place, having a beer or something?" She asked, already knowing the answer before he nodded. The short ride was silent as Jules tried to gauge how much Wordy really knew and how much she was willing to give up. She knew that the tree excuse wasn't going to work but she wondered if there was some other way of telling the story just so he'd let her take him home and they'd all let the topic drop. As they pulled into her driveway Jules helped Wordy out of the car and up the front steps.

"Sorry about the mess, I'm still priming a wall in the kitchen." She said as she moved paint brushes off the couch and threw them onto a table. He looked around the room and saw that another wall was painted since he'd last been in the house.

"No problem, looks like you're making some headway." He remarked as it seemed half of the living room was finished with molding and shelves on the wall.

"Getting there." She added as she handed him a beer. He took a small sip but it was obviously just to be polite as he set it down on the table and looked at her with his soft eyes.

"Jules," He started softly, a tone of concern in his voice as he looked at her with expecting eyes. "what happened in the gym this morning?" She thought her heart was going to explode. Greg's knowing looks and Ed's hard glares were nothing compared to Wordy's gentle persistence, his obvious care. It emanated off his body, the desire to stop pain and alleviate burden was what drove him. She shook her head slightly and took another sip of her beer before answering.

"I don't know Wordy, I just reacted. I'm really sorry about hurting you." She was obviously guilty and she wouldn't look directly at him.

"I told you Jules, I'm fine and...I get what you mean about just reacting but the thing is, you've never done that before. I mean you just never do anything without thinking, you're always thinking before you do something." He paused a moment and let the words sink in. "I don't think you do anything inadvertently..." There was a catch in his voice and Jules could tell that he was debating whether or not to say something. "and I know that you don't run on the left side of the road." His voice was even softer as she felt her mind reel.

Left side of the road...the bruise is on the left side of my face. Damn, I run on the right side, I grilled Spike for that...maybe I could say it was in the park...no I already said it was on the road didn't I? Can't contradict myself...you're taking too long Jules, think!

"Jules," He spoke even more gently as he leaned forward a little bit and looked directly in her eyes. "You get a bruise like that from someone right handed hitting you." He was trying to keep his voice calm, hating the fact that he was this knowledgeable, that he was having this conversation again. She looked at him with wide eyes, not sure what to say. The pause was too long and she knew that there was no disputing now that she was hiding something. She took a long sip of her beer, finishing off the bottle.

"Want another?" She asked, knowing that he'd barely taken two sips. He shook his head as she nodded. She smiled, hoping that maybe she could turn the exchange into a joke.

"Well, he looks a hell of a lot worse than I do." She did her best to break the serious tone but Wordy wasn't having it.

"I don't doubt it." He was still in his gentle persistence as silence fell between them again. He let the silence remain though, knowing that Jules would fill it at some point. She couldn't let the quiet continue, she had to find out what Wordy knew and somehow redeem herself in his eyes.

"It was a one time thing, Wordy. I had a really stupid lapse of judgment and trust me, it's not going to happen again." She tried to wave it off as something small but Wordy didn't speak. He looked at her with a sad smile, obviously listening intently, waiting for something more.

"I didn't even want to go out. My neighbor two doors down had a friend and she had a friend who had a cousin...hell I don't even know anymore." She shrugged and bit her lip. Wordy nodded but still didn't say anything, keeping his eyes on her's.

"Come on Wordy...please say something." She tried to keep the tone joking but the pleading quality of her voice was coming across. He kept his gaze fixed on her's for a moment before nodding slightly.

"Okay," He said softly as he bit his lip. "First of all, maybe you had a 'lapse of judgment,'" He motioned quotes as he used his words, not really liking them. "but none of this is your fault. You got that?" He saw her take a breath as if to protest but he cut her off. "This is not your fault." He said again, a little more firmly as she reluctantly nodded. While rationally she couldn't blame herself for what had happened, rationality didn't necessarily dictate emotions and guilt.

"Second of all," He stared, again gentle but with a tinge of hurt in his voice. "Why didn't you tell us?" The question ripped through Jules as another whip of guilt hit her.

"What was I supposed to say Wordy?" She asked calmly, trying to show how impossible the conversation would have been. "That I got the bruise from a blind date gone wrong?" He was shaking his head, knowing it wasn't that easy to dodge this bullet.

"You could have called us, any one of us, anytime. You know that Jules. You could have called me last night, this morning...you lied to us about it."

"I'm sorry about lying this morning I just...I couldn't face you guys if you knew..." She was almost whispering, knowing that the logic that had seemed so flawless this morning now seemed childish.

"Jules, you might have tried to hide it but did you really think that we wouldn't find out?" He asked, a bit confused. "I mean, an hour into the shift you nearly dislocated my knee." He smiled a bit but kept his tone soft.

"I'm really sorry about that, Wordy-"

"Stop apologizing, Jules." He somehow seemed to find a tone between firm and gentle as he leaned forward a bit. "I told you before, this isn't your fault and you don't have anything to apologize for." She again looked like she was going to rebut his opinion but she held her tongue. "So...? " Wordy said expectantly after a moment of silence. Jules gave him a quizzical look.

"So..." She said, stretching the syllable not sure what to say.

"So, tell me what really happened." He said in his characteristic soft spoken voice but with no room for arguing.

"Wordy, it was a one time screw up." She said, trying to convince him that it wasn't worth fleshing out the details. She still had some of her dignity intact and she didn't want anyone to know the whole story; she wasn't sure she was up for reliving the whole story.

"You're damn right it was a one time thing." He said with firm confidence before adding. "Spill." She took a few deep breaths, trying to figure out how to relay the details but also appear not to be shaken by the incident.

"Well, I met him...Mark...at the restaurant." She recited in a detached tone. "We ate and talked, he offered to walk me home and I accepted. Um...he tried to follow me in but I told him I had to work early. He...he wasn't happy and he hit me." She took a sip of her beer, needing a moment to breathe and collect herself, feeling weak as she not only relayed the details but also still got shaken by them. She felt her heart pounding as she avoided looking at Wordy. "And he was behind me and um... well I'm fairly sure I dislocated his knee and I probably broke his wrist when I twisted free of his grip." She took a breath and looked up, still not looking directly at Wordy, not able to face him. After a long moment of silence though, she couldn't help but glance at him.

He was obviously angry but trying hard to control it. His hands were in fists by his sides and his lips closed tightly as he took breaths through his nose. He softened after a moment when he realized that Jules was looking at him closely. He took another breath before looking at her straight in the eye.

"And he didn't..." He bit his lip as he seemed to be fighting with the words. "There was nothing else? The bastard hit you but he didn't..." Jules understood what he was alluding to and shook her head quickly, not trusting herself to speak. She didn't even know what she would have done if things had gone farther, if he'd somehow overpowered her and things had gotten out of her control. Wordy looked at her for a long moment, making sure that she was being honest, before nodding. "Okay," He said softly, nodding with a reassuring look. "Thanks for being honest with me, Jules. I know it must be really hard for you to think about it and talk about it." She nodded as he went and took another sip of his beer. "I think you should talk to the boss, or Ed." He was immediately met with her firmly shaking head and her rebuttals.

"No way in hell." She said firmly, a tinge of fear in her voice. He went to say something but Jules spoke over him. "No Wordy. No one else can know about this." He let her calm down for a moment before speaking softly.

"Why?" The single syllable resonated in the room and pierced Jules' brain. "Why can't anyone else know, Jules? No one is going to think of you any differently, you know that no one will blame you for this." After a long silence he spoke again. "Jules, if he almost got the drop on you, if he shook you up this much that you don't even trust your best friends anymore, imagine what he's going to do with the next woman who doesn't invite him in." Wordy spoke softly, almost in a whisper, hating to pull the guilt card on Jules but knowing that it needed to be done. He saw her eyes a bit glassy but she refused to let it show as she collected their empty bottles and walked into the kitchen. When she returned to the living room her eyes were dry but her face was a bit flushed.

"You okay?" He asked softly as he moved a bit closer to her. She nodded but seemed reluctant.

"Yeah." She wouldn't look directly at him as she shook her head. "You just don't get it though Wordy. You don't know how hard I worked to get to the SRU and how much my job means to me. Reporting this...everyone will think that I'm weak, it'll just be another reason for people to think that women shouldn't be in SRU." Wordy looked at her curiously.

"You think that people will see you as weak?" He asked, surprise in his tone. She nodded as he smiled. "Jules, you fought the guy off...that's not weak, that's demonstrating your strength." She was shaking her head again.

"I should be able to handle this on my own. I shouldn't be flashing back and taking it out on you in training and I should just be able to get past this." She said in a firm, detached tone.

"Because you're superwoman and you never told us?" Wordy said with a bit of a smile. "Jules, you do so much on your own and you're so strong but sometimes true strength is knowing when to ask for help." She seemed to think about what he was saying for a long time before nodding.

"I don't know if I can do this myself." Her voice was soft, tears in her eyes again as Wordy placed a gentle hand on her knee.

"Then let me help." He said passionately. "Let me come with you back to the station and help you get a report going." She blinked a few tears away before nodding. "It'll help Jules, trust me."

Trust. It was something that she didn't do much of. She had almost forgotten how to rely on other people since she'd broken up with Sam. Vulnerable wasn't something she was good at but she also knew that, with Wordy and the team helping her through, she wouldn't be there forever.

"Okay, let's go."

I hate the way this turned out. I don't know why I am so stuck with my stories. I was a few pages into a Sam story I was really looking forward to and I just couldn't do it; then this took two weeks and I really hate the way it turned out. I feel like I had to write a Jules story and I wanted to keep it in character but I loved this idea. I don't know, tell me what you think and hopefully I'll get back on track soon. And I hate the ending of this, and the middle, I'm just going to stop talking now, just don't take this as an example of my usual work, ugh.

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