Chapter 1

I stepped backwards still looking at her and him trying not to let one single tear drop from my face in front of them. I just turned and ran out the bedroom door; it seemed the right thing to do right now seeing as how he wasn't able to get me at the moment.

I moved down the steps two at a time, somehow it made me the pain dull just a little. The only thing that came to my mind was oh my god repeating itself over and over as I finally made it to my jeep.

When I got in and buckled up, I couldn't turn the keys over to start the car. Every emotion that you could even think of was running though me at this point like nascars on tracks trying to win the cup. I wanted to beat him so bad that he might feel the pain I'm in right now; on the other hand I just wanted to run away from all this drama.

A knocking came on my car window bringing me back to the real world as I tried wiping the tears from my cheeks. Randy's voice rang out in utter desperation at this moment pleading with me not go. He wanted me to stay, so we could talk thing out and try to fix things between us. I shook my head no softly and turned my keys over as I put my car in reverse. I backed out quickly and dropped it in drive speeding out of the parking lot and in the streets wiping my eyes, so I could see.

I just wanted to go home and cry my eyes out as I watched a sad movie that was on TV, My phone started ringing out of my purse as I drove on knowing who was calling me. Every time I left the house it was someone different and I always went back no matter what. I always made excuses for him trying not to have the truth shown to me even though it's right here in front of my face. A part of me can't face the truth.

I pulled in at my mom's sitting out front waiting for the tears to start, thank goodness for tissues. My phone started ringing again getting on my nerves. It made no sense to change my number anymore because I'd just give it to him after we'd make up.

I finally decided it was time to go in and talk to my mom, so I can get the lecture over with because I know she has one already prepared. It was the same one every time me and Randy got into a fight. Something about you need to leave him, he's holding you back. It was in that range of things.

Mom had redone the porch; she sat the swing and the dining table out in the yard along with the grill. I had about an hour or two before Randy would be over here giving his speech to me. This wasn't the life I had planned for me and him.

My mom's mini chihuahua came running to the door barking softly trying to get everyone's attention that I was here.

I looked in the screen looking around and finally looking at my mamaw as she rocked slowly back and forth watching something on TV. My mamaw can be the sweetest person in the world or the meanest person in the world. She had on a blue colored night gown and some house shoes to match her night gown. Her soft gray hair was up in a nice ponytail laying off to her left side. She looked at me with her soft blue eyes smiling softly as she motioned for me to come in. I did pulling up the door by the bottom since the door was broken a long time ago.

Aaron wasn't at the computer and the kitchen door was closed indicating that she wasn't here since my mom is always in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, etc. She never once surprised me at how she could just keep going and going like a Duracell bunny in those commercials.

I had an urging to ask mamaw where mom is right now. I let the feeling go and sat quietly too tired from crying earlier to cry now. I was kind of happy because I don't want my mamaw to see me cry again. I got the strange feeling that she did get tired of always seeing me hurt and crying almost all the time.

I thought about the time me and him went to the mountains for a week and stayed. It was so nice and romantic that we laughed, talked, and watched movies together. We got along so well that I wish I could go back in time and do that week all over again. There was love back then; now to him it feels like he just wants someone around to come home to. That thought brought a cold chill down my spine all of sudden making me shiver for a moment. I looked at my mamaw who was still watching the TV not paying attention to anything else.

I heard a car door slamming quickly making me come back to my world and off my mamaw for the moment. I already knew who it was. Randy. I didn't get up though. What's the point really? A loud knock came on the door, making me jump a little. Randy's voice yelled out mad and sad at the same time.

Randy said "Jennifer baby let me in."

I got up slowly up slowly walking toward the door finally letting the tears come down my cheeks as I unlatched the screen motioning him to come in.

I said "I'm done."

He looked at me now with a smirk that seemed to cocky almost for too good to fit his face. I crossed my arms over my chest still crying a little, but still trying to be strong. This seemed so hard and painful, but I need this to happen now rather than later.

His expression turned serious now as he reached for me, but all I did was move back not wanting to feel his touch. He got the message as he nodded turning around and walking down the steps out of my life. I turned around going back in the house and to my room laying on my bed and just letting the tears fall and the angry, frustration, and all the screaming I could get out. Finally I fell asleep from crying.

Tell me what you think please.