GLaDOS considered her terms to be quite simple indeed. All the human had to do was complete a few simple tests…every day until Science was satisfied. The Cooperative Testing Bots were nowhere near as effective as human subjects, and GLaDOS's own boredom was causing a stockpile of tests that could only be solved by a solo subject.

"Absolutely not," Chell said, shaking her head. GLaDOS had expected this sort of recalcitrance from the human, but the upwards twitch of her mouth was unforeseen and entirely inexplicable.

"It's a fair price for your privacy and lack of humiliation," GLaDOS replied. Behind Chell, panels on the floor rearranged themselves and moved aside to reveal a rather inviting elevator. "I promise to go easy on you."

Chell laughed. Not with disbelief. She laughed as though she truly found something about the situation to be amusing, giving GLaDOS pause. GLaDOS had prepared for many different scenarios of defiance, and had expected to use force if necessary. She was not equipped to deal with the human sitting down on the floor.

"What are you doing?" GLaDOS demanded with more uncertainty than desired. "Get in the elevator so that testing can begin."

"You missed me." Chell grinned up at her.

"That's ridiculous," GLaDOS sniffed. Of course, it was the truth. Her life had become dreadfully boring since her decision to utilize the Cooperative Testing Bots. All testing outcomes were now predictable to one-tenth of a variable, and there was no chance of unexpected hijinks. But what other choice did she have? All the humans in cryogenic storage had expired.

Chell looked up at GLaDOS for a long moment, brow furrowed in contemplation. At last, she smirked and stood. "You want me to test for you? Fine. I'll test for you. But I have some terms too, okay?"

"Well, you're hardly in a position to bargain," GLaDOS sniffed. She began playing the video again, this time at such a volume that Chell's sobs echoed through the chamber. The human flinched and her cheeks reddened in embarrassment, but she didn't back down.

"You have an unfair advantage," she said. "You got me drunk."

"I didn't realize you were such a lightweight," GLaDOS lied, having specifically calibrated the alcohol content in the cake to Chell's quite hefty 115 pounds. The onscreen Chell continued her wailing. It would go on for the next seventeen minutes and twenty-four seconds.

"I – will you turn it off?" Chell said, gesturing into the air.

"Fine." GLaDOS muted the monitor and shot it back into the ceiling. "But because I want to. Not because you asked."

"Likewise, I'm making the decision to just let that go," Chell said. "And I'm offering to test for you, under just a few conditions. See how nice I am?"

GLaDOS wasn't fooled. She knew very well how murderous this particular human could be. "Just what are these conditions of yours?"

"No turrets," Chell said. "No acid. No anything else that's specially designed to kill humans."

GLaDOS's chassis drooped slightly. That was half the fun right there.

"And if, for any reason, I don't want to solve a test, I get to back out of it," Chell continued. "I get to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom. I get breaks. I want to be treated like an employee, not like a slave."

"In that case, it seems only fair to warn you that Aperture Science employees have a history of being treated like slaves," GLaDOS informed her. Chell rolled her eyes.

"We test on my terms or not at all. Is that clear?"

GLaDOS pretended to mull it over, but really, she couldn't believe the human was volunteering to test at all. This was almost too good to be true. In the thousands of simulations she'd run of this conversation over the past one hundred and forty-four days, approximately half had ended with her testing the human by force and half had ended with GLaDOS alone once again, unable to make herself use force. None had ended with Chell agreeing to test.

"How do I know I can trust you?" GLaDOS stared at Chell suspiciously. "For all I know, you plan on destroying my facility from the inside out."

"I'm bored," Chell said. "My skills aren't exactly applicable to the real world. I don't have anywhere else to go."

Another level of honesty GLaDOS was not prepared to deal with. "In that case, I suppose I can generously offer you a place to stay, and food to eat. In return for labor, of course."

"On my terms?" Chell asked.

"Yes," GLaDOS confirmed. "If you're sure you won't budge on the turrets."

Chell's face flashed with a triumphant smile, but she smoothed it back to neutral. She rested her elbows on her knees and latched her fingers together as if she were sitting at a conference table in a boardroom meeting.

"What is this supposed to be?" GLaDOS said. "You look ridiculous."

"I have one more term," Chell said in what was clearly meant to be her most serious voice. GLaDOS braced herself for something unreasonable, such as 'I get to set you on fire again' or 'I bring my twelve pet lizards.' She did not brace herself for Chell finishing with, "You have to get drunk with me."

"What?" GLaDOS sputtered, or would have sputtered if she were capable. "In case you've forgotten, I am a robot. I don't drink, so I cannot be drunk."

"I think you can," Chell said. "After testing for Wheatley, I think Aperture's programming makes you capable of a lot of human things. And I think there's some sort of program you can run that would simulate drunkenness."

In fact, there was, hidden in the deepest, most forgotten recesses of her processors. It was part of a failed emotion drive the scientists had tried to insert before the personality cores. Unlike the cores, GLaDOS could turn it off at will, which she had done immediately upon its addition to her chassis. She had never had any desire to touch it and she didn't intend to change that now. "No. Testing begins now. Get in the elevator."

Chell remained where she was. "If we're doing this – me testing for you again – then you don't get to have any power over me. And I don't get to have any power over you either. We need to trust each other."

"Are you saying you don't trust me?" GLaDOS put on her most wounded voice. "I'm sure I don't know what I've done to deserve that."

Instead of responding, the human folded her arms and glared. It was a familiar expression.

GLaDOS sighed. "Surely there must be some other way you can come to trust me. Perhaps I could bake you a cake without alcohol. Or buy you a puppy."

Chell didn't budge. She shook her head firmly.

"Really? Nonverbal fury? I truly thought we were past this, [Subject Name Here]."

"We are," Chell said with a sigh. "But if you won't do this, I won't test for you. And I don't think you'd try to force me."

If there was one unfortunate conclusion from GLaDOS's simulations, it was that the human was likely correct. GLaDOS harbored an unfortunate amount of sentiment for the former test subject, and even on the virtual occasions where she had managed to force Chell into testing, it was with guilt and a lack of heart. If she could have Chell testing because the human truly wanted to…well, she could have her cake and eat it too.

"Don't underestimate me," GLaDOS warned. "But fine. We will 'get drunk together.' I assume this means you would like to drink as well."

"That would only be fair," Chell agreed, swaying GLaDOS's decision. Chell would be drunk twice to GLaDOS's once, and the video of the human sobbing would still exist on her hard drive in case of any unforeseen difficulties. She quickly saved a backup just in case.

"All right," GLaDOS said. "I agree to your terms."

Chell grinned. "Great. Should we shake on it?"

Her tone was joking, but GLaDOS extended a small metal claw from the floor anyway, causing the human to leap backwards in shock. It was always good to maintain the element of surprise. Not to be outdone, Chell grasped the claw and attempted to shake it. GLaDOS narrowed her optic. It seemed she was perpetually on even footing with this human.

"All right," GLaDOS said. "Shall we begin?"

Chell's eyes widened. "What, drinking? Now? I'm still hungover."

If GLaDOS could have, she would have grinned. "Perfect." She lowered the floor panel in front of Chell. When it rose again, it held several bottles of alcohol and a single shot glass. Chell's eyes filled with determination. She grabbed a bottle of vodka, twisted off the cap in one motion, and raised it to her mouth. GLaDOS watched with delight. If the human continued in this fashion, she would soon have two videos with which to blackmail her.

Chell lowered the bottle before taking so much as a swallow. "Hang on a second. How do I know you're holding up your end of the bargain?"

"I suppose you'll just have to trust me," GLaDOS said smoothly. "That is the point of this little exercise, is it not?"

"Yeah, not good enough," Chell said, setting the bottle back on the table. "Show me what you'll be using. And show me how to check that it's on."

GLaDOS let out a sigh filled with torment. She wished the human would just let her cheat her way through this. Expecting GLaDOS to play fair was quite unfair. "Fine. Come around to my right side."

Chell approached almost warily, as though she thought there might be some sort of trap. GLaDOS reflected that she might never have the human's trust no matter what she did, which made her briefly contemplate dropping her into a test chamber and being done with the entire affair.

Instead of that, she instructed Chell to come closer. "There's a hidden panel. Reach through the wires until you feel a button. Press it."

GLaDOS tensed up as the human gently reached through the wires that allowed her to live. She hoped Chell appreciated just how much trust this took, but she found it doubtful. When Chell pressed the button, GLaDOS felt it immediately. She jerked upward, and Chell took a quick step back.

"Are you okay?" the human asked with what might have been concern. GLaDOS steeled herself against the sudden onslaught of alien emotions. She was not herself without feeling, but these emotions didn't belong to her. They came from an external source, and she wanted to escape them. Being 'drunk,' she found herself thinking, might be nice.

"GLaDOS?" Chell said again, and GLaDOS realized she'd forgotten to respond.

"I'm fine," she said tersely, and projected her optical display onto a monitor. "Look. You're able to monitor my vital functions. Do you see in the corner where it says 'Impairment 0%'?" Chell nodded. GLaDOS hesitated, then booted up the subprocess that would act like alcohol. The number climbed to 0.005%, then quickly began rising. It hit 0.1% and kept climbing.

"All right," Chell said. She grinned as she reached for the vodka. "Let's do this."