I stood in the Bushwell Plaza Lobby checking my mail. I finally convinced Mom that it was safe for me to check the mail from our mailbox. She was convinced the mail was full of deadly germs or anthrax, or someone would jump me while I was getting the mail so they could get our personal information that might be in the mail, or Sam put another goo bomb in our mailbox. When I convinced my mom that I would sanitize after getting the mail to get rid of the deadly germs (which I don't actually do), the U.S. Postal Service prevented anthrax and other terrorist dangers, I would do all the emergency steps we practiced if I was jumped, and I offered Sam meat and Fat Cakes if she promised to not open my mailbox anymore. I was wearing my tux I had to wear for the iCarly Awards that night. It wasn't all that comfortable to lounge around in

Suddenly a group of muscular men wearing only swimming trunks walked into the lobby. They had thick foreign accents that made Lewbert scream "Aggggggghhhh! No shirtless men in my lobby!"

I smiled, watching the shirtless men laugh and point. One of them shouted "Hey it's Lewbert! From iCarly!"

The rest of them laughed, pointed and said things in foreign languages. All I could understand out of it was the word iCarly. I smiled approached them. "Hey you guys watch iCarly?"

The one who seemed to speak English the best said "Ya we all love iCarly. Ah! And you're Frednub!"

Of course. Even in European countries that aren't English speaking, Sam's convinced people to call me Frednub. She didn't even mean to do that, but it still happened. I chuckled and said "Uh it's Freddie. But yeah, I'm from iCarly. What are you guys doing here in swim trunks?"

"Ve're models, our photographer is late and its cold outside"

They continued talking but I kind of zoned out when I noticed Sam walk in the building. Weird, she was supposed to be wearing her dress for the iCarly awards we were having that night. Eh knowing Sam she'll throw it on 10 minutes before showtime, run a brush through her hair really fast, pop a mint in to make up for not brushing her teeth after eating ribs and check to see if her pits are sweaty. It's scary how well I know her. I'm not a stalker or anything, Sam is just very open about her personal hygiene habits.

What's more scary is the fact that even though I know Sam's disgusting habits and obnoxious ways, I still find her very appealing. She's extremely pretty, funny, relaxed, always has fun, leads me to insane situations that give my life fun and thrill, is realistic, and she's actually very smart. She doesn't show her smarts but I know she is. She just doesn't give a darn about things she knows she'll never use. But give her a sketch pad and a pencil and she can make you a masterpiece. Usually it's weird things like me being made into human soup, me being chased by an elephant herd, or me being sat on by Mr. Howard while Mrs. Briggs plays the bagpipes. But her picture of the bunny in jail is framed in her room. The picture she gave me that was of me being eaten alive by a tiger is in my room, on my computer, and on my flash drive to give me a chuckle when I need it. If Sam could just focus in college long enough to get a degree, she could be a real artist. Not a college drop out like Spencer that only gets art gigs when he's lucky.

I excused myself from the male models and went to catch up with Sam.

I wanted to beat her to Carly's apartment so I raced up the stairs instead of waiting on the elevator. I noticed she was arguing with a lady over her obnoxious dog barking so her head start wouldn't necessarily make her win. I raced up the stairs and noticed she still beat me. Aw man, well it's hard to run up stairs in a tux. You can ask Spencer yourself, it's difficult to run at all in a tux. He jogged a block and felt like he would die. He jogged the other 3 blocks to seem macho and tough. And also not creepily obsessed with his tux since he was wearing it under a jogging outfit. I sped up my pace and managed to reach outside of Carly's door right after her. I managed to hear Carly ask "Why aren't you dressed?"

Sam replied saying "I needed to borrow a fancy bra"

My mind went into overdrive thinking about Sam in a bra. My head shook it away and I backed away so I wouldn't get anymore perverted thoughts from that conversation.

I heard Sam say "I got barbecue sauce all over the left cup"

Carly sighed "Aw Sam. I told you, when you eat ribs you gotta wear a shirt"

Sam scoffed and replied "Ah where's the fun?"

My hormone crazed brain went into overdrive envisioning Sam in a fancy pushup bra that hardly covered her breasts, eating ribs, and getting barbecue sauce from her face to her knees. The messy rib eating doesn't sound sexy but when there's a beautiful girl in only a bra with sweet, tangy, and sticky sauce covering her breasts, stomach, and thighs you don't notice the ravenous eating. Somehow I imagined myself in that daydream, licking off the sauce. I slapped myself across the face, and entered Carly's apartment.

Eventually Sam did change into her dress. She looked...gorgeous. No, gorgeous isn't strong enough. Hmm...drop dead sexy is fitting but she deserves better than that description. Beautiful beyond words is a perfect match but it's too corny and cliche. Sam hates corny and/or cliche phrases. Well whatever she was, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I'd never seen her in a dress before but I like it. I like her perfectly fine in a plain T shirt and jeans, but in that dress...good grief. I loved the color, the fishnet was perfectly Sam, it showed her curves I've always forced myself to not notice, and she wasn't uncomfortable at all in it.

During the entire awards show, I had an urge to kiss her. I knew I couldn't though. Sam would break every bone in my body if she knew what I had been thinking that day. If I kissed her, flirted with her, or let her see my eyes go anywhere but her face and hair, she would put me in the ICU in five minutes. It both scares me and excites me at the same time. I think Sam's turned me crazy. I actually get thrilled by danger now instead of running away like a scared little girl. Who knows what she'll convert me to next?