Ossu, finally, something more up my alley! As in, a pairing and characters I'm pretty familiar with writing.
This here is an AU (to some extent I think) and I actually had an okay time writing it. I wasn't planning on it being nearly this long though. When I first started typing it out I went, "Well hey, I'm sure this could be around 3,000 words!"
The story goes over 9,000.
Ah, well. It's also a 5927. Or perhaps 2759? I don't know, you can see for yourself. ^^;
Disclaimer: Yeah, it's still a no on owning Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
It had to be the strongest impulse he had. It's probably why he followed it through.
There was just a little bit too much today. Just a little too much attention- but not the attention he wanted, yearned for-, just a little too much abuse, both verbal and physical, just a little too much of anything he wished he could have being crushed continuously, repeatedly, relentlessly.
He, himself, put too much effort. Too much effort in trying to act like he didn't care, too much effort into acting as if he was immune to their words, too much effort in just pretending.
The impulse shot through him, just as the tears of frustration began to prickle an itch in his eyes, just as they reminded him that he was still so very weak.
He was going to run away.
The impulse was strong. It was probably why he was out of the house in two minutes flat.
He just needed a break. Just a little one.
The day's events played in his mind, as if they were tracks set on repeat. The words echoed endlessly, the dull aching of bruises and cuts made themselves so very apparent and he decided yeah, he needed the break.
Just a small break; a break from feeling, knowing, and acting like he had nothing for him, feeling, knowing, and acknowledging that he was no good.
Just a small one, he figured, would be fine as he climbed out of his window.
His heart lead the way, his head decided it was okay, and that was how he found himself at the train station. The train station's clock tower thundered twelve chimes overhead. Midnight.
His steps fell in sync with the rings and stopped in front of the man working the latest shift on the third toll. The train service worker looked up, eyes flashing in familiarization.
"One ticket," he told the man, gruff, solemn voice sounding as the fourth bell chimed.
"Sorry, kid," the man took an indignant poise and slipped on a face of impassiveness as the fifth rang, "We don't sell tickets to the likes of you," he finished as the sixth thundered.
His stormy green eyes narrowed at the unspoken words, his lip curled and he tucked a silver strand of hair behind his ear. "I want your midnight train ticket. I don't give a shit where to, just give me the fucking ticket and you won't see the likes of me ever again," he growled along with the tenth.
The train service worker scoffed, a ticket already being processed. A small rip, a trade between money and a ticket, and the worker's departing words synced with the eleventh chime.
"Here's your ticket. Hope to never see your face around here again, mutt."
He was on the train by the twelfth, without a single glance over his shoulder.
He was going to run away from it all.
The day tolled midnight according to clock tower inside the train station, a medley of rings starting off the hour and followed by twelve rings separated by a half a second interval. The number of times he's been knocked around the surprisingly busy train station in the time span between one tolling to the next was roughly six times. For the duration of the twelve rings.
The number of times he'd be tripped, whether intentional or not, in between one ring to the next was an estimated ten times. The total number of times he'd actually fallen from them was twenty.
The number of times he was yelled at ("Get out of the way you useless person!"), laughed at ("Ha ha, he actually fell! What a loser!"), jeered at ("Make sure you stay down next time, y'hear? No good people like you get knocked back down anyways.") as the bruises and cuts that haven't healed screamed in protest against the floor was too many to keep track of.
He couldn't help but feel so very relieved as he stepped into the train, destination set to anywhere, feeling as if this was his one moment of peace that he longed for. That he needed.
The doors hissed to a close as the twelfth bell's echo died away.
He figured he must have fallen asleep, sometime between the start and the end of the ride, for when he opened and blinked the drowsiness out of his green eyes, there wasn't the quiet hum of the train wheels against the railings, there wasn't a person left in the previously ten people occupied cart.
A soft click of heels against tile fully awoke his senses. He followed the light noise, eyes fixating on the open cart door, body rising from his seat. Quiet, but so reverberating, whistling beckoned him forward, a tentative step off the train.
There, walking in a stroll and a pocket watch swinging in time with the light whistled tune, a man walked. The fabric of his black trousers ruffled and crinkled with every slow step he took, his curled sideburns and ends of his black spiked hair bouncing along. His stroll stopped; the man stood straight, directly parallel from his awestruck poise. His lean face turned to him, a seemingly secretive and sly smirk adorned and the wide rimmed fedora atop his head creating an obscuring shadow over his eyes. The two simply stared at one another.
The stare was broken; the fedora donned man, with a flick of his wrist, brought the pocket watch up to his face. Not a second later, he lowered his hand and returned his gaze to the other's green eyes.
"Midnight. You're right on time, Gokudera Hayato."
Questions like how he knew his name and who are you and how can it still be midnight when he left the station at midnight were on the tip of his tongue, yet he could only nod, as if the words and confusion were enchanted away.
The man's smirk quirked further up and turned away, his black suited back turned to him, and resumed his stroll. An arm rose and Gokudera watched the fingers of his hands curve gently to a cup. The man called, in the deep baritone that was his voice,
"All aboard for those who want to take a ride on my midnight train!"
The man continued to walk forward, and, as if he knew this was a one time chance, as if he knew that the man wasn't going to be there for much longer and disappear as if he didn't exist, Gokudera broke out into a light jog after the man.
As if enchanted to follow him.
He had ten total stops he could have simply walked off on. He sat directly across the left side exit and just beside the right side exit. Amber brown eyes watched the people move in in out of the bus, more people leaving than coming on until it was at the point where the train was practically empty.
A quiet sigh escaped his lips when departing from the ninth train station, silently questioning why he hadn't yet stepped off the train at one of the previous stops. He leaned back, letting the back of his head rest against the rather chill glass window and let his orange tinted brown eyes slide to a close.
And it wasn't long, he could have sworn.
It was only a few seconds before there was a sudden lurch signifying the train's sudden stop. His eyes snapped open as he raised his head and watched the train cart's door open with a loud hiss. No sooner than a crack appeared between the doors, a silvery, wispy mist poured in, and the cart was nearly carpeted by it when the doors had fully open.
And his first instinct was to stay away from the exit.
But the instinct was tuned out by something louder, something the yelled at him to leave the train and find something, something he perhaps had been looking for.
It might have been an intuition. It's why he warily stood from his seat, slowly strode to the exit, placed his hands on either side of the exit, stuck his head out and-
"Hmmm, you're just on time, Sawada Tsunayoshi."
Tsuna's breath hitched in surprise and fear, and slowly turned his head to his right in the direction of the foreign voice.
His voice caught in his throat as took in the stranger's poise from next to him, how his black suited body, lean and long, rested against the side of the train, and how his lightly tanned, lean face tilted towards him, framed by dark curled sideburns. Tsuna couldn't take his eyes off of the one obsidian eye that glinted from the shadow that his fedora created.
The man's lips curled upwards, "Keep staring like that, though, and you just might be late anyway."
A frown surfaced at the snide comment and he started to relocate his voice to retort when the man pushed up his body from the train and began forward. Tsuna watched, eyes wide, as the man tilted his head back slightly, cupped a hand around his mouth, and bellowed,
"All aboard for those who want to take a ride on my midnight train!"
There was so much wrong everything the man had ever said to him, how he knew his name, the fact that he conducted a train and how that train ran at midnight when it had to have been well past twelve. Yet something flared up as the mist seemed to rise and fade out the man's body; this was his chance.
He just might find something he'd been looking for.
He followed the man through that intuition he had.
Gokudera wasn't sure what he had expected when climbing aboard the train. But he could safely assume that whatever it was, it was not this.
He was pretty certain that trains didn't include waiters and waitresses. That is, waiters and waitresses that carried large guns (a type of a Barret 50 Caliber specifically, Gokudera duly noted) on their backs and waitresses that can pick a grown man up and stuff his face into a wall.
He was pretty certain that trains did not include passengers. Passengers that, that is, are insane to the degree of throwing wine glasses and bottles at one another, having long swords attached to a hand, claiming to be a prince and chunking knifes into the body parts of those who disagreed (primarily a passenger with a ridiculously large frog hat), and muscular men acting flamboyantly gay and cooing all the other passengers as if they were the others' fucking mommy.
Gokudera could have sworn he was on a crazy train.
Now those were the lunatics of the crew. There were the more normal (thank god) people, passengers and workers, though even they were weird.
Like that kid with the horns in his giant afro and cow themed clothing. He was one of the more 'normal' passengers, but still utterly loud to the point of obnoxiousness. And he wouldn't leave some people alone. The Chinese worker (Gokudera assumed he was a train security worker since he stopped a budding conflict between the guy with a sword as his hand and that 'fake' prince) gave a piece of candy to the cow kid and because of it, he wouldn't quit going over to him and bugging him for more candy.
There was a Chinese girl around his age that continuously tried to reprimand and control the little bugger but her attempts were as futile as it was to keep him in one spot. And the cow brat literally bounced off walls.
And that same cow kid was also a crybaby. And when the brat cried, Gokudera could have sworn he almost raised the dead when he screamed because the Chinese girl smacked him upside his head (he deserved it, though). It was only by the calming grace of a short, spiky brown haired boy that stopped the cow kid from crying and getting maimed by all the other passengers. (Poor guy though, the cow kid took a shine on him afterwards and wouldn't leave him alone either.)
…Maybe the brat was more annoying than weird.
"Gahahaha! Lambo-san found a delinquent with a bad fashion sense!"
Oh yeah. Definitely more annoying.
Gokudera directed a glare and a snarl at the kid. The reason he took a spot in the corner of the train cart he was in was because he didn't want to interact with crazy and annoying people, such as the little bugger staring up at him with clear pride and mischief.
"Fuck off, you stupid cow. I'm not going to play with you or something."
The kid quite obviously blew him off. "Heh heh! Lambo-san just decided that you're going to be his newest subordinate!" His pose became rather arrogant as he turned his head in the direction of where the other passengers crowded. "I already recruited the whole train as my subordinates. They all see Lambo-san as a worthy boss."
Oh. So the kid was weird after all. "What the hell do you think you are a mafia boss or something?"
The kid looked back up at Gokudera, his green eyes full of pride. "Gahahaha! Lambo-san's new subordinate already recognizes him!"
He continued to laugh obnoxiously and Gokudera had the sudden urge to pick the kid up by his large ass afro and chunk him back to the group he came from. He took in a deep breath, trying his hardest not to lose his cool, and sent a glare he knew could freeze a burly man on a rampage. "Seriously, brat. Fuck off!"
"Don't wanna! Lambo-san has to induct his new subordinate!" Gokudera watched in anger and veiled curiosity as the cow brat straightened and placed a fist on his chest.
"I, Lambo-san, the mafia boss of the entire world-"
Wow. What a dreamer.
"-hereby accepts this delinquent with a bad haircut-"
Gokudera's eye twitched.
"-to be a subordinate into my mafia family!"
Gokudera's annoyance quickly shifted into a look of horror and disgust as the kid jammed a finger into his nose and pulled out a wet snot booger after wiggling his finger through the nostril. The brat stuck the booger into the air and grinned rather winning,
"And with this ultra-important Seal of Approval, you are bound to my family forever and ever!"
Before Gokudera could even register those words, the idiot jabbed his booger-coated finger onto his pant leg and smeared the green colored, slimy concoction all over it.
…The kid. Was so. Fucking. Dead.
"You little fucker!" Gokudera snapped as he picked the cow brat up by his hair, extracting a startled yelp from the kid, "I should toss you out of this goddamned train and watch you roll when you hit the ground! Do you know how much time and money I'm going to have to spend to wash your disgusting ass mucus off of these pants?"
"Then you shouldn't wear ugly and expensive clothing, Stupid! Put Lambo-san down!" He screamed and kicked at Gokudera while trying to free his hair from his hand, fat tears rolling down his face.
Gokudera's lip curled with a snarl, "Fucking cow shit, it takes time and money to wash your hand-me-down cow jumpsuit shit that the first owner probably only paid five dollars for!"
"Lambo-san's clothes aren't shit! And they aren't only worth five dollars either! They cost more than your bad haircut cost, I bet!" the kid continued to struggle against his grip, but now was completely focused on returning Gokudera's insults back at him.
And just before Gokudera could snap back,
"Ah, wait you two!" stopped him in mid-word.
Gokudera saw a flash of brown before feeling soft hand against his, gently prying his hand open. Gokudera resisted for a moment, his hand tightening and causing the brat to scream louder. The heap of brown in his face cleared slightly, revealing a rounded peach face. Gokudera would have been taken aback just by the appearance of the short, brown haired kid that he watched earlier had it not been for the hardness in his stern ochre eyes.
"Let go."
The voice was calm and demanding, not forceful but leaving no room for debate. With a thick swallow, Gokudera relinquished his hold on the child, watching with widened eyes as the boy took the cow idiot into his arms and cradled him, his stern gaze directed at the brat.
"Lambo! What are you doing over here when Fon and I told you to stay over with the others?"
The kid sniffed and looked up at the brunet, a large snot drop dangling from his nose and almost onto the boy's sleeve. (Gokudera almost smirked at the wince the brunet gave when he noticed.)
"L-Lambo-san s-saw this delinquent b-by h-hi-himself so I wanted to make him one of Lambo-san's s-subordinates! I even gave him the Seal of Approval!" The cow kid gestured downward, the spiky haired looked downward, and promptly crinkled his nose in disgust.
"Lambo, didn't you learn the last time when you smeared your boogers on Lal and Colonnello that you'll get yourself in trouble? You nearly got tossed out of the train!"
Heh. Those people had it right. That asshole of a cow kid deserved to be chunked out of here.
Nonetheless, the kid sniffled loudly, "But an-anybody should want to be in Lambo-san's mafia! I'm invincible and I rule the world!"
The kid was back to his obnoxious self as he let out a boisterous laugh. Gokudera growled at the laugh and the brunet gave an exasperated sigh.
"Lambo," the kid was set down and he looked up at him, large green eyes curious. "Why do you go play with I-pin or something? And I'm sure if you ask nicely Fon would give you another piece of candy."
That brightened the little snot completely. He grinned and ran towards the other side of the cart screaming, "Hey, Chinese police guy! Give Lambo-san more candy!"
Once he was out of earshot, the brunet sighed loudly and turned a small, nervous smile to him. Gokudera felt himself relax under the more withdrawn gaze, and realized that he was nervous of that commanding look he had previously.
"Ah… I'm sorry about that…snot smear Lambo did to you. I should have kept a better eye out for him." He looked embarrassed and flustered with that nervous smile, eyes shifted down at his feet and a hand scratching the back of his head. It made Gokudera feel uncharacteristically flustered and could feel his cheeks burning slightly.
The boy was cute.
…And where are these thoughts coming from!
"I-it's nothing you should blame yourself on! That brat looks to be a handful so…!" Gokudera mentally hit himself. That was supposed to come out much cooler and detached than that stuttered statement.
But it made the boy look into his eyes, large, round, ochre eyes (that glinted gold in the light Gokudera mused, captivated) full of relief. Being stared at made Gokudera feel even more nervous. He mentally gave a pat on the back for standing his ground and not squirming like he felt.
"Thank goodness…! I-I would have felt horrible if you took offense to it… Or hated Lambo just 'cause he's a kid and does some pretty stupid stuff." He flashed a nervous grin and Gokudera returned with his own nervous chuckle.
The boy seemed to give him a contemplative stare before widening his shy smile by a bit. "Hey… D-do you mind if I stay here with you for a bit?"
Gokudera's eyes widened, "E-eh?"
"I-I mean, I just need a moment to take a break, y'know? I-it's tiresome to keep at their pace; th-they're really crazy and it seems more relaxed here and I-I think one's out to kill me for no reason at all a-and-"
Here he clamped his mouth shut and glanced behind him, eyes widened fearfully, as if he was caught in the limelight doing something he really shouldn't. Gokudera looked up and followed his gaze-
Holy shit, that's a glare. Red eyes glared from under a shadow over them, a menacing frown darkening the rest of his scarred face. The glare caused the brunet to squeak (rather undignified might he add) and face forward, sweat pouring almost comically down his face, said face pale.
(Gokudera watched the scarred man smirk before turning away, satisfaction glowing in his once bloodthirsty eyes. Bastard.)
Gokudera offered a sheepish smile once returning his attention to the shorter boy, "Sure. You can stay here as long as you want!"
The fear didn't vanish completely but was eased as he gave a grateful smile. "Thank you…!"
Gokudera nodded and the boy took a spot next to him; he leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of content. "I think I can feel the break doing its work already!" Gokudera chuckled at it and let them laps into silence, watching the other passengers interact with one another.
They didn't know how long the silence lasted; it was after watching the long haired guy suffer from probably the tenth glass to the head ("Voooooooiiii!" he went) and listened to the blond waiter with a large gun on his back make a snide quip on it ("Oooh, that was a good one, Spartan Waiter Number One," the passenger with a ridiculous frog hat threw in his two cents. "Ushishishishi," the passenger with a tiara placed fashionably on the side of his blond hair agreed.) did the silence break.
The brunet chuckled at the quip, "You know, I think I'm glad I came on this train, after all."
Gokudera looked down, an eyebrow raised.
"I…was having second thoughts when I stepped on the train," he paused, giving a nervous scratch to his cheek, "It was weird. I followed the Conductor on the train, expect to…to find something but-"
He stopped as if he said something he shouldn't have but Gokudera looked at him as if he discovered something.
This boy… Maybe they were in the same boat?
"Me too," Gokudera started, voice oddly raw and cracked. He coughed uncertainly when the brunet looked up, curious.
"I…was expecting something too, I think. When I followed the Conductor, it was kind of like I was…enchanted. Like he knew what I wanted and could give me what it was." Gokudera looked away. It was the first time he analyzed his feelings about this. The words that came out simply flowed, almost as if he had no control over it.
As if…his heart was talking for him…?
"I wanted a break."
Gokudera blinked out of his thoughts and looked at his companion. What…?
"I-I got a little tired from everything. It was a too little much to take today…" he looked up at him, large eyes seeking.
Searching.
And Gokudera knew what for.
"I needed to get away from my life too!" he turned to him, eyes lit in passion and excitement. "The same old shit every day, the same fucking words; it was just too much to bear!"
The boy's eyes widened and he reeled back slightly, as if trying to take in his whole being in awe.
"Y-you understand…"
Gokudera gave a soft smile, "Yes. I understand completely."
The brunet's eyes were searching his face, flickering back and forth, side to side, trying to find a lie, but this was the honest truth and honest feelings. His ochre eyes focused on his green ones, realization that he was honest sparked them, and he let out a short laugh. It grew with the smile on his face before he was full out laughing.
"Somebody understands…!" He said it in awe and Gokudera couldn't help but chuckle along because yeah, somebody knew what it was like to put up too much shit.
The two lapsed back into silence again, comforting and rather elated.
"…Sawada Tsunayoshi."
Gokudera turned to him, "What?"
His companion gave a breathy chuckle, "My name. Sawada Tsunayoshi. O-or Tsuna, if you want something simpler."
"O-oh!" Great, now he feeling flustered again. He coughed into hand, clearing his throat and ridding of the weird fluttering of his heart.
He smiled, "Gokudera Hayato."
Sawada's cheeks took a faint red hue (it looked kinda pretty on him, Gokudera thought) and it looked as if he wanted to say something else until a loud crackling resounded train.
"Attention passengers, in a few minutes, we'll be arriving at our pit stop. You may take the time to do whatever you want, blow up a house, harass a pedestrian, steal a shelf of convenience store food, don't know and don't care. If you aren't back on the train in an hour after arrival, you're stuck there. Good luck getting back home after that, fools."
The rather deep and uncaring voice ended with more crackling and a click, leaving bemused passengers and amused waiters and waitresses.
"Geez, that Verde… He could have been a little kinder about his words." The Chinese worker shook his head, yet a clearly amused.
"It wouldn't be Verde if he had, kora!" The blond waiter laughed, his fellow waitress snorting her agreement.
"Makes me wonder who else they have working on this train," Sawada beside him mumbled, a curious glint in his eyes as he tilted his head slightly with a smile. Gokudera simply hummed, not quite pay attention to his words.
A pit stop?
Should he get of here and find somewhere to stay?
Perhaps continue on train?
But the man had said that should they not return to the train, they were on their own getting back home… Then the train's next destination would be back to that wretched land they would call his home…
Then, that made things simple.
"Go…kudera-kun? Are you okay? You…" Gokudera looked down to meet Sawada's contemplative gaze with his own assuring look and matching grin.
Looks like this is his stop.
Tsuna wasn't sure what to make of the expression on his silver haired companion's face just as the train came to a stop. There had been satisfaction- as if he made a choice he was proud of-, bitterness, and…
Redemption?
Freedom?
The train came to a stop with a lurch, the movement lightly shaking the occupants, and Tsuna couldn't decipher it in time. No voice overhead on the speaker welcomed them to where ever they were, but as the doors opened and a spray of mist flooded…
The Conductor popped his head in through the doors, and with a smirk and eyes glinted mischievously, he said,
"Why are you still on my train? Get off before I fill your heads with lead."
It elicited various reactions (most of which were negative, close to violent on some parts, Tsuna observed with a nervous smile) but still convinced everybody off the train.
He and Gokudera were the last off the train, save for the workers.
The two watched everyone pile out of the train, many throwing jeers at the dark suited man, before exchanging glances between the two of them; Tsuna started forward and Gokudera followed him off the train.
Just they were off, the Conductor had finished a rather violent looking conversation with Lambo and slowly turned a stare to them, a wide smirk surfacing.
"Gokudera Hayato and Sawada Tsunayoshi. I wonder why I could see you two becoming friends when I saw you two." The way his eyes shined knowingly contradicted the statement and it made Tsuna frown inwardly.
"Conductor, sir, I was just hoping you'd tell me where we stopped at," Tsuna muttered instead of calling him out on it.
The way he smirked, however, made Tsuna question whether or not he made the right choice.
"Why, Tsuna," he started out sickeningly sweet, "we've arrived in Namimori, Japan."
Tsuna froze. "Nami…mori?"
He was home?
"Sawada?" Gokudera's voice. "What's wrong?"
Tsuna felt his tongue tie up at the moment and couldn't find the words to tell Gokudera simply that he was home.
The Conductor took the liberty to.
"He's probably surprised that he is back in his hometown. No-Good Tsuna's break is already over."
"No-Good…?" He could feel Gokudera eyes on him, questioning, but he ignored him in favor of giving an upset, angered glare at the fedora donned man.
He simply widened his smirk and moved his gaze to Gokudera.
"This is good for you though, isn't it, Gokudera? You get to stay by his side.
"You know, seeing as how you are planning to stay here instead of going back home."
…What?
Tsuna turned a surprised gaze to Gokudera, to which he simply smiled sheepishly at.
"Ah… I just made that decision on the train. I wasn't planning on going back home in the first place so-"
"So…you're running away from it all."
…What a cowardly thing to do.
His displeasure was obvious at Gokudera's choice and it made Gokudera wilt. Shortly after, Gokudera's face flooded in anger matching Tsuna's displeasure.
The tense silence that had ensued didn't last long; the Conductor let out an amused huff catching their attention.
"Well, aren't tensions high? Don't forget that whatever you two discuss, the train does have a schedule. Surely you'll keep that in mind." And he walked right past them into the train.
Promptly, they turned to each other, brown and peridot clashing, the latter with hurt mixed with frustration, the former filled determination.
He had only one hour to change Gokudera's mind.
Tsuna wasn't planning to waste it.
Gokudera kept his green eyes trained on the back of Sawada's head, his feet matching his steps as he lingered behind him, letting the one who knew where he was lead the both of them through the park that they stepped foot into just after walking through the wall of mist (that, no doubt, was meant to hide the train.)
The two didn't say anything, there previous chemistry previous seeming lost. The thought made Gokudera's lip curl up in a snarl, however, his eyes dimmed sadly.
The one person who he thought could relate to him best obviously didn't. Seeing Sawada's displeased expression at his choice made him feel…betrayed.
Looks like he was still alone on this feeling after all.
The sound of rattling chains broke him out of his musing to find him standing before Sawada as he sat on a swing, idly kicking at the ground at looking up at the darkened sky.
Gokudera stared at him, waiting, for he was at a loss of words. Or rather, there was too much to say to him and he couldn't find the ability (or perhaps he couldn't find the want…) to voice them.
He continued to watch Sawada, how his face tilted upwards reflected what little light there was in the right ways making him look still stunning. Brown bangs, darkened from the lack of light, still framed his face and eyes. Gokudera traced the way his bangs swept around his eyes, the darkened color of it making his ochre eyes stand out all the more brighter; brighter along with the emotions in them, the calm as he gazed at the sky, the determination, the still ever present discontentment-
Gokudera looked away, abruptly, cheeks burning in embarrassment and frustration.
He liked Sawada.
But…there wasn't any way he could let go that they couldn't understand each other when they thought they could.
He hated that.
"I…"
Gokudera looked back up to find Sawada's gaze at the ground he was still absentmindedly kicking, eyes lowered and no trace of a smile. Had it not been for the fact Sawada looked down he would have thought he imagined Sawada's voice.
"I…usually find myself coming here on days where my…struggle gets a little worse than per usual," he broke off with an amused breathy laugh. "Now thinking about it, I come here a lot. It's…hard."
Sawada briefly looked up at him, but to Gokudera, the eye contact seemed much longer that a moment. Sawada's eyes were tired. They spoke volumes pain, struggle, loneliness…
Gokudera continued to stare, dumbstruck, even after Sawada returned his gaze back to the floor, and Gokudera couldn't help but feel slight guilt for thinking he didn't understand.
"You heard that conductor, right? He called me 'No-Good Tsuna.' That's my nickname here. No-Good Tsuna. No-Good, Useless Tsuna. Everybody calls me that because, well… I guess it's true. I can't do anything right. I fail at sports and academics, screw up the simplest of tasks, and…
"In any case, I get picked on because of it. Nobody acknowledges me, I'm always made fun of, people sometimes avoid me like I'm plague because they don't want to catch my 'No-Goodness', and I'm always at the mercy of bullies.
"Every day, they come up to me and shove me to the ground, shouting at me, 'what's wrong, No-Good Tsuna?' and 'why can't you be a man and defend yourself, No-Good Tsuna?' They kick me, punch me, maybe pick me up only to throw me back down, always shouting 'No-Good Tsuna' this, 'No-Good Tsuna' that…"
Tsuna once again broke off once again, this time without any amusement, his bangs obscuring his eyes but not long enough to hide the way his jaw was tightened and teeth barred in a grimace.
"And to have the only person that has cared about you also refer to you as her 'No-Good son'? It's like I've let her down. I-I didn't want to let her down, t-to fail at being a son she can be proud of, but I…I-"
Sawada grip on the swing's chains tightened to the point where his knuckles were chalk white. Gokudera looked down, guilt completely flooding him.
Sawada did know what it was like to suffer. The way they suffered was almost similar.
Gokudera bathed in the silence over the two of them, feeling the urge to tell him his story swell larger, larger, and larger until-
"Me too."
He easily met Sawada's eyes and forced a smile on his face. "I've been through that, too.
"I… I'm a bastard child. Born by a full blooded Italian man and a half-Japanese, half-Italian woman. My father was already married at the time of the affair, even had a child, so when I came into the world, I was already branded.
"The town I live in is relatively small, news spreads and lingers. I already started to experience my fate as a boy. At three, I lost my biological mother in a car accident they say was rigged by my father. Because having a loose end like her wouldn't benefit him, or some other bat shit like that."
There was a gasp from Sawada that made Gokudera pause and take in the boy's wide eyes and horrified. Gokudera's smile slackened, no longer feeling the need or desire to keep it on his face.
"My mother I had to live with always ignored my very existence, always preferring my sis over me. But that was the light stuff.
"I never found out any of this stuff until I was seven, before then I didn't know anything. So I went around, getting dirty, disgusted looks anywhere I walked. I used to think there was something wrong with me," Gokudera laughed as if that was remotely funny and not at all disheartening.
"And after I found out all this shit, I started to hate them all. My father, mother, everybody. I've always wanted to get away from them and their hateful stares. But nobody in my town would even try to let me in. Every time I would try to show them that despite this blood that runs inside me isn't of pure Italian, I am still one of them, they would continue to laugh at my face, insult me, sometimes beat me, always making sure that I won't want to stand tall."
There was a quiet whisper from Sawada and Gokudera let it mark the end of his story, not sure how or if there was a way to continue. Another silence ensued, thick with darkened thoughts and melancholy.
"…You understand now, right?" Sawada met his eyes and Gokudera forced the smile back, weary and pleading for him to understand. "I don't want to continue living under their stares and disgust. That's why I ran away."
Sawada's expression became painful. "I… I-I still don't like that decision."
Gokudera's jaw clenched.
"I-It's not that I don't understand or anything like that 'c-cause I do! I mean, that helpless feeling of not having anybody believing in you and always putting you down is depressing to bare. B-but…it just seems cowardly to run away."
"And what part of it is cowardly?"
Gokudera fixed Sawada a hardened glare, causing the other to flinch back.
"What's wrong with trying to find a peace in mind? What's wrong with trying to start anew at a different place where they don't give any fucking shit about where who you were born from? Or if your blood wasn't pure? Tell what the fuck is wrong with that!" Gokudera reached down and fisted Sawada's sweater, pulling him from the swing and briefly eliciting a frightened look before it clouded angrily.
"When you put it like that there isn't anything wrong, but you're still taking the cowardly way out! I deal with damn hard crap too and I haven't even thought about running away once!"
Gokudera let out a laugh. "Hah! So are you just angry you never thought up the idea? That you never thought of freeing yourself from your 'no-good' life? And what the hell do call this! You got on a train you didn't know where it was going to take you! That's almost as good as running away!"
Sawada's eyes flickered, and for a second the anger dimmed greatly. Right then, Gokudera knew he struck a nerve and did a low blow referring to his life as 'no-good.' However, the anger rose to the point his eyes looked as if they were on fire.
"The difference is that I'm still going back home! There is no reason to leave when I have something to return to in this 'no-good' life of mine!"
"And that's the difference between you and me! There's nobody to return to for me!"
"That's not true!"
Gokudera flinched, taken aback by the immediate, fierce response. He flared, "A-and what the hell do you know?"
Sawada slapped his hand away, the angry glare waning to a fierce determined stare. "There's always something you leave behind when you run! You don't know it, but it's not just your life that you affect with the choice! There'll be somebody always waiting for you!"
Gokudera faltered. He wanted to shout back he knew bullshit, that there wasn't anybody there but there was somebody.
His sister.
Gokudera knows that his older sister would try to reach out to him every once and while, to let him know she was there despite what made her the favorite and what made him the one in the dark. Gokudera always pushed her away, afraid to grow attached and find a reason to stay.
Gokudera trembled, not wanting to acknowledge it and to keep fighting it. "I-I don't! You don't know anything!"
Sawada's eyes flickered knowingly, seeing the through the lie without batting an eye. His eyes lost their fierce fire, his eyes, Gokudera realized now were a light orange, were calmed in determination.
"All good things come to those who wait, Gokudera-kun."
Gokudera felt his anger dying, quickly being replaced with acceptance and a feeling of helplessness he couldn't describe.
"And what if it doesn't. It's always been this way, for the both of us, I know. Who's to say it's going to get any better when it hasn't yet." Gokudera bowed his head low, eyes squeezed shut.
Silence descended.
Gokudera's thoughts raced, replaying the conversation, the feelings, and he didn't know what to do. He still wanted to lead his own life from the one back home in Italy. Sawada… Sawada was ripping the resolve to do so from his hands so quickly, he felt lost.
Should he?
Was he losing something he could have had?
Will things change?
Should he keep trying to prove himself?
A brush of a hand against his cheek brought Gokudera down from his thoughts. His eyes opened as fingertips slid against jawline before slipping to his neck, a thumb lightly massaging his collarbone. Gokudera couldn't take his eyes off Sawada's, the light touches making everything tingle, the intense gaze causing his whole body to feel warm.
The hand inched along his neck, past the crook, resting on the nape, lightly fingering with the silver strands that fluttered there. The hand pushed down and Gokudera's eyes widened; his breath hitched as Sawada's face tilted up to meet him halfway and-
Barely chapped yet soft lips met his, not pressed down, and simply held there against his. And the lips were trembling.
Gokudera's eyes fluttered to a close, his heart racing, his body feeling as if it was on fire. And despite it all, he felt calm, as if at peace. He sighed contentedly into the kiss; the sigh was as shaky as Sawada's lips.
"We need to be strong." His eyes lifted slightly, not fully open, and met Sawada's eyes, a light flame still flickering in them.
"We don't know if things are going to get better; we don't get the luxury of knowing that. But it's because of that we have to keep faith. We get stronger from the struggles. So when we meet each other again, we can smile and say, 'We made it.'"
He couldn't fight it anymore, Gokudera thought as he closed his eyes and felt Sawada tilt his head, locking their lips together.
He was going to fight a little while longer.
"Welcome back, Gokudera. I see you changed your mind."
The Conductor was leaned up against all wall of mist that, Tsuna knew, was to hide the train from others seeing it. He wore that patronizing smirk of his that screamed he knew that this was going to happen all along. This time, Tsuna called him out on it.
"You knew this was going to happen, didn't you!"
He tilted his head, onyx eyes glinting in a way that made Tsuna feel nerved, and his smirk twisting mock innocently.
"Well, I wonder about that…"
"You really did know!"
Gokudera beside let out a quiet chuckle, and it made Tsuna feel flustered as well as pleased.
Honestly, he had kept his eyes on Gokudera since they were on the train. Tsuna wasn't sure how to approach the taller male; his expression was always stormy, eyes clouded, lips formed in a scowl, and he radiated a vibe that told others to stay away.
Gokudera came off as a scary person to approach but Tsuna was attracted to him.
He wanted to break past the appearance and calm the storm that without a doubt was constantly brewing.
Tsuna felt his face burn at the direction his thoughts turned.
And a deep chuckle took him out of his thoughts and caused him to feel annoyance as his turned his stare at the dark suited conductor.
"Wh-why are you laughing?" Tsuna questioned, knowing exactly why.
However, the Conductor smirked at the two of them.
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
Tsuna jumped at the question and Gokudera twitched at it. Slowly, the two met each other's gaze, matching blushes surfacing.
Did they find what they were looking for?
Tsuna gave a bashful smile.
Gokudera beamed at him.
The Conductor tilted his hat down, hiding the satisfied smirk on his face.
"Hey, Reborn!" Lal, the waitress on the train peeked out from the open door, "Get your ass in here before Verde's lightning fries your hat!"
Tsuna perked up, "Reborn? Is that your name?"
He ignored him in favor of speaking with Lal. "The man can try to. He won't even get close."
Lal smirked at Reborn before giving a nod at Tsuna and disappearing in the train.
Reborn edged off the train and smirked at the two before lifting a hand and cupping it around his mouth.
"All aboard for those who want to take a ride on my midnight train!"
Tsuna felt his heart sink. It was almost time for Gokudera to leave.
…Speaking of which…
"Reborn-san?" Gokudera spoke, gathering Reborn's attention. "How exactly does this train work? I mean, I live in Italy and this is Japan. Isn't impossible for anything to do that?" Gokudera's eyes took a sharper glint, "And while I'm on it, how was it possible that we arrived at your train station at midnight when our trains at the first station were scheduled to leave at midnight?" Gokudera was literally radiating excitement through his serious look.
Tsuna wasn't sure what to make of the look. Reborn, though, tilted his hat over his eyes and his smirk widening.
"Some things are meant to remain a mystery, Gokudera Hayato. However," Reborn walked forward and stepped into the cockpit doorway, leaning on the frame.
"I can tell you that this isn't a normal train."
"Eh?" they both chorused.
"Mammon, clear the mist. We're about to head off."
"This, too, will be put on your tab, just so you know, Reborn. " A voice from above called out.
A fierce gust of wind suddenly broke out, causing Tsuna to give a startled yelp and both boys to shield their face.
After a few seconds, the wind died down. Deeming it safe, they took peek out from their arms.
They promptly gaped at the sight.
Before them stood a sleek, black steam locomotive train.
"I…thought those became obsolete over a century ago…" Tsuna murmured.
"Stupid Tsuna, your simple mind can't take in why this train is incredible beyond technology." A bespectacled green haired peeked out from behind Reborn, a taunting smirk on his face.
"And quite obviously, if we have a locomotive train in our possession, they aren't so obsolete as you thought they were," Tsuna followed the voice up to the top if the train, and next to the chimney was a cloaked man, Tsuna knew to identify the person as that Mammon character from earlier.
Tsuna frowned at Mammon's words and opened his mouth to retort when a sharp pain struck his head.
"Ow! What-?" a rock caught his attention by his feet.
"Time's up, No-Good Tsuna." Tsuna looked up at met Reborn's eyes.
"Say your final goodbyes." And Reborn walked in closing the cockpit door.
Tsuna sighed and slowly turned his head to meet Gokudera's reluctant face as well. Gokudera gave a sheepish grin.
"It's not over, right?"
Tsuna felt his face burn as Gokudera took his hands into his and brought them up to his lips, placing a tender kiss on every knuckle. He directed a smothering gaze from underneath his eyelashes,
"We'll meet each other again, so this isn't goodbye."
They were going to see each other and know everything turned out fine.
Tsuna smiled, building up confidence. He leaned on the tips of his toes and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Then, most definitely, see you later, Gokudera-kun," he whispered for only the two of them to hear, giving a grin and a heavy blush that matched Gokudera's.
The train whistle sounded overhead, signaling the train's departure. Gokudera gently let go of Tsuna's hands and, with one last smile, boarded the train, the doors behind him closing once in.
And the train was off.
It took Tsuna a minute, however, to realize that when the train took off, it lifted off the ground, a seeming violet cloud lifted it from the ground. Tsuna gaped as the wheels and the axles turned in synch, and when Tsuna looked closely, he could have sworn yellow flames were pushing it along.
Before long though, the steam (that had more of an indigo hue to it, Tsuna mused) enveloped the train and then train seemed to have vanished.
Tsuna stared up at the sky where he last saw the train and gave a quiet sigh, his thoughts already on Gokudera.
Who knows when they'll see each other again?
Tsuna cracked a smile.
But, they'll be just fine.
Haha, I totally butchered my story on this last section. Way to go, Twist, you had a decent story until you blanked out on how the train was SUPPOSE to look and winged it the rest of the way. w
But it's better that my other story ('Indirect Story of Feelings' a GxCozart story! I recommend you read it if you want a bit of a change! It might surprise you! *Shameless Plug*) so I'm overall okay with it.
And excuse me for my lack of abilty to write something romantic properly. I feel awkward writing so I wouldn't be surprised if you thought it was awkward. XD
But in any case, hope you forgive me for my many many many mistakes (didn't proofread) and that you enjoyed it!