Elves, it has been established, are little fucking bitches. And once a year (Norway's still not sure why) they take out their little fucking bitchiness on the people of Norway. They get all organized, and instead of the little bouts of misfortune they normally caused, they caused huge events of misfortune.

Last year, they removed the pants of over 400 tourists. Then they had purposely caused the misspelling of over 70 tattoos. They had left mortal enemies in seductive situations. They shaved people's heads. They had tripped people with their feet. It was just a generally uncomfortable situation.

Norway normally just hid for a week, while Henrick laughed. Normally, as his people were punished, so was he. Last year Norway suffered a de-pansting, (Which, by the way, occurred in front of Iceland. Iceland didn't laugh, or smile, just nodded his head in Norway's direction and said "Elves, man."), a bad fall, and a really bad haircut. The year before that, he woke up with a tattoo on his ass that said "Danny." (Which, he assured Denmark, was not an abbreviation of Danmark. Even though it was.)

This year, though. This year sucked balls.

Which Norway expressed at the dinner table in front of Sealand.

While Finland tried to explain that, "No, no. He means BOUNCY balls. You know, balls you play with-I-I mean, Balls you BOUNCE!" Denmark giggled. Sweden let out one chuckle. Finland glared. "What I mean is, that Norway shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't put toys in your mouth. You might choke."

"You might choke on BALLS?" Denmark asked, leaning in, smirking. Finland rolled his eyes. "Yes, sure, Denmark, "and then turned back to Sealand and finished, "Anyway, your uncle Norway shouldn't say things like that at the dinner table.

Norway sighed, and blinked."I'm not sorry. I just said balls. Its not like I said penis, or ass, or buttsexs or anything."

Everyone stared at Norway with their mouth opens, partly surprised that he had said more than one sentence at all.

"I still am not sorry. It's the elves. I can't lie. Or shut up. Sorry. I'm not sorry."

Everybody took a moment to respond, laying they forks on the table.

Iceland was the first person to speak. He quietly put down his fork and asked, "What really happened to my goldfish?"

And Norway, without missing a beat, answered "Denmark knocked his bowl off the table trying to fuck me on it." Sealand's mouth fell open. Even he knew that was a bad word. Finland glared at Norway, and then quickly told Sealand it was his bed time and ushered the young Nordic to bed.

Norway blinked, and turned back to what was left with his dinner. Sweden went next. "Ar' y'u still m'd abo't me capturing ya?" And Norway raised his eyebrows. "Please, I wasn't mad about it when it happened. It's not like you did anything. You were just like, 'Sit over there and belong to me.' It was boring."

Sweden just went back to eating. And then Norway saw Denmark's face. It was like a friggn' horror movie, the camera slowly zooming in on Denmark's grin. It was so big it looked like it would split his face. And in slow motion, Norway saw all the questions he could ask, and all the answers he would have to give. Norway laid his head down on the table.

"Oh, Fuck," was Norway's only response.

Denmark made a big show of standing up, walking behind Norway and laying his hand on his shoulder. "You're coming with me." The Dane said. Norway groaned. "No!"

Denmark smiled bigger. "How about this, Do you want to come with me, Norge?"

Norway groaned, letting Denmark pull him out of his chair. "Yeah," Norge began, "But only if there's sex." Denmark laughed heartily, and Norway buried his head in his hands.

Iceland gave Norway a look as he was walking away that said, "Elves, man. Elves."

Denmark had Norway pinned against a wall. Denmark had his knee pressed between Norway's thigh. Denmark was holding Norway's hands above his head, and had his lips pressed against Norway's thoat, and with his remaning hand, he was undoing Norway's buttons.

"Do you think I'm… sexy?

Norway rolled his eyes, "Unfortunately."

"Do you like this?" Denmark whispered in his ear, running his hand down Norway's side.

Norway sighed, "Yeah, this is-OH, this is fucking ok, alright?"

Denmark smiled into Norway's neck, let Norway lower his arms, and then pulled Norway closer. "I love you, did you know that, oh truth-telling Norge?"

Norway rolled his eyes as Denmark pushed him down onto the bed. "I'm perfectly clear on that."

Denmark crawled on top of him. "Well, do you love me?" There was the slightest hesitation in his voice. The answer to this question was always 'I hate you.'

Norway quickly covered his mouth with his arm, and then muttered his answer into it. "Ah ah ah," Denmark teased, straddling Norway, "No cheating." He pinned Norway's arms to the side.

"Of course I love you, you giant fucking asshole."

Denmark laughed, and then tickled Norway. He kept chanting, over and over, "You love me you loooooovvvvveee me, you want to fuck me, you think I'm seeeeexxxyyyy."

Elves man, Elves.