"You're kidding me."

"Oh, this is too good!"

"You live here?"

"You better believe it Brighteyes, thought I'd stick around, find out what's finally tied Jack down." Captain John Hart pouted, advancing closer so that Ianto Jones and his cardboard box were well within his personal space. "Better job than I ever did at, and I had a time loop to help." Ianto tightened his jaw, and John smirked.

"Why are you here?"

"Oh, don't flatter yourself Eye Candy." Ianto grimaced at the old nickname, "Saw someone new moving in, said to myself maybe I should help them out." The Time Agent helped himself to Ianto's box, lifting it away from the lithe Welshman and rifling through the contents with cursory focus before putting it down beside him and taking that final step closer. Ianto froze and John lined his move up with Ianto's years. Ianto was relieved – all he could think about was that paralysing lip gloss… "Although… You and Jack still an item?"

"We never were." Then.

"I don't see Captain Jack helping you unpack. Ooh, that rhymes." He paused, then grinned. "Some boyfriend you got there." This time John froze, but then his grin widened even more. "Is that a gun or are you just pleased to see me?"

Ianto seethed, finger on the trigger. "It's a gun."

"Shame. All the other people here are real stiffs, and no pets allowed! No one owns a poodle!" With a tight squeeze of the Torchwood tea boy's length, somewhere that the Time Agent's hand had slipped to not entirely of it's own accord but without Ianto's notice, John's eyes lit up. "I'd say you've got a pretty good chance to be my boyfriend, Jones!"