Author's Note: I was kind of surprised how little Lou FaXAllen fluff there was out there. Being a fangirl and being happier whenever I read about Allen, I can kind of identify with Lou Fa. Anyway, I had this idea for a while now, so here I am, uploading it. I apologize for any potential OOCness.
Over time, she should've gotten used to him. She should've been able to talk to him normally. Well, she was, but that didn't make it any easier. Holding normal conversations with him came a lot easier now than before, though, since he'd moved in right next to her. Since then, she'd been talking to him regularly. Now her feelings were stronger. Oh so much stronger. Ever since what seemed like an identity crisis came over Allen, Lou Fa couldn't help but worry.
The Chinese girl was pacing back and forth in her apartment, twirling her fingers absent-mindedly in her brown hair, which for once was let down instead of tied up in two braids or ponytails. Lately, she hadn't been able to shake the white-haired boy from her thoughts. Not that she ever really was able to succeed for long. She'd accepted the idea that he probably liked someone else. Anyone else. Anyone but her. Yes, she meant like as in love. The idea left her feeling empty, but she'd get over it, right?
Seeing a flash of white, she turned her head over her shoulder to lock on to the window which let in the light. When she heard the accompanying crack of thunder, she realized that it had been storming. She gazed up at the clock mounted on the wall. It was late, or early, however you wanted to put one in the morning. She grimaced at the time, knowing she'd have to get up early because of her job. If she ever went to sleep, that is. Ergo, she wouldn't get any sleep at all.
Re-adjusting the glasses on her face, she stopped pacing in the middle of the room. Her thoughts once again drifted to her neighbor. Was there something that she could say that could fix all of this? She racked her brain, hoping to find an answer, and was quite frustrated when she didn't find one. She tugged at the loose shirt she was wearing and pulling the collar back over her shoulders, seeing as it was oversized. She ruffled the carpet with her toes, getting the fuzzy strands between her toes like sand.
"There has to be something I can do. I just wish I knew what." Lou Fa mumbled to herself, smiling somewhat sadly, "I really want to help him. I love him after all, whether he knows it or not."
The sound of something vibrating pulled the brown-haired girl out of her thoughts as she dashed into the kitchen to pull her phone off the charger. She slid it open and noticed a new message, only sent a minute ago. She selected to view it. Who would be texting her this late? She was hoping that it wasn't the members of the science team that got drafted for overtime, since she knew that no one was ever happy about overtime, since they were never paid more for extra work. But it wasn't her science team. She gaped at the message for a minute, wondering if it was indeed possible that she'd received the message.
Lou, are you awake? Sorry to bother you so late. Can I talk to you?
She re-read it a few times, including the sender. It was Allen. Why was he up so late? She shook her head, attempting to clear it and get back to the fact that he wanted or needed to talk to her, and then quickly made use of the keyboard on her phone. After all, that's all that mattered. If he needed to talk, she'd listen.
Hey, Allen! Yes, I'm awake; I have been for a while. Yes you can. Do you want me to come over?
She sent the message, and then cringed. She didn't want him to think that she was trying to invite herself over. Which she really wasn't, of course, she was just worried. So she started typing again.
Or you could come over here. Either works fine.
In the middle of typing that, she heard a knock on the door. Phone in hand, she ran over to the door. Or attempted to. She tripped over thin air, but picked herself up. She looked through the peephole to see her favorite white-haired neighbor standing outside in a sweatshirt and jeans. He'd probably been up for a while, too. She quickly undid the locks and flung open the door, maybe a little too quickly. She smiled at him, smoothing out and playing with her hair when she realized she hadn't brushed it out since the day before.
"Hello." She said, "Um… You said you wanted to talk to me?"
He seemed to struggle to smile back, "Yeah. I just…"
Lou Fa stepped out of the doorway, "Please come in."
"Oh," Allen held his hands up, "I don't want to be a bother."
"It's okay." She said, "Really, it's not a problem. C'mon in and sit down."
He reluctantly stepped in, taking off his shoes at the door. She turned on a light in the living room area, blushing a little bit. A late-night/early-morning visit from her crush? Her heart was pounding. She'd learned how to hide it pretty well over the past few months, since she didn't want to come off as crazy, but she still felt a little lightheaded around him. Not that she minded. She always felt so much happier when he was nearby or when she thought about him. She sat down on the couch and gestured for him to sit next to her. He happily obliged. Awkward small talk filled the room until about 1:17, when lighthearted topics were so hard to find.
Lou Fa bit her lips, trying hard to find something to say, that perfect phrase that she couldn't seem to find earlier. She looked back up at the white-haired boy, hoping to see a smile and find some way to re-initiate conversation with the one she loves. However, her brown eyes didn't see the smiling grey-blue eyes of Allen Walker. In fact, he didn't even meet her gaze. His eyes were hidden under his hair, but tears rolled down his cheeks. She fought back a gasp. What should she do? Oh, how she wanted to make whatever was upsetting him disappear. After a pause, she worked up the courage to move.
"Hey…" She said softly, reaching out to stroke his cheek, wipe his tears away. "What's wrong? I promise I won't tell anyone."
He smiled weakly, cupping his hand over hers. "I'm sorry; I really don't mean to be like this."
She shook her head, smiling somewhat sadly, "I don't mind, it's more time with you."
At that, his eyes went a little wider. She immediately regretted letting that slip, but now it was out in the open. She couldn't take it back now. She used her free hand to wipe what remained of the rest of his tears away.
"I uh… I mean…" Lou Fa tried to say, but the rest of the sentence refused to form itself, which lead to Lou Fa mentally kicking herself.
"I look in the mirror and I can't see myself," He said, it all coming out in a rush, but the brown-haired girl was able to catch every word, "I mean, I can, but it just doesn't seem like me. It looks like me, but it's like I don't know who's staring back. Maybe I don't know myself, or something. It's like I don't want to be left alone with myself. I don't know what's wrong… It feels like I'm going crazy."
The brown-haired girl swallowed hard. The best thing to say right now might just be the admission of her feelings. Or at least partly. Maybe she could just leave out the three words that her feelings came to reside in. She sighed, wrapping her arms around her crush, bracing herself for any aftermath that might come her way.
"I-if you don't want to be alone, you can stay with me. I know how you are," Lou Fa said. She could feel her cheeks heating up, "And I really like how you are. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, the way you seem so hopeful about things that seem like million-to-one odds, the way you can pick yourself up after a bad day, the way that you're so dedicated to those you care about… I could go on forever, but it'd take too long." She continued with a light laugh. Now that she'd started, it didn't seem so awkward, "I just… I am here. And I'll be here for you as long as you want me to be, cause I… I really care about you."
Yeah, the big admission was still hard to say. She couldn't get more than that out of her mouth before it decided to stop cooperating with her. She found herself mentally kicking herself again. But hey, she'd gotten that close. It was closer than she'd been to saying those three little words in a year, at least. He'd probably been trying to text someone else before, she thought, I was probably the last one on his list. But that doesn't matter now. He's right here, and that's what counts.
She pulled back, but refused to let go, and was happier when she felt his arms around her waist as well. He was smiling again now, and she smiled back. That was the right thing to say, then. That made her feel better; that she'd done something to help the one she loved.
"Thank you, Lou Fa." Allen said, leaning his head against her shoulder.
She stroked his hair gently, her other arm wrapped around his shoulders. I love your odd white hair, your scarred arm, that scratch over your eye that looks like a tattoo, the way you say my name, the way you speak in general, the way that just one glance could make anyone smile, the way you can't seem to really hate anything, the way you're so forgiving and so giving period, the way you can laugh at life in general and be glad that you're alive, the way you melt my heart over and over… Dang, I really could go on forever. She thought, smiling to herself, I love you. That's really all there is to it. I just love you so much. I wish I could just get it out of my mouth. I really just want to say it to you.
During that thought, she smiled, closed her eyes, and whispered, "I just love you so much."
He lifted his head up, untangling Lou Fa's hand from his white locks, his blue-grey eyes wide again. Her brown eyes matched, like she'd stunned herself from actually saying that phrase. She hadn't intended that to slip out. She thought that her mouth was finally cooperating with her again. Again, she was mentally kicking herself. She still smiled, though. Way to make things awkward. Why'd that have to slip out? I know I wanted to say it, but... Damn. "Sorry." She said, letting go of him, but he didn't let go of her, which mildly surprised her.
"Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything wrong…" He said softly.
"You probably don't like me like that, right? I totally understand if you don't. I mean, I'm not the most beautiful or the one with the best personality or anything like that. I'm really not all that-"
It took her a minute to register what had just happened. She closed her eyes, melting into the kiss. Oh damn, I love your soft, chapped lips, the way that your touch sends shivers down your spine, the way you taste so sweet, the way you feel so warm, the way you didn't let go of me, the fact that you're kissing me and not someone else, the fact that you came to me at one in the morning and trusted me enough to let me listen, the way you let me wipe away your tears, the way you're holding on to me so tightly… I really could go on forever. Forever and a day, probably. When the two pulled away, Lou Fa was quite dazed, but she smiled. She didn't see that coming, but she wasn't about to question it. Especially when she heard the words she thought she might not ever hear as the boy of her dreams caressed her cheek.
"I love you too."
Author's Note: It may be a little cheesy, but I like it. Sweetness is my specialty. Loved writing this. I had trouble finding the right music to listen to while writing this, but I wound up listening to 'Unwell' and 'Bright Lights' by Matchbox20. I think it fits.