Caboose Versus the Ice Maker

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth, Halo Belongs to Bungie, and Oreos belong to Mr. Christie so don't sue me.

"This fucking day sucks." Thought private first class Lavernius Tucker "I get stuck in this hellhole and there isn't even anything good to eat." Tucker finally settled for a box of Oreos with the words "caBuseS KookEEs" written on the box in what seemed like regulation blue crayon "pMS: tUker is sTupEd." "What the fuck did I ever do to that idiot?" Tucker silently asked himself "Church does nothing but treat him like shit and I'm the one he hates."

Caboose wandered into the kitchen of the base, looking completely lost as usual, he saw his cookies on the table in front of Tucker and stopped for a moment to glare at Tucker before opening every cupboard and rummaging through the contents.

Tucker decided it would be best if he put the remaining cookies back, Caboose was now tearing apart everything in the refrigerator and becoming more frustrated by the minute. "Dude the cookies are right here." said Tucker tossing the box of cookies to the dimwitted private. "Oh" said Caboose in a somber tone "I was looking for the orange juice".

"Orange Juice is in the freezer now Caboose, command only sends us the frozen shit now." Tucker explained Caboose simply stared at him like it was somehow his fault command had begun sending frozen orange juice instead of bottled juice. Tucker decided that it would be best to leave before Caboose could continue the awkward conversation.

Two hours later Tucker approached the kitchen, he heard Church laughing hysterically, "What the fuck is going on?" He entered the kitchen to see Church at the table laughing uncontrollably, and Caboose's head out of sight inside the ice maker. "What the fuck?" asked Tucker, Church was the first to answer "I found him like this an hour and a half ago, he says he was looking for the orange juice." he laughed pointing at the cans of frozen juice in the freezer door.

"It is very cold in here" moaned Caboose "My tongue sticks to things" he added with a bizarre tone of excitement. Tucker got up and tried to pull down on Caboose's shoulders, however his head remained firmly lodged inside the metal box, "Don't actually try to help or anything" Tucker said to Church. Church groaned and got to his feet "Fine" he growled before grabbing Caboose's shoulders and tried to pull Caboose out of the freezer with Tucker "I don't think this is working, we need to try something else." said Tucker

After three hours, six bottles of cooking oil and fifteen useless suggestions from Doc, it became apparent that nothing short of taking the ice maker apart was going to help Caboose. Church's amusement at Caboose's misfortune had turned to frustration "How the fuck are we supposed to get him out of there?" he asked.

Doc gave Caboose a thoughtful look, "If we could get Caboose out of the way we could get his head out of the freezer easy." "That's a great idea, why didn't I think of that!" Caboose shouted from inside the ice box. Tucker turned to Doc in disbelief "You have got to be the shittiest medic ever; of all time" he said "Maybe we should get someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing."

"Hey Doc, why don't you do something useful and go get Tex" Church said, Doc quickly took the opportunity to leave before Church got any angrier about their predicament. Tucker examined the ice maker trying to find a way to open it, "We could always just bust the thing open and get Caboose out of there" he said after failing to find any screws or other way to open the ice maker.

"Fuck that, it's hot as hell here, I'm not going to break the ice maker just because that dumbass stuck his head in there." Church scowled. Fortunately Tex had arrived with Doc in tow before Church could continue to rant, she surveyed the scene before giving Church and Tucker a wry smirk "I don't suppose you tried pulling him out." she asked dryly, "Oh shit we didn't think of that!" Tucker said in mock surprise "Maybe if three of us pull we can get him out." Tucker said somewhat apologetically. "And Doc couldn't help with this?" Tex asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, see Doc's help was part of the problem, so we figured we would send him to get you and either he would go get you to help us, get lost outside, or captured by the reds, either way Doc would go away and stop bothering us, and now you brought him back with you." Church sighed in frustration.

Tex lightly tugged on Caboose's shoulders to see just how badly he was stuck inside, when she pulled Caboose's chin hit the bottom of the ice maker Tex spoke reassuringly into the ice maker "Caboose turn your head sideways and I'll pull you out."

"Which way is sideways again?" Caboose's muffled voice asked through the ice maker Tex sighed and put her hand in the ice maker beside his head "Caboose just look at my hand" she said.

Caboose turned his head from one side to another inside the freezer before finding Tex's hand "Okay I see a hand, your hand it is very nice." Caboose said as Tex blushed a little with embarrassment. "Wait, oh no, now your hand is stuck in here too!" Caboose panicked, however Tex lightly pushed down on his shoulder with her other hand, freeing Caboose from the freezer, she gave Caboose a reassuring smile while handing him a can of the frozen orange juice.

As Tex left the kitchen she heard Caboose shout excitedly "This is the crunchiest orange juice ever!" while she grinned trying to stifle a laugh that would have undermined her reputation as a fearsome badass if either Church or Tucker had heard it.