Hiya :) i know its been a while but this is the kinda fic that doesnt really have a set story line, its just if funny things come to mind i will write them down and add it on. This i actually wrote a while back but didnt post as i didnt think it was very funny but im gonna post it because i can see a bright future for a certain tournament - will make sense at the end, plus i havnt posted anything since last Wednesday and i feel bad. Thanks for reading :D

Albus Dumbledore walked into the staff room and was more than surprised to see his staff in an buzzing crowd around his best friend. The hum of professors was apparently connected to the piece of parchment in her left hand which she was holding out of range of Pomona Sprout's desperately reaching fingers. This was a shock to the elderly wizard as in all his years of partnership with Minerva McGonagall he had never seen her backed into a corner by anyone. As if on cue she silently commanded her wand to fall seamlessly from her sleeve into her long and graceful fingers.

"Enough. We are civilised people!" At this there was a bark of laughter which alerted Dumbledore to the fact that Severus Snape was the only person not attacking his friend. He was sitting comfortable in an arm chair in front of the fire.

"Says you Minerva, Who has made this ridiculous list?" Albus's curiosity was peaking… what list? List of what?. Minerva glared at Snape. Her eyebrow raised into a bold arch that easily conveyed her message. She was not amused. The way that she elongated her swanlike neck seemed to symbolise that she was taking the high ground and didn't comment. This was Albus's cue.

"What is going on in here?" He asked in an amused tone as his staff turned to face him, some looking a little ashamed at being caught by their boss behaving in such a childish manor but they quickly recovered, remembering that this was the man who had come to last years fancy dress party as moose. Minerva had thought he looked quite handsome in his antlers. His question went unanswered for a while; Severus finally broke the silence, his voice was uncharacteristically happy, a hint of pride graced his lucid tone.

"Miss Granger went crying to her dear professor proclaiming that she had a rather funny new nickname Albus. It seems that members of my house have started to acknowledge the young know-it-all by…"

Minerva interrupted him quickly. She didn't want her list to be portrayed as something it wasn't.

"Because Hermione shows openly that I am her favourite professor…" She took pride in that and couldn't help the satisfaction from showing on her face as the corners of her thin mouth quirked into a tiny, almost un-noticeable smile. "She has acquired another mean name. This morning I was thinking that she is not the only person in the student body that has shown admiration for their favourite professor." She put emphasis on the favourite. Hermione was yet to be given a test she could not complete, which would lead one to the hypothesis that she was usually right and so if she thought that Minerva was the best teacher in the faculty there was a good chance, in the transfiguration mistress's opinion, that she was correct. "And so I simply made a list that demonstrates my point by showing members in the staff in line with the appropriate student." She smiled at her friend as to signify that that was that. After he said nothing she turned in an effort to dismiss the subject.

"What have they been calling Miss Granger?" Minerva stopped walking but did not turn back. He could imagine her expression, a mixture of apprehension and anger at him not dropping it. Severus answered.

"She is now referred to by Pansy Parkinson as McGonagall's bitch." Albus didn't look shocked as the room thought he would be, in fact he looked rather indifferent.

"So, Minerva… you have written a bitch list?" The chuckles in the room grew into full out laughter as the strict, honourable and respected teacher of transfiguration turned to glare at her friend, face the colour of a beet root.

"No! I have not written…" She stopped waiting for the laughter to subside but it didn't. Realising that should just carry on she held her head high and started again. "No Albus I have not written … That, it is simply a representation of… the children and their behaviour towards, it is…" She stopped in amazement as Albus Dumbledore did a perfect replica of her teacher scowl. In that moment she was a 11 year old again being reprimanded by her transfiguration teacher. "Fine! Yes, in essence I have written a bitch list!" she exclaimed agitatedly.

"Wowee, whose mine?" The scowl gone as quickly as it had arrived as he clapped his hands eager to know who was his Hermione Granger.

"NO! I have been trying to get her to tell me mine, you cant just barge in and disrupt the order!" Pamona bellowed wagging her chubby finger at him.

"Well, This is supposed to be a staff meeting, and now that the headmaster is here" Minerva nodded at him in acknowledgement. "And doesn't seem to be bothered we can discuss it." There were a few excited squeals from around the room as each teacher scurried about to find an arm chair to sit in. All eyes were on Minerva.

"Pamona Sprout, Neville Longbottom." Pamona nodded proudly, her short brown curls staying completely stationary surrounding her oval face. She gave Fillius a thumbs up to let her husband know she was happy with the result, like it was some sort of test that she had just aced.

"Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter."

"Bitchin" He exclaimed with a wide smile.

"Albus! This vulgarity is not acceptable especially when discussing the students!"

"You condoned it Minerva when you wrote the list." He sank into a cosy chair by the fire, its flames making no difference to the natural sparkle within his blue eyes. Sighing the majestic woman continued down her list.

"Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy." There was no reaction for the potions master.

"Sybil Trelawney, Luna Lovegood."

"Of course I knew that, I have seen it in my inner eye." The barmy woman ran her hand through the expanse of wild, unruly brown hair on her abnormally small head and tried to muffle her pained gasp and one of her many bangles got stuck in it.

"That's why you were trying to wrestle me for the list is it?" Minerva muttered coldly but had to stop herself from giggling as Fillius had to jump up onto the arm of her chair to help her untangle her wrist.

"Rolanda Hooch- Duncan Inglebee." Rolanda clicked her fingers

"Magnificent build that boy, beater through and through."

"Erm.. Fillius" Minerva looked slightly embarrassed. "I might be wrong but I don't think you have one." Having helped Sybil he was now sitting next to his wife. His face screwed up into a grimace of disappointment. Pamona patted the tiny man on the back to comfort him but he looked almost inconsolable. I'm nobody's favourite! he thought bitterly to himself. Severus didn't notice though, he had ideas running through his mind that would, if executed properly, win him some cash.

"I wager that Malfoy could easily top Granger in a potions contest Minerva."

"I'de take that bet, Hermione could trump Mr Malfoy at any subject at any time on any day."

"Perfect. We will have a tournament! Each teacher will be responsible for a round and " Fillius let out an angry sqeal, more fun he would be left out of.

"Don't worry Dear, you still have time to get one before the tournament!"

"How do you expect me to get one in only a few weeks? I cant just walk up to a student and ask them to be my bitch can I?"

:D Reviews would be lovely.

Much love.