He watched the figure of the young man melt back into the surrounding trees, silent as a ghost, and he wondered about the risk that this boy was taking for a group of people that meant very little, if anything to him. Was his life so bad that even death was worth the slim chance that the man who had made him what he was, who had taken all semblance of a normal human life from him might be stopped? Would Remus himself not have done the same thing if the roles were reversed?

He waited there until he could be sure the boy had reached a safe distance, glancing down at his old watch every few seconds, then turned and headed in the opposite direction, away from the wolf den that he knew existed somewhere in the nearby network of caves and small hills that hid themselves in the thick forest, deep enough that no one might stumble upon them by accident, deep enough that if someone were to come to it accidentally that no one would hear them scream. It had taken the order months to find this place, months of searching and magic. When it had all started he had had his best friend, he had just begun to put his life back together. And now? It seemed as though everything had fallen into place just in time for the pieces to be scattered once more.

At a seemingly safe distance he stopped again. His already tattered cloak and boots were now caked in mud and his hair fell in his face, damp and heavy from the rain. He listened and the silence around him was almost more unnerving to him then any sound might be. There were no birds, no animals at all. The leaves did not rustle in the faint breeze that moved them and the raindrops fell silently, their sound deadened by the canopy above. It was an unnatural silence, literally magical, a haunted stillness. He chose to move several more yards before disappearing with a pop, hoping there was no one nearby to hear the sound or guess what it might mean.

The air was dry in London for a change. He caught his bearings as he appeared in the park across from Grimmauld place and glanced up and down the street carefully out of habit. It wasn't until number 12 had revealed itself to him and he had slid past the heavy door that he remembered he hadn't been there since the night of Sirius' death when the order had been forced to clear out in a panicked rush, afraid that Bellatrix Lestrange might be showing up on the stoop at any moment. He almost wished she had. He would have welcomed another chance to put her in the ground. After all, he had watched his friend fall through the curtain at her hand, and had then spent a day sitting next to Tonks' bed at St. Mungo's, waiting for her to wake up, with nowhere else to go and nowhere to call home.

Newly reinstated as the headquarters of the order of the Phoenix thanks to Harry and Sirius' well enchanted will the place had regained much of it's original state of neglect, that which Mrs. Weasley had spent much of the previous summer and fall battling. Dust coated everything once more and it seemed to him that the eerie darkness that had hung over the place for as long as he had been there had somehow multiplied, eating away slowly at the occupants... or maybe it was just the knowledge that Sirius wasn't waiting for him in the kitchen below, that he would never haunt this place or any other again.

It took several long moments for him to gather the strength it took to tread slowly across the hall and down the stone steps to the kitchen, not sparing a single glance at the heavy curtains at the end of the hall behind which he was certain Mrs. Black still hung.

Nearly every member that Remus knew of were already gathered in the kitchen and yet silence fell nonetheless as he appeared at the bottom of the stairs, still damp and mud stained. A dozen faces questioned him. Dumbledore stood from his own place at the end, watching as Remus slid into the seat that Sirius had once had a habit of occupying, trying to fill the void in himself where his friend had recently reclaimed his place.

"So?" Moody demanded, oblivious to the mood, "I take it it went well, otherwise you wouldn't be here?"

You could always count on Mad Eye to get things rolling. Remus forced a neutral expression and nodded. "It's done. I met with the boy-"

"Do you trust him?"

Remus considered. "He seemed honest enough, but I guess I won't know for sure until i'm in. If they let me live then I'll have to assume I can trust him."

"I wouldn't go that far" Moody muttered.

"That's reassuring, thank you" Remus replied, not able to help the sarcasm that leaked into his voice.

"Just watch yourself boy. You can never let your guard down-"

"When will you go?" Dumbledore asked softly, cutting through the beginning of Moody's lecture, his long thin fingers clasping together against the dull wood of the table.

Remus sighed, shifting in his chair, uneasy with so many eyes upon him, for familiar as they all were it seemed a very personal thing that they were discussing. One word could get him or any of the others killed, as they had learned with Peter so long ago. Counting someone as a friend means very little once they have betrayed you.

"The full moon is next week. I'll meet the boy the next morning and he will say that we ran into each other in the night. I have the scars to prove what I am so if anyone asks they'll have their proof. This will also give me the maximum amount of time to understand how their society works before the next moon when I will actually be with them."

He couldn't help but notice the sneer that slid across Snape's face as he spoke, and he turned away so he wouldn't have to look at him. Dumbledore was nodding, a troubled expression on his lined face.

"It's a difficult task that I ask of you Remus. Unfortunately you are the only one able to undertake this particular... assignment."

"I'm ready-made" Remus muttered under his breath as Dumbledore stood again, looking down at his incomprehensible watch. "I really must be going now but I'll be back on thursday I should think." He sighed. "We'll talk more then Remus" he said. Lupin stood and they shook hands before the old man swept from the kitchen. The other order members followed him out and Remus had just taken a step towards the stairs himself when a hand on his arm stopped him.

He was surprised to see her there and even more shocked by her appearance, the reason for which he had hardly noticed her when he had come in. Her usual brightly colored hair was mousy brown and hung limply to her shoulders, her eyes were a normal hazel color and her clothes were gray and lifeless beneath her robes.

"Remus, you're going to get yourself killed" she said softly without greeting. This was the last thing he was expecting.

"Well I certainly appreciate the vote of confidence he managed finally, earning a blush on Tonks' part.

"Not that you aren't capable. But Remus, they're-... She broke off, forcing back the color that continued to rise in her cheeks.

"Monsters?" he asked lightly, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, but they really are, I'm sorry Remus. What Fenrir and his pack have done, it's just not...safe."

He gave a pained smile, considering her concern. "You don't have to tell me what Greyback has done" he said. "I experience it with every full moon." She looked away uneasily, "You're right of course..." he added.

"So don't do it Remus. You're just starting to put your life back together after everything you've been through and now Dumbledore is asking you to throw it all away. It's not right. It's not worth it."

"But isn't it?" he asked, crossing his arms. Tonks opened her mouth to respond but he cut her off. "If it was the other way around are you really telling me that you wouldn't make the exact same choice? That you wouldn't risk everything to help the order, or the aurors? Do I sense some hypocrisy here?" he goaded gently.

She was scowling now, which meant he had hit a nerve. "There are other things you can do for the order...other ways..." she said uncertainly.

"That's what I thought" he said, detecting a note of smugness in his own voice.

Her blush had returned, seemingly unnoticed. He sighed and took a step towards her to lay a hand on her shoulder. "I'm the only one who can do this Tonks, and it has to be done. It's not about experience or wanting a dangerous mission. There is no choice, I'm the order's only chance here."

"I know."

She was staring down at her feet like a scolded child so he continued. "What the werewolves have done, and what having some of them on our side could do... It's important...and what happened between us Dora-..."

He broke off, letting it hang in the air between them. If she noticed his use of her name she didn't mention it. "I know" she said again, but this time she met his gaze as though to prove something, to him or to herself he couldn't be sure.

"It can't happen again. You know that I can't give you the things that you want and that you deserve-"

She stepped back sharply and his hand fell limply to his side. Her eyes were flashing now. "I'm not asking you for anything!" she snapped. "You've made yourself perfectly clear on the matter with your excuses!"

"That's not what this is Tonks" he said.

She snorted, and he knew there was nothing he could say to make her understand, at least nothing that he hadn't already tried.

"I'm sorry" he offered, trying to ease her temper. He braced himself for whatever she was going to throw at him, but she said nothing, fists clenched at her sides, embarrassment and sadness on her young face and it did truly hurt him that he was the cause after how hard he had fought not to be, only to finally give in to his weakness. Now hurting her had become the only way. They had made a mistake and if she refused to listen to reason then it was up to him to remedy it no matter the cost.

"I never wanted you to think-"

The sound of the others returning to the kitchen broke through to him and a moment later they poured back into the room with Moody bringing up the rear, talking seriously and taking no notice of the lingering tension. Lupin looked around once more but Tonks had already turned away and was seemingly deep in conversation with Emmeline and Hestia. He wondered when he would see her again. He thought of Harry, returned to Hogwarts for his sixth year, of Sirius, joined with James and Lily in death and of the werewolves and the commitment he had made to live among his own kind for the first time in his life.