A VERY BRIEF AUTHORS NOTE: A very quick author warning: this chapter contains blatant twilight bashing. If you're a twilight fan, you might want to skip this chapter. If you're not, fetch your popcorn and proceed with my blessing. Enjoy!

Mctwisp rather enjoyed his new environment. It was rich with moss. Cool, soft, deliciously soothing moss that felt refreshing under his much put upon paws. The air was so rich in earthy scents even a blind man would know he was in the centre of a forest. The birds warbled songs of full bellies and happy chicks. Butterflies glided through the air. The scene could not have been more' Disney' if a beautiful princess had emerged from a tree shadow, her corset tight and skirts flowing, singing about vague unfulfilled goals that would only be filled by adventure or a convenient romance with the nearest strolling prince.

The locals were naked. But that did not bother McTwisp as much as it used to. He had come to accept that among the forest deer of Up-top, the birthday suit was very much in vogue.

Truth be told, once Mctwisp overcame the 'I -don't- know –where- to -look' awkward-ness phase of introductions, he found the deer to be quite intelligent, refined company… save for one excitable young buck, who in a flurry of gangly limbs, leapt into the centre of the herd and shrieked:

"FOR BUCKS SAKE RUN! IT'S ALICE!"

"Alice?" Mctwisp's ears perked up considerably.

"Alice!" Gasped the deer heard as one, the split second before they descended into panic and hysteria.

"Every stag for himself!"

"Does and fawns first! DOES AND FAWNS FIRST!"

"It's like Bambie's mum all over again!"

The white rabbit could only curl up into a ball to avoid the flailing hooves of the stampede. When the dust finally settled, his new friends had deserted him. Even the birdsong had left the air. He was all alone.

Or so he thought, until he turned around and found himself staring into the eyes of one of the prettiest human girls he had ever seen…

XXX

And then there was the matter of the mysterious woman in blue- who watched the rabbit behold he new comer- with detached interest from behind a thick elm tree. From nowhere, a voice addressed her, a voice as smooth and deadly as a silk shawl hiding a sharp knife.

"I've another riddle for you, Alice."

"Another one?" She replied, her eyes never leaving Mctwisp.

"You'll enjoy this one. It's relevant!"

"All right. Let's have at it then, Cat."

"What is the one thing worse than a hungry vampire?"

"…"

"Well?"

"Ha! Got it, Cat! A thirsty one!"

"Very good, my dear." The voice purred. The sound lingered in the air like fog.

The mysterious woman pulled a long, cylindrical object from her apron, positioned it in her arms and waited to take the perfect shot.

XXX

Mctwisp beheld the terrorizer of deer with curiosity and fascination. She was a petite young lady. If she was older than 20 he would have been very surprised. Her slender figure was encased in an electric blue summer dress that had an expensive boutique look to it, even though it seemed as casual as the young ladies short, tousled black hair. Her skin was as white as marble, and it looked as cold as her wide, black eyes. These eyes gazed at Mctwisp with hunger and curiosity.

A tiny, primal part of Mctwisp's brain told him to run, this woman was obviously dangerous. Yet his limbs could not- would not obey. He was no longer Nivens McTwisp, the educated, diligent champion seeker of Underland. Before this inhuman creature (for she could not be human, the primal part of his still functioning mind had figured that much out) he was a powerless fly, and she was the spider, sauntering forward to deliver the final bite.

Mercifully, he never received this bite. What he got instead was a rather swift yank, as with one swift motion another stranger appeared with dizzying speed and picked him up by his long ears. He yelped, and twisted around (which cost him more pain the initial grabbing) and screamed into the black eyes of a young, copper haired man:

"You will PUT me DOWN this INSTANT! I will not be... be manhandled like some common root vegetable! Release me sir! Release me at ONCE!"

The young man's face didn't move. Which did make it very easy for the white rabbit to study. If Mctwisp wasn't indignantly angry with this rude young man, he would have said he was rather handsome. There was one thing wrong with this face; it was like a statue of Adonis. Literally. His face was like a statue. His lips did not twitch, his eyes did not move. His hair did not blow in the gentle breeze. (Though that was probably due to an ungodly amount of hair gel, the scent of which made Mctwisp gag.) Even though the strange young man was looking at a talking rabbit in a waistcoat, his face did not break from the same intense, brooding, bored expression. It was becoming rather creepy. Mctwisp wished he could look away, but his gaze was held by the strange glint in this young mans… cheek. and chin. And eyebrow, and forearm. Before Mctwisps very eyes, the insolent boy, illuminated by the sunset glow flitting between the trees, began to… to… sparkle?

Then, with an inaudible 'snick', a fine pair of teeth appeared from beneath the strangers lips (and not one muscle on this youth's moved. Mctwisp's confusion gave way to horror, as the realisation of what this creature was reached every part of his brain. He was in the grip of the dreaded Vam-meyer. The Vam-meyer were noble creatures, once upon a time. Until they fell under the influence of a great evil known as popular culture. Now they were hollow, straw men caricatures of the mythological deities they loosely resembled. A single bite from one of these creatures would turn you into a being like itself: a hollow character who thirsted for blood, angst, impossible romances, hair gel, and more angst. It also made the infected believe that forsaking shirts was normal behaviour, and that obsessive stalking was the purest expression of love. McTwisp opened his mouth and began to scream…

…and so did the creature. With a sharp series of cracks and pops, small explosions shattered the air, and the bodies of the vampires. The pretty black haired vampire fell heavily, and screamed as she did:

"Why didn't I see this coming?"

Mctwisp fell from his captors fingers, and pure instinct drove him to run into the bushes as fast as his legs could carry him. The dull dead eyes of the strange young man followed him, unseeing and unresponsive as they had been in 'life.' His skin shimmered, and his face still had no expression.

McTwisp cowered beneath a nearby bush and took several deep, sobbing breaths to try and regain his composure. He almost had it, until a shrill voice cried out "EDWARD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO…"

Mctwisp turned to see a young brunette, running in slow motion across the clearing. As she ran, her face and head seemed to spasm and jerk. It was as though she could not decide upon which facial expression was most appropriate for the occasion, so she was going to try them all. McTwisp wondered if she was running mad. Well, madder than what was healthy. These twitches did nothing to delay her slow motion sprint, as she jumped over a fountain (wait, how the hell did that get here?) all the while, continuing her cry of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…."

It took her almost five minutes to reach 'Edward's' side. Finally, Mctwisp could see her face. She was could have matched the newly dead vam-meyer in terms of abnormal visages. While he was eerie and expressionless, her face would not stop moving. Her mouth was open, and she was breathing heavily. She rocked back and forth by his side, her face and head twitching in a manner that reminded Mctwisp of the March hare, except somehow sadder and less dignified.

From his position under the bush Mctwisp could only watch. He was repulsed, and yet strangely fascinated at the same time. From his crouching position underneath a sanctuary giving shrubbery, he could watch every detail of the overly dramatic and angst ridden scene. Every detail, except for the face of the mysterious new woman, who walked from her elm tree shelter with swish of blue skirt, her boots shining in the twilight. She walked up to the bizarre twitching girl and said, her British accent positively dripping with disgust:

"An insidious ruin, if ever there was one."

The last thing Mctwisp saw was the shadow of a silver kitchen knife raised high in the air. Then his Victorian sensibilities pulled him into a faint to protect him from the oncoming gratuitous violence.

XXX

When Mctwisp awoke, the sun was setting. The vam-meyers were gone, and Mctwisp wondered if he had had another dream. Until he beheld the indents of prone bodies in the moss, which was now stained red with blood and shining with glitter in the moonlight.

But it was not the tainted flora that held the dazed attention of the champion seeker; it was a scrap of blue dress hanging from the corner of a bush. He ran to it and held it in his paws like a holy relic. This fabric, the style of cloth was all to familiar to him.

"Alice has been here!" He whispered aloud, his eyes darting to and fro. He crawled along the ground, peering in the gloom until he found something that made his heart swell! Bloody boot prints leading down the mountain into the distance. With renewed vigour, Mctwisp began to sprint after them; his traumatized consciousness propelling him forward, whispering to him that at the end of these boot prints he would find Alice. All thoughts of vampires faded from his mind; and, I think we can all agree, this was probably for the best.

Secondary Authors note: An imaginary pat on the back for anyone who can guess the identity of this mysterious new Alice. And now, ONWARD!