August 27

Dearly Beloved Diary,

Why does that remind me of funerals…

Anyways.

You will never believe what I walked in on today. No seriously. You will NEVER believe what I walked in on today. Take a guess.

Wrong.

So I'm in the middle of working out some equations when, whadaya know, I suddenly gotta pee. Bad. Which really isn't all that surprising, cuz for some reason algebra just makes my bladder all tingly, and honestly it gets pretty annoying when every time you look at a parabola you get a flash flood down in the riverbed.

So me n Little Mackie head to the john to, you know, do what you normally do when you go to the john, and I open the door, and I'm busy tryin to get my fly undone (those things are tricky little bastards when you're bladder's about to explode) and I finally get it down, and I look up… and my cat is sitting on the toilet seat.

No. I'm not even kidding.

Thing is… he's not just sitting on the toilet… he is USING the toilet.

That is some weird shit right there.

In other news, there was a new guy at school today, and good golly miss molly, people just wouldn't stop talking about him. It was all "sexy accent" this and "monster eyebrows" that, every flipping place I went. And the thing is, I never even got a look at the dude! Good lord, you'd think he'd at least have the decency to show himself to the awesomest guy in the place. I think he's in my chemistry class though, so no worries. He'll get to know my beastly Americaness as sure as my name is Alfred FUCK YEAH Jones.

AND HE WILL LOVE IT.

Until then,

Alfred OUT

A/N: Howdy fellas. Long time no update :D Sorry this one isn't much good, buttttt we do get the first glimpse of Arthur. Which I am excited for. I feel like maybe it's a bit soon, but… eh, fuck it.

So some of you must of heard about people training their cats to use the toilet, right? RIGHT? I just imagine Alfred's mom as one of those creepy cat fanatics. Thus, his cat can use the bathroom. Speaking of, any ideas for names?

Anywho, thanks so much for the reviews. I SERIOUSLY appreciate it. I honestly wasn't going to continue, but… guh, I felt bad about it, and you guys have shown a lot of support, so I figured I should keep calm and carry on and all that good stuff. Oh, and sorry the chapters are getting so short, but it IS a diary. I promise I have some long ones planned for the future :D Oh, hey, quick question. Does anybody have an Xbox and play Black Ops? Cuz… I like makin friens :}

Ah, lastly, I've changed my name to EYEIZAWEZUM, cuz, well, obviously, I am awesome.

Disclaimer: FUCK ME, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

Muchas gracias a: Xx Pink Lover xX, Hitsu4HinaEva –Hari-Sama ((why the fuck is your name so long O^O), YuugisGirl, Mello-The-Melon, xXSubwayZoMbIeSxX ((I approve this message), Mothy.D, und meine liebe ((that is probably so wrong)), TheByeGirl.

PS: You don't have to answer this, but what's everyone wearing for Halloween? I'm being cowboy!Alfred XD.