Chapter One: Deadly Factors and The Freaking Out

So… since Invader Ash ain't working out too good, I figured I'd try out a Regular Show fanfic.

My heart pounded like a hammer on cloth. I just had to keep my cool considering the fact I brutally beaten up and shot my uncle. Something inside me just snapped, the abuse was unbearable. Served that fat ass right.

I just walked into the candy aisle at the local Terrible's, which is a half- mile away from my house. I grabbed a couple of packs of Fundip and stuffed it in my bra along with a new pocket knife (other one REALLY old), chocolate muffin, and a can of Mountain Dew. You can be amazed of the many uses of your aunt's bra. (I had my actual bra on underneath that boulder holder!) To my surprise, the cashier didn't catch me; then again he was high on weed (something you DON'T want to disturb.)

It was getting cold out, so I put on my multi-colored checkered jacket. It also helped with the stolen merchandise bulging out from my chest. I walked back to my house trying to avoid the dirty looks from people. I could see Uncle Phil already called everyone in town and told them of my latest sin. It turned out this one was the truth and they all believed him. Good for freakin' them they all have a working redneck brain to put together the facts I have blood on my jeans and my face has a serial killer look on it.

Our neighbor Mr. Farley didn't have to look at me twice before saying, "Good lord, I'm calling the law on you Alina!" and pulling out his cellphone and dialing 911.

Oh, my name is Alina by the way, for the jackasses that didn't already figure that out. But anyway, that's what you get for being a northern teenager living in Alabama. When I got to my house, from the looks of it, the 'medics already came and gotten my Uncle Phil. Who knew they could lift him onto the gurney?

When I walked in, the smell of garlic and Coors hit me, also the strong scent of blood from the living room. I took the stuff outta my shirt onto the couch and started locking all the doors and windows. The next thing I did was grab all the money in the house, from the cabinets to my uncle's room. Including some in these plastic coverings Uncle Phil never let me touch.

I took the money and the loot from the couch and ran upstairs to my room. When I got there, I set everything down on my bed and changed into my summer clothes (obviously I couldn't wear my aunt's bra above my real one forever, it's disrespectful for her rested spirit) My purple crewneck T-shirt and light blue denim shorts would do. I decided to start a new life out in the West, like the pioneers. Even though it was past 2010, it shouldn't have been that different than the nineteenth century.

Rough it to San Francisco, become an acid addicted hippie, then until I'm 45 I'd work as a tattoo artist. I grabbed my backpack and emptied out most of the school crap I wouldn't need.

It was switched out with my jacket, blanket, sketch pad and pencils (with sharpener), I stuff I stole from the gas station, and the 2000 bucks I could scavenge.

I looked around my room one last time.

The room had floral wallpaper covered in cartoon and band posters and pictures. My full-size bed with penguin sheets and a mahogany dresser with a T.V. on it took up most of the room. A vanity area was right next to the window. The last piece of furniture was a nightstand on the right side of the bed. Weird thing was, it was all a matching set, 'cept the bed.

To cool off from tension, I decided to watch T.V. The only thing on was Casey Anthony crap, so I went to my last resort, Cartoon Network.

It must've been "Flashback to the 90's Day" or something because all through the schedule was "Cartoon" cartoons. Nothing but Powerpuff Girls, Dexter's Laboratory, Ed Edd n Eddy galore.

Well, with the exception of a more modern show.

It was called "Regular Show." It sounded oddly familiar. I went to the guide info and it said, "Mordecai and Rigby, a blue jay and a raccoon, try and have the time of their lives without getting fired from their boss, Benson, who is an angry anthropomorphic gumball machine." 'oh yeah, no wonder this show is so familiar,' I thought to myself. Normally I'm a sucker for nostalgic cartoons, but Regular Show is one of my favorite shows.

Good news too, it was coming on next after Cow & Chicken. I checked my iPhone, only three minutes left. So I figured why not obliterate my brain cells for 180 seconds?

(A/N: this next part is kinda a spoiler, so it's a caution for those who haven't watched Cow & Chicken.)

Never understood why that devil thing had a huge butt. Or how Cow's cousin is a chicken that could survive without bones. BONES! Heh-heh, Boneless Chicken, be weird if somebody named their kid that. Even weirder, Candy Guts. It could be all like, "Class, we have two new students, say hello to Boneless Chicken & Candy Guts." (sweatdrop on all the students.)

Finally, Regular Show came on. The episode was "Meat Your Maker", but it was pretty old considering the fact it was Winter and the show debuted in the Fall. I watched the episode while I ate a chocolate muffin. "Are you sure Benson said we could grill the hotdogs?" asked the tall blue jay, Mordecai. "Benson totally said we could grill the hotdogs," answered the short raccoon, Rigby.

"Swweeet!"

" Let's get grillin'"

" Chillin' and Grillin'"

" Yeeeuuuaaahhh!" they both said waving their arms.

I watched that show for about five minutes before I realized something,

I felt happy.

Even picking muffin bits outta my braces couldn't have put a damper on my mood.

But then I heard the police sirens.

I knew if the cops were coming for me, I'd be going to jail, no exceptions. I thought to myself, 'NO WAY, I AM NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!'

I went to work by blocking myself in. I took my bed and swung it around to push up against my door. The next thing to do was push my vanity table in front of the window in case they broke through there. I tried to drown out the sirens noise by putting on some music. I took my iPhone and put it in the dock and set it to The Scorpion, by Megadeth. The guitar played then the lyrics came in:

My life, is everything
That feeds my thirst, that causes sin
My wants, are all I care
No shame and guilt, there's nothing there

While that was playing, I took out an old Lover Boy CD and played Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend:

Everybody's watchin, to see what you can do
Everybody's lookin, at you
Everybody's wonderin, will you come out to-night?
Everybody's trying, to get it right, (get it right)

The final song was a cassette tape of Dirty Diana, by Michael Jackson. I went through my closet to find an old cassette radio, when I did, I put the tape in and played it:

You never make me stay
So take your weight off of me
I know your every move
So why don't you just let me be?

Even with all three playing, I heard two cars drive up in the driveway. "That must be them. Only one way outta this," I said to myself. I walked to my sock drawer with tears welling up in my eyes to get what I need- two razor blades.

(A/N: Okay, this next paragraph is somewhat graphic. NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH! I was nauseous just writing it *_*)

With the blades, I held both of them to my wrists. I bit my lip and slit my wrists. The jagged blades kept going over the same areas where later in life would leave permanent scars. My tears falling onto were I was cutting made the pain worse and I released an agonizing cry.

I stopped when I heard something break in the living room. The cops got in. Damn Mr. Farley.

"Enough's enough Jerichon, come out NOW!" one cop said.

Another cop ordered the men to scatter. In that order, the sound of running feet was heard throughout the house. A thump was heard in the hallway, someone must've tripped over the electrical wire, Uncle Phil never called an electrician, he did any job he considered "manly" himself. Big mistake.

When the guy tripped, he caused all the music players in my room to crank at full blast. The three players reverberated sound all in my room. I screamed in pain and covered my ears to keep them from bleeding. It caused my TV to spark like crazy. Then the music finally died. What a HUGE relief.

My attention turned from the music to my TV. The sparking still continued but Regular Show stopped and the screen turned dark purple. I stared at it for a few seconds before a hand shot through my wooden door. It made me jump and surprised me when he proceeded unlocking it.

"Come out come out Alina. No use running, come on and face your incarceration like a big girl," that cop said.

That made me fuming mad; he wouldn't get away talking to me like that. I grabbed my new pocket knife and walked over to the door.

"Come on this, you f***in' jerkdish!" I stabbed his hand, and it made a deep wound. He quickly retreated like a smart guy should.

"Oh ho, you shouldn't have done that, now we have the authority to shootcha!" that cop chuckled, followed by a screaming episode of curse words even I'm not allowed to repeat.

'Crap,' I thought. The cops finally unlocked my door and proceeded to knock over my bed that was blocking them. I walked backwards a few steps scared before tripping over some clothes and landing on my remote.

I stood up and saw my TV emit a black hole sucking in a couple of things. I felt the force pull me in, so I grabbed the edge of my vanity.

The bed finally got kicked over and the four cops stared to come in. It caught me by surprise and I let go of the vanity, my legs got sucked in. The last thing I grabbed was my backpack and my dad's lucky White Sox hat. The cops opened fire at me with one bullet grazing my cheek before I got completely pulled in.

It looked as if I was going through a wormhole at lightning fast speed. Around me was blackness mixed with magenta and the stars. I heard a voice, but it was talking so fast, it was uncomprehendable. As it was talking, my entire body started to ache within the instant.

Then another vortex opened up, but it was white. And by the looks of it, I was coming in fast.

The Park

Mordecai's POV

It seemed like any other regular day at my job. My bro Rigby and I were cleaning the windows, with our boss Benson yelling at us. "- and you two slackers better stop goofing off, OR YOUR FIRED!" then he'd walk away in a huff.

Seeing how boring cleaning the windows was, I decided to have some fun. I went over to Rigby and squirted him with my spray bottle. He freaked out completely.

"Aah! Dude, what the H?" yelled Rigby.

"Fear me, for I am the samurai warrior, Mordetomo. You cannot destroy me!" He got a confused look but then played along.

"You cannot destroy me! For I am the ninja master, Rigamoto." Rigby jumped up on the bannister speaking out of sync.

"Dooyaahhh!"

"Hyyaaahh!"

The epic war began. It continued for about five minutes until I got Rigby in the eye, the he fell into the bushes. I ran down the stairs and called for him.

"Rigby, you okay dude?"

"No freakin' way," he said.

"What, what is it?"

"AWESOME!"

"Dude, what are you talking about?" I crawled into the bushes to find Rigby with something wadded in his hand. "Dude, check it, frilly things," he held out a pair of black and white stripped, pink hemmed panties.

"Rigby, no dude. Put that thing in the trash and go boil your hands. That's jus"- My eyes caught on a matching bra next to me. "Cooool," we both said. We went out of the bushes and saw stuff coming out of the sky. We grabbed everything in sight. We got a portable game system, some snacks, a couple of chargers, & other stuff.

"Owwww!" a backpack fell on Rigby's head and knocked him to the ground.

"Hmph, hmph, serves you right for starting this." I said. Rigby opened his eyes and stared at something. "MORDECAI, LOOK OUT!" He pointed to a vortex in the sky which shot out a large object, coming for us. "Take cover!" I yelled. We both ducked and the object came right at us. Sent us away a couple of feet. When dust cleared, we stood up. "Rigby, let's go check it out."

Alina's POV

I hit the ground the earth hard. My body pain was gone, but know my head was throbbing cuz I think I hit a rock. My vision became fuzzy so I eyes cracked open a little. I heard voices, very familiar voices.

"Dude, I hope the person's alive," one voice said.

"Well, let's see if the dude's alright," another one said.

"Oh my God, it's a girl." I felt two hands turn me over and lift me up. I felt a warm liquid seep out of my head. I moaned because it hurt.

"Holy crap she's bleeding! Rigby, get me that bandanna." Wait, blood? I felt another pair of hands shake me.

"Hey, chick. Wake up! Yoo-hoo, don't die!" I eyes shot open, even though my vision was messed up, I recognized the figures. They looked exactly like Mordecai and Rigby. "W-where am I?" I asked, which was probably a dumb question. "You're in the town park, you took a wicked spill." My vision fully cleared up. I saw Mordecai and Rigby right in front of me!

"Holy freakin' crap," I said. Rigby walked up to me. "I was about to say the same thing, were did you come from?"

"Somewhere other than here," I respond. I tried standing up, but I needed help from Mordecai. He stopped me for a second. "Hold on, lemme fix your bandanna."

"Thanks." I said.

"Mordecai, my name's Mordecai. That grump over there is Rigby." He said.

"HEY!" I had to laugh at that, but then something else came outta the vortex. It looked like raisins. "Aw, sweet more food!" said the raccoon holding his mouth open. I got a better look, my eyes widened and I pushed both the boys down. "Get down and look out!" We got down and the "raisins" surrounded us.

"Coooool," they both went. I gave them the death glare. "THEY WERE BULLETS, YOU IDIOTS! They could've killed you if it wasn't for me." 'Then again, the bullets came for me, so I saved them from my doom,' I thought.

"Look, I appreciate what you did, uh,"

"Alina." I cut in.

"Yeah, Alina. But could you, uh, you know," I looked down and saw I was sitting on Mordecai's chest. I felt my face flush pink when I got off Mordecai and helped him up.

"We probably should get back to the house and straighten things out." Said Mordecai.

"Yeah, lets." I grabbed my backpack and walked back with the two.

"But Mordecaaaiiii? We were supposed to play Strong Johns when we got back." Rigby whined.

"Later dude, we have to take care of Alina first." Mordecai helped me limp back.

"NO FAIR!"

"Man, you're so freakin' annoying," I said. He's actually more annoying in person.

"Who died and made you the feline queen?" said Rigby. What did he mean?

"What do you mean by 'feline' Rigby?" I asked.

"Ugggh. Are you blind or smoking something?" He pulled out a mirror from my backpack and held it up. I was completely shocked.

I WAS AN ADULT CAT!

My ears moved up to the top of my head, I had a tail, my breasts were bigger, I had fur. FUR. I looked 22.

"Mordecai, I think I'm losing more blood." I was extremely woozy and I think I passed out on his shoulder. The last I remember was being carried back to the house with Mordecai saying, "Oh, crap not again!"

Anyone else notice how many parentheses I used back in June? XD

I'm just going back through a couple of chapters and revising them is all. BUH-BYE NOW!

Sorry for the long wait. I hope you like it. :D So funny, Alina passed out AGAIN! Poor girl.