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Fic: The Walls Come Tumbling Down

Jun. 18th, 2011 at 8:27 AM

Title: The Walls Come Tumbling Down
Written by: Beesandbrews
Rating: All Ages
Characters: Jack, Jack/Ianto
A/N: Spoilers through the end of series 1. Written for the hurt_comfort prompt restraint.

It's been a long time since Jack's fallen in love. He'd like to, but he's not sure he remembers how.

No one would call Jack Harkness 'restrained'. Outrageous, perhaps. Provocative, certainly. He is the poster boy for living large. He'll tell you so himself, if you give him the chance. There is the possibility he'll use graphic illustrations. But it's all a lie. An illusion. It's a scam Jack perpetuates, because it's easier to be a legend than a man.

Like all good lies, Jack's reputation has basis in fact. He's always been gregarious. At one point in his life, he actually was the heart of the party. The go to guy for a good time. In those days, he figured he only had one spin at the cosmic wheel, and he might as well make the most of it.

Oh, to be young and stupid again. There are times, when he looks back, he misses that Jack Harkness.

Now, he's older. A lot older. He'd like to think he was wiser too, but even to him it seems obvious the jury's still deliberating whether he has any right to make that claim. He's definitely more careful. Somewhere along the line, he's stepped back. It's been such a gradual process that he barely noticed being pushed to the fringes, watching as everyone else around him dances.

His heart, once so free, has become guarded.

He still talks a good game. Reputation is a powerful thing, and Jack protects his zealously. People still eye him and speculate. They still whisper about his conquests, both real and imagined. He tells a lot of stories. Most of them have at least some basis in truth. He flirts outrageously. Flirting has become a tool to create a sense of intimacy whilst keeping people at arm's length. Jack is always careful never to get too close to anybody.

It's been a long time since he's fallen in love. He'd like to, but he's not sure he remembers how.

It's not that he's not capable of love. He is. Jack loves freely and without reservation. But it's love born of duty. It's love born of a need to prove himself in the eyes of others. It's the love of a broken man who doesn't believe he is worthy of reciprocation. Maybe that's what resonates within him, setting the wall around his heart trembling when Ianto Jones walked into his life. Jack sees aspects of himself in the other man.

He pushes Ianto away at first. Subliminally, Jack senses a threat to his emotional equilibrium. But he ignores it. Despite his reservations, he can't overcome his fascination. He makes overtures and tells himself it's a way to relieve his ennui. He tells himself there is nothing serious about his intentions when tries his act on Ianto. He teases. He flirts. He defies rules about workplace propriety without thought or consideration. Lesser men would have crumbled under the onslaught of his charms.

Ianto shoots him down.

He does it with grace. With a lift of an eyebrow. With quick words that convey amusement. He teases back with tolerant good humour. He's subtle about it, but he lets Jack know that he's onto him. Ianto throws down a gauntlet. He's interested, if they play the game on his terms.

Their mutual seduction becomes a contest of wills. For the first time in ages, Jack finds himself playing with more than half a heart. He's even willing to concede the victory, if it will end the chase.

The sex is worth the blow to his ego that Ianto has bested him.

He learns Ianto is perpetuating the same sort of deception he is. Ianto is no cold fish. On the contrary, he is a deeply passionate man. But he keeps people at a distance, just as Jack does. Only their methods differ.

That epiphany resonates deeply. For the first time in a long time, Jack thinks he's found someone who might understand. It hurts more than he thought possible when he realises he's been played. Ianto has used him. Wound him around his little finger. Made him helpless.

The wall around his heart, so close to crumbling, hardens. He's had a close call. A narrow scrape. Jack uses his disappointment like a shield as he nurses his pain.

For reasons he refuses to dwell on, Jack won't let go. Strangely enough, despite his declaration of hate and promise to seek revenge, Ianto can't either. Whatever the subliminal force is that pulls them towards one another, it's too powerful to resist. They make tentative gestures. They perform unexpected acts of kindness. The walls they have erected to protect themselves lower a little, and they find it in their hearts to forgive.

They start over.

They need each other. Jack deludes himself for a time, telling both himself and Ianto that a physical relationship is enough. Jack is expert at rationalising tender glances and gentle caresses. It is easier to chalk them up to misinterpretation rather than anything meaningful. If the wall around his heart is getting a bit wobbly, that's his problem. He's not about to let Ianto in on the secret.

Sometimes Jack is a deeply stupid man.

It takes almost losing Ianto to comprehend that not only does Jack love him, he's in love with him. The walls around his heart have fallen. He is free. It's a pity his timing is atrocious. There's nothing like a potentially world ending crisis, and protracted attack of death, to put a spanner in his plans.

But Jack is nothing if not determined. Especially now. His prolonged death gives him a new perspective. He's done standing on the sidelines. He's ready to dance again.

Fortunately, as he takes Ianto into his arms, gathering him close for a passionate kiss in front of the rest of their team, it seems clear that he's not the only one to have an epiphany. Ianto kisses him back with a fervour that puts paid to any lingering doubts.

As they cling to one another, surrounded by their colleagues, no one would accuse either one of them of restraint. And for the first time, in a long time, Jack doubts either one of them would care.