A/N: Hey, sorry I'm writing this instead of Bloody Memories, I have the worst case of writer's block right now for that story, and I just got the idea for this story randomly and I wanted to write it down before I forgot. And I just kept writing. Anyway, the MC in this story is kind of a self insert, because of a past experience, haha. There will be self harm in this story, so yeah :/ Sorry for the vague and boring descriptions during certain times, I just couldn't think of anything else (and I wrote this in a few hours after pulling an all-nighter). And yes, I use my friends' names in all my writing, because I'm too lazy to come up with names (and they like the shoutouts).

My eyes flew open. They were dry and sore from my tears. I must have cried in my sleep. I'd had one of those dreams again. I took a deep breath, and jumped when my alarm went off next to me. I reached a shaky hand out to silence it. My phone beeped and I got up to check the message.

3 new texts, all asking to hang out after school.

Couldn't people just ask me at school?

It beeped again as I rolled my eyes – someone else asking the same question.

I replied "maybe" to all of them. Maybe some socialization would put me in a better mood.

I dragged my feet into my bathroom, pulling my hair back and washing my face. After I dried it, I stared at myself in the mirror.

I had big, brown eyes with green and gold undertones that were always taking in everything around me; soft, full lips that were naturally a delicate reddish-pink; long, brown hair that I always curled into soft waves cascading down my back; my skin was normally a nice tan color, without me spending a lot of time in the sun – or a tanning salon.

I was probably beautiful, but I'd just recently started to see myself as "not hideous."

Funny how words can change your entire opinion about yourself. I frowned.

I slumped out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, where I opened my closet. I surveyed my clothing options. If only I still had my old Hot Topic wardrobe. I'd ditched it all for Forever 21 and American Eagle gear.

I picked out a violet tank top and white skinny jeans with a black, cropped leather jacket and black flats. My hair had held its waves, so I didn't need to fix them.

I went back into my bathroom and put a small amount of makeup on. I did the smokey eye effect and applied some lip stain to give my lips a slightly purple shade. I spritzed some dark-smelling perfume on and walked out the door after grabbing my keys.

I hopped in my car and drove to school, drowning the silence with music from the radio. A pop song was playing. I didn't pay attention to it, it all sounded the same, anyway.

I pulled into the school parking lot and parked. I stared at myself in the rearview mirror. Time to practice my acting skills. I smiled brightly. I stepped out of the car, and made my way towards my friends' meeting spot. Well, my inner circle of friends. About 10 different people greeted me on my way there, though it wasn't a very long walk at all.

"Hey, J!" Shelby smiled, reaching to hug me.

I hugged her and smiled back. "Hey."

"Hey, girl," Maddie raised her eyebrows, "Where's my hug?"

I laughed and hugged her, too.

The bell rang overhead, and Maddie and I said goodbye to Shelby, and made our way towards Spanish. The day passed by in a blur, with me, for once, not paying attention to anything in particular. I was smart, even though I was popular. I didn't feel like having to become a prostitute or something when I grew up because I'd been too busy texting during class, or talking to some friends instead of doing my homework. I was very proud of my 4.2 GPA.

At lunch I sat at the biggest table in the center of the courtyard; my usual spot. Maddie and Shelby sat on my either side, while all the other "popular" people sat around us.

I was kind of the queen bee at this school, which was rather ironic considering my past. Pretty much everyone was my friend, or wanted to be. Amazingly, the power hadn't gone to my head after all this time, so I wasn't the average, snobby, bitchy, I'm-better-than-you-so-shut-up-or-I'll-kill-your-social-life girls; I was actually a pretty nice person. Don't get me wrong, I could be pretty ruthless when necessary, but that was only sometimes.

I chattered away with random people for a while, then decided I need a break.

"Hey, I'll be right back," I said to the crowd.

"Where're you going?" a few people asked.

"Bathroom," I replied simply.

They nodded and I walked towards the bathroom that was conveniently located out of sight of the cafeteria. I was about to walk in when something stopped me.

"Why don't you just leave? Nobody wants you here, fuckin' emo."

"Yeah, everyone hates you."

The words were so familiar to me. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I wiped it away, and stuck my head around the corner where two jocks were insulting a darkly dressed figure. I gasped when I saw who it was.

It was Alex Hawthorne! I blushed. I probably would've never admitted it, but I kind of had a crush on him.

"Fuck off," he growled.

I looked at the jocks and realized they were Brett Williams and Tyler Wood. Id hung out with those guys before! They were dumb, but they'd seemed nice. Well, people can seem nice and be very far from it. My past had taught me that.

Alex was walking away now, but Brett had grabbed him and thrown him against the wall.

"The fuck'd you say to me?"

"I said, fuck off," Alex enunciated mockingly.

I was surprised he could seem so nonchalant while pinned to a wall by Brett Williams. Brett was a linebacker on the school football team, and he looked like the freaking Hulk compared to Alex. He glared down at him, and drew his fist back. My eyes widened.

"Stop!" I cried, bolting towards them and latching onto Brett's arm.

He glared at me, then recognition dawned in his eyes.

"Jamie?"

"Yes! Now stop it!" I pleaded.

"Why? He's just a loser anyway. Who wants him around being a freak?"

I cringed internally at his words. "He's not a loser or a freak, and you need to leave. Now," I hissed, injecting as much venom into my words as possible.

He took a step back. "…Fine, but only 'cause you told us."

He stalked off, Tyler following after him. I heard a cough, and turned. Alex had just spat some blood onto the cement.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" I squeaked, rushing to his side. Well, if he's spitting blood, probably not, genius. He looked at me with an unreadable expression in his gray eyes.

"I'm fine, now you can just go back to your friends," he muttered, wiping the blood from his mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay."

"I said, I'm fine," he started walking away from me.

I had to practically run to keep up with him. Damn being short!

"Hey, I think we both know you're not fine if you're spitting blood, so just cooperate!" I snapped.

He stopped so suddenly I almost crashed into him. "Look," he spun to face me, "I don't care how much money you're getting for talking to me, so just leave me alone. Okay?"

I gaped at him. He thought this was a bet?

"Look," I mocked him, "I don't care if you think this is a joke, I'm still going to talk to you. Okay?"

"Why do you keep bothering me?"

"Why do you keep thinking I'm just another bitch?"

He was silent.

"Here, let me see that," I reached toward the cut on his lip.

He stepped back and looked at me like I was a rabid dog about to maul him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, though I could guess.

"Why are you trying to touch me?" his voice radiated uncertainty.

"…I was trying to look at your cut," I responded.

If I was being honest I kind of just wanted to touch his face. Okay, I really wanted to. I couldn't help it, he was gorgeous. He had shaggy, black hair that fell into his deep, gray eyes. He had surprisingly full lips for a boy, with a lip ring on and a hard-edged jaw that was nicely defined. Like I said, he was gorgeous. I'd accepted that my crush was nothing more than that, though – lust. Honestly, I'd never even talked to him before.

"I said-" he stopped short and sighed, "Fine."

I smiled and reached my hand out tentatively. I gently stroked the soft skin of his lower lip, holding back the urge to kiss him.

"It's not deep," I said, "but you might want to put something on it. How did you cut your lip anyway? I didn't see them hit you."

"That wasn't the start of things when you happened to walk by," he answered darkly.

My hand clenched into a fist. "Those assholes are gonna pay," I growled.

"Calm down, it's just me," he said calmly, "you don't have to pretend to care."

I stared up at him, "Why do you think I'm putting on a façade?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"'Cause everyone hates me. Simple," he shrugged, with a sad smile.

"I don't hate you."

"Pfft. Yeah," his tone suddenly changed, becoming cold again, "Now what do you want from me, really?"

"Nothing!"

"Alright, then I'll go."

"No! You know what I mean!" I grabbed his arm.

I didn't miss the sharp intake of breath as he jerked his wrist away from me. I was all too familiar with the action.

"Alex?"

"…What?" he snapped.

"Show me your wrist."

"Why?"

"I think we both know why."

He was silent. "I have to go," his voice was detached.

"Alex-"

"Just stop. Go back to your friends and gossip about what a freak I am. Don't worry, I won't judge you," he added mockingly.

With that he strode off. This time, I didn't follow him.

A/N: Ironic how at first I didn't notice this MC guy's name was Alex and the one from my other fanfic's is Alexander :L I think I like that name… Anyway, of course I used the magic of wording to make myself sound pretty :D I apologize for the short chapter, but I just hit a block (a writer's block) right after the last sentence. Also, I'm sure this chapter was very dull and boring except for a few parts, but hey, you could always tell me what you think (;

Oh, and if you want Alex's POV just let me know :3